Wanting a Child

This week our teammate sent us a message with the prayer request: One of her island friends, ‘Amira’, is pregnant! Amira is childless and desperately wants a child.

An island newborn!

Lots of people all over the world can resonate with the desire for a child. We have asked for prayers on the behalf of childless islanders on numerous occasions. But even as many back home carry a weight as they try to get pregnant, on the islands we feel like wanting a child has an added weight.

We have told you before that once you have a child, your name changes. The island parents might have been named Fatima and Ahmed, but once they have their first child and name her Hadidja, they will then be called Ma Hadidja and Ba Hadidja. After a number of years, some people might even start to forget their given names. They have a new identity as parents. A childless person can be reminded of their state anytime someone calls their name.

Added to that weight is the fact that not having a child puts your marriage at serious risk. Having a child is the final validation of a marriage. I think many islanders would say that having kids is the whole point of marriage. A productive marriage is one with kids.

For the woman, not having kids means she fears that her husband will leave her. Maybe he won’t divorce her, but he could take a second wife, someone who will give him children. If he has kids with someone else, then even though she’s still married to him she will be lesser and have a smaller claim on her husband. For the husband, he may feel pressured to divorce or take a second wife, even if he doesn’t want to. His family may demand it.

They’d demand it because having kids is not only a social obligation, it is a religious obligation. Islanders believe that God demands that everyone get married and have children. Staying single and/or not having kids is not seen as an option if it is within your power to avoid it. For men, there is always the option of finding a new, young wife and trying again if your first wife didn’t provide you with children. 

So yes, being childless is a weighty problem on the islands. Our past blogs are littered with requests for islanders desperately wanting children. Even right now, I can think of several couples we know that are praying for children. There’s ‘Ndrolo & Mhodari’ who we have known for as long as we have been on Clove Island. They are educated and successful. They seem to have a happy marriage. But their lack of children looms over their heads. Ndrolo is particularly close to our teammate who has been helping them look into traveling abroad for IVF (something only possible for very rich islanders).

Most island brides/grooms hope for a baby right away

There is our good friend Ma Nadjma, who, though she has a child, hasn’t given her husband a child. He agreed to marry her and even raise her abandoned daughter as his own partially because it was assumed that she’d be able to give him children of his own (since she already had one successfully). Now after a few miscarriages, she is pregnant and very anxious to honor her husband with a child and thus secure their marriage.

There is ‘Uhaju’, who Tom has started to study with and who has encouraged his wife to study with one of our teammates. We are excited to see both a husband and wife open to studying and seeking, but this is another couple where childlessness and three miscarriages looms over their marriage.

This is truly only a small sampling.
Now back to the original request from our teammate. Some might think that Amira’s prayers have already been answered since she is now pregnant. But Amira is unique in that this is her 8th pregnancy and she is still childless. She has had seven miscarriages (more than one happening late into the second trimester). So the news of this pregnancy, while exciting, is still tinged with lots of fear. What will make this pregnancy any different than the other seven? We’re not sure, but one unique thing is that Amira knows that people are praying for her. While she does not share our beliefs, she knows that we say our prayers differently. Our teammate has shared about the power of the name in which we pray…

Kids are a blessing!

We pray for all these islanders seeking children because we know that having a child will change their lives in many ways, but we hope that when children do come that they would be able to see the Savior who has provided for them and that it would open the doors to even greater changes in their hearts and lives.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We had three more weddings this past week— may our presence at these weddings deepen our relationships with islanders and allow so to speak into lives in the future. Tom finished his teacher training on the other side of the islands which had filled his Sundays this past month— we’re glad they are done and we are thankful that it worked out for him to go to the final training and also attend a wedding the same day (thankful for teammates who helped to make that possible). A group of us went with island brothers and sisters to give our condolences to our grieving island brother— it went well and seemed appreciated. Our island sister Elewa experienced a sudden, strange illness and asked our teammate to come and pray— when she laid on hands and prayed Elewa felt clear relief. We heard news that a new woman is planning on coming and join the work on the islands— still not sure whether she will be on the big island or our team, but we rejoice in more workers!

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Please pray for Amira and these others. Pray for successful pregnancies that result in healthy babies. Pray that they might recognize these children as gifts and that their hearts would be open to good news.  Both of Tom’s weekly studying times with islanders were canceled last week— pray that those studying times would happen this week. We have two administrators for our organization coming from the African mainland to visit the islands— pray for the complicated logistics of visiting all three islands, for a good visit from them and that they gain good insight into the work of the islands. Women should have their monthly big-group gathering on Wednesday— pray that some of the infrequent attendees would come. There is a plan in the works to gather as a big group on Sunday— we haven’t met all together with islanders in awhile, pray that it could be an encouraging time of fellowship and increase a sense of family among island brothers and sisters.