Monday, August 28, 2017

Being Our Kids

This week I sat down with our kids (now 5, 7 and 9 years old) and we talked about how their lives here are different from life for kids in America. So for a glimpse into our kids’ world, here are the top ten ways you know you’re one of our kids on the islands.
Our kids (7yrs, 9yrs, 5yrs)

  1. You always stand out! There are no other white kids anywhere near us, no other English-speaking kids on the island. Strangers will try to reach out and feel your hair or touch your skin. Adults yell things at you that you can’t understand. Our 7 year old says, “People aren’t like me.” They don’t look the same, they don’t speak the same language and they don’t follow the same rules.
  2. There’s no winter, spring, fall-- there’s rainy season, mango season and wedding season! We don’t have four seasons here. It can be raining everyday and humid or dry and dusty, but it is almost always hot. The things that really mark time for us is the fruit seasons (our kids can’t wait for mango season to start!) and all the weddings in July/August. Christmas for us is hot and humid but is also in the middle of lychee season (yummy!). Our kids love to hear a downpour of rain and ask if they can get their swimsuits on and go play in it.
  3. No water, no electricity… that’s what bucket baths and headlamps are for! The water is rarely on in the evenings when our kids are washing off the sweat and grime of the day before bed. So usually they are just scooping water from a bucket to wash themselves. Electricity has been pretty good lately, but our kids aren’t scared if it suddenly goes dark. There are always several headlamps around the house!
    Can you see the baby gecko in this picture?
  4. People don’t have pets but there are plenty of geckos, goats and bats around.  There are animals everywhere. Every night we can hear the feral cats howling and fighting. Sometimes the neighborhood goats will play king-of-the-mountain. Sometimes they’ll even come onto our porch or climb on our roof. Then there are the ever present geckos running around on our walls. Sometimes we find little baby ones, but be careful or you’ll make their tails fall off.
  5. Local school isn’t much fun. Island schools are in French and sometimes you can’t understand everything that is going on, but the teachers are strict and yell a lot. (Corporeal punishment is common too). Island schools stick to the basics mainly (reading, writing and math). Most of the time the teacher just writes things on the board and the kids have to copy it down. The best part is recess where you can trade snacks, run around the courtyard and play tag. Our kids like homeschool too, where they learn in English and get to study extra things like science and history.
  6. You can just walk down the road and go to the ocean! We don’t go as often as we’d like. But the ocean is a short walk away and our kids love to play in the water and sand. Watch out for floating trash though, islanders throw their garbage in the ocean. Also don’t be surprised if a group of naked boys follows you around the beach (they’re not used to seeing white kids).
  7. You’re far away from everyone. We can’t just go and visit people. We can’t go and see our grandma and grandpa, aunts, uncles or cousins. It is expensive to get off the islands and most places are far away. Even though we live near Madagascar, we’ve never been (maybe we’ll get there someday soon, our kids really want to see all the lemurs).
  8. We go to someone’s house on Sunday. Sunday mornings consist of us gathering with our small team at our house or someone else’s. No big building, no organized children’s program. We sing songs in English, French and the local language. The kids will read a story and draw pictures while the adults read and discuss a passage.
  9. In the hammock on our porch with some friends
    There are no playgrounds! Nowhere on the whole island. No teeter-totters, no slides, no swings. This is always one of the first things our kids say they miss from other places and no matter what country we go to… if it has a playground then our kids are excited about it. For play here our kids run around, make up obstacle courses, ride scooters on the porch, swing in the hammock or play pretend. Neighbor kids often come to play on our porch. 
  10. There are some things we don’t have here but some things we do. There is no peanut butter (so no PB&J). There are no pork products (so no bacon, no ham, no breakfast sausage, no pepperoni). We almost never have cereal or ice cream or most cheeses. But our kids like eating meat kebabs sold on the side of the road and “mataba” (cassava leaves cooked in coconut milk) and fresh yellow-fin tuna (sold from a wheelbarrow down the road) and freshly fried breadfruit or green bananas. Island food is pretty good.
PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our daughter was hit by a tummy bug this week— we’re thankful that she has fully recovered. Megan’s back has recovered from a marathon wedding event that had left it tender.Several of our island friends passed their BAC this year (the big exam that allows them to go to university). We rejoice with them for this big accomplishment.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We hope that this encourages you to pray for our kids. Most of the time life here is just normal life and our kids don’t know any different but sometimes they are very aware of the challenges here and life feels hard (especially since being in the States this past year and especially for our 7 year old son). Pray that they would continue to grow in their knowledge of both French and the local language. Pray that they would have good friendships with island kids. Pray for us that we would be good parents, listening, comforting, encouraging and challenging them as we should. Plans have come together for island team leaders to come to Clove Island for a leadership pow-wow in just a couple weeks. We excited for the opportunity to connect, plan and pray with them. Pray for logistics and planning of that time. We are hoping to have an official opening of our office— pray that we would remember to honor the right people (important in island culture) and have everything ready.

Monday, August 21, 2017

Did He Really Say That?

Men's Event-- sitting for sermon, etc..
Have we been writing about weddings a lot these days?  Well, that’s because we’ve been going to a lot of them.  We each had village wedding ceremonies to attend over the weekend.  Village wedding ceremonies are always more tiring as they usually involve a long car ride, a greater part of the day, and a gut-busting amount of rice to eat!  But they are also a chance to deepen friendships and see how things are done outside the capital.

So that’s how I (Tom) found myself at a men’s wedding ceremony about 30 minutes away from the capital with a good friend who is also an islander and an English teacher.  I was happy to be able to sit next to my friend this time around instead of being whisked away to the “honored guest seating” where I’m often seated whether I like it or not. The typical men’s wedding ceremony is pretty simple really, it consists of an opening prayer, reading from their holy book, a sermon, singing and dancing, speeches, more singing and dancing, more reading from their holy book, a closing prayer, and party favors.  This is good listening practice time in the local language!  But often I have no one to check my understanding with.  So when we got to the sermon, my friend leaned over and asked if I agreed with what the teacher was saying.  I replied with what I thought he was saying:
    “So, is he saying that it’s better to marry a smart woman than a dumb woman?”
    “No,” my friend informed me, “he saying you need to pay a smaller dowry for a dumb woman.  If she is smart, you will have to pay more.  Also if she has a deformity, like a problem with her eye or leg, you should pay less. Do you agree?”
    “Is that really what he said?  No I don’t agree.” 
A little later on in the speech my friend asked again.  “Do you agree with that?”
    “I don’t know.”  I answered, “What did he say?”
    “He said that if your wife refuses to sleep with you than you should cut off her money.  You should punish her.  Do you agree?”
    “No I certainly don’t agree.”  I told him.  “He is wrong.  This man is a fool.”  My friend laughed.  The teacher then finished his brilliant speech by reminding men not to sleep with their wives during her period as that is a big sin.

Tom & kids at bedtime
After the ceremony we talked some more. “So,” I asked my friend, “Do you agree with what the teacher said?”
    “You know,” my friend replied, “These teachers, they say many things but no one really listens to them.  I believe, if you love someone it doesn’t matter what they look like.  If she is a good woman that is more important than her physical appearance.”
    “Yes!”  I agreed.  Glad to hear that some light had penetrated the darkness. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We have managed to make it through many weddings and are very hopeful that all this good face time will result in more quality conversations in the future.  Tom had a good time of study with a friend.  The airline is flying again, but not at full capacity.  The language project computer problem turned out to be a faulty keyboard.  A new keyboard has been purchased.  Ma Imani’s daughter seems to be healing well.  We celebrated 14 years of marriage this past week!  We are thankful for teammates willing to watch our kids and let us go on a date for our anniversary.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Our youngest has worms (very common here) so the family is taking worm medication again—ah, island life!  Pray for worm free living!  All the weddings have been hard on Megan’s back.  Pray for strength and healing there.  We are looking into traveling in October for some vacation and medical/dental checkups.  Pray that the plans would fall into place.  As always, pray for the translation work and for lots of opportunities to share and spread light and love to islanders all around us.

Monday, August 14, 2017

English Club, Marriage & Weddings

Relatives posing with the bride and groom
“What is the difference between ‘marriage’ and ‘wedding’?” we asked our English club. This is an important distinction since mariage in French can mean both the ceremony and the life together.  We shared our sentiment that the marriage is so much more important than the wedding. The wedding lasts a day (or here a week) but the marriage is your life.  Our English club attendees seemingly agreed with this idea, but we’re not sure if all islanders agree with us.

Parade of gifts for groom
Weddings are such a big deal here. They are talked about a lot. They are a huge investment.  The nature of their wedding will mark a change in how the bride and groom are treated in society. We’ve heard of islanders getting divorced right after a wedding— seemingly marrying just to move to the status of “married” in the culture. Big weddings last a week, but they are then dissected for a long while after. Details are written down and compared. Proceedings are videotaped and then watched multiple times. Weddings are even played on the local TV channels— hours of dancing and face shots of everyone who attended. And people actually watch them!

Weddings here are both important and complicated. We’ve learned a lot by just living here, but we wanted to learn more. What better place to go than our English club!  For the past few weeks we’ve been asking our students about marriage and weddings. This past week we asked them to tell us all about the different wedding events on the island.  We thought we’d share with you some of the surprising insights:
The food gifts
  • There are at least 12—that’s right!—12 different kinds of possible marriage ceremonies.  Each is distinct.  No one does all of the ceremonies.  Certain ceremonies are paired together but only one ceremony is religiously required.
  • Nearly all ceremonies are gender exclusive and there is only one ceremony (for women) where the bride and the groom appear together in public.
  • The bride and groom are expected to pay a “dowry” of gifts to the family of the respective partner.  The gifts for the bride always include gold jewelry, but the amount will be greatly reduced if she is found to not be a virgin.
  • In one event the groom and his entourage get full body massages from old grandmothers skilled in this art.  (Tom has thankfully, never had to participate in this ceremony)
  • In another ceremony, the groom’s gift of gold for his bride is the center of the ceremony.  In this event women dance suggestively with each other and with the gold.
  • Though a long way from Oman, the dress of the groom has been strongly influenced by Omani culture.  He wears a turban and dagger and holds a sword in the style of Omani grooms.
  • In the only ceremony that brings bride and groom together, the bride dances her way up to the groom.  Upon reaching him she starts to fall down at his feet, to show her servitude to him.  However the groom grabs her before she can fall at his feet.  Instead he pulls her up and embraces her and showers money over her.

Groom and "best men" in Omani garb
We’ve learned a lot and are eager to understand more, especially as the wedding ceremonies give insight into how islanders view marriage. As a team, we have been looking more deeply into the meaning of marriage, here on Clove Island, in our home cultures, and finally in God’s plan.  It is a rich and intriguing study we hope will result in new ways to talk about life, love, and meaning. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our English Club is very well-attended lately (we struggle sometimes for enough seats). We’re thankful for the thought-provoking discussions and cultural insights that have happened via our English club— we pray it would continue. We’re thankful that after some bouts of illness this week— our family is feeling better.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Megan is on her third night in a row of  late-night wedding events— pray for perseverance and that going to all these wedding events would be relationship-building and would result in opportunities to share with people. Pray for our kids as we start our homeschool year and try to balance homeschooling with our different commitments. Tom has two men that he has been studying with semi-erratically. Pray for more chances to study deeply with people and that he could find more regularity with these two. Pray for Ma Imani’s 9 year old daughter who fell down some stairs and hurt herself badly—still not sure the full-extent. Pray for healing. We haven’t heard anything new about the country’s airline problem or the computer problem with the language project- so keep praying about those too.

Monday, August 7, 2017

Always be Prepared with a Speech

Boys receiving their gifts at event
It was another last minute invitation to some kind of event. As usual the specifics were vague— both timing and the nature of the event was unclear. But a friend had asked us to go and going to events is usually about relationships here. We knew the approximate location, the approximate time and that it was for her son who was involved in some kind of vacation soccer program. We imagined a bunch of boys getting awards or something.

We weren’t that off. When we finally got to the place, it had already started long ago. The surprising thing was that there weren’t that many people attending the event. We imagined waiting along the outskirts of a big crowd and coming forward to give our congratulations to our friend’s son at the end. But there wasn’t much of a crowd, there wasn’t much room along the sideline of the soccer field. Our friend was front and center with our teammates. As soon as people saw me, they asked me to come forward. Tom begged off— he wasn’t dressed to be upfront with men in full suits, so he stayed with the kids. While I crammed into a non-existent opening on the bench in the middle of everything.

Soccer exposition
All the boys were given gifts of cleats and socks, already being dressed in matching soccer outfits. Then it seemed like it was already over. The boys left the field and young adults started playing a game. Apparently it was an exposition game to show-off the program. Neither me or my teammates really knew anything about the program. We didn’t know anyone involved in running it. All we knew was one kid who played with the young kids. As the sun was starting to go down we all stood up. The young adults were getting certificates now. Tom and the kids were getting antsy on the outskirts. I considered trying to slip away but I didn’t want to be rude and it seemed like it was almost over.

Men with the microphone kept giving little speeches in the local language as they moved on to giving the coaches certificates. I could see the man with the certificates, this was the last one. I grabbed my purse, ready to make my exit as soon as it was over. Words were still flowing from the man with the mic but I wasn’t really paying attention. Until suddenly there he was in front of me saying, “Now, let’s hear from this lovely lady…” Our friend supplied my name and I was handed the microphone, along with the final certificate.
Megan just before the fateful moment

They wanted me to give a little speech with some nice words and give the final certificate. The problem was I didn’t know the person I was giving the certificate to nor what he had done to get a certificate. Not to mention it was in a foreign language which doesn’t flow quite like my mother tongue under pressure.

I managed to fumble through a couple very short sentences of generic thanks and congratulations before I handed the certificate and mic away as soon as possible, thoroughly embarrassed by being thrust so unexpectedly into the limelight and by my failure to be more eloquent.

My teammates and husband thoroughly enjoyed my discomfort, mainly because they were so glad it didn’t happen to them. If only I had been given a moment to prepare, if only I had been paying more attention, if only it made any sense why I would be chosen to give a mini-speech, I wasn’t involved in the slightest! 

At English ceremonies we expect that we may be asked to give a speech at only a moment’s notice, even if it wasn’t discussed beforehand. So we always have generic comments about learning language, about the importance of study and words for congratulating students in our repertoire for spontaneous speeches— looks like I need to broaden my repertoire. You never know when you might have to give a speech.

Note: Sorry for no blog last week, not sure what happened. We just forgot— hasn’t happened to us in a long time.
Visiting a newborn
PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our teammate made it back safely to the islands! As a team, we had a week of meeting regularly to push our local language deeper (we do this a few times a year)— we’re thankful to be continuing to grow in the extent and depth with which we can communicate. We are thankful for our youngest— who turns 5 years old this week! We are thankful for his life, energy and excitement. Our friend had her baby— a beautiful little girl! We are thankful for a smooth delivery but continue to pray for a better relationship with her husband.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
The islands are without an inter-island airline. The final airline stopped flying because of problems with the government. This is a huge problem for the islands as a country and for many of our friends who count on traveling easily between islands and connecting to international flights. Pray for some kind of solution and especially that greed/corruption would no longer cripple this country. We’ve been looking into taking a few vacation days but all our plans to get away keep falling through— pray that we could get break when we need it.   Continue to pray for the two ladies preparing to come out to the islands long-term. Their target is to come in November, pray that the funds and logistics would come together. The language project has been hampered by computer problems— pray that they can have reliable computers to keep the work going.