Saying Farewell

Our son by the airport

Imagine you’re getting ready to travel on a plane.  You’re busy packing, cleaning up the house, trying to make sure you’re not forgetting anything.  Just then you hear the doorbell ring.  It’s your neighbor, holding a casserole dish.  With a big smile they say to you, “Hey, I heard you were traveling tomorrow, so I made you a lasagna!  It’s still hot!  Just stick it in the freezer and then you can take it with you!” 

A couple days ago, Ma Riziki, came with a full gallon of mataba (a local dish of pounded greens cooked in coconut milk). It was for us to take on our trip! She suggested we freeze it to take on the plane.  We’ve had these awkward gifts before. To the islander it makes perfect sense, mataba is a local delicacy and something people miss when they travel— what could be a better gift!  Plus, she wanted to butter us up…

Leaving the islands is often a bit of an ordeal, even if it is for just a short time, if you are leaving the island, you are expected to say your farewells. There is actually a special verb in the local language for these farewells (to “laga”) and we’ve incorporated it into our English. We’ll say, “I need to go laga my neighbors.” This means I’m traveling in the next day or two and I need to inform my neighbors and say goodbye. Telling someone that you are traveling a week beforehand doesn’t count as laga-ing them.  You have to say farewell within a day or two of traveling for it to count. Too many times we’ve had an islander confront one of us by saying, “You didn’t laga me?” Sometimes we honestly forgot.  Sometimes we looked for them but didn’t find them.  Sometimes we told them that we were traveling a couple days before our departure and thought that it was enough. Sometimes we felt like our absence was for such a trivial amount of time that laga-ing people wasn’t necessary. In any case, when people confront us we remember that islanders love to complain and act affronted.  It’s like a love language and shows that they value our relationship. So we apologize and try to reassure them that we value them too.

With most relationships it is okay to wait until the day before traveling to inform people.  In fact this is often preferred by islanders. The late notice means there is little chance of your plans falling through and you being embarrassed in front of people by not having your plans come to fruition. It also means that lots of people can’t make requests of you— either to transport things for them as you travel or to buy and bring things back. (These are both common island requests.)

Our kids all have karate shirts now

Still there are some closer friends that we have to give advanced notice of our travel (otherwise they will complain and act affronted).  We told Ma Riziki about our trip off-island about a week ago. We could almost see her mind reeling through things she could ask us for…. After a brief time of small talk, she announced her request. She wanted small oven—like a toaster oven. Ma Riziki has never traveled so we’ve had to explain before that there are limits to what we can take on a plane. I think she realized this was a bigger request because she explained that we should get one only if it wasn’t too expensive and that it didn’t have to be a big oven. We told her we’d look into it.

Yesterday, the mataba was freezing, and we were cleaning the house and packing. Ma Riziki was back…with more well-wishes for our travels and another gift of food! A local peanut/sesame treat made with honey and chilies. Thankfully it does not need to be refrigerated. What’s up? Why was she making such a big deal about us leaving?  Does she think we were leaving for several months?? Perhaps she just really wants that toaster oven and is laying it on thick.

We flew to the big island today. Ma Riziki called us while we were in the airport security line to give us yet another farewell.  An hour later we were on the big island, where we treated our friends to a mataba lunch and then drove to the local stores to check out the toaster oven selection.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
The brothers and sisters that went to the training have told us that it went well and that they gained a lot from their time together. We were able to work through our long to-do list before traveling. We are thankful that the government shutdown has stopped (even if temporarily).

PRAYERS REQUESTED
One of our island sisters has been in pain. She’s been told that she needs surgery but the medical advice she has received so far seems suspect. She has asked our help to connecting with a good doctor in mainland Africa. Pray for healing for her and that we would be able to connect her with good medical counsel. One of our colleagues has returned home because her mother is dying and has entered hospice care. Pray for her and her siblings during this time. We are hoping to have a number of medical/dental visits while we are off-island, pray that we would get the care and advice we need. Our island has had serious power cuts for the past few weeks. Pray that the island’s generators could be fixed and power could be restored. Pray for the group that Tom meets with and that they would be motivated to study together in Tom’s absence.

If you could take away one problem…

Our English Club at work

For English Club this week we led an activity in which students had to answer a hypothetical question first as an individual and then as part of a group.  One of the questions we asked was “If you could take away one problem, what would it be?” The group answers were especially striking to us as we compared them with recent news from the States.  We thought it a nice opportunity to compare some of the cultural challenges of our two countries:

Group 1: “We would take away the problem of drugs.”
We hear a lot of news about the opioid epidemic in the states.  We hear news of children being born with defects, families decimated, employers not being able to find employees who can pass a drug test, and entire communities being destroyed by this problem.  And that’s just one of the kinds of drugs the US struggles with.  It certainly would be wonderful to see this problem go away.

We were a little surprised to hear the students pose this as a problem because, although there are some drug users here in the islands, it is certainly not at epidemic levels.  But the students pointed to the numerous young men who, because of drug use, had fallen into mental illness.  It’s well known that drug use can cause or be a catalyst for mental illness and it’s true that there are a number of young men who wander the streets of our city talking to themselves and looking generally disheveled.  Since there is no help or aid given for mental illness on the islands, families have little choice but to let their mentally ill family members wander the streets.  We’ve heard reports that in some cases the mentally ill are even locked in a room or chained in their house.  So while not an epidemic, no more drugs among islanders would certainly be a good thing.

Beautiful Island Sunset on Tuesday

Group 2: “We would take away the problem of unpaid salaries.”
On the islands, salaries often go unpaid.  The government is notorious for failing to pay salaries.  Sometimes government employees like teachers will go as many as 6 to nine months without pay!  We still do not know if this is because of budget mismanagement, corruption or political reason (most likely a mixture of all three), but it is a constant problem on the islands.  So much so that islanders have multiple ways to cope and make do.  They have family members, they have farms, shops sell on credit until the government finally pays. 

This problem was one that, in the past, we would have said people in the States would not understand.  Imagine, the government not paying it’s workers!  Imagine people continuing to do their job without being paid.  It would never happen!  People wouldn’t stand for it.  Yet, as of writing this blog, the US government has been shuttered for 30 days.  Not only is this unprecedented, but we wonder about how people are making ends meet.  Islanders have large networks of people they can lend money from and this is a normal part of community life.  They are used to making things stretch.  They have ways of getting around things when the salary doesn’t come in that month.  But do US workers have these networks?  Doubtful. 

Unpaid salaries—it’s a big problem.  It would be nice to see it go away.

Group 3:  “We would take away the problem of hatred.”
Group 3 was thinking big.  “There is so much war in this world.  So many people hate other people.  Even in our islands, people from one island hate people from the other island.”  It’s true.  Other students added that even from town to town there can be grudges and hatred that go back generations.  Hatred is a horrible thing.

And here again, we thought that our own country would do well to be rid of such a problem.  Hatred certainly has become more prevalent in recent years.  There seems to be so little reaching across the table, so little listening and giving the other the benefit of the doubt.  What does seem to grow is insults, dehumanizing and hatred.  Will it ever stop?  If we could only take away hatred…

Our daughter in karate gear

Sometimes the islands and the States seem worlds away, but then sometimes we see that we aren’t so different after all.  Drugs, unpaid salaries, hatred.  Yeah, I’d like those problems to go away too.   Wouldn’t you?

PRAYERS ANSWERED
The women’s time of prayer and fasting went well.  May we see the results of this faithfulness in weeks ahead.  Megan has had some great birthday dates with all the kids.  The kids have gotten their grades back for the last trimester at the French school.  They all did well.  We continue to thank the Lord for their good experiences at local school as well as homeschool.  We are thankful that some rains have come to help break the unbearable heat we experience during this time of year.  Our good friend Ma Imani (who has been on the big island for 1.5 years now) came to our island for a short visit, it was encouraging to talk to her. She told a story about praying for and seeing deliverance for her young daughter (2 years) after each child in their household was effected by some dark spiritual presence. She was boldly telling us and the others with her about the power of prayer and of the good news.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
A number of our island brothers and sisters have been participating in some training about dealing with trauma and persecution.  We hope this will be beneficial and a chance for them to go deeper together.  Our friends in another organization are still struggling with some difficult team problems.  Continue to pray that there will be resolution and reconciliation.  Pray for our countries. That the only one who can really take away these problems of drugs, salaries, and hatred will step in and change hearts and bring life out of death.

In Secret

Tom on a panel for English exams

Why do people do things in secret?  Isn’t it mostly to hide something? Is it mostly to hide something wrong, shameful, or dishonorable.  Megan recently went to a fundraising event and asked about the people who did not wave their money to the crowd but rather waved an envelop instead.  Often people write their names on envelopes to make sure the people know who the money came from, so we had always assumed the use of envelopes was to hide the large amount of money they were giving. But this time I noticed lots of blank envelopes and it turns out the opposite is just as often true. They are hiding the fact that they are giving very little.  “Sometimes they don’t put anything at all in the envelope,” a neighbor told us scornfully.

Back in April the little neighbor girls started coming to ask for stuff. Since then they came over nearly everyday to ask for things on behalf of their mother.  We have described our struggles with this unusual relationship in another blog.  But about a month ago a man came to the house.  I didn’t know him, but he said he was the father of the girls.  We had been given the impression that he wasn’t in the picture anymore, but he told me it’s not right for them to come asking for stuff.  That he had not known and that he was ashamed that it was happening as he was responsible for caring for them (even if he was no longer married to their mother). He asked us to stop giving to them. The next time the girls came we told them they needed to talk to their father before coming to us.  Not long after that the girls stopped coming.  His ex-wife’s secret had come to light.

We are entrusted with many secrets here.  People feel they can trust us and because we are outsiders we are somehow safer.  So they will share with us their worries, fears, early pregnancies, travel opportunities, plans, etc.  All things they would not tell many of their close friends, they share with us.  We can be trusted.

At the same time, we don’t want to be secretive people.  We want to do do things out in the open.  So whether it is our jobs, our relationships, or our faith, we want to speak and act in ways that are open and true.  We do not want anyone to be able to say, “You’re not who we thought you were.”  Or “You never told us that.”  

Recent English ceremony audience

Its strange how things done in secret often acquire a sense of shame even if they are not shameful.  Our kids will fall into this trap often.  “What are you doing?” We ask them.  “Nothing...” they answer with a very guilty look.  More often than not, it is nothing, just something silly, but because they feel a desire to hide it, it becomes shameful.  And there is the trouble—when good things become shameful, we may have done something wrong, but the wrong is keeping it secret. 

I was struck by this truth recently when reading the gospel.  As they came to the garden to take Jesus away, he asks them, “Have you come out as against a robber, with swords and clubs to capture me? Day after day I sat in the temple teaching, and you did not seize me.”  In essence he says, “I have kept no secrets.  I have been out in the open.” 

One islander came to me recently interested in having discussions and learning more from me, but he insisted that it would have to be secret meetings between just me and him, that no one else could know about it. I hated to disappoint him but I told him that isn’t how I did things and instead invited him to a group meeting having weekly discussions not far from his house. He needed to realize that having discussions and learning new things isn’t shameful like his desire for secrecy suggested.

So the question is, what are we tempted to hide that should not be hidden?  What are we tempted to do in secret that should be seen by all?  I think this question is as valid in the States as it is here on the islands.  When we hide our faith do we turn it into something shameful?  Should our views that differ from the surrounding culture be hidden?  Or can we say, that day after day we have spoken openly about these things?  This is the challenge we face, no matter where we live.  The saying goes that some things are best kept secret, but we don’t think that’s true.

Megan & son on "date" hike

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We got our island visas renewed for another year!! We don’t want to take for granted how easy that has been for us. We are very thankful for the favor we have found with the department of Education here on Clove Island. Our Australian guest finally made it off the islands and back to Kenya after two weeks of cancellations from the airline! Megan is enjoying going on “dates” with our kids in honor of her birthday. The group Tom is meeting with went well this past week, with new people joining to listen and discuss.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Our colleagues on the small island have had several encounters this past week with evil spirits, pray for peace and victory in those situations. Tomorrow (Tuesday) there is going to be a special time of prayer and fasting for women on the islands (both expat and islanders) to pray about women’s health issues that seem to be plaguing many. Continue to pray for our colleagues on this island that have had a representative from their organization here helping to sort through some serious difficulties— we haven’t heard yet how it is going. Pray for our higher island leadership as they work toward  strengthening communication and trust between groups working on the islands-- a task that has proved difficult and complicated so far.
. 

Having an Adventure

Going on 1st adventure in 2013

I remember our first “adventure” on Clove Island. We hadn’t been here long and I was invited to some kind of event for a wedding and told to bring our daughter (who was barely five years old). I had no idea what we were going to, how long it would take, whether they would feed us, whether there would be bathrooms, I was clueless. All of which would have been par for the course, except that I had a little kid in tow and kids do better when they know what’s coming (especially if it ends up being disagreeable). So I was honest with her, I told her I had no idea. I told her it was an “adventure”— we were doing something new, not knowing exactly how it will turn out. She liked the idea that we were co-adventurers together.

Since then we’ve dragged our kids on lots of “adventures”. Somehow calling it an adventure  adds excitement that isn’t necessarily inherent in the event. We could say, “We’re going to an event that may very well be long and boring… and you may have to politely eat something gross.” Instead it’s an adventure into the unknown— we may have to brave things that make us uncomfortable, but we don’t give up, we see it through! Often it has helped my outlook on things too.

This weekend was my (Megan’s) birthday and I wanted to go on an adventure. One of Tom’s students had claimed that he could take us by boat to a beach that you can’t get to by foot. It sounded exciting, so we took him up on the offer and asked if we could go Saturday.

On boat near beach in 2019

With any island adventure you have to keep expectations low. It’s possible that the guy won’t be there even though he said he would be. It’s possible the boat will be broken. It’s possible that a thunderstorm will roll in before we can leave. We might have to wait for hours before we go or not get to go at all. It’s all part of the adventure. It’s also possible that the beach will not be as cool as it sounds. It might be trashy. It might have no shade. We could have a bunch of island fishermen staying with us the entire time and expecting us to feed them. Or they might leave us there alone and be really late in picking us up….Or it could just be awesome and great!

Vine swing

So many unknowns— that’s what makes it an adventure.

We had our adventure on Saturday and it was a great day. Tom’s friend never showed, but he had arranged for some others to take us. One fisherman stayed with us to “protect” us (we’re not sure what he was protecting us from, but we had enough food to share with him). Another guy took the boat away but came back when he said he would. The beach was not all we hoped it would be— not actually that far away, still accessible by foot, and a little trashy, but we didn’t have to wait around at all and there were cool tide pools.  We saw over 38 different species for my 38th birthday! (The animal highlights were a family of tiny hermit crabs, hundreds of brittle star fish, sea worms, beautiful coral fish, a giant hermit crab and a bunch of big eels!) Plus there was a vine swing from one of the trees for the kids to play on. We got back home from our adventure just in time, before the afternoon thunderstorms started.

Can you see the eel?

Life on the islands is full of unknowns. On a daily basis it is easy to characterize the unknowns as frustrations or annoyances and blame the lack of infrastructure or dependability or work ethic. It can lead to discontentment. We’d probably do well to think of it more often as a great adventure!

PRAYERS  ANSWERED
The kids finished their exams without being stressed at all. Thanks for praying. Most people don’t seem to expect further unrest for the next few weeks. It’s nice to feel people relax a bit. Our friend had her tough conversation with her family and it went better than expected. Megan had a nice birthday!

Kids & teammate on boat

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Some colleagues on our island are having some serious difficulties. There is someone here from their organization this week to hopefully find some resolution. Pray for wisdom and discernment for all involved.  A single woman worker on our island was attacked by a mentally-unstable man in her village. She has recovered and he is in prison, but please pray for them both and the spiritual dynamics at work. Our Australian guest from last week is still stranded on the big island— her flight off the islands has been cancelled no less than three times, leaving her here almost 2 weeks longer than she planned. Pray for patience for her and a clear way forward. It is obvious that the airline she has tickets with is falling apart. The group of men that Tom studies with each week is struggling with some big, hard truths— pray that their understanding would become clear.