A Good Spouse

An island groom and bride

“I need to find a good wife.”  One of my friends says to me as we sit and talk on the veranda.  I smile because he is actually the third or fourth person this week to say the same thing to me.  Apparently a good wife is hard to find.  It’s hard to find someone trustworthy and loyal, someone who will cook and clean and take care of the children, someone who will not be jealous all the time, someone who will be respectful, someone with a good family and preferably a rich family.  Not surprisingly, a wife like this is not easy to find.

That is how I’ve come to find myself repeating the same advice I was once given a long time ago.  It was as applicable back then in the States as is it is here on the islands now.  “When I was a university student,” I told each of my friends in turn, “a wise teacher came and spoke to us about finding a wife.”

“Many of you are hoping to find a good wife.”  He said.  “Some of you have even been praying earnestly, asking God to send you the right girl who will make a great wife, and that is fine and good.  But,” he said, “how many of you have prayed and asked God to make you a good husband?”  A good wife wants a good husband and a good husband helps make a good wife.  So maybe you need to spend less time praying for a good wife and more time asking God to make you into the man who will be a good husband.”

All of my friends in turn laughed at this story and agreed that these were wise words.  I wonder if any of them will take it to heart.  I wish one of them would have asked, “and how do I become the kind of man who is a good husband?” but none of them did.  Did this wisdom fall on deaf ears?

Electricity cuts means cooking by headlamp

Another friend of mine, Sterehi, shared with me this week about the tattered state of his marriage.  He is ready to get a divorce.  He even showed me the divorce papers waiting to be signed.  As he complained about all the ways his wife had wronged him, I felt a great sadness in my heart.  I wondered “maybe she has not been a good wife, but has my friend been a good husband?”  I thought of all the late nights he spent working and how very rarely I ever saw him with his wife.  I thought of all the things in island culture stacked against marriage, like polygamy, easy divorce, promiscuity, and constant jealousy.  I thought about how Sterehi had once seemed so different—even above these sorts of things, and the story of his courtship.  How he had pursued and finally won his wife’s hand.  I thought of all these things as I considered what to say to him.  I didn’t share the same story I had with the others.  Instead I told him of the danger of bitterness and hatred entering into our hearts.  I told him how unforgiveness can destroy a person’s life and health.  I told him a story of another teacher who said that we must forgive seven times seventy.  I told him that a marriage is a great deal of work and that God does not want divorce.  And then I told him I would pray for him.  I hope you will too.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our new teammate has had a good homestay so far! We are encouraged by her good attitude. Times are hard for many people on the islands, but this has given us opportunities to share our blessings and pray with others. Our kids are doing well. Tom has been working hard every morning with our older son in reading and it seems to be paying off with him starting to enjoy reading and it getting easier. We encouraged by the local ownership of the translation project and their seeking solutions together for the different challenges.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We see broken marriages all around us on Clove Island. Pray for that more islanders will seek to be good spouses. Pray for all the brothers and sisters on the islands that they could be a witness through strong and healthy marriages. Neither of the pregnant women (a neighbor and Tom’s sister) that we asked you to pray for have given birth yet. Please continue to pray for both of them, especially our island neighbor because the OB has traveled to France so now there is only a midwife around for the birth and to handle complications. She seems nervous and asks us to pray every time she sees us. Our NGO needs an office on Clove Island. We hope to find one to rent ASAP, pray that we would find just the right location and set-up for our needs.

The Good Neighbor Test

Took hike up stairs overlooking our town

They had come in quietly, without saying a word. So it was a surprise when I turned around and found two little girls in the middle of my house. I was surprised again by the next words out of their mouth.
“Give us money,” the older one said quietly.
I looked at them seriously. They were about the age of our boys, around 4 and 6 years old. I recognized them vaguely—they were some of our new neighbors.

It was a test—the neighbors were trying to figure out where we fit in.

On the islands there is a system in which wealthier people take care of poorer people. There are very few true beggars and they almost always have a visible disability. But poorer people usually have a network of people that they ask when they are in need—it is a network of existing relationships, often through the family. They have claim toward asking certain people for assistance.

They took most of the pictures

But then we come in.  We are foreigners and so automatically it is assumed we are wealthy.  But at the same time, we aren’t in any existing network. Where do we fit in? Does everyone have a claim to ask us for help or does no one have a claim? Sometimes it is the first interactions that set the precedent. How are we going to be known in our neighborhood. We want to be known as generous, loving people. We want to enter the give-and-take network that undergirds the community but at the same time we can’t support everyone. We also want to be culturally appropriate. We don’t want to give without relationship, but at the same time, relationships have to start somewhere.

All these things were running through my head as I looked at these two little girls. Perhaps they just wanted a coin to buy candy, or perhaps an adult sent them. They hadn’t asked permission to enter our home and they hadn’t greeted me (two things their culture requires), but they seemed shy. After a brief talk with them and Tom, I put some produce in a plastic bag and gave it to them with the message that we didn’t give money to little kids but their mother could come and talk to us.

A few minutes later they were back and said their mom was sick. They took me down an alley and into a tin shack area to their mother. Two smaller kids were already gnawing on a couple of the carrots I had given them. The mother was pregnant with her fifth and wanted money. Unfortunately, Ma Riziki, our next door neighbor from our previous house, had asked for food the day before and my kitchen was pretty bare. So I returned home with the two girls trailing behind. I went to one of the little neighborhood shops and bought some basic foods—rice, sardines, oil—and took it back to the mother. I wondered if she was disappointed that I didn’t just give her money, but she said thank you all the same. I shared a little with her about how we look to God when we have troubles— hoping that I could make this first visit more about beginning a relationship rather than just charity.

Our town

I went home, feeling like this first test had gone well, but not knowing for sure. The very next afternoon the girls were at our door again. I prepared myself to hear another request for money or food. Instead, the oldest girl said, “Mom told us to come over here and play.” The girls ended up playing with our kids for the rest of the afternoon. A new relationship has begun. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED

Our newest team member arrived today! We are thankful that her boat trip from the smallest island went well. We got our visas! We are thankful for the continued favor we have here on Clove Island. We feel like we’ve had several good interactions with new neighbors, though the combination of new and old relationships to maintain can be a little overwhelming.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Tomorrow we do a little orientation for our newly arrived teammate and the next day she goes into a week-long homestay with an island family. Continue to pray for her transition and that her homestay experience will be a blessing all around. The translation project has lost one of its island workers, which could be a blessing in disguise but is still difficult. Pray for a clear way forward. Pray for us to get into good and healthy patterns as we start life as team and settle into more of a routine. We have two women in our lives that are waiting to give birth— Tom’s sister back in the States and one of our new neighbors. Please pray for easy deliveries and healthy babies for both of them.

Language Mix

Our kids love rainy season!

I find language fascinating. From the history of how languages develop, how they both shape culture and are shaped by culture, how dialects break off and how our brains process multiple languages… Language is a complex world of study.

Our return to the islands has meant diving back into language. Here are three little language anecdotes from this week.

Keeping languages straight— “Ngasi wanono,” the words were out of my mouth before I realized,  “wait, that’s the wrong language.” I quickly apologized for speaking the dialect of Volcano Island to Clove Islanders. They laughed off my mistake and assured me that it is really just one big language. Still, I never usually revert back to the language of Volcano Island, where we lived from 2009-20011. But we had spent four days on Volcano Island waiting for the boat to take us to Clove Island and somehow the old dialect was re-activated in my brain. Then we got back to Clove Island and our new landlords (who are very westernized) insisted on using French with us and at the same time we got an email from French friends. Another foreign language portion of my brain had to be re-activated. Sometimes my brain struggles to come up with the appropriate vocabulary on the spot (sometimes I stumble over the right English word even). It will get better, my brain just has to catch up. I was encouraged though to hear that one of the visiting linguistic consultants with decades of experience was trying to have a conversation with an islander by speaking Malagasy (language of Madagascar) before the other consultant pointed out that she was no longer speaking French.

Tom & kids take care of flooded area after storm

Celebrating local language— It had been going on for hours. An unending visit circling the same ridiculous conversation. Our one visitor with his big cowboy hat that reads “USA” always ventures on the ridiculous but tonight he kept coming back to an argument about differences in the local language as spoken by his home town (on the other side of the island) and the capital area (where we live). His statements showed a lack of understanding of the grammar of his own language and an unashamed bias for his hometown’s version. No one engaged him but he kept continuing and repeating his one-sided debate for what seemed like hours. Our other guest was Huomba.  Huomba is one of the most thoughtful young island men we’ve met and he is always very careful in his speech. He has a passion for his local language. He has been studying it and working with an association to promote literacy and writing in the local language. After a long time of silent listening and pondering, he formulated one thoughtful comment, “The differences within our language show that our language is rich.” After that he just sat smiling and shaking his head at his fellow-islander’s rantings.

Kids in a language soup— It was our first time meeting again with the Swiss group on the islands. We were together Sunday morning to sing and study together. Our kids and theirs constitute almost the entire population of white kids on Clove island. The kids range from around 2 years to our daughter at 8 years old. The Swiss kids’ mother tongue is Swiss German, our kids’ mother tongue is English, but all six kids have been thrown into a world where they are surrounded by the island language and French, with a variety of Arabic phrases thrown in for good measure. As adults we had three different mother tongues between us and we got by with a mix of English, French and local language. We looked over at our kids with no common language between them. They seemed to be getting on well…apparently you don’t need that much language to play!

Right now some of our friends and colleagues are in the thick of thinking about language very deeply as they consider the right words to use in translating important texts.  What our friend Huomba said resonates in my head, “Our language is rich.”  I think this is true of all languages.  Just like the people who use them, languages are examples of the richness and complexity of people and human societies.  Understanding and using a language is like unlocking a great treasure…there is beauty and wealth and blessing from God.  Language is rich and those who learn it can partake of those riches! Persevere, all you language learners out there!

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We’ve had a constant stream of visitors since coming back to Clove Island, sometimes it has been tiring but mostly it has been really nice to reconnect with our old friends and we’ve also been happy with some fledgling friendships with our new neighbors. We are extra thankful for the good weather we had for our boat ride last week as since then it has been storm after storm. Some of the storms have been pretty violent!  We are feeling much more settled in. We’ve unpacked almost everything and have most of our essentials now. We continue to be very thankful for our new house. A large kitchen cabinet fell from the wall as Megan was preparing dinner! It wasn’t mounted well. We lost several dishes and Megan has a bruised elbow, but we are very thankful that no one was badly hurt. The kids won’t start school for a couple more weeks (they will start with the new trimester). We are thankful that they will have some time to adjust to island life before starting local school.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
The consultants and our teammate have had a good and tiring week meeting and talking about translation. It continues this week! Pray for stamina through the long days and for good productivity. We are renewing our annual visas this week. We aren’t expecting any problems, but please pray that they get processed without incident. Our newest teammate is supposed to be arriving on Monday from the neighboring island— pray for her as she says goodbye to her village and teammates on the small island. Pray for her boat trip, for a calm ocean and uneventful travel. Pray for a smooth transition to life and work on Clove Island and that we’d be able to support well in the process.

Welcome Back

Happy to be back on Clove Island

First of all, thank you everyone who prayed for our safe boat travels.  It went extremely well.  The seas were calm, no one got sick and we made great time (it took about 3 1/2 hours).  Now this may be surprising to some people, but this is actually the first time we’ve returned to the same place of service after a long break.  Although we have been living in the islands since 2009, our last return had us moving from Volcano Island to Clove Island.  We’ve been on Clove Island ever since, but this was our first return after a long hiatus.

Now islanders are used to people traveling.  People travel for school, medical reasons, job opportunities etc.  So a six month sojourn is not so uncommon.  But it also means islanders are very good at welcoming people back—they have lots of practice.  So what did it look like to be welcomed back?

Getting off the boat it did not take long for many of our friends to find us.  Some waited outside the gate, others paid extra to be let in and help with our bags.  Many handshakes, hugs and French bisous  were exchanged!  Then someone brought out the leis.  Much like Hawaii, it is traditional to welcome people to Clove Island with flower necklaces (they call them mau) these are colorful, sweet smelling garlands that are often primarily feature jasmine (especially for men), but for women will frequently contain different flowers and even spices like cloves. 

Megan and son leaving the port with our necklaces

Walking through the gate we were met by our landlord, more friends and more maus!  Tom looked like some sort of lion with a mane of four great flower necklaces draped around his neck.  All our bags were quickly thrown into taxis (prearranged by friends) and soon we were at our new house.  Bags were grabbed by yet more friends as neighbors from our old neighborhood (we moved a couple of blocks down the street) started to arrive.  In no time flat our bags were in the house and more hand shakes, smiles and bisous were exchanged.  A prayer was said in honor of the occasion and then many went their way promising to return to visit again soon.  Other, closer friends stayed.  The landlord arrived with food and those who had remained joined us for a delicious meal of fried bananas, samosas, grilled fish, and salad with fresh avocado along with cold water, and avocado juice.

After a while even these friends left and were left to rest and unpack, but that is not to say the welcoming was finished.  Since our arrival on Thursday our house has felt a little bit like grand central station as friend after friend has paid us a welcoming visit.  Often they come in twos, sometimes on their own, but still they come.  In between we try to put things away and arrange the house.  (Don’t worry, we’re getting there.)

More necklaces outside the port's main gate

This is our fifth day back and it seems like the visits are starting to diminish.  It is time for us to start returning those visits.  At the moment we don’t have to go far to find ourselves reengaging with people we know (it’s a small island).  We’ve also managed to cause a number of small traffic jams as richer friends stop their cars in the middle of the street to welcome us back and ask about our time in the States.

We don’t remember everyone’s name, and some we are more excited to see than others, but at the same time, there is something special about coming back, seeing people smile and knowing that we are loved.  We may be foreigners and we will always be foreigners, but we are loved.  And that’s a nice feeling.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Thank you for your prayers for our boat travels— it was miraculously calm and so the ride was smooth and fast (just 3.5 hours from the big island to our island). The kids didn’t get sick. We arrived with plenty of daylight left. It was good. We are thankful to be back. We are also very thankful for our new house and new landlord— he worked very hard to fix all the plumbing and electrical issues and we continue to be happy with the house. We’ve already had some good conversations with islanders since our return. Our daughter has already connected well with some new neighbors, we are thankful that she can find friends and jump back into French and the local language. 



PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for us as we focus on diving back into the local language and community. Pray that we would grow in fluency and depth in the local language. Pray that we would have meaningful interactions and find new depth of relationships. Pray for our kids. The older two seem to be doing really well, the youngest seems a little stressed by the fact that we aren’t living on our old house on Clove Island. Pray also for the kids as we talk to their old school this week and try to figure out what putting them back in school would look like. We also hope to encourage the local language more with our kids, pray that this would go well (they learn French in school).  Some consultants are on the islands for the next two weeks to help with the translation work— pray for a productive time and good relationships all around and that there would soon be books ready to be used by islanders! Our newest teammate will be moving from the small island to Clove Island on March 20th, pray for her as she makes that transition that she would finish her time well on the small island and be ready for the next phase of her journey with us.