Lots to Learn

Our daughter dressed for event

True wisdom and knowledge begin with humility.

There were lots of things I understood about the event we were going to. I understood the dress code, what type of music to expect and basically what was expected of us. Our daughter doesn’t usually go to events like this, but she was specifically invited and even given a traditional wrap to wear especially. I was trying to explain to her what would happen, but I had to confess some confusion. I knew the basic outline of the event but I still didn’t really know what it was for. I tried to ask the person I was seated next to, but my question only spurred her to berate the person who invited me for not explaining to me. She obviously had a grudge against my friend so I decided to let it go and wait in ignorance to see what would happen.  Even after years, the islands often still surprise me.

“Islanders are like this!” an expat we know confidently declared, making this definitive statement on island character after having lived here for a few months. Back in his home country everyone would have accepted his comment at face value, but he made his declaration to a group of people that had all lived on the islands for years. We each took it in turns to gently give our personal experiences, all of which clearly contradicted his statement. We weren’t questioning his observations but they were limited and he didn’t know enough to really make any declarations yet.

A little knowledge is always a dangerous thing. It can lead to a misplaced confidence that makes you think that you have things figured out. We’ve seen it multiple times. After a few months people have learned a lot and are eager to put the things they have learned to use. This is when people are primed to make mistakes, jump to bad conclusions and perhaps embarrass themselves. Eventually at some point you realize how much you still have to learn— this is the beginning. It’s a paradox that you have to learn in order to know how much you have to learn, that it takes wisdom to realize how foolish you are.

At the event

Tom listened patiently this week as another young expat shared with him his conclusions about island life after his first month here.  Recently we found ourselves smiling politely when a visitor of only a week, gave us her bold solutions to the islands’ complex problems. “They just need to do this!”  We remind ourselves that if we are truly wise than we should be willing to listen to even those with little experience.  Perhaps they have a fresh perspective that will allow them to see something we have missed. But we also find ourselves thinking back to the sorts of things we have said in the past, and feel challenged to be slower to speak if we ever find ourselves in similar situations again.

Because we still have a lot to learn.

We’ve been reflecting a lot on teams and team-leading lately, as we continue to reflect on the hard times we have just experienced. Sometimes we want to despair—will we ever fully figure this stuff out? Perhaps if we were wiser we could head off these problems before they blew up? We still have a lot to learn. The same goes for language/culture learning or just general wisdom/maturity. Realizing how far you still have to go, should lead to humility but can also lead to discouragement. You realize that there will never be a moment when you can check it off your list and say that you have arrived. “I am now completely wise and mature,” should never come out of our mouths. But humility and discouragement do not have to be packaged together. Because we are learning, we are growing. This is not a stagnant process. We may have far to go, but we’re still moving. We think about mistakes we made with our first team and realize— wow, we’ve learned something, haven’t we! We remember our ignorance when we first came to the islands and know that our efforts have not been fruitless.

Visitors on the holiday

Pray with us as we push forward. We are humbled by life and experience but hopefully it is humility coupled with hope (as it should be) and not coupled with discouragement or despair. The journey continues and if we are feeling humbled, then we know we’ve gotten somewhere!

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Ma Imani’s family was able to gather the funds for her to travel. She left for Madagascar yesterday. We haven’t had an update since but she was supposed to see a doctor today. Our teammates had a good time away this weekend to pray and reflect. The big holiday went well— we had more visitors greeting us for the holiday than we expected.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Continue to pray for Ma Imani— that she would get good medical care and advice and that her nephew would take good care of her. Pray for the islands— we’ve heard rumors that the international community is threatening embargoes and there are rumblings that the unrest among islanders could ignite into something violent in the coming weeks. Tom is taking a new tack with the men he has been studying with— pray that it would be fruitful and hearts would be open. We have been brainstorming ways to encourage greater community on our island— pray for good discernment. We had some discouraging news this week— pray for encouragement and a return of our excitement for the tasks before us.

15 Years, 30 Years

Sunset on the island

This past week was our 15th wedding anniversary.  It feels like a milestone, and yet it feels like the time has gone by so fast.  Was it really fifteen years ago that we gathered with friends and family among a little church in the redwoods of California to promise to share our lives together?  But here we are…

When we tell our students, neighbors or friends that we have been married for fifteen years we get looks of awe and wonder.  Marriages are so broken and families so fractured that a marriage making it to fifteen years is really something of an anomaly here.  It is a sad truth and we hope that our commitment and love to one another will shine out as a light to people longing for trust and steadfast love.

As you know if you’ve been following our blog, these past weeks have also been hard weeks.  We’ve seen two teammates go home unexpectedly, which has left us with a much smaller team.  We are grieving the loss of our team as it was and the departure of our friends. 

We’ve also been dealing with a dear island friend who has been far away from us for almost a year and who is now very sick.  Ma Imani is a good friend. When she originally traveled to the big island for her daughter’s health, we thought it would only be a month or two.  Now a year has passed and she has gotten sick with some strange infection (it’s hard to know exactly what’s going on from far away.)  But we’ve been doing what we can with phone calls, and connecting with her family to try to help get her the care she needs.

It’s times like these that we feel tired and drained.  Our hearts are heavy from the stress and loss.  But even in these moments there are reminders of the good.  We are thankful for the way brothers and sisters have rallied together to help Ma Imani.  It shows a new strength and vitality in the community that we haven’t really seen before.  We’re thankful for the way our teammates who have left are still being cared for and that we have all weathered this storm and are still standing.

15 years ago

And then there’s our anniversary.  I (Tom) was visiting my old friend.  I’ve been sitting and talking with him on his porch for years now.  When I told him about our fifteen year wedding anniversary, I was surprised to hear him say he’d been married for 30 years!  I hadn’t known that.  He went on to say that people should know the person they’re going to marry.  They should know them well.  He and his wife grew up together.  They were friends in school.  He knew all about her before they got married.  (Just in case you don’t know, this is pretty counter-cultural.)  It may be a little thing, but it’s nice to hear of a success story once in awhile.  30 years together!  We are thankful for our fifteen years and look forward to 15 more!

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our teammate made it safely home and has had some good meetings with people so far.  We pray that the rest of her interactions and transition back will be as encouraging. We are thankful for our visitors this past week— our old teammates made it safely home to the French island after connecting with lots of old friends and neighbors and our other guest over the weekend had a good time and there seems to be clarity about where she should serve in the future. We are thankful for our anniversary and for our teammates who have agreed to take our kids for a whole day and overnight so we can celebrate (in couple weeks). 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Please pray for Ma Imani— she is being sent to Madagascar for medical care. Her family is not wealthy and they are doing all they can to get the funds together for both the airfare and the treatment. Pray for peace for Ma Imani— she has never traveled, she only knows the island language, she’s scared and intimidated by doctors and she is having to go alone (leaving her two daughters on the islands). Pray that God’s presence would be powerfully with her. Pray for her daughters that they would be protected and cared for (especially her toddler who is very attached to her). Pray for good medical care. We’re convinced that her care on the islands has been questionable and unfortunately care in Madagascar can be questionable too. Pray for good and honest doctors that will do what is right. Finally pray for healing and that whatever is wrong would not be as serious as her family fears. Pray for our team as we try to decompress and get back into good patterns. Our two teammates are taking a prayer retreat this weekend— pray that it would be restorative for them both. Pray for us also as we reconsider our future planning and consider how we should move forward. Tomorrow is a big holiday— pray for good opportunities to share truth as we interact with island friends and neighbors.

Teammates

Teammates old & current enjoying a game

The teams we have been on during our decade living and working in Africa have shaped us.  Our teammates have been our family, friends, small group and work colleagues all in one.  We are in each other’s lives in a way that often doesn’t happen back home.  We’ve gone through lots of unique experiences and challenges together.  Our teammates hold a special place in our hearts, even long after our time on a team together ends.  This week has had both bitter and sweet reminders of this fact…

First for the sweet… It has been a couple of years since we’ve seen them in person. We’re not great at keeping in touch, but we’ve exchanged messages and photos some.  But now they are here in person, our old teammates with a new daughter in tow! (She’s actually already 19 months old, but she’s new to us.)  It has been awhile, but the old team connections are there and it is natural to have them in our home again, playing with our kids, helping with dishes, drinking coffee and talking about our lives and the work. It is often like this when we reconnect with old teammates— even if we are from different nations and have had different experiences in the between time, we share common values and perspectives, we know each other’s idiosyncrasies and care for one another, so we can quickly slip back into an easy camaraderie.  Our teammates’ visit has been a nice reminder of that special place teammates have in our lives.

Our 6 year old heading on bday adventure

Then there was the bitter…It was dark when we got up this morning. The kids were still asleep as we snuck out and caught a taxi.  At the airport we met our team to say goodbye to a teammate.  This is part of being on a team too.  We work so closely for a time but each of us has our own path, and God, at some point, leads us in different directions.  We’ve done these farewells before and there is a real grieving in them. This time we’re unsure exactly when we will see each other again.  Her departure had not been in our plans, so it was with extra heavy hearts that we bid farewell.

There is a sense in which teams are very fluid, teammates come and go, but each team member is unique and irreplaceable. Each person adds to the team and changes the dynamic. We’ve seen the shift on several occasions. Someone comes or goes and the team is different. Different people talk more, conversations go in different directions, different jokes are told.  The basic culture of the team changes. 

Playing with our newest friend

But at the same time the teammates that leave us don’t fully leave us because they have changed us. Even when we say goodbye, we still carry souvenirs of their impact on us. Maybe it is a song that they introduced to us, or a pastime that they were passionate about. Maybe it is a catchphrase that they said so often that it has snuck into our own vocabulary. Maybe it is a focus or value that they have passed on to us.  Our teammates change us and we are the better for it. Iron sharpens iron. 

We know it is possible to do this work without a team. There are plenty of examples of lone people or families working by themselves, but we wouldn’t want to. Our teams make us better workers and better people.

Iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful for our youngest son— who turned 6 this past week. We love his energy, love and sweetness and we had fun celebrating his birthday. The week with our departing teammate went well. She was able to connect and say goodbye to her friends here. We were happy to have a final team time together before she left. Her initial flight to the big island was uneventful. We’ve been thankful to have our old teammates with us and for the chance to reconnect and catch up. We’re excited to have them nearby on the French island working among the many Clove Islanders that live there.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Our good friend Ma Imani (who has been on the big island for almost a year) called asking for prayer. Her toddler girl was in an accident where she was nearly hit by a car on the same day that Ma Imani had an old infection flare up again. This is all as they were making plans to return to Clove Island. Pray for health and safety for her and her daughters. The country is still holding its breath to see when things will come to a head about the referendum. Opposition members were arrested and have been accused of planning a coup. Still not sure what happens next. Continue to pray for the islands and for good and just governance here. Pray for our teammate as she travels back to her home country and for us as we adjust to the team without her. Pray for our old teammates as they return to work on the French island— life and work there is more complicated than here on Clove Island—pray that they would have insights into how to be effective agents of truth and change. We have a visitor coming this weekend that is planning on joining the work on the islands— pray that it would be clear which island she should come to!

Wedding Noise

It usually starts with a truck loaded with sound equipment. We see the size and number of the huge speakers and we say, “Oh no”. Then we watch as they place the speakers by our house. At our last house they were literally put in our living room windows, pointing out toward the street, but still able to shake the whole home with their vibrations. This time most of the speakers are across the narrow road and pointed straight at us.

Half the speaker system for one event

Next usually comes a mic check. Suddenly the relative quiet is pierced by blaring feedback and a shouted “hallo, hallo” in the microphone. That’s our first taste of how loud it is actually going to be. It doesn’t take long after that…

It is hard to describe. Ultimately it is just loud music, but it is so loud that it takes over your body. You feel it to your toes. Then there is also the style of the music.  I’m not sure if it is particular to Africa or the Islands, but it is certainly different than what we are used to.  In this sort of music, rhythm trumps melody.  In fact the melody, becomes part of the rhythm.  Imagine you have a short melody riff that goes like “Deedledee, Deedledum, Deedledee, Deedledum.”  A pattern of six notes.  Now add in drums, and a bass line that fits this six-note riff.  Then begin playing this pattern on repeat hundreds of times.  This is the basis of the song.  The creativity comes in when there are slight variations, interruptions and changes to the riff, often in the form of a singer who can vary between spoken words and long held out notes. but it always comes back to the same riff.   It is rhythm music and it is all about a frenetic, repetitive pounding beat that sets your heart drumming. 

This time we had a couple days’ warning that a wedding was happening. This was the groom’s family so only one or two of the wedding events should actually happen near the house. We’d have to brave the music. It would be for the afternoon and into the evening. Maybe 4 hours each time.

Setting up for another event

The volume was deafening. It sent the kids running with their fingers in their ears. We had to yell to be heard by people in the same room. I passed the old grandmother next door as she escaped to one of her daughter’s houses. “The music will make you crazy,” she said. We took to closing all our windows and doors and retreating to the room furthest from the road. Once the music finally stopped we could feel our ears still ringing with the vibrations for another hour.

It was intense.  But we told ourselves, it is just for a couple days. Then we saw the list of events— okay it is a bigger wedding, so maybe 3-4 days. As the first week of wedding events ended, I tentatively broke the news. “You know I think I heard someone say that this same family had two weddings to do, back to back…” After a day or two’s reprieve, we saw the speakers being unloaded and set up again. And so it started again.

Multiple times we looked out on the street with the music blaring and there was no one there. Either the event hadn’t really started or it had ended and everyone had left and yet the music was still going…why??  But then we remember the music signals to everyone that the event is going to happen—you have to get it going so people will know to get ready and come! Then afterwards— well everyone likes music, right? Why not bless the neighborhood with more fun wedding party music since everything is still set up?

Ultimately we survived and to be clear, our neighbor’s didn’t do anything wrong in this context. Everyone always plays music at those deafening volumes for weddings. And you have to have most of the wedding events in front of either the groom or bride’s house— that’s how weddings are done. We have no cultural basis from which to complain. It is just how it is. We’ve experienced it at every island house that we have lived in and no doubt we will experience it again— but we can at least hope that we’ve paid our dues for this wedding season at least.

Kids start new grades in homeschool

PRAYERS ANSWERED
The vote happened with relative quiet.  There were a few locations of unrest on the big island, but on Clove Island, most everyone just stayed home.  The question remains, “What happens now?”  But for the moment we are thankful for continued peace.  Tom is feeling better now!  Our teammates are arriving back today and tomorrow.  It will be nice to have a team again.  We hear that they gained a lot of insight and good ideas from the conference.  We are excited to start putting them into practice.  The kids asked us to start homeschool again so they would have something to do and so far, the first week has gone well. We’ve heard stories of islanders sharing about their changed lives with others. We’re thankful for their courage.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Politically, everyone is asking, “What happens next?”  And no one really knows the answer to that.  Again we ask for prayers for justice and peace.  Pray for our team as we move forward and will be saying goodbye this week to another teammate.  This will bring our team down to the size of 4.  We will need much wisdom and discernment as we figure out how to move forward.  Pray for the teammate who is leaving, that her time of goodbyes will bring good closure and her time in the States would be fruitful and restorative.  Pray for ongoing conversations with seeking friends.  Pray for light to shine in the darkness.