Conflict Mediation

After the meeting, I hopped up from the mat, happy to stretch my back and play hostess,  getting the gathered people snacks and drinks. Elewa let everyone know that people were free to go but that some were going to hang back and talk. I didn’t think much of her comment— some people usually hang out for awhile after our monthly meetings, but I also knew some people had places to go.

Playing with kids while women gather

It wasn’t until a few minutes later when Elewa called my name that I knew something was up. She was sitting closely with two other women and asking me to join them. It quickly became clear that this was a mediation meeting, called by Elewa to confront and mediate conflict between these two women.

I’m not sure if I was there as moral support for Elewa, as an outside observer, or if I was merely invited because they were doing it at my house. In any case, I wasn’t asked to speak. I just listened intently and observed. For the next 45 minutes, I was on the edge of my seat. But it wasn’t the conflict itself that absorbed my attention, it was how these island women were navigating their way through the conflict.

Most island conflicts that we’ve known of have ended in broken relationships and/or long-held grudges. Forgiveness and openly talking and addressing conflict is not the cultural norm here. We often pray for unity among the island body, but we also realize that unity is won through addressing conflict! Conflict will come. If we want to find true and lasting unity, we all need to learn to navigate conflict in a way that honors God and others— but that process can look different depending on the culture!

Tom visits English class

I could hear the hurt and residual anger as each of the two women gave their accounts.  After that, I was skeptical that this mediation was going to actually end in forgiveness and reconciliation. But then Elewa began to speak.  Elewa emphasized her status as the oldest woman (even if it is only by a few years) and used it to full advantage— talking at length about the need for mutual asking for forgiveness and the dangers of allowing conflict and disunity tear the group apart. She said she wouldn’t force them, but explained what she hoped would happen. As we went into a time of closing prayer (with Elewa having done the majority of the talking), she told them to hold hands. They held hands but it was still hard to tell whether anything had penetrated their hearts. At the end of the prayer, I was half expecting there to be curt, polite goodbyes and for everyone to go their own way pretty quickly. But instead, an amazing thing happened.  Right after the ‘amen’, there were tears, hugs and asking for forgiveness. Elewa and I starting praying in thanksgiving while the women embraced.

What a beautiful thing to witness! Not only because these two women are no longer at odds, but because it was all so culturally-appropriate and at the same time counter-cultural! It could have been so easy for these women to avoid each other or to continue to go through the motions of community, holding onto grudges and never having true community. (We see it on the islands all the time!) We pray for change and this was an answer to that prayer. We pray for a true community of love and forgiveness, and witnessing this mediation encourages us that it is not only possible, but it is starting to happen.

Special dessert for Mommy/son date night

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are so thankful to see these signs of maturity and growth in the area of conflict resolution. May there be many more redeeming examples in the coming months/years. The doors opened for one of our grieving colleagues to travel home for his grandfather’s funeral— his trip will be short, but we pray it will be meaningful and a blessing for him and his extended family. Our daughter has been transitioning well to boarding school (making friends, adjusting to the workload, and not very homesick)— these are big answers to prayer. Thanks for praying. Our new responsibilities are feeling less overwhelming as we settle into our new role.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
As far as we know the big rice shipment that came last week has yet to be distributed— pray that rice would get to the people that need it most. There has been a lot of death and grief lately among the people we know— some anticipated but also lots of shocks (including some children). Pray for light to shine on those walking the long road of grief and loss. The situation on the French Island continues to be very bad— with crime and gangs overwhelming the island. Pray for a way out of this complicated and messy situation and for the weariness of those living and trying to be lights there to lift.

Rich or Poor

 “Two things I ask of you, LORD;
do not refuse me before I die:
Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.”
Proverbs 30:7-9

Saying goodbye to friend leaving for her studies

“Give me neither poverty nor riches,…”  Living overseas the way we do, we are caught in this weird dichotomy of poverty and riches. Back home, our salary for our size of family would make us very far from wealthy, but that same salary on the islands makes us rich here.

So what are we? If rich means never looking at the price of things and being able to spend without thinking, then we’re not rich. But if being rich, means having more than we need than we are definitely rich. We always have enough. We can confidently say that God has always provided our daily bread and more. As the world and the islands suffer economically, we feel the divide between us, who have enough, and those that don’t have enough. We are privileged, and living on the islands we feel it.

Some can still afford weddings

“But give me only my daily bread…” As food prices soar here, we have to ask ourselves hard questions about cutting back and wondering what we should be buying now. But we haven’t known the weight of having absolutely no money to our names. We’re contemplating whether to switch to more dried beans instead of canned, and whether meals with imported products need to become ‘special-occasion’ meals instead of everyday meals. We don’t have to contemplate which shops are going to keep letting us take on credit or what wealthier family member we can beg to help us out again to put food on the table. For us cutting back is a choice, we aren’t scraping to survive.

“Or I may become poor and steal…”  We haven’t known desperation, but we realize lots of island families have been pushed to that point. With the rising desperation on the islands has come rising crime. Home break-ins are becoming more and more common. One of our teammates’ neighbors had everything of value, (including 70 kgs of harvested and dried cloves) taken this past week when they left a window open overnight.

The recent trials of shortages and inflation are challenging for us, but we know that we are privileged. The weight isn’t crushing. When our kids say they are hungry, we can give them food. Our privilege means we can help others. We get to be the ones that continue to give with food and money to those that ask us.

Tom with friends at wedding

“Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you…”  In our leadership position, we have to help create a budget for all the island workers for next year. We are answering a form of questions about inflation and what goods cost now, but the underlining question of, “How much money do you need?” is harder to answer. Is the goal to not have to worry about money? Is the goal to have excess so we can give and support the poor in our communities? Is the goal to join in the suffering of those around us and get rid of some of our privilege? These are big questions that thankfully we don’t have to answer by ourselves.

The person who penned that prayer in Proverbs was asking to be spared the desperation of poverty and overabundance of riches, both of which could cause him to forget God. He realized that losing perspective was the greatest risk, whether rich or poor. May we not forget whom we should look to and call on in all circumstances.  

We call on God to provide our daily bread (or daily rice). We have found Him to be a faithful provider. May more and more find Him so.

PRAYERS ANSWERED


We had a memorial for our island brother’s wife this past week.  It was a good time of fellowship as brothers and sisters came together to love and support Dimi.  Our teammate made it safely back to the States.  The unrest of last week seems to have settled down.  They even say that the rice has arrived, but it seems they are being much more cautious about how it is distributed (for better or for worse).  The populace remains calm.  We are thankful that we and our teammates continue to have encouraging, light-shining conversations and that we see encouraging developments in the hearts and minds of islanders.


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Some of our island colleagues have had loved ones pass away in their home countries this past week.  Some of the hardest decisions we have to make are at these times—whether to travel or to stay.  It is a difficult question that needs discernment and grace.  Pray that they would know what best to do and whether they go or stay, that they could find time to grieve and rest and find peace.  Tom starts teaching English again this week.  Pray that finding the balance between English teaching, family, relationships, and leadership responsibilities would continue to develop in the days ahead.  Continue to lift up Dimi and his family, as life returns to normal for others, they will still be grieving.  May God give them comfort.

Loss

It all happened so fast our heads were spinning. This past week was the funeral for our island brother, Dimi’s wife.  She leaves behind 4 children, ages 2 to 11.  We received news of her illness and subsequent travel to Tanzania for treatment just as we were leaving the States.  We had only been back to Clove Island a few days when we received news of her passing.  What a tumultuous and melancholy first week.

At burial

For islanders, there is no question that if the family can gather the money, the body should be buried on the islands—and as soon as possible.  So within hours of her passing, people were already making arrangements to fly her body home.  The funeral would occur immediately—as in the casket would leave the airport and go straight into the funeral.  So we soon knew the funeral would be on Wednesday afternoon.  But before that could happen, money needed to be raised and sent to Tanzania to clear the medical debts, and pay for transportation, and permissions.  In Island culture, everybody chips in and someone finds a way to get the money to where it needs to go—usually through a friend or relation.  So we and our teammates found ourselves messaging with people in Tanzania and across the islands trying to do our part to get money where it needed to go.  

As Wednesday approached there were other matters to consider.  Brothers and sisters from the other islands were coming over to attend the funeral.  They would need help with transportation.  It is customary for a delegation to meet the casket at the airport and ride in caravan to the village.  Cars had to be rented or borrowed for this purpose (complicated by unrest on the islands closing roads and making taxi-drivers uneasy).  Also any visitors would need places to stay.  People would have to open their homes to receive them, feed them, etc. We did our small part in finding one willing taxi driver to be part of the caravan and hosting a brother from the small island.

At around 3pm on Wednesday the body arrived.  The funeral procession began.  The cars raced down the streets following the ambulance that led the way, through many towns until arriving at the village where hundreds of people already awaited the caravan.  Funerals are a community event, so hundreds of people being present is not surprising.  At this point men and women split up (although the majority of people at the airport were men).  The women gather together to chant and pray—our island sisters prayed in a different way.  The men gather at the home.  Briefly at the house I was able to see Dimi and give him a hug.  His eyes were tired and sad, but he was going forward stoically—Islanders are strongly discouraged from crying and other displays of mourning.  The body was taken from the travel casket and placed in the funeral casket.  The funeral casket is temporary and reusable.  In a moment the funeral casket was being carried outside and down the street to the place of worship.  Along the way, men would take turns carrying the load, switching in and out as they went along.  Men surrounded the casket front, back and sides, filling the road.  Dimi walked just behind it with some of his close blood relations. Tom did his part walking alongside them and Megan did her part sitting at the house with the women.

Remaining mourners around home after funeral

The casket was taken into the house of worship and a prayer is said.  Many of the men, and most of my brothers remained outside and waited.  When the prayer was finished the casket is then lifted again and taken to the grave—a long walk down the main street, and eventually into what looks like a field of banana, mango and clove trees, with grave humps the only distinguishing feature to mark it as a cemetery.  Upon arrival, some of the teachers begin to chant while some others go to work.  The body fully wrapped in cloth is removed from the casket and set in the grave, which is quickly filled in with dirt.  When the work is finished the burial is over.  The family of the deceased makes a receiving line and shakes everyone's hands, and then the men make their way back to their homes.

Back at the house, the brothers and sisters gathered.  The funeral may have been over, but they wanted a chance to gather around Dimi and pray for him.  We prayed with them. It was not long.  Dimi was clearly exhausted.  But the fellowship gathered around and lifted concerns up to their Dad.

We did our part, but we are very aware that we are just a small part of a whole community coming together to support our brother and friend.  Our sorrow is heavy.  But if there is one thing to rejoice in, one source of consolation it is seeing the brothers and sisters gathered for this moment—to see this community emerging—knowing that this family of brothers and sisters had an important role in helping the funeral go well and in helping Dimi feel supported and loved. We pray that they will continue to be that community for him in the hard days to come.

Our daughter at school

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful that everything came together for the funeral and for the community we witnessed and were able to be apart of. Our daughter continues to be giving us positive reports from boarding school. One shipment with rice came. It only scratched the surface of the need, but we hear more is coming. Our teammate is on her way to the US and successfully made it off the islands and was able to see Dimi on the big island as he traveled through.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
There was some significant unrest this past week on Clove Island, related to the rice shipment and its distribution. The government soldiers responded with lots of tear gas and tragically one child died from a severe reaction to the tear gas. Unrest continued with barred roads. The soldiers took several men into custody and destroyed property, making people upset again. Thankfully today the men were released and there is hope that the unrest will be over. Pray with us for peace. Pray for future rice shipments that they can be distributed fairly and peacefully. Pray that those shipments would come soon. Continue to pray for Dimi and his children as they continue to grieve.

You Didn’t Bring Rice?!

“So… you just came? Without bringing any rice. You just came.” There was a clear note of disappointment and unbelief in her voice. I didn’t really know how to respond. Did she actually expect us to bring a 25kg bag of rice with us from America?

Welcoming committee inside the airport

We have seen our arrival back to the islands be met with some disappointment before. Not that people aren’t excited to see us. We always get very warm welcomes back. But there are definitely some of our island friends and contacts who are also very excited by what kinds of gifts we might be bringing back for them. So usually any disappointment comes because they were secretly hoping for expensive electronics or jewelry while we come bearing chocolate and little knick-knacks.

But disappointment because we didn’t bring rice?! That’s a new one. Usually the islands have tons of rice. Most homes have big sacks and there are whole storehouses filled with them. 

This disappointment comes from a true crisis on the islands. One that we took for granted. We had heard about the rice shortage as we were leaving the US, but the islands often have shortages. Usually shortages last for a few weeks, but then relief comes and things go back to normal. But this shortage has continued. Relief hasn’t come and people are beginning to suffer.

Welcoming committee outside airport

Clove Island has been hit hardest so far. They ran out of rice first. First the big bags of cheaper rice were gone, then the non-subsidized imports (basmati and jasmine). First the shops were just empty, now lots of kitchens are devoid of rice. It happened on Clove first, but now it’s all the islands. When we got to the big island, their shops were just running out.

It’s not like there is nothing to eat, but rice is the main staple.  Where we say, “Give us this day our daily bread,” a true dynamic translation for the islands would be “give us this day our daily bowl of rice.”  With rice gone, the other grain sources are being hit hard by the increased demand. There is now no flour for sale. Thankfully bakeries are still making bread, but less than normal, and not enough to feed the island. Pasta is getting harder to find. Other starches (cassava, green bananas, etc) have often doubled in price. What are poorer people supposed to eat? Some of our poorer friends look thinner.

Even not-so-poor people are feeling it. They are used to rice. One island friend told us that you can’t feel full and satisfied without eating rice. Several mothers have said their kids are complaining about being hungry. One tells her kids to drink water. Another tells her daughter to just close her eyes and go to sleep, then she’ll feel full.

Meanwhile rumors abound— some rice might come today or tomorrow? But who will get the rice if it comes…whoever can push their way to the front in a mob of people? Or whoever has money and connections? So far, Clove Islanders are not optimistic that relief is on its way. They’ll believe in relief when they have a sack of rice in their kitchen and full, satisfied bellies again. “Give us this day our daily bowl of rice” takes on a whole new meaning when there is no rice to be found.  But most islanders are not familiar with that phrase—they may not even know to ask.  So we ask on their behalf, and help where we can, and trust that He is faithful and will have mercy.

Welcoming committee at our house

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We made it safely to Clove Island, as well as our bags (even the ones that came by boat)! Thanks for praying! Our daughter made it through her first week of boarding school only slightly overwhelmed with the schedule and homework! And she seems to have made some friends and not too homesick so far. We are excited for the days ahead for her.  Our boys finished their first day of homeschool.  It didn’t go perfectly smooth, but it wasn’t a big deal either, so we can perceive good days ahead there too. Our island sister has had some good, honest interactions with her teen daughters— praying for more good communication and for these young women to find their way.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Our dear island brother’s wife became extremely sick less than two weeks ago. This evening (Monday) she died.  The two of them had traveled to mainland Africa earlier this week to seek medical help. They have 4 young children. Please pray for this dear family. Pray for our brother as he grieves and deals with the logistics of sending his wife’s body back to the islands for burial. May light shine in the darkness. Pray for rice to come back to the islands and for the needy and truly hungry to receive it first. Multiple shipments would need to come to truly bring relief to everyone. Pray for us as we have stepped into our new leadership role supporting all the island teams— may God in His grace help us to balance well and to communicate well.