Distance Makes a Difference

 Distance is somewhat relative. Growing up in suburbs, I would have scoffed at driving more than 30 minutes on a regular basis as too far! Going to college in Vermont, an hour didn’t seem like a long distance to travel at all.

Tom getting charcoal going

This weekend we drove over 2 hours to get to the plateau on the far side of our island. In the van, I sat next to a good friend, a woman born and raised on Clove Island. She admitted that she had never been to the plateau before. As the driver and I talked about the villages we’d have to pass through before we got to our destination, she marveled at the number. “It is really far!” she exclaimed.

My friend is not that unique. Perhaps 2 hrs or a $5 bus ride sounds like nothing, but for lots of Clove Islanders, they may only get to the farther sides of the island once or twice in their lives. The distance (whether a matter of time or money) creates a separation. It means that there are linguistic differences. Certain pronunciations, vocabulary or expressions that are unique to certain parts of the island. It means that when people move from one side of the island to the other, we don’t see them as much. Our medical teammates on the plateau often only come to our area in the capital once a month or so.

So that is why this trip was special. It was an intentional effort to create connection over the distance. The islanders in our area who have accepted the good news, wanted to connect with those like them on the plateau. So we braved the 2+ hours of bad roads. We met, we prayed, we sang, we listened to a talk, we cooked, we ate, all together. It was good.

Food prep for lunch on plateau

Crossing that distance makes a difference. It’s true that technology has made it easier to live with distances.  It is a wonderful thing to get a phone call or a video chat across islands and even across oceans and continents!  But getting face-to-face time still really makes a difference.

We are in the midst of planning different face-to-face times.  We want to go to the small island and see our colleagues there.  We want to set dates for next year’s annual gathering of all the workers on the islands. Megan is preparing to leave the islands to meet with other leaders in our organization and then to have face-to-face time with our kids at their boarding school. We make the effort, because we know that there is value in crossing the distance and being able to shake a hand, give a hug, and make actual eye contact.

Distance is isolating and time together in-person helps make connection. It’s worthy of effort.

At the end of the time on the plateau, one of our island sisters recognized what a good thing this was and asked when we were going to do it again! One guy from the plateau suggested, “once a month?” The others countered with, “how about once every three months?” They were all for maintaining this connection, but it still was a pretty rough 2+ hour drive. :)

Back to school day

PRAYERS ANSWERED
The trip to the plateau was a success.  Everything went pretty smoothly and we weren’t even that late getting back.  The time together was very fun and special and people seemed to be getting along and meeting one another.  Tom continues to teach the little boy to read and to read the good news together with the old man.  Our team doctors started their internship at the hospital today and it went well.  They were warmly received and met lots of people.  Our youngest started school today and he has the same teacher as last year (whom he liked).  Our teammates cistern project moves forward!  The island sister being threatened by her father has seen no followthrough on his threats.  In fact, she spoke to him on the phone and the subject didn’t even come up.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Our son at boarding school just came down sick with a fever —talk about a time when you long to be face to face with someone!  Pray that he would recover quickly and that people near him would be able to provide some face to face comfort that we can only send through a video call.  Pray for an island brother being put in an awkward situation—being told that someone is going to ask him to lead the local prayers.  May he have insight into how to respond in wise and courageous ways.  Our medical colleague is still waiting on the funding for her breastfeeding training—keep praying.  Megan will travel to mainland Africa next week for some organizational meetings and then get some face to face time with our kids the following weekend.  Pray for good travels and lots of good time with friends and kids.  Pray for Tom and our youngest as they hold down the fort at home!

Not What We Planned

 When we were first preparing to move to Africa longterm, we had a plan. We would leave the US and start our lives in Africa in one year’s time.  That was what worked best for our schedule. But that plan was not to be. We were told that we would have to wait 6 months longer than we wanted. And when we heard that, we were deeply discouraged. As we questioned and struggled with our one year’s plan demise—being disrupted by a whole 6 months—some longtime overseas workers (unaware of our disappointment) started sharing their story with us.  They had just arrived back in the US and were going to be there for 3 or 4 years. It was not something they had planned.  But life situations had made it necessary.  More amazingly, they seemed at peace with it.“What’s 4 years, really?” One of them said.  “We’ll come back 4 years from now and still have 20+ years of work ahead of us, right?”

Tom at island event- they don't usually go to plan!

Needless to say, we were humbled by this perspective. To us, 6 months felt like the end of the world. We look back on that moment as the first of many lessons about holding our plans—especially the timing—loosely. God often has a better plan.

Over the years we’ve retold this anecdote to ourselves and others many times, which suggests that it is a lesson that lots of us need learning.  This week we had a visitor who shared about her journey so far. She said things always seem to take longer and work out differently than she had originally hoped. Not what she planned.

Our teammates have been trying to find a solution to their water problems for a long time.  Even once a plan for installing a cistern had been settled on, it has taken much longer than expected.  They could tell their own story about the twists, turns and disappointments along the way.  In fact, that story is not over yet.  We are still waiting for the text saying it is up and running.  It has not been an easy thing. Not what they planned.

We have colleagues on the small island who have been preparing for a new team and had hoped it would have been starting, but instead they are still waiting for things to come together.  Still waiting for people to sign up to join the team.  It’s not fitting the timelines we had all hoped for.  Not what we planned.

Some delays are long, some are short. The medical team was originally slated to start back in 2017 or 2018, but only got going in 2021. Our medical teammates were supposed to start their internship last week, but unexpected complications means that it won’t start until next week. That is not what we were hoping for.  Not what we planned.

Our son & daughter- homecooked meal in dorm

Things aren’t going the way you’d hoped?  You thought you had it all worked out and now it’s all falling apart?  Time to take that timeline you created  for your life, project, work, vacation, dream, (add your thing here), and start again? Not what you planned.

Islanders are so cautious about disappointed plans— not wanting the shame of people hearing about their plans and then having to come back to tell them that their plans didn’t work out. So they don’t tell people about their plans until the very last minute.  Multiple times we’ve had people tell us they were leaving to study abroad for multiple years only the day before they traveled. A few times they’ve even called from the airport or after they’ve arrived in the new location! The surprise is all so that they don’t get caught having to admit that reality was not what they planned.

Sometimes when the change to our plans happen, we can sense right away that maybe the change was for the best. Other times, all we feel is disappointment.  That’s true for everyone.  Islanders hold future plans very loosely. (God willing!)  They are quick to thank God when things go in their favor, but at the same time, they look at the future with lots of fear and uncertainty.  We don’t want to do that.  We want to hold our future plans loosely with a sense of trust.  Whether we can see it or not, we are learning to trust that God’s plans are always better than ours. There are lots of things out of our control, but nothing is out of His hands. Not what we planned? It’s better.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
The medical team got their approval for the short-termer and for our teammates’ internship. Progress has been made on our teammates’ cistern project. Praise that an older man that Tom has studied with amazingly did not sustain serious injury after two bad accidents.  Tom had the chance to challenge him to see God’s hand in these events. The young boy that stole from us (and who we said had to learn to read to pay us back) has returned and restarted his lessons with Tom and is doing really well.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
An island sister on the big island has had her father threaten to kick her out of her home and to have the police come and arrest her unless she follows island traditions. She has not been afraid, and so far she hasn’t been arrested. Pray for continued peace for her and wise words and actions as she interacts with her family, the police and her community. Pray for her children too. There is hopes to do a large gathering here on Clove Island this coming weekend with both islanders and expats on the island. Pray that the planning and the event itself would encourage unity and deepen the sense of community. Things have gotten better, but our son still hasn’t fully found his rhythm at boarding school. Pray for good friends, that he would feel encouraged, and he would look to God in the hard moments. Our medical colleague is still waiting on the funding for her breastfeeding training. Pray for patience with the bureaucracy as she tries to work with the island medical system.

What Would You Do?

 Imagine someone came to your house and told you that they planned to perform a religious ceremony there—only the ceremony was for a different religion than the one you followed.  Would you allow them to do it?  

Islanders gathered for religious event

On the surface this seems like a simple question with potentially a simple answer:  “No, of course not.”  

But, if you stop and think about it for a second, a question might jump to your mind.  Instead of a flat out, “No”, you might find yourself asking, “Why?”

“Why my house?  Wouldn’t it make more sense at your house or your place of worship?  Why in the world would you choose my place?”

Considering the seeming strangeness of the request, there might be some pretty strange reasons for it.  Some of them might be completely valid.  Some of them might be completely bizarre. But it takes asking why to start discovering the complexity.

We struggle with these sorts of complexities all the time, as do our island brothers and sisters.  For example, with this very question—the answer might be one where you have little choice in the matter.  Some colleagues have been renting a house on the big island and when the landlord came and said, “We’re going to do a religious ceremony there.”  It wasn’t so much asking as it was telling.

But then lets add a layer of complexity to it.  What if you’ve become good friends with the landlord?  And what if the religious ceremony is a prayer for his beloved mother who he can’t talk about without choking up?  What if the house you’re renting is the biggest space available to the landlord to do a big event?  It gets harder and harder to say no. And at the end of the day, it’s the landlord’s house.

Let’s add another layer of complexity.  What if you are not an expat renter, but an islander in your own home and it is your extended family coming to you with the request?  What if it was your beloved family member who had died and the family is requesting to use your house because it is the biggest space available?  You may not agree with the ceremony, but you agree with the sentiment.  There is something in us that longs to commemorate the ones we’ve loved and lost.  Does that make it okay?

Now, I’m not sure of your answer.  Maybe you’ve switched and now think, “Let them go ahead and do it.”  Well, let me add another layer of complexity.  You may have peace in your heart, but what about the people around you?  What does your capitulation say to them?  What does it say to others of your faith?  What kind of example are you setting?  Are you missing an opportunity?  Is this the moment for lovingly sacrificing your desires for the sake of your family, or is it the moment for bold witness and humbly standing for what you believe no matter the consequences?

Tom brings back sunglasses for a friend

Perhaps now you are thinking, “Maybe yes or no is the fool’s choice.”  Perhaps there is another way to hold all these competing values together.  Could we offer alternative venues?  Is there the possibility of an alternative ceremony?  Is there another way to honor a loved one that I could celebrate that would be acceptable in the eyes of my family and community?

I hope by now you don’t claim to know the answer.  In fact, I don’t believe there is one answer that works in every situation.  Rather, there is one true answer for each situation and those answers will change with that situation.  To know the right answer for the given situation will take prayer, discernment, wisdom, humility and love.

These sorts of decisions are frequent for our island brothers and sisters.  One came up just this week, sparking a discussion among them (and inspiring this blog).  On the surface, it might seem like the decision is obvious, but dig deeper and we see its complexity.  Unfortunately, we are often quick to judge from the surface, without digging down and understanding, without wrestling with the complexities of the issue, without listening and empathizing with the person making the decision.  

Imagine someone came to your house and told you that they planned to perform a religious ceremony there—only the ceremony was for a different religion than the one you followed.  Would you allow them to do it?

What would you do?

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our son’s second week at boarding school was much better than his first. He’s settling in and things are getting easier. Thanks for praying! It looks like the island brother with the hurt back may not need surgery after all—he will do some physical therapy and then be evaluated again. Our colleagues heard back from the landlord in France, so they can move forward with the contract and repairs for the house that our teammates will live in when they move over to the medical team in November. Our island sister made it safely to her destination and her mom says she has contacts for people and community there. Megan’s back continues to improve— her incision is almost completely healed (after her body started rejecting the stitches). The monthly women’s gathering was an encouraging time where some of these complex situations were discussed. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
The medical team is still waiting on several approvals— for a short-termer to be able to observe at the hospital on the plateau, for our teammates to begin their internship at the hospital in the capital, and for the funding for a breastfeeding workshop that had already been planned for this past weekend. These delays are frustrating and it isn’t clear where the delays are originating from. Pray for God’s timing and for obstacles to be removed. Pray for our teammates who have been struggling with bad water at their house for as long as they have lived there— efforts to install and fill a cistern at their house has been and continue to be problematic.  Pray for the islands as all of us continue to wrestle with tough issues and dynamics filled with complexity. May we surrender them in prayer and see God bring discernment and unity.

Accumulation

As we came back to the islands this past week, it was to a smaller team. Our teammate, who had lived on the island for years, moved out of her house and left while we were gone (though happily we saw her as she passed through mainland Africa). She gave away or sold most stuff to islanders, but there were some things that made their way to us. A bag with some odds and ends. Our other teammates had received a last minute tub of random stuff too that was very much appreciated by their neighbors. For anyone that has had to move, this will probably sound familiar. In our experience, there is always a final box/bag needed to hold all the random stuff at the end.  The stuff just keeps coming! And you start to realize how much you have accumulated.

We've accumulated a number of puzzles

Meanwhile our new teammates (in their first year on the islands and with kids) just got back from vacation.  It was their first time off islands since arriving, and naturally they came back with lots of stuff that didn’t make it the first time and/or that they have been missing the past 6 months. They are still in that early stage, where you welcome a certain amount of accumulation.

When we first arrived on the islands, we remember that our possessions were limited both by what the airline luggage restrictions allowed us to bring and the limitations of what we could find on the islands. With growing kids and fresh memories of all the things we couldn’t get on the islands, we always left the islands with big shopping lists of things to bring back. There was the always-present food stuffs that we missed, but then always some toys, clothes, electronics, books, kitchen stuff, too.

Younger son likes to accumulate things he finds

As time has gone by, we find our lists are a lot shorter. We still usually get some good coffee, chocolate and peanut butter, but we’ve already accumulated so much on the islands and/or gotten used to life without some things, that we are less often truly disappointed if we don’t have time to buy things when we’re off island now.

We also have had enough reminders of the slow creep of accumulation to fear it. Whether it is a teammate moving out or having to sort through the kids’ stuff as they packed up for boarding school. I find myself wanting to get rid of stuff and questioning why we still have things. Some collections of stuff seem like a headache to keep, the storage and eventually moving of it doesn’t seem worth it.

But maybe we need to first accumulate and feel burdened by the stuff, in order to want to stop the accumulation. Maybe if you’ve never had to move or never been low on storage space, you’d never feel the burden of it. Or if you’ve never had the money to accumulate possessions, then you’ve never been in the position of having more than you need (over-accumulation definitely feels like a rich person’s burden). Whatever your situation, we have been privileged enough to have more than we need to keep. We have felt the burden of possessions and also the freeing feeling of culling those possessions—ideally by giving to people that actually need or want what we have, but by whatever means, getting rid of stuff.  These days I smile at the thought of newly freed up storage space, uncluttered corners, empty boxes! Maybe it's time to ‘de-cummulate’ again!

Son hasn't accumulated much in his dorm room yet

PRAYERS ANSWERED
The island brother with the hurt back got his passport renewed and made it safely to mainland Africa and had an MRI! He’s awaiting the results. We made it back to Clove Island, despite some bad weather and canceled flights. We had a nice few days on the big island and had a chance to connect with our colleagues there. Our daughter has settled right back into school.  Megan’s back continues to heal and she has decreasing amounts of pain!

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Our son’s first week at boarding school was a bit rough. Pray that he could stay positive even when things don’t quite go as he hopes and that he would make some good friends and find activities that bring him joy.  Continue to pray for the brother with the hurt back.  He may need surgery and it is unclear if his family or village will help him.  Pray for the medical team who are waiting to hear from people.  They need clearance from the hospital for our medical team members to start their observational internships.  We also need to hear from a landlord in France that they would agree to rent out their house.  Pray that we could be generous with our things, de-cummulate, and bless others. We just learned that a young island sister will be traveling abroad for university studies— pray that she would have safe travels and find fellowship with others in her new home and continue to grow in her faith.