It Just Doesn’t Feel Right

I’m constantly stepping into the direct sun to warm myself.

As a kid, I always braved the cold with no jacket, no shoes even. Even as a college student, I would go out in flip flops sometimes when there was snow on the ground. Now, I’m not fully comfortable in the US, even in the summer,  what with the use of AC and also just the generally colder climate than the islands. On the days when people are complaining about the heat, I’m now thinking, ‘oh, this feels nice!’

Long sleeves in CA summer

We’ve heard it said that when someone spends enough time in another culture, they absorb more and more of that place. They will probably never be fully assimilated into their new culture, but they will also cease to fully fit in with their old culture. We’ve been on the islands for 13 years and have traveled between the US and the islands many times. There is always a certain amount of transition— adjusting to the climate, the standard of living, the abundance or lack of choices.

I feel like in earlier years we used to fully adjust back to the US after a short time. We’d fall back into old patterns and be completely comfortable again. Now it feels like there are some island ways that have become so ingrained that they are just gut reactions. I don’t even realize why at first, but things just don’t feel right. It feels wrong.

It doesn’t feel right walking into someone’s house with my shoes on— and being led onto their carpeted floor, still with my shoes on.

It feels wrong to hand something to someone with my left hand without apologizing.

It doesn’t feel right to be eating in public in front of other people and not offering them any.

It feels wrong to walk outside the house wearing a tank top (ie: with my shoulders uncovered).

It doesn’t feel right talking about things that will happen or things I will do without saying ‘eka Mungu hapvendze’ (the island form of ‘God willing’).

First day at Yosemite

I realize that the Americans around me don’t necessarily care. But I’m uncomfortable.

So sometimes, I take my shoes off at the front door even when people insist that I can keep them on. Sometimes I awkwardly rearrange the things I am carrying in order to hand things with my right hand. Sometimes I look around as we have a snack at the park and think that if anyone makes eye contact that I will offer some of what we are eating. Sometimes I put on a jacket even when I am not cold to go for a walk if I’m still in my tank top from exercising. Sometimes I mumble a ‘God willing’ when we have conversations about the future.

I realize that I don’t actually need to do these things from a local culture perspective but they make me feel better. Some island things are deeper ingrained now and I can’t easily shake them.  

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Some of the African refugees we told you about have been freed from police custody into the care of a charity—this includes all the women and children, which is a great answer to prayer, but we continue to pray for the men to be freed who linger underfed and forgotten in an island make-shift detention center.  We are having some wonderful vacation days with Megan’s family at Yosemite this week.  Tom’s friend staying on the French island was able to connect with others who are studying the truth.  He seems eager to learn more.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Our colleagues’ newborn is still in the NICU, and they are waiting to hear the extent of the any brain damage.  We continue to pray for miracles and full recovery.  Lots of our colleagues have family visiting or are away visiting their family.  Pray that all these times go well and pray for those who are left to “hold down the fort.”  It’s wedding season on the islands, so it makes island a lot more hectic and busy.  Keep praying for our sister Dunga, it’s been three weeks since she had to leave her home because of her heart choices.  Pray that she would be able to find her way in this new situation and not lose hope, but continue to show love, peace, strength and forgiveness.  An island colleague’s child will need to have a medical procedure done Monday morning.  Pray that all would go well and healing and full recovery would come quickly.

The World Gets Even Smaller

It used to be when we came back to the US, the islands felt far away.  Which makes sense—they are far away! 

How many smart phones do you see?

We used to get a phone call now and then from an islander or emails from them or teammates, but mostly, while we were in America our focus was on America and while we were in the islands our focus is on the islands.  But as technology has improved and high-speed internet access has become more reliable, the other side of the world has come a lot closer.  

When we first got to the islands, we had 1 hour of slow dial-up internet each week at a cybercafe. Smart phones were nonexistent. Email attachments were limited to small, low-quality photos. International phone calls were super expensive and had patchy connections— so we would often go months without hearing the voices of our loved ones in the US. But things have changed so much since then and the regular communication and connection even to across the world is very much possible.

At first we noticed the change from people in the US as requests for video chats and the possibility of them grew. But now more and more we are seeing islanders embrace this new smaller world and reaching out across the continents.

Traditional groom, phone in hand

Since being here in the US this time, more than ever before we have seen how technology, apps and social media has changed our connections with people on the islands. Here is just a taste:  Tom has had multiple phone calls from a friend dealing with a medical issue.  We’ve been able to engage as our team deals with a humanitarian crisis.  Megan has gotten voice messages from island friends who aren’t overly literate. Tom has been able to buy things for people requesting gifts (by the way, if you’ve got an unlocked smart phone you don’t use anymore let us know). Megan was able to have a realtime chat with a neighbor teen who had snatched her dad’s phone and wanted to know how our daughter was. We’ve been able to send money and help out an island friend in need. We’ve been able to simply say “hi” and make those relationship maintaining messages that seem trivial but are so important for relational bonds in our African context.  Finally Tom was able to share the good news for the first time with an island friend and connect him with one of our colleagues to study more.  

This is an incredible thing.  We marvel at it.  And yet, we wonder about it too.  When new people come to the islands we ask them to dedicate 3 months to “unplugging”. We believe the process helps them to make stronger bonds in their new island home by freeing up that time they would normally be online.  It helps them to be less distracted by the notifications, beeps and tweets that would keep them from concentrating on the new culture they have entered. It causes them to look to new relationships for some of the support that they might have found across the ocean. It has a quieting effect. It teaches them to let go.

So if all these good things come from disconnecting our new team members from the internet, why don’t we do it more often?  Should we also make a habit of disconnecting?

We find ourselves at odds—thankful for the possibilities that technology and apps has brought to deepen relationship and maintain friendships across the ocean.  But part of us likes the simplicity of the old days, when our island life was on the islands and American life was in America.  We don’t have any answers, just observations and feelings.  Is it a sign of getting older?  Longing for things that once were…

Breakfast servers on Father's Day

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We have had a number of chances to connect with different groups of people this past week and share about what is happening on the islands. Tom was the main speaker this Sunday morning. We are very thankful for our fathers this Father’s Day! One of our medical teammates has been given the opportunity to study with a friend at her workplace, which means she may end up studying with three more women at the same time! Pray for no distractions and that these times of study would be able to happen without hindrance. Tom got to share good news with an island friend who is currently on the French Island and he is interested in learning more. Pray that he would be able to connect well with brothers and study with them there.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for the island brothers and sisters and our teammates as they try to help some African refugees that are still be detained on Clove Island. They are no longer being given enough food, but the authorities aren’t necessarily making it easy for people to come in and support them. Pray for us as we come to the end of our yearlong leadership training— that we would have time to thoughtfully finish the remaining reading and assignments. Keep praying for Megan’s back to stay strong and pain-free through our different travels and activities. Our colleagues (who work on the small island) just had their baby boy this morning in the US— but complications at birth means he is in the NICU and will be there for the next several days— please pray for this precious baby and his family.

Why Are We Here?

Why is a wonderful question.  It’s amazing how why can open up a Pandora’s box of questions.  One of the best “why” questions out there is “Why do we do that?”  It’s amazing how often we don’t think about why we do something.  Why do we drive on the right side of the street?  Why do we yawn? Why do we say, “I’m fine” even when we aren’t fine?  So often we don’t even know the answer.

Our daughter explaining Island dress

For this blog we want to answer the question: “Tom & Megan, why are you here in America?”  “Why do you take time every few years to leave your place of work for a number of months to come to America?”  Now it may seem obvious to you, but we have found that it is not as obvious as it may seem.  We’ve also discovered that there are often misconceptions about why we come back to America.  So we thought we would take a blog to help set the record straight.  

Why do we come back to America every few years?  Through our conversations with people here it has become clear that all of the following are reasons people assume for our coming to America.  Most of them are misconceptions or half-truths:

Many people think we are here because:
We are on vacation: Actually, being in America means a good deal of work for us.  Most of it is relational, and consists of meetings, emails, and making connections.  We do take vacation time while we are here, but rest assured, we are busy working too.  Vacation time is not why we come to America.
We are on sabbatical: A sabbatical is defined as “a period of paid leave granted to a university teacher or other worker for study or travel,”  As nice as a sabbatical would be, that is not what we are doing. Although, when we can, we try to do some study (like the online course we completed last month) or time away (like the prayer retreats we hope to take) this time is not sabbatical and not why we come to America.
We miss America and want to see our friends and family:  We certainly do miss our friends and family, and look forward to seeing them when we are in America, but that is not enough of a reason for us to leave our normal life, our work, our team, our responsibilities for months.  Homesickness is not why we come to America.
We are required to do so by our organization.  This is true, we are required to come back to the States every so often by our organization—but that is not why we come back to America!
We are raising funds.  We do have financial needs that God faithfully provides for through contacts, friends and groups. If a workers’ funds become insufficient for them to continue, they may be required to come home.  But that is not our situation.  God continues to provide.  So while we do enjoy the opportunity to thank people who support us financially and we are often amazed by how God puts our financial needs on people’s hearts, that is not why we come to America.

Helping rake was harder work than anticipated

So though all of the above have some truth to them and they are valid reasons to come to America, none of them is our main focus when we come to America.   

When we come to America it is to inspire a passion for the work on the islands and for the work right here in America too.  Likewise, it is to be inspired by what God is doing through and among the people here.

We have the privilege of being ambassadors. On the islands we seek to be ambassadors for the good news to islanders. At the same time, we are ambassadors for the islands and for all that God is doing there to people back home. As good ambassadors we don’t just want to be representatives, we want to be learners. We want to learn from the islands and from America and be better for it.  We want to cross-pollinate, in the hopes that we all become healthier and more fruitful from the practice.

Island show & tell

This cross pollination happens to a limited extent through our blog/updates and the emails we get in response,  but we find this happens best when we see people face to face, when they ask their questions and we ask ours and the intersection of ideas and perspectives and thoughts blossoms into something new and transformational.  We walk away from our times with others changed, and it is our prayer and hope that they do as well.

We are excited to come back and do this.  We are impassioned to talk to you and hear from you.  We want to inspire you with insights from the islands and in turn be inspired by your thoughts and questions, so that we build each other up and have a bigger picture and a brighter flame for the work of the good news in our lives, in our neighborhoods and around the world. That is why we come to America.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We made it safely out to California without any problems! Megan’s back is doing okay.  We are enjoying connecting with California friends and family.  Plus fun experiences: our daughter got to go horseback riding and our son got to go to a college baseball game.  Our medical tea colleagues actually went to work last week!  We are so happy to see this long process finish and work to begin.  Our island teammates carry on and seem in good spirits and good health.  Some have traveled and arrived at their destinations safely already.  

PRAYERS REQUESTED
A number of our island teammates and colleagues are off-island or traveling soon. Pray for all the comings and goings, that people would stay healthy and that the teams and work left behind would continue to thrive in their absence.  Pray for a family on the big island who have just about finished their study guide and are close to making some important decisions.  Pray for the island sister who is guiding them in the process and continuing in study with them while our colleague is off island.  We are hoping to see a husband and wife start studying together this week.  Pray that it would happen and that hearts would be open.  Pray for a believing island couple who are having serious conflict.  Pray that they would love and forgive each other and that our teammate could be a good influence in their lives.

How Long?

 It is amazing how much having a timeframe in mind from the outset can change your perspective:

How long will the car ride take?  In the US, we will have lots of car trips and we try to be careful and not underestimate how long the trips will take when we talk to our kids. Our kids can be content for hours in the car, but only if they were expecting it.  If they came in expecting just 1 hour, then patience will start to run thinner once that hour is up.

How long will they sleep in the car?

How long has this pandemic been?  Several people have mentioned to us about how the pandemic years seem to blend together in their memories. They are constantly surprised to realize that things that happened at the beginning of the pandemic happened over two years ago! Is that confusion because we all expected the pandemic to just be a handful of months?

How long will I commit?  When we are looking for new team members for the islands, we ask people to commit to 2-3 years initially, but we are hoping for a longer term perspective. We want them to at least be open to God calling them to the islands beyond that or at least to have a heart for this kind of work for the long term, because this is not short-term work. It is important to recognize that the first 2-3 years is a foundation for further work. 

How long will this hike take?

How long will change take?  We hope to be catalysts of change on the islands. But change on the level that we are hoping to see doesn’t come quickly.  We once heard it said that for someone coming from a background like islanders, it usually takes around 7 years from hearing about the good news, for people to actually make a decision for change. As we have been sharing with people in the US about that 7 year average, a couple people have balked and marveled at that amount of time. Seven years can seem like a long time, but we’ve gotten used to playing the long game. Seven years may seem long, but at the same time, it also gives hope. Hope that just because we haven’t seen change yet, it doesn’t mean that change isn’t coming. It gives us hope because some people might say that change is impossible. But that ‘7 years’ means that change is possible!

How long has it been?  We received an email from the US head of our organization last month, congratulating us on 15 years with the organization. I found myself immediately counting to make sure he hadn’t made a mistake. Has it really been that long? But he was right.

How long will it take? Fifteen years (13 of which have been on the islands), has shown us the value of perseverance. It has given us a perspective that continues to encourage us and renew our hope. The longer we stay on the islands, the more opportunities we get, the more change we see. Perhaps at the beginning, we were hoping for amazing change to happen within a couple years, perhaps there have been times we have been frustrated with how long it takes some to make a decision. We hold that desire for more change in tension with patience and surrender— the change isn’t up to us—we aren’t in control— the change will happen and whether it happens now or in 7 years it will be a miracle.

How long ago did Tom propose at this viewpoint?

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We had a great time reconnecting with a small group that adopted our family. Our kids got to go on a fun youth group event (a first-time experience for them).  We had a wonderful visit to Vermont this weekend.  The weather was great, the mountains were magnificent and the people were wonderful and kind.  It was so good to reconnect after six or seven long years.  We made it safely up to Vermont and down to DC. An island sister sent us an audio message joyfully sharing the news that her daughter and adopted daughter had both made decisions and been dunked under the water this weekend! We rejoice with all of them and pray for their growth and changed lives! Our medical team colleagues got the remaining paperwork done to start work and they have also had a breakthrough with a language helper sharing stories with her husband and family.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
The persecuted sister’s situation seems stable for the moment, but continue to pray for her longterm living situation.  We fly out to CA on Wednesday morning, please pray for safe travels, for Megan’s back to be strong and pain-free and for a good time reconnecting with people there. We are hearing stories of hard times on the islands with the widespread and high inflation. Rumors are that a taxi-strike will start tomorrow. Pray for relief and solutions, especially for the poorest islanders worst hit. Pray for the checking process in the translation project, for good communication, the right questions and that a great translation would be the result!