Merry Christmas!

 In an effort to have a good balance of work and rest, we are not doing a proper blog post this week, but are going to enjoy some relaxation and family time. We hope you had a very Merry Christmas and that God will bless you all in the coming year! 

Merry Christmas!

Christmas English Club

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our Christmas gathering for our English Club was very well attended! Pray that the good news heard would continue to stir in people’s minds and hearts. There were two babies born among our friends (one on Christmas Eve and another on Christmas Day)— praise God for healthy babies and mothers. Our old teammate has had some relief from her pain, allowing her to enjoy the holiday. Unfortunately she wasn’t able to come to Clove Island, but we are very thankful that she was well enough to leave her house and have fun with others on the big island. We had a scary incident this week where our son went to take the trash out and didn’t come back because he was taken into custody for depositing trash at the wrong time of day (a law we didn’t know about and that they have just decided to start enforcing). We are thankful that he doesn’t seem traumatized by it and that we had friends and people speak up for us.  On Christmas afternoon Tom got the gift of sharing the good news quite completely with his friend Muki.  It all started when Muki said, “There is no love in this place,” which led to a great conversation.

Not enough chairs, so put out the mat!

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Our three teammates are all getting away for a prayer retreat this week and we are also hoping to have some restful days off. This is always harder without leaving the island. Pray that we can have restful and rejuvenating time. On Dec 31st, Megan and our daughter will be leaving to get her back to school. Pray for the logistics of their travel as they will be attempting a same-day connection on the big island. Also pray for our family as we are saying goodbye again! Our colleague had surgery for her detaching retina! As far as we know it went well, but they are still waiting for the pressure in her eye to subside so she can be cleared to travel home to her husband and children. One of our island brothers just had his boys circumcised— there was conflict with the extended family about how that should be done and what kind of ritual/prayers should accompany such an event. Pray for him and our other island brothers and sisters as they navigate raising their children with their extended families and the competing influences in their kids’ lives.

Hot or Cold Christmas

Moving to the other side of the world, we often have to weigh the balance between keeping a connection with our home culture and traditions and giving those up to make new ones. Sometimes we have clung to traditions that we probably should have just let go of, other times we have found ways to recreate them with an island-twist or replace them in completely island-style.

Decorating for Christmas

But we are struck by how much of our home Christmas traditions are wrapped together with it being in winter. What would you do if you moved to a tropical island, where Christmas was at the hottest time of year?

Throughout this month, our kids have been making paper snowflakes and putting them up around the house. Snowflakes?! When it is so hot and humid that we are constantly sweating? In a place that never drops below freezing and where most people have never seen a snowflake? Maybe it is a little silly, but making paper snowflakes at least is an easy thing to do here (even if it doesn’t have much to do with the islands or the meaning of Christmas).

The islands don’t have any Christmas traditions because it isn’t usually celebrated here. But that’s not to say that the only people who celebrate Christmas are north of the equator! Our good Brazilian friends talk about associating Christmas with going to the beach and barbecuing outside! Perhaps we need to steal some new traditions from those hot Christmas places. Or we could do as some of our Australian friends have talked about and celebrate ‘Christmas in July’ too as a way to retain some cold-weather Christmas traditions. (Not that the islands get that much colder in July.)

We associate lychee season with Christmas!

There are definitely pros and cons to retaining our cold Christmas traditions. Most of the value comes from helping to connect us to home and stave off homesickness at a time of year when it easy for overseas workers to miss home. There is also the desire to see our children experience things that we loved growing up and therefore have a way of making the time special and meaningful and help them feel more connected to extended family.

What is the cost of retaining old traditions? The personal cost is that it usually takes a lot more time and effort to recreate home traditions here. Things easily bought in a store at home have to be made from scratch. Substitutes have to be found or created for things or ingredients unavailable. Even then, it may end up a disappointment as we can’t always recreate what it is like back home. But a bigger cost that we also have to weigh is the impact on islanders. Will those that want to celebrate Christmas feel that in order to do the holiday justice they have to find a Christmas tree and import various products?

When we talk to islanders about celebrating Christmas, we try to downplay the decorations up in our house. Instead, we try to focus on the Advent themes of hope, peace, joy and love— how we try to reflect on and remember these beautiful realities in the context of the story of our Savior’s birth and how they are lived out in our lives and communities.

Tom & friend on hike

If an islander comes to our house right now, they may notice a small decorated tree, or see our stockings made with island fabric, or watch the colored lights blinking, and they may hear Christmas music playing. But hopefully they will also read the signs with the words hope, peace, joy and love in the island language—it is our prayer that they would see those things in us and through our words and deeds.

I bring you glad tidings of great joy! We hope you all have a very Merry Christmas.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our big holiday gathering had over 50 people. It was very encouraging to be together to sing, read and eat together. We were especially encouraged by the traditional island style that was included in the event (from dress, food to music). We are very thankful for our teammate who hosted the event at her house and helped coordinate lots of the arrangements. Megan was able to schedule an MRI in Kenya for when she drops our daughter off at school at the New Year. The boy that stole from us is back at our house again today.  

PRAYERS REQUESTED
One of our colleagues was diagnosed with a detaching retina and had to rush off island for surgery, leaving her husband and kids behind. Pray for a smooth surgery with no complications and a quick recovery and quick reunion with her family. Pray for this coming week— we have several smaller Christmas gatherings, including our annual English Club Christmas party. Pray that these gatherings would be full of truth and the hope, peace, joy and love of the season. May they lead to good questions and deeper conversations.  We hope to celebrate as a team/family on Sunday morning and would love for a break in the heat—so we pray for big rains that day and for power all day for fans (usually power is out half the day on Sundays). Our old teammate is supposed to be joining us from I1 for the holiday weekend but has been in pain— pray for her healing and that she can still make it!

The Culture of Shoes, Feet & Mats

Another funeral this week… that means hours of women gathered together sitting on mats and chanting and saying prayers. Before coming to Africa, I never spent so much time sitting on the ground on mats.

An event on mats

Islanders use mats a lot. You don’t have enough chairs?  A mat instantly provides culturally-appropriate seating for multiple people. If you have a group gathering at your house, most people will expect that the seating will be primarily mats. There are certain events that happen completely on mats (like funerals). Islanders will lay out multiple mats together to create one huge matted surface, either inside or even outside on the street. Mats are a great hosting asset, but there is one rule that newcomers to island culture need to remember: Mats are shoe-free zones.

I heard or read someone theorize that the culture around shoes hinges on the cultural understanding of the cleanliness of the floor and the cleanliness of feet. Apparently everyone recognizes that shoes are dirty, but if you see the floor as dirty, then you might see wearing shoes as protecting your feet. If you see the floor as clean, then you take off your shoes to protect the cleanliness of the floor.

Pile of shoes at event

When we enter an island house, the assumption is that we take off our shoes at the threshold. Occasionally a host will complain that they haven’t swept or mopped recently and insist you keep your shoes on, but a good guest usually starts to take off their shoes at the door (especially if the floor is tiled). But even if you kept your shoes on when you entered, if you reach a mat the shoes will always come off.

For big events there are a lot of people, which means a lot of shoes.The edges of the mats soon have piles of accumulated shoes. Some afraid of theft or just not wanting the hassle of finding their shoes afterwards, will bring a baggy to take the shoes with them or they will hide their shoes somewhere near the entrance to make them easier to find. Once we were stranded on a mat at the end of an event, because the host had honored us by putting our shoes safely in her house.  Culturally we were unable to step off the mat until our shoes were brought to us, lest we dirty our clean feet!

The assumption is that bare feet are clean. And overall I have found that islanders feet usually are. Technically, a ‘good’ islander should be washing their feet five times per day before prayers. And while I know most islanders don’t do this, they do seem to value clean feet. I have been embarrassed a few times to sit on a mat, only to realize that the bottoms of my feet were a bit dirty, meanwhile everyone else was showing clean soles.

We took shoes off at river, too!

There is a lot of this shoes/feet culture that we have absorbed from our years here. We train our kids in the rules.  We immediately start to take off our shoes when we come to a house. We cringe when we see a foreigner walk on an island mat with their shoes on. But it doesn’t mean we get it right all the time. This week I chided myself for not washing my feet before going to the funeral, so as I sat down on the mat, I causally hid my feet under my wrap. :)

PRAYERS ANSWERED
There was an encouraging women’s gathering this past week— with a study and singing, prayer and laughter. We are thankful for some good progress in preparing for the new family coming in Feb and for our teammate who has been heading up those preparations. We are thankful for an outing to the river on the weekend and its cool water on these hot days.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
There is a big gathering being planned for this coming weekend to celebrate the holiday. Pray for the logistics and that it would be an encouraging gathering that would strengthen the island body and that it would inspire all those who attend to share the good news of the season with others. Pray for us in the heat and busyness that we would balance our time well. The boy who stole from us came for one reading lesson, but we haven’t seen him since. Pray that we would be able to have a restored relationship with him and that he would have good influences in his life. May the joy of the season be felt in us and through us!

Petty Theft & Relationships

What would you do if someone stole from you?  What would you do if it was a guest in your house?  Or someone who worked for you?  I’m not talking about breaking and entering—strangers, robbers in the dead of night.  I’m talking about friends, neighbors and acquaintances.  People you have invited into your home.  People you thought you could trust.

View of our town from a hike to the fields

Everywhere we’ve lived on the islands we’ve experienced this problem.  Every home we’ve ever stayed in, people we’ve trusted have stolen from us.  And from the stories of teammates, it seems like we are not unique in this experience.  What do people steal?  Mostly money—a wallet or a purse left out is later found empty.  Those coins we left on the table are no longer there.  Toys have often gone missing. Our kids have gotten very protective of their favorite toys because they’ve seen too many of them disappear.  I remember going to visit a neighbor once and seeing five or six things that used to belong to us.  Sometimes other things have gone missing—pens, books, food.  We’ve had a camera stolen.  Others have had phones and tablets lifted.

It isn’t age-specific. We’ve experienced stealing by children, teenagers and adults, respectively.  Talking to islanders, it doesn’t seem to be especially targeted at foreigners—they have plenty of stories of people stealing from their homes, their businesses.  It doesn’t even seem to be especially targeted at those with wealth.  I have poor friends who have had things taken too.

The hard part about it is not the ‘what’ so much as the ‘who’.  In most cases the ones who have taken from us have been friends, neighbors, or house helpers.   Each time a suspected theft happens we have to ask ourselves what to do.  Do we confront?  Sometimes we aren’t sure if the theft has really happened.  Maybe I spent that money on something and forgot.  Is it possible someone else has been in the house and took it?  Other times we’ve known for sure—no one else was in the house.  Something is definitely missing.  Do we confront?  How do we confront?  Are we ready to take our friend to the police?

Old neighbors visit to welcome our daughter back

When we have been sure of the theft and the thief, the confrontation has usually gone badly. They have usually just vehemently denied it, which leaves us in the uncomfortable place of knowing they are lying to us, but having to choose between shaming them and ending the relationship or letting it be.

We’ve never taken anyone to the police.  The amounts have never been so grave as to really harm us.  The harm has not been so much to our pocketbook as to our heart.  It hurts to know that sweet little kid who comes to visit, that young man who seems so friendly, that house helper who has worked for us for so long, could do such a thing.

We don’t live with the same needs as many of our neighbors. The fact that we leave a wallet or a purse lying around our house is a sign of our comfort.  The fact that we don’t know where every penny goes and maybe won’t even notice a small theft, point to a level of ease that many islanders simply don’t know.  Perhaps they are truly desperate and that theft will feed them for a few days.  In that case, perhaps the cost is worth it for them? Sometimes the immediate need may drown out the longterm cost.   We can see how petty theft can become just a way of life. Maybe not even seeking it out, but taking advantage of the opportunity when it presents itself. The temptation silencing any objections.

Just last week, we confirmed that a boy whom we have known since he was born, whom we have welcomed to our home and fed meals countless times, stole money from our wallets/bags.  He comes from a poor family.  He has very few positive influences in his life.  Oftentimes he comes to our house, eats a meal and then falls asleep for hours in our hammock.  When we ask him about school, he evades our answers.  We think he goes, sometimes…

Playing in the hammock

When we realized that he had stolen we prayed about it and then we sat him down to talk about it.  It was a little different than other times— we have a parental role with him, so though he initially denied it, once we told him that we knew it was him and once we started to talk about repentance and forgiveness, he latched onto the idea and asked for forgiveness, saying he would never do it again.  We are happy for this, but the question remains, What now? How do we rebuild trust?  How do we continue to love and care for someone who desperately needs to be shown love and care?

It will not be simple.  We are trying to find ways to balance love and care with taking responsibility and consequences.  There is always hope.  It could end up that what was meant for evil could be used for good.  Can we transform this dark moment as an opportunity to show this boy love, forgiveness, mercy and grace?  We aren’t sure if we can manage it, but we’re trying.  We love this little guy and are praying for a better future for him, that he would choose a better path.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our daughter is home with us! She arrived on Monday and we were able to have some good times of hanging out, playing games, and decorating the house for the holidays. Tom and Uhaju got to study and also to have some bonding time on an outing. Continue to pray for his growth and connection with other islanders.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for our relationship with the boy that stole from us— we are attempting to make him ‘pay us back’ by having him learn to read. Pray that we could do our part to guide him well. The former president was convicted of high treason and sentenced to life in prison. We would have expected unrest in reaction to this very short trial, but so far it has been calm. Continue to pray for good governance and justice on the islands. It is very hot! Pray for cooling rains and good electricity for fans. Hopefully there will be a women’s gathering this week— pray that it would happen and be an encouragement to all. Pray also for there to be plans for island brothers and sisters to gather in a meaningful way this month for the holiday.

Giving Thanks in All Circumstances

We’re thankful that we have a special day marked out for the giving of thanks. It is refreshing and humbling to remember all that we have to be thankful for from the past year. We take the time to look at photos and remember all that’s happened— so many good things.

Thankful for Thanksgiving chickens!

But we have a memory verse that we learned many years ago and it doesn’t say, “give thanks on the 4th Thursday in November,” or “give thanks when you have a day off and have lots of yummy food to eat,” or “give thanks when everything is going well and you’re feeling good.” It says, “give thanks in all circumstances.”

Now we had lots of good circumstances this year… There were some awesome months in the US reconnecting with so many friends and so much of our family, enjoying the outdoors, making some of our kids’ wishes come true, sharing with people about the islands. There were great times on the islands: our outstanding team, welcoming a new teammate, seeing God work in island hearts, seeing our kids grow.

But there were plenty of hard circumstances too… there was illness and pain, there was death and grief, there were carefully laid plans falling apart, there was saying goodbye to our daughter and leaving her at boarding school, there were rising prices and shortages, there was corruption and unrest, there were tales of violence and tragedy. There are many circumstances that we call out to God, asking for a change in the circumstances. But the verse doesn’t say, “give thanks once the circumstances change.” It says, “give thanks in all circumstances.”

Thankful for son cooking!

Not that we pretend that the hard circumstances don’t exist. Not that we close our eyes to the darkness around us— but we ask God for the ability to give thanks in the midst of it all. Today is the first day of Advent and the theme of the day is hope. We give thanks that God gives us hope in the hard circumstances. Thank you God for sustaining us through illness and pain, for meeting us in our grief and allowing us to cry, for orchestrating our failed plans into new opportunities that we wouldn’t have pursued otherwise. We thank you for a wonderful boarding school, where our daughter is thriving. We are thankful that in the midst of shortages and inflation we have always had enough. We thank you for the vision that one day spears and swords will be turned into farming tools and people will no longer think or plan for war and violence.  We thank you for the hope that change is possible.

Looking back at the year, it may be easier to be thankful for lots of the circumstances that were hard in the moment. We can smile now, but at the time there were no smiles. That’s a good reminder too— thank you God that some day I will be able to see your hand in this and be thankful!

Whether it was easy or difficult to be thankful this long weekend, we hope you had some good times of reflection with grateful hearts, rejoicing and giving thanks!

Thankful for cooling downpours

PRAYERS ANSWERED


Our teammates had a great trip to the French island and the visitor had a good, if short visit here too.  We are thankful for people visiting our island and our teammates being able to go and visit others.  We are thankful that our daughter is on her way here.  Unfortunately, the Sunday flight (as it often is) was canceled, so we have to wait to see her until tomorrow, but we will be thankful in every circumstance.  We are thankful that she finished her term well and is able to come back to us and stay with us for a whole month.  We are thankful for the beginning of advent and the joy and traditions that it brings to our family and the opportunities it gives us to share with our island neighbors.  We are thankful that our teammate and the printer were able to finalize our annual proverbs calendars that are being brought by our daughter— we look forward to giving those out and the openings they will provide for good conversations. We thankful for some cooling rain in the past few days!


PRAYERS REQUESTED
We are still waiting to hear the results of the trial of the former president.  So far, things have remained calm.  Pray that the days ahead with our daughter at home could be marked with lots of lasting memories and special times together.  Pray that we would be able to find the balance between celebrating having her around and giving her space to do her own thing as well as remembering that we still have jobs to do too.  Pray for our friend Uhaju and Tom to be able to start meeting this week to study a story set together.  Pray for his continued growth.  Pray for the island sisters that have struggled to find a time to gather and study this month.

Picking up Burdens and Putting them Down

Sometimes it feels like everything we do is about balance.  Stray too much to one side and fall down a slippery slope, but stray too much to another side and there is another slope, another undesirable extreme.

Island men exiting after prayers

The current lesson we’re learning is not unique to this place or to this moment.  And like so many things in our lives, it is about balance. Could this be one aspect of what He meant when he talks about the narrow path?  It seems like finding balance is finding a narrow path between the slopes.  In this case, the area requiring balance is in carrying each other’s burdens.

The verse says, “Carry each other’s burdens…”  What does it mean to carry each other’s burdens?  We think it means to come along side, listen well, understand the situations, problems, fears and anxieties of another and offer support—sometimes words of encouragement, sometimes a commiserating sigh, sometimes a call to action, sometimes physical or material help, sometimes a reminder of the truth.  Always prayer.  

One narrow path of this lesson is compassion, love and empathy—all excellent things.  We are meant to feel and feel deeply.  The Spirit stirs in us even greater compassion, greater love, greater empathy for others.  He is the one who makes it possible for us to carry each other’s burdens.  

And we are called to do it for each other.  There will be times where we will carry that burden for someone and there will be times when they will carry the burden for us.   

Living on the islands we’ve learned to carry many burdens.  New teammates struggle with culture shock, language learning and the difficulty of living in a new culture.  Sometimes we struggle with our teammates through problems happening back home—in their home country thousands of miles away.  Sometimes we struggle with interpersonal conflict and people not getting along on our teams.  We carry islanders burdens too.  People struggling without enough money.  People sharing with us their hard decisions (which we may think wise or foolish). Sometimes we are called to love people who are hard to love.  Carrying others’ burdens comes in many forms and we can be overwhelmed by all the needs. It is too much for us.

Tom & teacher training class

The slippery slope on this side is to love too little—to lack in compassion or empathy.  It is easy to become jaded.  It is easy to harden our hearts.  It is easy to avoid difficult people and difficult situations.  It is easy to keep our burdens to ourselves and keep others at arms’ length.  It is often easier to just feel a little bit less of their pain and stay away from the mess.  But that is not what we are called to.  We are called to love deeply, to serve each other, to honor others above ourselves, and to carry each other’s burdens.

But there is another side to the lesson.  As we’ve learned to pick up and carry and join in the burdens of others, we’ve made the mistake of making the burdens our own.  When a teammate struggles, our hearts can start to worry, what will become of them?  As an island friend makes a poor decision, we ask ourselves, why didn’t we give them better advice?  As two people struggle to get along, we agonize over how we might bring them to a place of understanding.  What can we say? What can we do to fix it?  It is a slippery slope that can lead to deep fear, anxiety and burnout.

What have we done?  We’ve taken up the burdens of others and made them our responsibility.  Why do we do this?  Perhaps out of fear for them and the situation?  But more often it is out of a desire to control and because of pride—as if we are the ones who can fix it.  As if it all hinges on us.  As a team we’ve been reading Henri Nouwen.  He challenged us this past week with these words,

“Without realizing it, the people I came to live with made me aware of the extent to which my leadership was still a desire to control complex situations, confused emotions and anxious minds.”  (italics added)

Notice that where one side of the slope is to love too little and lack compassion, the other side of the slope is not to love too much.  No!  We can love extravagantly, but we have to learn to put down the burdens—or better yet transfer them to the only one who can handle them.  “Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you.”  

On this side of the narrow path we have had to learn the lesson of letting go.  Let go of the burden and give up control.  Pray.  Give control over to the only one who can really do something about it.  But we find that we are continually tempted to pick up the burden again—to examine it, to feel its weight.  Even when we have decided to let go, it is easy to spend a sleepless night picking up the burden we know we were supposed to put down.  

After haircuts

So the lesson is learning to really let go.  We carry each others burdens, but not forever.  No!  We know exactly where to take them, and together we take them to the foot of the cross and leave them there.  We must leave them there…

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful that when we do lay our burdens before Him, He is so faithful in answering, either in relieving us of our burdens or giving us the grace and strength to endure. May we remember and be thankful! Our teammates made it safely to the French Island (though we’re not sure that they enjoyed the boat trip much) and the first day of short-termer orientation went well. A former worker made it safely back to the island for a visit— we pray that he would able to speak words of encouragement, challenge and inspiration to his island friends while he is here.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
The islands government has decided to finally take the former president to trial (after 4.5 years of house arrest with no charges). We imagine that this trial could lead to significant unrest— pray with us to peace, justice and fair governance on the islands! Please continue to pray for our daughter as she takes her final exams this week, packs up her dorm room and travels to the islands. The sisters haven’t been able to have their monthly meeting for November yet, pray that it would work out to meet this week and that they continue to grow together. We are hoping that she can make a same-day connection on Sunday, but interisland flights are notorious for cancellations and schedule changes. It would be a nice gift to our family to have her back on Sunday and not have to spend another night away. Pray the interisland afternoon flight isn’t changed or cancelled and that she can make the connection.

Freak Out or Trust

We started to hear rumblings of a possible strike a week before I traveled.  The pilots were unhappy and would strike if the company did not meet their demands.  But travel from the islands is complicated.  It takes multiple days.  First you have to fly from our island (Clove Island) to the big island. Then you spend a night on the big island and fly out the next day, because there are usually no connecting same day flights.  That’s the normal way of things. 

Tom & our daughter reunited

So I had already flown to the Big Island when word came out that the pilots had gone on strike.

This is the moment to freak out.  Or at least that’s what something inside us tells us.  But if we’ve learned anything from living on the islands, we’ve learned to be more flexible.  In fact, we’ve learned that these are opportunities for spiritual growth.  So we try to swallow that impulse to freak out because the other option is to trust. Who is in control?  Who holds all things in His hands?  Who knew there would be a pilot strike?  Who will make a way for us?  So I took some deep breaths, tried to remember these truths and proceeded with plan B.

Plan B was to wait for the airline to put us on alternative flights, and since my flight was no longer leaving Sunday morning, I might as well go and join the fellowship of my brothers and sisters on the big island.  So I did, and it was great.  But after the gathering, I had a message on my phone.  The airline wanted to put us on a flight with another airline, routing through another city in a more distant country than my destination and arriving the next day at 2am—yuck!

Our boys moved up karate belts!

There was another airline that had a flight out and a much nicer schedule, arriving in the evening, not the middle of the night.  Unfortunately, the two airlines don’t work with one another.  It would mean getting reimbursed for the one ticket and buying another.  My teammate was on the same flight as me, so we talked about what to do and agreed to try to get on the other flight.  I said a quick prayer and went about buying the ticket.

As soon as I bought the ticket, I received a text that the airline I had just booked tickets with minutes before had had a crash that day.  Time to freak out, right?  More deeps breaths.  There was little I could do about it now.  The tickets had been bought.  An airline that has just had a crash will probably be extra careful after that, right?  So maybe we would actually be safer—assuming the airline kept flying…but I had no control over that.  All I could do was wait and see if the airline would still be flying the next day.  So I prayed—for patience, peace, and for the airline to still be running the next day, and then went about the rest of the day visiting and enjoying unexpected time with colleagues from the big island.  I’m not saying I did all this without any worry in my heart, but I tried to remind myself, when worry came, that my Father’s got this.

I am not trying to paint myself as a perfect saint in all this—it was exercise in trust (needed practice in strengthening those trust muscles).  In some ways the Father went easy on me, one thing that made it all a whole lot easier was that I was traveling without Megan and the kids.  It’s easier to trust and to roll with things when you don’t have to worry about feeding a family or about 5 people’s bags.  That would have been a lot more stressed.  It was a sign, actually, that our Father was in control.  Megan and I had considered going to this conference as a family—strongly considered it—but in the end had decided it was best just for me to go.  So there was provision in that too.

Tom's airport meal

Opportunities to trust in His provision continued.  Though I had bought the plane tickets and it was confirmed that the purchase had gone through, I had yet to receive the actual tickets to my email.  So my teammate and I arrived at the airport the next morning, without tickets and not knowing if there would be any flight at all.  But as we waited for the check-in counter to open, our tickets arrived to my inbox and the plane arrived on the tarmac.  In a few hours we were in the air and on our way.

The rest of the trip was more or less uneventful.  It did include a 7 hour layover that became a 9 hour layover in an airport that had no dining facilities. (I had a soda and potato chips for dinner—that was all that was available.)  But we eventually arrived at our destination, tired and thankful, and for the most part—without freaking out.  God is good.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Megan and our son are feeling better.  There was a gathering to give condolences to Elewa for the death of her sister. It was a time of prayer and sharing words and passages of encouragement. The grief is still painful but we are thankful for Elewa staying grounded in the Father. We’re thankful for the conference that Tom was able to attend and that almost all participants were able to make it eventually despite the strike. We are thankful that Tom was able to spend two nights at our daughter’s school and have all day Saturday with her. We’re thankful that flights started back up before Tom’s return flight and he made it back home to Clove Island today!


PRAYERS REQUESTED
The weather is heating up on the islands— pray for our team’s energy as we go into hot season, that we’d know when to rest and have relief in the form of rain and fans when we need it. Pray for our two teammates going to the French Island for the first time at the end of the week— they will be helping with the orientation of new short-termers there. Pray for an uneventful boat trip, that they could be helpful and have fun, and that they would have new insights into how to pray for the French Island. Pray that the short-termers would be inspired to long-term work. Our daughter is going into the end of her first term of high school, including the stress of final exams. Pray that she can study well and not be too stressed.

Determination: Take 2

Two young women, sisters, have been coming to our English Club recently.  As they were leaving last week, we met their mother on the street.  She is a delightful woman and extremely proud of her daughters, who both speak English so well.  She asked us seriously, what it would take for her daughters to study in the US.  So we began to explain some of the process, how expensive it was, how much time it took.  We told her it was the sort of decision you should make with the whole family because it will be very difficult and costly.  We’ve known very few islanders who have been able to study in the United States. We knew it was probably discouraging for them to hear, but we didn’t want them to get their hopes up.

Many students want to study abroad

Almost exactly one year ago, we wrote a blog about El-Azima and his attempts to study in the US.  We wrote about the difficulties and time spent in filling out countless different applications and financial aid forms.  But we never followed up with what happened.  Well, El-Azima got all his applications in last year, but then he never found a way to take the English proficiency exam required by most colleges.  So he was not accepted anywhere.  All that work… wasted, because he couldn’t find a way to take an English proficiency exam.

Well, a few weeks ago El-Azima showed up at the office and asked if we could help him with applications again. We had our answer ready—“Take the English Proficiency exam first, and then we can talk about applications.”  We were not willing to waste more hours filling in forms with the same results.  But it turns out since the past year, there are now internationally recognized English Proficiency exams online.  All he needed was $50 to pay for the exam and he would be on his way…but El-Azima doesn’t even have $50.

Our son with new flower

Last year we helped El-Azima a lot and at the end of that time it was clear that here is a young man who is undaunted, but to what end?  We saw all his transcripts—he was a pretty good student in school, but not the best. His English is good but not great. And hardest of all, his family has no money—really no resources.  His parents are subsistence farmers without any education.  In our opinion, maybe El-Azima could aim a bit lower.  Perhaps studying in an anglophone country in Africa (where these tests might not even be required) would be more within his reach and more realistic for his family.  So we didn’t offer to pay for the test.

Somehow, El-Azima found the money to take the test, and so we helped him with a computer and internet connection.   He did not do very well.  He scored well below the minimum of what most colleges demand.  So when he came to me asking help to apply to colleges again, I had a hard thing to say, “We are really sorry, but you need to get a higher score on the language test if you want more help.”  He left and that seemed to be the end of it.  

But El-Azima is determined.  He went ahead and applied on his own, resubmitting his documents from the previous year, and the next we hear from him is that he’s been accepted with a $20,0000 scholarship to a small college in Pennsylvania! “Wow, congratulations. God bless you,”  we told him.  Apparently all that determination paid off.

Tom watching rugby at African airport

The next day he sent us a message asking what to do—he had just received an email asking him to pay a $500 enrollment fee. We explained to him for another time that the scholarship would not cover everything.  There would be many other fees besides this one—plane ticket, rent, books, food, etc.  How is he going to pay?  Undaunted he asked what he should do.  Frustrated, we suggested he call the university and ask them to help him.  So he asked us another question, how does he call the USA?

He is determined. Is determination enough?

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Tom was feeling much better this week and able to travel in good health.  He’s on his way to a conference in Kenya.  Some flour has come and bread is being made in the bakeries again, for which we are thankful! Our daughter had her first choir concert ever and they sounded great (we were sent clips)! We are thankful for these new experiences she is able to have there.  Tom finished successfully co-teaching a teacher training course with an island teacher this past week.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Tom is on his way to a conference in Kenya but the airline is on strike, making travel very difficult for him and many other participants. Meanwhile, Megan is home with our boys and our youngest son and Megan are sick.  Pray for traveling mercies for Tom and others, and health and strength for everyone while Tom is away.  This past week we were unexpectedly called to attend the funeral of an island sister’s family member.  Elewa’s biological sister died suddenly and unexpectedly.  This is another blow to all of us as it was only a few months ago that our brother Dimi lost his wife suddenly and unexpectedly.  Pray that the community can continue to gather around those who mourn and that they would find comfort.

Connecting

How do people connect? Or more importantly how do we connect other people to each other?

Connecting at an English Ceremony?

At an English class graduation ceremony this weekend I noticed how two teachers from different programs, different villages, different ages really connected.  They were talking about how to help each other and their English programs thrive.  Meanwhile two other teachers stood off to the side.  They also represented different villages, programs, ages—but they were not connecting in the same way.  What was going on?  Was it simply personality?  Or could there be something we are missing?

We are, admittedly, not natural networkers.  Some people seem to be able to create great webs of connection and relationships and help connect people to one another.  We are not gifted at this.  Yet we realize the necessity of helping make connections if we want to see communities grow on the islands.

It is often a challenge for us on the islands—what connects people and what doesn’t?  It seems more complicated than in America. In America it seems like a fairly simple formula: 

[Similar Interests] x [Shared Time] = [Greater Connection]

We know it’s more complicated than that, but lots of friendships start around these building blocks.  But it does not seem to work that way in the islands.  Take for instance, similar interests.  We have tried, over the years to bring brothers or sisters together for regular meetings—people that should have similar interests—but time and again, most attempts to create connection by simply creating shared time have failed.  Similar Interests and Shared Time usually are not enough.  The connections may continued for as long as the foreigners are organizing it, but once they stop the connection falls apart.

So what does seem to bond islanders together?  Interest and shared time do play roles.  We have seen people bond because of English and become a sort of social group.  We see this also with sports teams and drumming groups or school groups.

Connecting at a cultural event?

Another things that bonds people together is self-interest.  It pains us to say it, but many relationships are based on gain.  One good island friend will talk about this in a shameless way.  “Relationships are how you get anything out of this life.  They are more important than money.  I have gotten so many things from being friends with you.”  He is not talking about abstract things like love or knowledge. He means material things or advantages like a business opportunity or the gifts we bought him in the US. This can sound shallow to American ears, but is perfectly reasonable to islanders.  

But we’re not sure if mere social groups nor relationships based on self-interest carry a lot of trust for islanders. And trust is something we definitely desire in the connections we make.

So what else? Family and village are certainly a factor.  It’s just easier for an islander to trust someone who is from the same place —or even better shares some blood-relationship with them.  There is somehow the sense that someone from another place, someone with no relation, will eventually cheat you and can’t be trusted.  


So the island formula might look something like:

[Similar Interest] x [Shared Time] x [Similar Family/Village] x [Mutual Gain] = [Greater Connection]

All this could seem rather depressing. Take for instance, Uhaju, who is desperate for more community.  Recently we were able to bring him to a gathering where he was able to meet other brothers and sisters.  He was greatly encouraged by the meeting, but did any connection arise from it?  Time will tell, but nothing immediately has arisen.  Looking at the formula above, only 2 of the 4 factors had been filled.  Uhaju has no family/village connection that we are aware of.  And it seems there is little worldly profit for others to gain in a connection to him. But thankfully there is a higher power at work than this formula and we have seen a few examples of great connection happen between islanders, even when they were from different walks of life and different villages, even when one was poor and/or uneducated and didn’t have much to offer.  

Or maybe we’re looking at those outliers in the wrong way. Maybe all the factors of the formula have been fulfilled in those instances, but just in nontraditional ways.  Because in truth all of these factors are fulfilled in the good news that tells us we are one family, blessing each other, growing together (mutual gain) in our shared interests and desire to be together. Connection is possible, even against the odds. Perhaps we just need to pray for it!

Birthday Beach Outing

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Tom was sick this week, but we are thankful that he is feeling better and that we were still able to celebrate his birthday (just slightly more subdued). We’re thankful that Dimi made it safely back to the islands and that it seems like his trip was encouraging. Tom was able to get a multi-entry visa for Kenya, something we’ve never been able to get before but very helpful. Our teammate had a good final week on the island with lots of good interactions and is now on her way back to her home country.  


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Lots of people are sick on Clove Island right now with cold/flu like symptoms. Testing isn’t happening much anymore, so not sure if it is a COVID wave or something else, but everyone we talk to has someone in their family not doing well. Pray for healing and quick passing of this wave of illness. The women were meant to meet this week, but it’s unclear whether enough people are healthy. Pray that the meeting would still happen even if it needs to be postponed. We continue to pray for Uhaju and increasing connections between brothers and sisters on the islands. Tom leaves Clove Island on Saturday for a week- pray for safe travels and connections. We read that the airline might have a pilot strike soon— pray that his flights still fly! Continue to pray for the islands amidst continuing shortages.

Why Was I Worried?

 It is humbling to realize how many times I have to learn the same lesson.

Some lessons we’ve managed to learn. When hardships come, we know that God will provide and in some situations we don’t even notice the potential hardships because we have grown to trust that we will be provided for and it will all turn out okay. Thoughts that used to bother us and cause us to worry might still pop into our minds, but they don’t linger or take root in our hearts. In those situations we can remind ourselves of God’s promises, we can remember the lessons of His faithfulness in our past and be reassured.

Ready for school in France (2012)

But some areas in their life we are slow to learn.
 
One slow-learning area has been related to our kids. We knew when we answered the call to serve overseas that it would mean our future children would have unique blessings and hardships. We knew that (like all parents) our choices would greatly impact our kids.

But still anticipating hard times for our kids is rough. If there is a hardship that hits one of us parents or that is hitting the family as a whole, it’s easier to remember the lessons of God’s faithfulness, but if it’s just our kids, the troubling thoughts are more likely to linger and more likely to take root in worry. In worry, our minds come up with lots of reasons why the current situation is unique, how the factors are new, thereby subconsciously trying to convince our hearts that these new factors somehow invalidate the previous examples of provision.

When our oldest daughter was set to start school, we happened to be in France. We had only arrived days before. She had never been to school. The school would be all in French with native French speakers. She didn’t know any French. She was starting mid-year with a group of kids that all knew each other already. My mind had lots of reasons why this could be really hard on her. Would she cry? cling to my leg? be miserable? We prayed about it and got others praying, but it was still with nervousness and worry that I walked to school with her on the first day. That’s when God (through our daughter) totally astounded me. As soon as we got to the door, our daughter ran right in without being told, without a backward glance and started doing a puzzle at one of the tables with another child. Even the teacher was surprised and assumed our daughter had been to school before. I saw it for what it was, a lesson that God was answering prayers and watching over our daughter. I didn’t need to worry.

School on the islands (2014)

This early lesson hasn’t stopped us from worrying multiple times with our kids at school. When we transitioned to the islands, the new factors were the facts that they were the only foreign kids, and that island teachers didn’t work very hard to make things fun or interesting, preferring to use fear and shame as motivators for learning. Still somehow our daughter’s transition to island school went fine. Next it was the fact that our three kids are different— our daughter was fine, but our sons have unique factors that might have made school more difficult for them. We could feel worry creeping into our hearts.

And to be honest, sometimes island school has been difficult. But each time we’ve hit a major transition point and gotten ourselves worked up about it and proceeded to get people to pray, God has answered in amazing ways and left me questioning, “why was I so worried?”

So now to the latest lesson— lots of new factors to feed the worry machine… high school, boarding school! (with all the accompanying challenges), our older (easily bored) son only doing homeschool, our youngest at local school by himself having struggled with French— it was easy to imagine that this fall could have left all three of our kids really struggling (or at least that’s what worry told our hearts). We’ve prayed a lot and even though I know it shouldn’t surprise us anymore, we have been amazed by how well our kids are doing. I am humbled, because even as I knew that God is faithful and I knew He had provided in similar circumstances, I had also prepared myself for this fall not going well.

Doing some homeschool art time! (this week)

I shouldn’t be surprised. Our daughter is doing great and seems to be thriving with friends, teachers and classes she really enjoys. Our sons have adjusted quickly to their new schooling situations. The older coming up with so many activities and things he wants to grow in that his schedule is full, leaving little time for boredom. The younger being blessed by an unusually patient island teacher and also understanding more French than he ever has.

Why was I worried again? Isn’t this the same lesson? Thankfully we have a very patient Father willing to provide us the same lessons again and again. And maybe soon, we will still remember to pray fervently and we will see Him be amazingly faithful, but we can skip the worrying part.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Praise that our three kids are all doing fine in their respective school situations.  Definitely an answer to prayer.  Rice is back in the shops and we think flour has started to come back! We are hoping the bakeries will be back to full production soon.  Two of our teammates are getting ready to head back to their home countries for some months.  They have both had very successful terms and we are so thankful for the growth, strength, perseverance and love shown by each of them.  We’ll miss them and will look forward to their return.  Tom’s good friend, Barak is back from 5 months of medical treatment on another island.  The reunion was very joyful.  Barak appears to be in much better health after two operations, and he joyfully told Tom it is because of our prayers he is better.  Hoping this is an opening for more healing and new life!


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Just because things are going well does not mean there won’t be challenges along the way.  Pray with us for our kids, and your kids—there are bound to be difficulties, hard times, and struggles but we never have to give up hope.  Let’s keep praying for them—our Father is faithful.  Dimi will have a chance to visit with a counselor during his travels, may it be a comfort to him in his grief.  Keep lifting up his children as well.  Pray for Uhaju as he continues to search for more fellowship.  Pray that island brothers and sisters across the islands would desire to see each other at least once a week, if not more.  So many seem content with once a month or less.  Tomorrow is Tom’s birthday and he got home from class this evening not feeling well.  Pray for him to feel better quick!

What We Pass Down

Recently our neighbor cut down a tree out in his fields.  It was a large breadfruit tree, at least 2ft in diameter—a hard wood, that has a bright yellow color inside.  What did he do with it?  As you may have guessed, much of it went for firewood—not for heating a home but for cooking.  Even here in the city, although many homes have cooking stoves powered by gas or kerosene, many still prefer to cook over an open flame (especially as gas prices have risen).   

The beginning sections of trunk

The whole tree was useful. The branches would be used for cooking.  The large lush green leaves would be much enjoyed by cows and goats, as animal feed.  But the trunk had a special purpose.  The trunk was cut into sections, about 2-3 feet high and put in our courtyard.

The next day the artisan arrived, his only tools a long machete and an adze.  He quickly went to work on one of the sections of trunk.  Wood chips started to fly, all the way up to our second floor veranda.  As he turned the wood, chopped with his machete, and scooped with his adze, a shape took form.  He was making a shino, a large wooden mortar used for crushing and pounding—especially the cassava leaves used in the national dish.  As we watched him work we were impressed by how hard the wood was, but also with how quickly he could make one.  By the end of a day he had finished.  A shino goes for about a hundred dollars—on the islands, that’s not bad for a day’s work. He came back day after day, the tree ultimately producing 6 or 7 more shinos.

The man making the shino was not young and he had no apprentice with him.  Megan asked if he was training anyone else to do it.  The neighbors didn’t think so. His kids would go to school, they wouldn’t sit and learn his craft.  Who would make shinos after he was gone? The neighbors didn’t know and paid lip service to the fact that he needed to teach someone, but none of them is going to volunteer their kids to be his apprentice.  Could this become another lost art?  Perhaps someday.

Shino taking shape

What gets passed down to the next generation?  What is worth passing onto our children and what are the things they no longer need?  In island school, children still learn to write in cursive (something we’ve heard has been dropped in a lot of US schools). Is such a skill really necessary, when messages are more often written with thumbs on a phone these days than with a pen?  Islanders are careful to pass onto their children the art of recitation.  At our teammates house a little school sits next door where every day children come to memorize long chapters of Arabic verses, the meaning of which they don’t understand, but which will be important for ceremonial events, from weddings to burials and everything in between.  Chanting is an expected part of island culture and carefully passed down to each generation.

Part of me hears their chanting of words they don’t understand and feels exasperated at the uselessness of it all.  But what we pass down, shows what is important to us and what we value!  We wonder at our own culture.  What are we passing on with gusto and what are we failing to share with equal care?  Whether intentionally or not, we often pass on to others the things that are important to us.

We may claim somethings as essential to our life, but if we fail to pass it onto others, another reality is revealed.  Meanwhile, things we claim to be of little importance, we carefully reinforce through our ardent love for them.  What do we truly value?  What are we passing on? Perhaps the artisan who makes such fine shinos takes no pride in his work?  Perhaps he just sees it as something to make a buck.  Or perhaps he doesn’t want to teach others—perhaps he does not want competition.  Perhaps again, he simply hasn’t thought about it, and if an apprentice came along, he would be happy to teach him.  

The reality is that if we know something that is important, we should be teaching it to someone else. If we aren’t passing it down, then we are ultimately making it unimportant.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
A truly big shipment of rice finally came to Clove Island! Other shipments have been small and unsatisfying, but with this one, everyone that we know has found a sack of rice (even us) and we see stacks of them in shops again. What a relief! The women’s gathering went well and was well attended. Our daughter continues to do well at boarding school and had a great midterm break.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Rice has come but there are still shortages of several other things— the one we are feeling the most is the flour shortage, which means we can’t find bread. Pray that flour would come soon! Pray for the continuing rise in crime here— people say the youth being deported from the French Island are bringing their lives of crime back with them and don’t know any shame. One of our island friends was beaten up by some of these youth while she was out in the fields. Pray for her healing and for her husband to take good care of her. Pray for Dimi’s kids as he is traveling for the first time off island since their mother died. One local brother lost his father this past week and we go as a group tomorrow to give our condolences. Pray that we could be an encouragement to him and also pray that Uhaju might be able to join us and start to be more connected with the community.

Only One Month

It has only been a month since his wife has died, but Dimi hasn’t had the freedom to take a break from life. Beyond the daily duty of caring for his four kids, he also needs to work to provide for them. Dimi admitted that it has been rough in lots of different ways, even while he can point to all the examples of God’s goodness and of the way people have been coming alongside him to help him with the kids. Women in the extended family are coming over and helping prepare food and clean the house. They worked it out so his kids are in the same classes as their cousins, so the burden of ferrying kids to/from school is shared. Life keeps going, even as the lives of him and his kids has changed so much. They’ve had to transition to new routines, school has restarted and their lives have rearranged—and it’s only been a month!

On river hike

It’s only been a month, but Dimi tells us that pressure started as soon as his wife’s funeral (a mere days after her death). The pressure for him to find another wife.

When Megan had first explained Dimi’s situation to an island friend—just that a man with 4 kids had lost his wife—her friend was very quick to say that he just needed to find another wife (ideally an unmarried sister or cousin in his wife’s family) to raise his kids. She made it sound easy and that after that, all his problems and difficulties would be over. But this was an islander who doesn’t know Dimi or his  heart.  She was just talking generally—that’s what should be done in these situations.  But Dimi has a different kind of heart. 

Unsure on 1st day of school

We knew the pressure to remarry would come eventually, but we didn’t realize how quickly and how directly. But no, days after the funeral, Dimi was told directly that now that his wife was in the ground, he was free to start looking for a new wife (and he should!).  There is even a story that says that their prophet said as soon as the dirt has filled in the grave, on the walk back from the graveyard, a man should start searching for his new wife.  To our ears, it boggles the mind how anyone could be so callous, but many islanders would nod their heads in agreement and add an amen to this sentiment.

Thankfully Dimi is able to use these conversations to share that his view of marriage is very different from that of most islanders. His wife was not just the mother of his children and the woman who cooked and cleaned at his house. She was a partner in his life.  Two had become one.

Unfortunately this is not how islanders usually view marriage. In our experience, most island men would confidently say that their mother is the most important woman in their life. Their reasoning is that wives are replaceable (you can always get another one), but your mother isn’t. We have often lamented this feeling among island men.   Thankfully we have known some island men who have good marriages where they truly love their wives. We doubt these men would be so flippant about replacing their wives. But we pray for more islanders to feel this way— we pray that more islanders would respect marriage so much that they took time to find the right partner.

After good first week!

Many years ago, Dimi was riding in a car with Tom and he shared that, though he loved his wife very much, he regretted not finding a wife with the same heart.  That if he had to do it over again, he would have married someone of the same heart, soul, mind and strength.  Tom was able to remind him of that conversation.  Dimi said he remembered that conversation well.  He had not forgotten and that’s why he asked us to pray for him.

So the reality for Dimi is that he is feeling a lot of pressure, and that pressure will most likely only continue. To be fair, we are sure that some of these people who are pressuring are trying to be helpful. They are thinking of his kids and how hard it is to raise and care for kids without a wife. They are thinking of him and his loneliness. They aren’t used to men caring so much for their wives and may see themselves as being helpful. But it isn’t helping him grieve his wife and process what life now looks like for his family. It's only been a month.

PRAYERS ANSWERED

Megan’s knee is doing a lot better.  Our colleagues returned from the medical conference.  It sounds like it went well and was very encouraging.  Our youngest son’s first week of school went really well.  It seems like he has a good, encouraging teacher and he seems more comfortable speaking up in class (speaking French) than he was last year—we are so thankful!  Our daughter is having a great time enjoying a beach vacation with friends from school.  We’ve been able to talk to her a few times and are happy to see her doing so well—even if we miss her tons.  

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for Dimi and his children, for them to find the space to grieve and for Dimi to remain strong amidst the onslaught of pressure from friends and family.  Pray for wisdom and discernment in how he should answer others and how to move forward.  Pray for our new brother Uhaju, who has been growing leaps and bounds in his heart and mind, but we are having trouble connecting him with our island brothers and sisters.  We need wisdom on how to do that well and to see him matched with others who want to learn and grow. Pray for the women’s gathering happening this week without one of the usual organizers— may women come and may other island women step up in discussion to make use of teachable moments.