Sharing Personal Stories

The photo shoot went on for quite a while. Islanders enjoy taking photos with lots of different configurations of people. So Mtsa wanted a photo with Tom, him and the two visitors and then with just him and the two visitors, and then with each of the visitors individually. He asked them multiple times if they would remember him, seemingly wanting reassurance that this encounter had been as meaningful for them as it had been for him. 

Visitors visit one of Tom's classes

Our two visitors had sat with Tom and Mtsa for hours, sharing their stories (with Tom working hard as translator). They shared about their journeys of faith and for Mtsa it was really his first time hearing other men (who weren’t Tom) talk like this. The stories were deeply personal and the impact on Mtsa was clear. Island men don’t usually share with each other like that. 

Tom’s friend, Fakhadi, loves to debate and is always trying to drag Tom into theological arguments. As we discussed with other expats this Sunday, other expats shared their frustration with island friends, who similarly only seem to want to debate and argue. Usually people like this aren’t really listening or engaging, they are just looking to win the argument, so discussions can feel pretty fruitless. But Tom shared the way that he has been able to redirect those conversations. He makes it personal. When he talks about his personal experience, suddenly Fakhadi will go quiet. Fakhadi wants to talk about ideas, not his own heart. 

Tom has been struggling to get the island brothers to meet monthly.. Ultimately, it isn’t actually monthly meetings that Tom wants. He wants to see the brothers engaged in each others’ lives, praying for each other, encouraging each other, holding each other accountable and learning to trust one another. None of these are happening presently, so Tom thought that monthly meetings (which the women do very faithfully) would be a good way for the men to begin to get to know each other better, to get in the habit of confiding in each other and hopefully of encouraging one another. 

So far it hasn’t really caught on. There have been a couple meetings, but without Tom there last month, a meeting didn’t happen. Even the meetings that did happen haven’t included much personal sharing from the island brothers. Tom was frustrated when the day after their men’s meeting he learned about something major happening in one of the brother’s lives, which the brother hadn’t mentioned at the meeting. Why wouldn’t he have shared that?

Being honest and vulnerable, admitting to struggles or showing that things bother you, it is a bit of a foreign concept for the men here.   Not that island culture is unique in that, lots of cultures discourage men from being vulnerable, but we see that it stops island men from finding unity and true brotherhood with each other.  We remember in English Club (which is mostly men) that we asked if they had anyone that they really trusted. Most of the men responded that they only trusted their mother. When questioned if they really didn’t have even one good friend that they trusted, most of them said they had no one like that. No one to tell their secrets to or to confide in. No one with whom to share their personal stories. 

Our son dressed for school play

No wonder it was so meaningful for Mtsa to have these two men share so deeply with him. They may have been foreigners, they may not have spoken his language, but they were willing to share more of themselves than most of the men around him. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful that this past week had fewer stressors than the previous couple weeks and that we were able to have a low-key weekend. We are thankful that our daughter is feeling better and that the flare-up of her rheumatoid arthritis resolved quickly. Our son’s drama performances at boarding school went well this weekend and we’ve been told it was recorded and should be uploaded soon so that we can watch it too! All reports are that our son did a great job. The water at our house has improved and we have been able to keep our barrels pretty full. Our two visitors made it safely to the small island and then to the big island, and another visitor (a short-termer on the big island) made it safely here to Clove Island today. The island women met last week and it was a large group, including one new face. There is a plan for us to gather as a large group and celebrate the holidays in December. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
The men are meant to be meeting this week. Pray for the men to be motivated to meet and grow together. Pray for insight for Tom on how to proceed.  Pray for Ma Imani and her family— she and 4 of the 6 kids are currently sick. Pray for healing for that family. A new expat family with another group has arrived on Clove Island— pray for their adjustment to the islands (including their kids starting at local school and for their rented house which seems to have some water issues). Pray for the continued follow-up of the crises from the last couple weeks— may we learn from these crises and find clear ways forward for all the people involved. Pray for unity among people and clarity for the decision makers as different people advise on the next steps.  Pray for our two kids at boarding school as they have two weeks before their end of term exams and are starting to feel the pressure build. Pray also for our daughter as she wants to get her college applications in order by the end of term as well.