Sudden Uncertainty

As we were leaving the island for a short break, we didn’t expect tragedy to strike. We knew that Ma Nadjma’s husband was sick, but lots of people were sick with different flu-like illnesses and a very contagious eye infection that seemed to be impacting everyone. But he was a strong man in his 30’s, our expectation was that when we got back it would be to the news that he was recovering.

Sky above the islands at sunset

Instead, we were still away when Ma Nadjma’s messages became more dire.  Her husband had been admitted to the hospital. Then they were saying he would need to travel to the big island, but they needed to get the money to send him and an accompanying nurse. We arranged to contribute to those costs, but before he could travel the word came that he had already died. Ma Nadjma was there with him at the hospital when the power went out at 1am and he breathed his last. Their 6 year old and 1 year old were asleep at home.

We woke up to the messages on New Year’s Day— he was buried that same morning. A NewYear that might have held a lot of promise for that family is now clouded with so much uncertainty. Later that day, the message came informing us that Ma Nadjma is also pregnant.

As soon as we got back to Clove Island, I went to visit Ma Nadjma. As a widow, she is expected to stay inside for at least 40 days. Some say that she should stay inside for 4 months, others think she should be there until the baby is born.

Our son makes a friend at the aiport

I went back into the dark, hot interior room. Ma Nadjma lay with her sleeping 1 year old on a double bed which took up most of the room. Someone turned their phone light so we could see each other better.

Ma Nadjma was remarkably calm as she narrated about her husband’s illness and death. She said she cried briefly just once and since then has had a peace and calm in her heart that she credits to God. She said that islanders believe that you shouldn’t cry in your grief because if you cry then the person who died will receive wounds in the afterlife every time someone cries.  

While I thanked God for the peace she was feeling and confirmed that God can give us such peace even in the worst of circumstances, I also tried to reassure her that it is okay to cry and grieve as she mourns her the loss of her husband and as she looks ahead to an uncertain future. She talked about the uncertainty of whether her husband’s family will do their duty and help pay for her expenses related to her pregnancy and delivery. She talked about the uncertainty of what to do about work amid the cultural expectations related to being a widow. She talked about uncertainty for how her daughter will process everything, as she continues to not fully understand and cries out for her daddy.

Uncertainty is something that islanders embrace on a regular basis. Anytime you say something about the future or about something that isn’t fixed in stone yet, they are obligated to add the line, “If God wants it.” So when bad things happen, they are usually fatalistic. “It’s what God wanted,” they often say. But that phrase isn’t rooted in an understanding that God is good or that He wants what is good for us. It is rooted in a resignation that God does whatever he wants and we are just at his mercy.

Final days with all our kids before school restarted

As we have talked and prayed with Ma Nadjma over the years, it has always been about God who is good, God who listens to our prayers and God who loves us. We don’t know that she has embraced everything that we have ever told her, but that message seems to have sunken deep. So I didn’t sense that she was pretending to be calm, it seemed to be true. She knows that it will be hard, but she believes God will be with her through it. So we pray with her and find comfort that God can carry her through the uncertainty.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We made it back safely to Clove Island. We had a good vacation.  We were able to have some good check-in meetings with people on the big island as we passed through there. Our older kids made it back to Kenya for boarding school and are happy to be back with their friends there. Our youngest son got his grades back from island school and was really excited by how well he did!

PRAYERS REQUESTED
The islands are in the middle of an energetic campaign season. Elections for president and island governors will take place on Sunday. We have already heard rumors that there may be unrest this week related to the elections, and it is the general expectation that there could be unrest on election day and the following days as results are announced. We pray for peace and for good governance on the islands! Pray for Megan’s back— it has been hurting her the last few days for the first time in months. Pray for our and our kids’ transition back into normal routines this week as school and homeschool restart. There continue to be lots of illnesses on the islands, including a nasty contagious eye infection. Pray for protection against further spread of disease and for quick recoveries for those who are suffering. Our young friend, Avu, who Tom is teaching how to read, came today and said his mom started beating him because he told her he was hungry. Pray for him and his family.