Conflict Mediation

After the meeting, I hopped up from the mat, happy to stretch my back and play hostess,  getting the gathered people snacks and drinks. Elewa let everyone know that people were free to go but that some were going to hang back and talk. I didn’t think much of her comment— some people usually hang out for awhile after our monthly meetings, but I also knew some people had places to go.

Playing with kids while women gather

It wasn’t until a few minutes later when Elewa called my name that I knew something was up. She was sitting closely with two other women and asking me to join them. It quickly became clear that this was a mediation meeting, called by Elewa to confront and mediate conflict between these two women.

I’m not sure if I was there as moral support for Elewa, as an outside observer, or if I was merely invited because they were doing it at my house. In any case, I wasn’t asked to speak. I just listened intently and observed. For the next 45 minutes, I was on the edge of my seat. But it wasn’t the conflict itself that absorbed my attention, it was how these island women were navigating their way through the conflict.

Most island conflicts that we’ve known of have ended in broken relationships and/or long-held grudges. Forgiveness and openly talking and addressing conflict is not the cultural norm here. We often pray for unity among the island body, but we also realize that unity is won through addressing conflict! Conflict will come. If we want to find true and lasting unity, we all need to learn to navigate conflict in a way that honors God and others— but that process can look different depending on the culture!

Tom visits English class

I could hear the hurt and residual anger as each of the two women gave their accounts.  After that, I was skeptical that this mediation was going to actually end in forgiveness and reconciliation. But then Elewa began to speak.  Elewa emphasized her status as the oldest woman (even if it is only by a few years) and used it to full advantage— talking at length about the need for mutual asking for forgiveness and the dangers of allowing conflict and disunity tear the group apart. She said she wouldn’t force them, but explained what she hoped would happen. As we went into a time of closing prayer (with Elewa having done the majority of the talking), she told them to hold hands. They held hands but it was still hard to tell whether anything had penetrated their hearts. At the end of the prayer, I was half expecting there to be curt, polite goodbyes and for everyone to go their own way pretty quickly. But instead, an amazing thing happened.  Right after the ‘amen’, there were tears, hugs and asking for forgiveness. Elewa and I starting praying in thanksgiving while the women embraced.

What a beautiful thing to witness! Not only because these two women are no longer at odds, but because it was all so culturally-appropriate and at the same time counter-cultural! It could have been so easy for these women to avoid each other or to continue to go through the motions of community, holding onto grudges and never having true community. (We see it on the islands all the time!) We pray for change and this was an answer to that prayer. We pray for a true community of love and forgiveness, and witnessing this mediation encourages us that it is not only possible, but it is starting to happen.

Special dessert for Mommy/son date night

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are so thankful to see these signs of maturity and growth in the area of conflict resolution. May there be many more redeeming examples in the coming months/years. The doors opened for one of our grieving colleagues to travel home for his grandfather’s funeral— his trip will be short, but we pray it will be meaningful and a blessing for him and his extended family. Our daughter has been transitioning well to boarding school (making friends, adjusting to the workload, and not very homesick)— these are big answers to prayer. Thanks for praying. Our new responsibilities are feeling less overwhelming as we settle into our new role.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
As far as we know the big rice shipment that came last week has yet to be distributed— pray that rice would get to the people that need it most. There has been a lot of death and grief lately among the people we know— some anticipated but also lots of shocks (including some children). Pray for light to shine on those walking the long road of grief and loss. The situation on the French Island continues to be very bad— with crime and gangs overwhelming the island. Pray for a way out of this complicated and messy situation and for the weariness of those living and trying to be lights there to lift.