The Underlying Why

 “I learned how to be annoying!,” our youngest told me proudly with a mischievous smile on his face. 

Our son contemplating whys? Or looking for dolphins?

“You just keep asking questions, like ‘why, why, why’!” he explained.

While I expressed my disapproval of intentionally annoying people, I couldn’t help but agree that the question ‘why?’ can push buttons.

Why-questions can be frustrating and problematic because we don’t always know the answer. Or sometimes there is an answer, but the answer is so complex that it actually distracts from what is important. So sometimes our answer to a why-question is an exasperated, “Because that’s how it is!” or “Because I said so!” or “Just because!”….While not fulfilling answers, sometimes we encounter realities that we just have to accept and move on. Like our English students, who ask, “Why are rough, through, though and cough all spelled the same but pronounced differently?” There may be an answer to this question that explores the sociolinguistic history of these words, but ultimately the answer will not help a beginner English student— better that they just learn how to say them and move on.

We can do lots of things without knowing why. The who/what/when/where/how are often concrete realities, but the why is often more abstract. Someone doesn’t necessarily need to know why in order to do things. But sometimes we don’t know the answer to the why-question and we should.

The why can provide meaning and purpose to actions. Empty rituals can be transformed into powerful reminders if people know the ‘why’ behind them. Tasks that were once done begrudgingly can be done with a new motivation if people understand why they need to be done. Sometimes we wonder why the faith and values of the parents aren’t passed down to the children.  Sometimes this is because all the children learn are the forms and traditions and they never learn the ‘why’ that can make those forms and traditions beautiful.

Kids playing during women's gathering

The other thing I’ve learned lately is that while we may not know the underlying why’s, our minds love to supply theories. We observe the who/what/when/where and our minds supply the possible motivations and reasons behind what we are witnessing. Then depending on the why-answer our reactions to things changes. For example if someone is unusually quiet in a meeting— our mind could come up with lots of explanations of ‘why’… they were quietly fuming and withdrawing from the conversation, … they were distracted with something going on with them personally, … they were daydreaming and not engaged. Depending on the ‘why’ that our minds latch on to, we might react with annoyance, hostility or compassion.

The islands are having a bunch of shortages right now. People have different theories as to why— COVID, incompetence, corruption, greed, the government. Some answers allow people to just accept things and move on, other answers stir up unrest and could motivate people to action. The why-answer is powerful in that way. An unclear or mistrusted why-answer leads to controversy, conspiracy theories and conflict. While a trusted why-answer can bring peace, purpose or motivation.

Our need to know the underlying why has a lot to do with trust too. If you trust someone, you don’t need to know the ‘why’ of everything they do. If we trust someone, then we can accept their why-answer without our minds exploring all the different possibilities. Trust can help us to move on from the frustrating and problematic ‘why’.

Personally I love to explore the whys. I’m also often challenged to be clear on my own whys. Am I just making choices and acting without a thoughtful ‘why’? Could my actions be made more powerful and meaningful for myself and others if I was intentional about the ‘why’ and shared it with others?

Megan & a new bride

Whether we are trying to infuse new meaning into an old island tradition, or we are trying to control our gut-reaction to our teammate’s unexplained action, or we are encouraging island brothers and sisters to be intentional with their kids, or we are exploring our own daily habits, we  have been exploring the underlying whys around us and celebrating the depth it can provide.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Tom has two new opportunities to study with interested islanders on a weekly basis. Pray that these new opportunities would be fruitful. One of the men found another island man to join the study. The other man didn’t bring anyone else to the first study, but he is also not very literate which will challenge Tom to adapt how he usually studies. Newly translated and printed picture books are being used with kids in families of island brothers and sisters to share with their children in their own language! This is an exciting development. There are a monthly women’s gathering this week (this month at our house). It was a nice time studying about prayer and hopefully was an encouragement to all those who attended.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
One of our island sisters is pregnant and has come to Clove Island for the birth so she can have the support of her adopted mom— her own sister had a traumatic still birth not too long ago which has made her very anxious about her own pregnancy and delivery. Pray for peace for her and a safe, easy delivery. Our teammate at home in the UK for a health check was disappointed to hear that the COVID test that would get her out of quarantine was botched— many more days isolated while she retakes the test and awaits results. Pray for a quick turn-around so she can get all the visits done that she had planned.