Bako's Wedding

From the small wedding

We go to lots and lots of weddings here.  Weddings are community events and it is an honor to have many people attend.  It is a double honor to have foreign guests at your wedding and despite all our years of life here, we are still considered foreigners and so bestow that double honor when we attend a wedding.  For that reason, we get invited to lots of weddings, and though we rarely know the bride or groom, we are often friends with a brother, sister, mother, cousin or something of the bride or groom, and so to honor our friend, we attend the wedding.  So even though we go to lots of weddings, it is rare that we participate in weddings where we are actually close to the bride or groom. 

So it was special to be a part of our good friend Bako’s wedding.  We’ve known Bako for years.  He is an English teacher and faithful English Club member and a faithful friend, and he was getting married.  So how was it different, being part of Bako’s wedding?  It was different in three ways: ceremonies, responsibilities, and mentoring.

Being close to the family means participating in some ceremonies that I’ve never joined before—like the “little wedding”.  Island wedding ceremonies, as I have known them, are varied, big and community oriented, but this time I was invited to the “little (or secret) wedding”, which consists of only the family and closest friends, coming together to pray and acknowledge the couple as officially married.  After the prayer different individuals are asked to say few words.  Of course, I (Tom), was asked to speak.  So I talked about what marriage is all about:  Marriage is a lot of work,” I said.  “But it is a great blessing.  You must work hard to listen to one another, love one another, sacrifice for one another.  You must work hard at this, but if you do these things, you will find great blessing.” What a privilege that going to this little wedding afforded. It made it possible to express a different view of marriage to a group of people who were actually listening.

After the big men's event

Being close to the groom also meant responsibilities on my part.  I had to have a gift to give him at the big, public ceremony, as well as a small speech prepared, but it also meant giving money toward the wedding itself.  Weddings cost a lot, and so everyone is expected to participate.  Just imagine if it worked this way in the West.  Imagine if it was not just the financial burden for the parents of the bride or groom, but that all the friends and family at the wedding had given to and supported the new couple in the wedding preparation.  It sounds completely strange, and yet, there is something beautiful about it as well.

The third, and best part of being part of Bako’s wedding is the opportunities that have arisen for teaching, mentoring and prayer.  As the stresses of planning a wedding approached, I was getting the inside scoop: the problems of money, the problems with in-laws, the stresses of finding the things needed for a wedding.  And time and again I was able to speak into those situations—sometimes with reminders that a wedding is for a few days, a marriage is for a lifetime.  Sometimes it was prayer, (something I rarely get to do with Bako), but the stress of the wedding made him very open to prayers for health and peace.  Sometimes it was by accident: When Bako came to me to ask for some monetary help for the wedding, I told him what I tell everyone who asks me for money.  (Bako has never asked me for money before.)  I told him I would talk to Megan and let him know, but that I always discuss matters of money with Megan.  Later, when the money had been given, Bako told me, he had never seen or heard of anyone doing anything like that.  That man and wife would share their finances—it struck him as incredible.  And it gave me the opportunity to tell him about the way God meant a man and woman to leave their father and mother and become one—and that includes decisions about money. 

I wish I could say everything about the wedding was so positive, but Bako still walks in darkness.  We’ve known him a long time and he values us greatly, but there is still a disconnect. On the very morning of the wedding, Bako texted me to tell me he was going to the witch doctor.  Some of his in-laws had placed a curse on him and his bride, and he felt he had to go to the witch doctor.  I texted back that Jesus would protect him, not witch doctors, but I was not heeded.  So his wedding day began with a visit to the witch doctor.  What a way to start a marriage! We pray that it isn’t indicative of how it will progress!

At big women's event

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We made it back safely to Clove Island after a nice visit to the French Island. We celebrated Megan’s birthday.  It was the first time in a long time that we weren’t traveling on her birthday and were able to have a proper celebration.  Megan’s back is feeling better.  The kid’s ended up missing a lot less school then we thought from our trip.  The school ended up taking more of a holiday than they originally said they would!  Water and electricity have been good recently.  We are thankful for these things (especially fans in hot weather.) 



PRAYERS REQUESTED
We continue to pray for Bako and his new bride. He let us know that he is bringing her to our house tonight for their first official visit as a married couple. Pray that we can continue to speak into his life and get to know his wife.  We have had a month full of lots of health problems in our family. We seem to be doing better now, but we are also wary that the reprieve will be brief. Pray for a restoration of health all around. Pray for us as we evaluate application materials and make initial contact with someone interested in our team— pray for good discernment and clarity. An island brother is very sick, pray for healing for him and for his wife and young kids.