Here I Am

 I recently did an at-home retreat study that asked me to read and reflect on the use of the phrase “Here I am!” in scripture. ‘Here I am’ is usually a response to a call— evidence of willingness and readiness to obey. There is an attentiveness and openness in the phrase that seems to imply, “I am at your service.” 

Our island home

One of our kids is very good at responding when I call with a “Yes, Mom?” said in a way that suggests they are ready to be helpful and follow-through with whatever I may ask them. It is such a relief to hear that response versus the disgruntled “What?”,  that I sometimes hear, said in a tone that suggests the responder is anticipating a request that they do not want to do and against which they are already planning to protest or revolt. In both situations, my child doesn’t know what I am going to say next, all they know is that their name has been called, but the attitude reveals where their heart is at. Then there is the non-response, the silence that requires me to find the child in question because they haven’t heard my call because hopefully it isn’t because they are ignoring me. 

As the study guided me through different passages, I read about different people being called by God and their response of “Here I am”.  The narratives had different paths— sometimes the person was given a difficult task, sometimes a message, sometimes reassurance or help. They didn’t usually know for sure what was coming next, but the “Here I am” showed that they were ready to listen. 

 Break is over, leaving the islands

When I heard the topic of the study, I had anticipated this theme of looking at my own hearts and seeing how I respond to God. Do I stand before Him ready to obey, ready to follow-through with however or wherever He may call me? Am I actively listening and seeking out His voice so that I can respond? 

But then the study flipped and showed that it is sometimes God that says “Here I am,” that the phrase can be used on both sides of a parent/child relationship. But for me, the sense of the ‘Here I am’ changed when it was the parent or God saying it. Suddenly it isn’t about subservience or obedience, but about love, about fulfilling relationship, about providing. 

Sometimes God is standing there waiting to be called upon. He is saying His “Here I am” to people that refuse to call out to Him. 

What a comfort to know that we have a Heavenly Father ready to say ‘Here I am’ when we call. That He is close enough to hear and will draw even closer to respond. That He is ready for whatever comes next. Whatever question or emotion or request that might be in our heart, He can handle it and will know just what we need in response. 

Settling into new dorm room

As I just said goodbye to my own children at boarding school and head into a week with surgery looming before me, what a comforting thought that God loves each of us enough to say, “Here I am” when we call. It makes me all the more excited to train my heart to say, “Here I am” in return. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Megan and our two older kids made it safely to mainland Africa and were able to do all their pre-school shopping and settle in at boarding school over the weekend so they could start school today! Our daughter saw her rheumatologist who was generally encouraged by the state of her joints. Megan got to see a specialist about her back, was able to get an MRI and ultimately be scheduled for surgery for tomorrow with insurace approval! We are thankful that there are people able to come alongside her while she is in the hospital. Tom and our youngest son had a good weekend visiting the family working with the medical team on the plateau.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for Megan’s surgery on early Tuesday morning— for no complications and a quick and full recovery. It is minimally invasive surgery, so we are hopeful she could be back on the islands within a week and hopefully pain-free. Pray for our kids as they start a new year at boarding school that they would establish good habits and be able to invest their time in ways that will help them grown and prepare them for the future. Pray for Tom and our youngest as they have to survive without Megan for longer than expected. Tom has classes and teacher training starting up which will have him out of the house for long stretches at a time— pray for our son as he is home alone more and pray that they can both get some homeschool, welcome our usual daily visitors and not get stressed or too tired by it all. The boat business is set to start running today! Pray for these first days that everything would run smoothly and that word would spread so that they get lots of passengers!