Social Media Mediation

 It all started when one of the members of our English Club’s mother passed away.  An announcement was made on our English Club WhatsApp chat.   It was suggested that we could all meet at the local place of prayer and then go over to the house of the bereaved family to offer condolences.  In response to that, my good friend, Fakhadi (he’s the one that acts and talks like a modern day Pharisee) wrote a seemingly innocent, but actually a provocative message to the group.  

Tom teaching English class

“I’m not really sure our teacher knows how to recite from [our book].  This way of praying to Almighty is different from what he knows.”  

As a Westerner reading this, it may make you uncomfortable because it speaks so openly about religion, but that’s not actually the issue.  The issue is one of shame.  He is drawing attention to the fact that I will not be joining them in their prayers (something most everyone was probably already aware of) and so attempting to bring shame on me in front of the group.  Perhaps this shaming seems as subtle to you as it did to me, but let me tell you, it was not taken this way in the group.

From my perspective, I actually welcomed the question.  Anytime I can distinguish myself from the surrounding faith is an opportunity.  So I was very happy to explain that I would not be joining for prayers, and I am not a follower of their faith, but I am a friend and I would like to join in visiting the bereaved family and showing love and care.  I thought that would be the end of it.  

At celebration with English students

But the next morning when I checked my messages, it became apparent that others had decided to chime in.  If Fakhadi meant to subtly shame me with his question, these others meant to both defend my honor and openly shame Fakhadi. Fakhadi was quick to defend himself.  A battle of words ensued. I won’t put all the back and forth, but here are a few of the responses (be aware that these are English students, so sometimes they make mistakes):

 - “I myself was offended but I don't know if Mr. Tom was offended I really cried I cried a lot when I saw your message😭😭😭😭
- I just thought to myself why he posted this message for what purpose” 

- “[Fakhadi] in everything you think that you are on the right way but, I can swear that you are lost far away this time , you exaggerated. 
- If you feel that Tom didn't feel offended for us other we find your words disrespectful and offended.”

A few others joined in, trying to bring reconciliation, or just saying, “Let’s talk about something else,” or just telling Fakhadi to stop. But Fakhadi was offended and his last message read:

“For now on, I won't write anything or say anything at all in this group. Now you can have peace! 🤐”

By the time I read all these messages, the argument had already come to an end, but it didn’t feel too late to write something.  So prayerfully I responded:

- “This makes me very sad. 😔 I hope, [Fakhadi], that you will not leave the group. This group should be a place where people ask questions and discuss with respect.  I think some of the things said to [Fakhadi] were not respectful.  I think you were trying to defend me, which is very kind, but don't worry, I am fine.  And in your desire to defend me, you have attacked [Fakhadi]. That is not good. Words can be like swords.  They can hurt.  I ask you, please put your swords away.  🙏🏼

Our 13 year old!

I would ask, if you have a problem with someone, write your message privately, not to the group.  That is more respectful.  In the group, let us talk about ideas and opinions about ideas. 👍🏼
Let us not talk about people and opinions about people. 👎🏼

I love all of you and want the English Club to be a place for making friends, not losing them.  So let's forgive one another and start again.”

There have been no further messages in the group since then, except for a few 🙏 ❤️ emojis.  One man came up to me personally and apologized for his rant.  I accepted and reminded him how easy it is to say something in a message that we would never say to someone face to face.  It reminds me that posts and messages, no matter what the language, can be such a temptation for our tongues (or our thumbs) to set a forest on fire.  But there is also an opportunity for us in these interactions and their aftermath to be a witness for the light and for peace. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED Our colleagues (a family) on the medical team returned to Clove Island safely after several months away in the their home country. Women’s gathering was well attended last week. A plan for a monthly men’s gathering has come together. Our youngest son turned 13! We had a nice celebration and are thankful for him and how he is growing and maturing and for all the ways he makes us smile.  We are thankful for all the ways we get to shine, whether in a Whatsapp group, at a funeral, or at a celebration for passing an exam.  Tom’s studies with Muki and Mtsa continue to go well. Tom has started a new English Class that has been encouraging.  Megan continues to meet with Hashiri, who continues to ask good, and sometimes perplexing questions.  Our daughter’s health continues to be good, despite people with coughs and colds around her.


PRAYERS REQUESTED
The first men’s gathering will happen on Wednesday— pray that this could start a pattern of island brothers meeting together and going deep with each other.  Pray that  they would show up!  Pray that they would learn to trust one another and learn to love the word that has been translated into their own
language.  Pray that they would feel equipped to share that word with others.  MaNadjma has shared with us that her daughter has been having a persistent health concern that hasn’t been going away with medication. Pray for her healing.  The summer is flying by, which means so is our time with our kids.  Pray that we could continue to balance family time and island life.  Pray that our daughter would continue to be illness free so that her meds can reach their full potential.  Pray that she would be free of her rheumatoid arthritis.