Showing Pain

As I walked through the neighborhood, I had to consciously choose to walk in accordance with my pain, to allow it to effect my gait and to let grimaces that I would normally hide show on my face. It wasn’t natural and I found it uncomfortable.

Welcoming friend at airport

Was I being dishonest? Was I putting on an act? No, I reassured myself. I was in pain. That wasn’t fake. It just felt fake for me, because normally I would hide that I am in pain. So really, it is my normal way of acting that could be seen as a dishonest act. Normally, I would try to make it so no one knew I was hurting, but I have been chastised many times by islanders when I admit that I have been struggling with something. “You didn’t tell us!” they accuse.

Islanders do not usually hide their physical pain and suffering. Sometimes it is hard to know whether they are just more honest, or whether they are actually playing up their suffering for more sympathy. It is very common that people will go to the hospital and get IV fluids (since most islanders are often in a state of dehydration, IV fluids is the hospital’s first line of offense against sickness). But people will leave the hospital with the IV port still in their arm and will leave it there. I think the thought is they may need to go back and get more IV fluids, but it usually seems to be just a badge of illness, so everyone can clearly see that they were sick enough to go to the hospital.

Our son leading English club

I haven’t generally been convicted that I should show pain more, but with my back, God has continued to teach me different lessons. Usually the lesson is that I have to admit there are things I shouldn’t do. I sometimes resist because I don’t want to be seen as demanding special treatment or to be seen as weak. But I should be telling people that I need someone else to pick up anything heavy for me. I should be telling people that I need a seat with some back support or tell them that it is better if I get one of the chairs instead of sitting on the floor. There are times when I can’t stomach the idea of saying, “No, I can’t sit there,” when someone graciously invites me to sit somewhere less than ideal. At those times, I find myself sitting and I feel the pain build or know that the next day I will wake up stiff and hurting.

So when my back isn’t doing well, I accept certain invitations with a sense of foreboding. There will be an event, the kind that usually has everyone sitting on mats, with most people having nothing to lean back against at all, and I dread it.

If my back is well, I can usually manage sitting on the floor for a bit, as long as I can lean back on something, and be none the worse. When my back isn’t great, then I should really have a chair. When my back is bad (which it is right now), I really can’t handle any prolonged sitting, even in a good chair. At the moment, I find even myself eating meals at home quickly just so I can get up from the table faster. I just can’t sit right now.

So it is with uneasiness that I am aware that this is the beginning of wedding season. My old neighbor has been by several times and talked about all the weddings coming up. Normally, a wedding isn’t so bad. They can be long, but there is singing and some simple dancing and people are having fun. You get to greet a bunch of people and be seen participating in the community. It’s good for relationships. But…there is usually a fair amount of sitting. I’ve tried to imagine if I could get away without sitting at all, but it would be hard. Plus, there is the fact that my pain has been at its worst at night (when the main wedding events are). For the past couple weeks, by night time even standing for too long is painful and I have to lie down.

The simple solution to this situation would be to just not go to weddings. But people know that I haven’t traveled off-island, so to not go would seem to say that I don’t value them and their special celebrations. It could damage my relationships. Not going would be excusable…if people knew I had a good excuse.

Newborn grandbaby I was visiting

This is how I found myself walking slowly to my old neighbor’s house, late in the afternoon when the pain had already built up. I needed to go and see her newborn grandson anyway, but I decided that I should not hide my pain. If I anticipated that I wasn’t going to be able to go to weddings because of it, then for the sake of relationships, it was better for people to know that I was hurting.

As I walked, I had people express their concern. Several people recommended massage and locally made herbal poultices. I got a chance to speak of my hope in a good God who knows exactly what is wrong and is the best doctor.

It wasn’t easy for me.  I don’t like being the center of attention or seemingly asking for people’s pity.  But I’m also challenged by it.  Why should I reject their pity and compassion? My pain can be an opportunity for someone else to show love and kindness. Would I deny them that opportunity?

Over the years my back problems has been the avenue for God teaching me different lessons.  I keep on learning.  

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our teammate has arrived safely in South America.  Homeschool is nearly done for the summer.  One son is finished and the other has one day left!  Tom has successfully finished teaching the teacher training program on the far side of the island.  No more 2.5 hour trips for him each way!  We welcomed back our good friend Ma Imani back to Clove Island after years of her living on the big island— we are happy to have her back and excited to see how God will use her here.  

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for Megan’s sciatic pain—for healing, and for good lessons to be learned all along the way.  We are thankful that she has seen some improvement, but it has been slow. We are headed to the French Island this week to visit our colleagues and to mutually encourage each other.  Pray for the boat trip (which can be rough on stomachs) and for some good times of fellowship with them. Our daughter is in her finals week and then travels by herself to meet us on French Island. Pray for smooth finals and uneventful travels. The monthly gathering of island sisters will start a series on marriage and family— pray that the study will lead to go conversation and healthier families and marriages. Our good friend and former teammate leaves the islands this week— praise for her 17 years of faithful service here and pray for all the planted seeds that she leaves behind.