The Power of Sharing Our Failures

When we were leaders of our first team, back in 2013, we made some big mistakes.  One in particular sticks in my mind.

New leaders with a new team (2013)

We were all new.  Megan and I were new leaders, our teammates were all new to Africa.  We were feeling our way forward, struggling to figure out how to live, love and get along and how to be a team.  We did a lot of team building activities back then.  As leaders, we didn’t have any particular thoughts on which ones might be better or more effective, we just followed the manual and tried them all.  One day, we decided to try something called team sculpting.  

The idea is to make your teammates stand in a sort of tableau, moving them around like mannequins, to represent your understanding of the team (I can already imagine some people gagging).  Once everyone is in position, you then share your thoughts about the team in what is meant to be an inspiring, maybe even surprising opportunity to see themselves and the team in a new way.  

Wanting to get the ball rolling, I jumped right in and took a swing at it.  I lined up all my teammates as if they were in a race, I showed which ones were winning and which ones were losing, which ones were thriving and which ones were struggling.  And I showed how I hoped we were all going to get to the end of the race together. 

At training with other leaders

I meant well.  But in my hurry to try it out and in my lack of thoughtful reflection, I had just lined up my teammates and compared them all. (We always warn our teammates about the dangers of comparison!)  I had told them who I thought was doing the best and who was doing the worst and I had let all the other ones know it.  It was a horrible blunder that caused real damage to the team.  I had to go back and apologize to each teammate, but apologies only go so far.  It was a failure of leadership that I hope to never repeat.

I didn’t really want to tell you about that.  It was an embarrassing failure.  Honestly, at the time, I don’t think I could have told you about it.  I was too ashamed of it.  But a number of years out, although I’m still chagrined by it, it feels like there is something to be gained in the sharing.

I shared that same story this past week with members of a leadership training group.  We spent most of the training talking about the importance of leaders being vulnerable and real.  Leaders need to be able to share with at least a few others their fears, failures, hopes and dreams.  As we share the deep parts of us, it allows light to shine into the deep parts of our hearts and for God to work there.  It is an important part to growing as a leader.

During the training, I was reminded by how much it has meant for me to hear the stories of other leaders’ failures.  When we were struggling as team leaders, many times it was a story from the leader above us admitting their own struggles and failures that gave the most comfort and remained with us.  More than good advice or wise strategies, what our hearts needed most at that moment were their failures.

There is power in sharing our failures.  Why should this be so?  It seems illogical.  We don’t want to fail, we want to win.  We want to succeed.  Who wants to fail?  No one.  And yet, we all fail.  Perhaps that is why it is so important.  When we hear those stories, we are reminded that we are all broken.  We all need help.  We all need healing.  And the stories of failure give us the courage to come clean, admit our own brokenness, failure, and need for healing.

It is one of the reasons why I most appreciate the apostle Peter.  Peter often seems like the fool, the screw up; the one you know is going to fail.  All the other apostles come off looking pretty good compared to him.  It’s as if someone took the time to carefully record every one of his failures…and that someone was Peter himself.  Who else?  It is believed that Peter dictated the story that Mark wrote.  He didn’t hold back in the telling.  Peter understood the power of sharing a failure.  I sometimes wonder if that what was meant when the Lord said, “On this rock I will build my community.”  A community built on a rock of confession, owning failure, and sharing it with others.  A community that humbly admits brokenness.  A community that allows light to shine into the deep parts of our hearts and for God to work there.  Yes, that sounds like the kind of community we want to be.  

Our son worked hard to stack those tires!

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our teammate made it safely to her home country and already attended one of two weddings that she’ll go to while she’s there. The house-hunting on the other side of the island for our medical team members continues— they’ve seen a number of house and a couple real possibilities. We’re praying for wisdom and discernment as they decide how to proceed. The medical team members finish their internship at the main hospital here in the capital this week! They have made new connections and have a new appreciation for what medical care on the islands is like.  

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Our island sister Elewa has been under a lot of stress lately and had to be taken to the hospital when she nearly fainted. Pray for her— her husband is ill and they are hoping to travel to mainland Africa soon so he can get treatment there. A colleague on the small island has gotten news that her mom is not doing well, so she is having to leave suddenly to go home (not knowing if or when she will be back). Please pray for her and her team as she prepares to go, that she would be able to leave well in spite of the rushed nature of her departure. A number of our teammates are going to be traveling during early/mid Oct but then we will come back together for a busy month full of transitions— pray that we would all have good times of rest and reflection in the coming couple weeks so we are prepared for the busyness to come. Pray for our new teammate preparing to come to the islands in the coming months, before coming to us, she needs to visit the town in mainland Africa where she was previously— pray that she would be able to get the clearance and visa to make that visit happen.