How Important Is This?

Megan & our daughter heading to event

At first it can be overwhelming— so much happening and yet so much left unsaid.

Someone might tell you that someone died today, expecting you to realize that that means there are people gathering at the closest relative’s house that day and again in two days time and that all acquaintances should be giving their condolences in person sometime during the week and close friends should give money to help with the expenses. Or they might tell you about a wedding and tell you the day of the biggest event, expecting you to naturally deduce the dates of smaller events that are held on the preceding days, not to mention what time such events are and who should attend them, what they should wear to each and whether they are expected to contribute money at said events.

At first islanders don’t know what to expect from us. “Do they go to things? Will they come to our cultural events?” Some assumed we wouldn’t go, but others dared to invite us. Then as soon as everyone sees us at events, they start to see us as part of the community.  Sometimes they assume that we are now “in the know” and understand all the unspoken rules and values of island culture.

So we’ve made mistakes. We’ve not made it to events where we were expected and missed. We’ve gone to events to which we afterwards wished we hadn’t gone. We’ve gone to the wrong location. We’ve gone overdressed. We’ve gone underdressed. We’ve shown up way too early. We’ve shown up late. Every time we learn something. But the most important thing we’ve learned is that much is unspoken, so we need to ask a lot of questions.

Daughter at event

It isn’t always appropriate to ask the person inviting us, so we have our trusted friends (cultural informants) who we know will give us good advice. “Where am I supposed to go? Will someone come and get me? What time? Will it really start at that time? What should I wear? Do I need to bring anything? Can I bring my kids? Is this the only event I need to go to? How important is it that I go to this?”

We get so many invitations (sometimes even from people we don’t know). So the last question (how important is this?) is often our most lingering query as we decide how to spend our time. This is where we have to be careful not to let our Western minds make this judgment call. Sometimes we need to look at these events as opportunities instead of burdens.

Take one recent wedding invitation…our western minds say, “Surely it isn’t important that the wife of the English teacher that gave her an exam last year come to her wedding event! She doesn’t even know our names!” Instead I have to look at it from her perspective. English has been very important to her. She’s invested months of study. Being able to communicate with foreigners and invite us to her wedding is a culmination of those efforts, plus everyone will notice us at the wedding, adding to her honor and highlighting her studies in front of her family. Several times, they will rewatch the hours of video (that will focus on our faces multiple times throughout the proceedings) and she and her family will remember us fondly forever for having gone.

Or take the news of a death this past week…we learned about the death of an acquaintance’s mother-in-law (who died to a village far away). I didn’t know the dead woman. I barely knew her daughter-in-law. The main house of mourning and funerary events would be in the distant village. It didn’t seem like there was much for me to do, and on my own I may not have done anything but offer brief condolences when I next happened to see her. But one of our island friends saw an opportunity. She called all the women who had been at a few meetings with this woman who is grieving her mother-in-law and told us to gather one afternoon to pay our respects together. We all gave a little money, we went, we sat, we said words and prayers of comfort and we left. It didn’t take long, but I do not doubt that it was a significant testimony that not only increased our credibility but the credibility of the good news.

Tom and friend at event

So maybe we need to ask ourselves and our cultural informants a different question. Maybe the question shouldn’t be “how important is this?” (aka, “do I have to go???) and instead ask, “what opportunity does this event offer us? Could I bless others with my presence?”

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our son’s gash on his head has healed well! Our close neighbor and daughter arrived safely in Madagascar for medical treatment and have already been seen at a hospital. Not sure on details beyond that but we pray it is good medical care! The kids made it through their local school exams and only have a couple days of school left! Tom’s friend has finally had the dream he has been praying for, but he doesn’t understand what it means. Pray that God gives him clarity.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Unfortunately our colleagues on the small island have not yet recovered their stolen electronics. It seems like the investigation is still open and there are some leads but we’re not terribly confident that the local law enforcement will do much more. Pray for a miracle and for peace for them. There hasn’t been any movement towards unrest since the month of fasting ended (as was rumored might happen). We continue to pray for constructive change in this country by peaceful means! Last year we had a short-termer from Madagascar, now she is back on the islands, married and set to work on the small island. Pray that she can get her long-term visa easily and without incident (this has occasionally been difficult on the small island). There have been quite a few illnesses floating around our family and team. Pray for healing for all!