Showing Honor Amidst Schedule Conflicts

Us with groom before men left

“Summer vacation” is a busy time on the islands. It is actually the cold time of year, but it is the time when islanders come from abroad. A time without school. It is the time for weddings!  Lots of weddings.  Island society idolizes weddings.  Lots of money and effort go into throwing them.  There are literally wedding ceremonies every day of the week with multiple weddings often going on the same day around town.

Honor is a big component of weddings. The bride and groom are being honored by their families. The two families honor each other with gifts and extravagance. Special wedding guests are honored with special attention, flower garlands, and seats of honor up-front and center.

Men proceed to ceremony

As foreigners we are often sought-after guests at weddings. We get lots of invitations, sometimes from strangers who don’t even know our names. We don’t go to all weddings, but we always try to go when we have a personal connection, though it is rare that we are actually friends with the bride or groom.

This past week was different. An old friend (we hadn’t seen in months) had come during the month of fasting with his fiancée to tell us that he would be getting married during summer vacation and that he would be so honored to have us at the wedding. The problem was, he didn’t know when it would be. The date hadn’t been set.  So last week, he came back at night with his fiancée again to say the wedding would be on Friday, in just a few days! I looked at my schedule and groaned—the wedding was at nearly the same time as the exam for my teachers—the culmination of over a month of training. I am the only instructor. The exam had been scheduled for weeks. It could not be rescheduled and I could not miss it.

I tried to make my apologies and explain how this exam was simply something I could not bow out of and that I would not be able to attend the wedding. But he was quite persistent that I could at least come for part of it.  Obviously it was a big deal for him that we come to his wedding.  So I agreed to come to as much of it as I could and then go to the exam from there.  It seemed like a decent compromise.  It meant I would be dressed in my traditional wedding clothes for the exam—but that’s not such a big deal.

The drum section for the ceremony

But there was another problem that niggled at the back of my mind though I tried my best to ignore it.  You see, where as my classes start on time (and this is a habit we try to model and encourage in our teachers), weddings are not always punctual.  So it came to pass that we arrived at the groom’s house only to find that the wedding was far from getting started.  We got some nice pictures of the groom being dressed for the event and then with us.  Then after a long wait, the procession of men finally left the groom’s house walking down the street with singing and booming drums headed to the ceremony location.  I followed with my two sons (the men celebrate separately from the women) noticing on my watch that my time was nearly up and that I would have to leave for my exam very soon.   So, thinking I knew the culture well, I carefully held back and did not make my way into the ceremony.  But I was dragged in anyways. So I sat in a chair on the edge of the ceremony.  But here I found the groom had other plans.  He wanted me near the front with him.  I explained to his groomsmen I could not.  I was leaving in 5 minutes.  Still they pressed me until I could not refuse and found myself seated directly next to the groom facing the other guests—a seat of honor saved for truly honorable guests—a seat saved for me.  An agonizing 5 minutes passed.  As I knew that I must leave but hated to do so—hated to think what I may have be doing to the groom’s honor.  Hating to think what all the people sitting there facing me might think.  But I felt I must go, so with a heavy heart, I rose and offered my sincere apologies to the groom and left.  On my way out, almost to increase my shame they threw a garland around my neck—one I felt I did not deserve—I had not stayed, but to refuse it would be even worse.

I was in danger of being late for the exam, so I couldn’t find Megan (who was far away with the women) to leave the boys with her. So with two sons in tow, I found a taxi to my exam.

The exams went well despite my traditional garb and two little boys playing outside, but part of me still felt terrible for leaving the wedding.  That night I got a phone call from the groom.  He assured me that he was honored to have me at the wedding even if only for a little while and he wouldn’t have had it another way.  I thanked him for honoring me by inviting me, hung up the phone and went to bed wondering if I had made the right decision.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our teammate made it safely to the States. We continue to pray that she has a wonderful time with family. The water to our house has been really bad lately, but every time we run low and pray, it comes on so that we can fill our barrels. A student came from the village this weekend and stayed with us as we met on Sunday morning, asking good questions and hearing a lot.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Continue to pray for our pregnant friend who we wrote about last week. Her husband left with all of his things. Pray that she would find encouragement and feel loved as she goes into the final weeks of her pregnancy. Pray for Megan’s back during wedding season—attending wedding ceremonies are hard on the back and her back is already seeming more tender. Pray for our health, we’re all coming down with scratchy throats and feeling tired. More weddings coming up this week!