Why We Pray for Families

Bako is a faithful English Club member

A good friend of mine, that we’ll call “Bako”, plans to get married next month.  He is a good man, though not a brother.  He has a high sense of responsibility and desire to do what is right.  He supports his ailing mother and puts his little sister through school.  He is a teacher and likes to “moralize” at his students with advice about how to lead an upright life.  He is very thankful for all the help we have given him through friendship, English, and training. He has also learned a great deal about marriage and family from his frequent interactions with us.  He has been engaged to his fiancée for three years, helping to put her through school, and getting to know her well.  Now, he believes it is time to marry and has been making his plans.

I asked rather casually how the planning was going and he proceeded to share the troubles he is facing.  His fiancée’s siblings are not in support of the marriage, and they are making each step of it difficult for the couple.  Normally a married woman would be given a home or part of a home by her family, but the siblings have refused their sister this right.  Normally they would help financially and participate in the wedding proceedings, but her siblings have refused to help and have even said they will not attend the wedding.  If that wasn’t enough, they have tried to spread rumors and have gone to witch doctors to place curses on the young couple.  Bako says that he cannot walk through his fiancée’s neighborhood without hearing the whispers or being informed of the gossip.  He says they are “front page news”.

Our daughter waiting for event to start

I only have one side of the story, but when asked why the siblings are so against this marriage, Bako says it is straight-up jealousy.  His fiancée is the first in the family to finish her education (i.e. high school) and her plan to marry an educated, working man (most island men are unemployed) would also be a first.  This has caused tremendous jealousy and all the trouble according to Bako.  There may well be more to the story, but such stories of jealousy are common enough here, that I am inclined to believe this is truly the main reason.

However, there is hope for the young couple.  Her siblings may not support her, and her parents may be gone, but she has uncles who do not agree with the siblings.  They have given their support for the wedding and marriage, pledging to help with preparations and even providing a home for them.  So, thankfully, uncles carry more weight than siblings in family affairs.

Having heard about the complicated mess in the bride’s family, I asked Bako if his family is supportive.  “My family is in complete support,” he proudly said…but then he qualified it. “Except for my father.”  When Bako was a small boy his father left his mother and married another woman and never gave support or love to Bako.  This is shameful by the standards of island culture, yet an all too common occurrence.  A wedding would be a perfect opportunity for his father to reconcile and restore some of the honor, he has lost both for himself and his son, but he has refused.  He wants nothing to do with the wedding and refuses to go.

As Bako tells me these things about his father I can see the hurt it causes him. His father continues to reject him without cause.  “Your father is a fool,” I told him.  “He has a responsible and honorable son.  He should be proud of you.  He is making a great mistake.”  Bako brushed it off as if it wasn’t so important, but it was clear to me that it still hurts him, and why shouldn’t it.  We didn’t talk anymore but  Bako allowed me to pray for him. 

Tom and friend at event this weekend

We spend a lot of time praying for families.  Much is broken here.  Will Bako be different from his father? Will his marriage be blessed? Will he care for his wife? Will there be reconciliation with her siblings? We pray for it.  Maybe you read this and think that it doesn’t sound so different from your situation or those fo your neighbors, but is that any less reason to pray for it? The good news makes all things new, and that includes families. So we hope and we pray and we wait for good news to change not just individuals but entire island families!

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our teammate’s cousin made it safely home. Our teammate has found a good house and her two roommates have agreed. Still have to hammer out and sign the contract, but we’re thankful for such a promising option. It continues to be brutally hot and humid, but we are thankful for the occasional thunderstorms that have come and cooled things off (even if the respite is only temporary). A brother who traveled a couple months ago just returned (we had no idea how long he’d be gone or if he’d ever come back). It was encouraging to see him again and we’re hopeful that he can be a positive presence on this island. Just got the news that Tom’s sister had a baby girl! We rejoice in this new life!

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Our teammate is meeting with a family but so far their meetings to study have been very distracted. They are hoping to meet twice a week, pray that the right family members would be present and that their time would be free from distractions. Our 7 year old downstairs neighbor has breathing problems and was whisked to the hospital this morning because she was struggling. We’re not sure if it is asthma or allergies, but pray with us that her lungs would open and her breathing would come easily in this humid weather. Our old teammates (who now live and work on the French Island) are also househunting, pray that they would find the right home and in the right community. Another former teammate is arriving at the end of the week to visit the islands and explore the possibilities for his family coming back in the future— pray for a good visit and that it would bring clarity to future decisions.