Being Genuine

Megan with good friend on big island

A number of years ago when we first came to Africa we were challenged to be genuine wherever we were and with whomever we were talking. That is to say that we don’t make ourselves to be a different person with different people, but to be always who we are. It could be easy when you are living abroad to portray yourself one way to people back home and portray yourself differently to the people you are living among. Forget whole groups, you can paint yourself in different lights as you move from an individual person to person. It becomes less about who you really are and who you think people want you to be. Whether in nuanced or truly deceitful ways, we see that the temptation exists for all of us not to be completely genuine. It is a temptation that strikes many: ourselves, colleagues and islanders.

The temptation to be less than genuine for islanders is very strong because culturally, lying is often not considered wrong if it gets you what you want. For example, we’ve heard islanders admit to lying about their age or background to get scholarships abroad.

Islanders don’t trust each other very much. They are very suspicious of each other’s motives and often assume the worst. We don’t want to be plagued by this same mistrust, but we cannot deny that we have to be careful with islanders and try to decipher their motives for coming to us. What do they want from us? They may be telling us what they think we want to hear in order to get what they want.

There is also the temptation for islanders to misrepresent the truth—not for selfish reasons, but in order to honor or please someone they respect or care about. Islanders may know what we are hoping for and so they give us the impression that our hope is happening to please us.  They don’t want to disappoint people. This is especially a problem with foreign investors or people who only come for short visits. We have seen islanders go to great lengths to deceive a foreign visitor with the idea that great things are happening on the islands when in fact nothing is really happening.

Hot Season coming, means fruit is in season!

The temptation is there for us and colleagues to do the same thing. Won’t supporters be more excited to invest if they think that big things are happening on the islands? Maybe we can just omit the struggles and failures and only tell the encouraging stories? Maybe we can say things in a vague way that, while not quite lying, gives people a different impression than reality? In our group on the islands we try to send our newsletters and updates to each other, so we can keep up-to-date with each other, but also to provide accountability, to make sure we are not being disingenuous with people.  It sometimes happens that someone will write a newsletter that sounds happy and upbeat when we know they’ve had a horrible month filled with struggles and disappointment. So we challenge each other. How can people truly support and encourage you if they don’t know the truth about what is going on?

There are also subtler temptations. It isn’t about lying exactly, but there can be a temptation to make light of things that are serious or make a big deal about things that are minor. Or romanticizing events or downplaying difficulties. This can be a real temptation with our blog. How do we write an interesting blog each week? Some weeks do we end up making a big deal about something that isn’t? Other times do we skip over something significant because it doesn’t sound good or we’re blinded to its significance? Sometimes there are concerns about confidentiality or general security that inspires us to be too vague or gloss over events. Or sometimes we are just worried about our audience misinterpreting things. We can’t give them all the details, so how do we shape their understanding?

For example this past month with the unrest on our island, there was a double temptation. First there was the temptation to describe events with a dire or dramatic flare because we want people to be concerned so that they are praying for the situation. But there is the second temptation to downplay the realities and leave out significant details because we don’t want family back home to get upset and demand our immediate evacuation. In this situation, we tried to stay honest, but we probably leaned towards omitting details so as not to overly alarm people.  But now that the danger is over, the temptation to dramatize the retelling returns.

This whole issue of authenticity and portraying oneself genuinely and honestly has actually been a big crisis for our greater group on the islands lately. There have been a few difficult situations where islanders and colleagues have apparently been giving false impressions to outsiders or to us. We hope that they have had good intentions and will be willing to come clean but we know coming clean isn’t easy. Especially for islanders in an honor and shame context, it is hard to confess and admit to deceiving people.

We just saw Ma Imani this week while we visited the big island. She was pretty worked up. “They haven’t called me for a long time. Then a visitor comes and they are calling to say we’re having a meeting. Why aren’t we always meeting? Why do we only meet when there is a foreign visitor?” We shared her frustrations and asked her what she thought should be done. She came to the conclusion that we needed to pray and that she didn’t want to be a party to deception.

Our family enjoying pool on big island

So we pray and try to ask ourselves in what ways are we not being authentic or completely open about who we are, what we do or what is happening. Feel free to push us and ask!

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our friend has made it back to the islands. He missed one consultant checking but has made it back before the second round this coming week. We had three days on the big island this week both to connect with our leadership but also to have some vacation time. It was nice to relax a little after a stressful month. We were thankful to see Ma Imani and know that even though she is frustrated with others that she is doing well. She is very thankful for how God saw her through her surgery and we are thankful that it seems like she has been a good encouragement and challenge to others while she has been on the big island.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for the issues mentioned in the blog, especially for those positioned to give accountability to those who are not being honest and genuine. Pray for the potentially difficult conversations that may happen and that people would be willing to repent and grow in transparency. We are currently hosting and participating in a group doing a vision trip on the other side of our island with the idea of having another team start there. Pray for the next two days that they would make the right connections, see the right things and have unity and clarity about how to move forward.  On Sunday, a consultant comes to do two weeks of checking for the language project. Pray that the consultant would make it here safely and that everyone involved would be healthy and ready for a productive two weeks.