Accuse, Deny, Accuse, Repeat

A scene of Islanders in light conflict (different story, sorry)

“It was you.  I know you did it.”
“It was not me.  I’m telling you that was not me.  You’ve been tricked.”

And so it went, back and forth, raised voices, anger and an unwillingness to listen, all on my front porch.  But I had invited it.

It was a surprising thing when a young woman came to me (Tom) with a problem that they wished me to mediate.  This is a very common way to deal with a disagreement on the islands.  You do not go directly to the person you are in conflict with but go through a mediator.  I must admit I felt very ill-equipped to handle the situation and to talk to the other person about it.  Although I may be able to help mediate conflict in English among westerners, I certainly am not aware of all the nuances that might be required of a mediator in our Clove Island context.  But neither did I feel I could refuse.  So with prayer and trepidation I arranged to talk to the other party who was accused of wrong.

I talked with this person and they denied any wrong doing.  They seemed unhappy about the accusation, but I thought I could be done at that point.  I had done my mediation duty by bringing it to the attention of the other party, right?…I was wrong.  The next day I was asked if a meeting could be held at my home for both parties to discuss the problem.  Of course, I accepted and this is how I found myself in the middle of a “He said”, “She said” argument.

If you’re hoping for a happy ending to this one, I’m sorry.  I prayed at the beginning and had talked about forgiveness earlier, but the argument went on for quite some time, and there was little to mediate.  One person said the other did something.  The other denied it.  There was no way of knowing who was right and who was wrong but neither wanted to drop it. What could be done?  They argued back and forth until finally one party had enough and left, unconvinced of the other’s innocence.  The accused fumed for a while and then went on his way.

I thought that was the sorry end of it, but I received a text message the next day that the accused planned to press charges at the local magistrate for being falsely accused.  He apologized, seemingly realizing I wouldn’t approve. So much for successful mediation!

A recreated boardgame, made from scratch!

Reflecting on this situation does reveal a few things.  First of all, this argument was very much one about honor.  One felt dishonored by what they thought was the other’s actions.  The other felt dishonored to be accused of dishonorably actions.  Neither could say, “Let people say what they want, it doesn’t effect me.” Too much honor was at stake.  It matters what people will say.

Secondly, there was an unwillingness to back down.  Both seemed to take a stand and would not give an inch.  There was a possibility that the accused was wrongfully accused, but his accuser would not have it.  As for the accused, he would accept nothing less then a full apology to restore his honor.

Lastly, and this is the saddest part for me, is the total lack of trust.  No one can assume the best of the other in these situations.  Mostly the worst is assumed.  The accused is a long time friend and I want to assume the best of him.  But my island experience tells me differently.  Maybe he did do something wrong, but his honor stops him from ever admitting it.  The accuser is also someone I know.  But I have lived here long enough to know that there are often other motivations behind such accusations.  So distrust and suspicion reign and there is little that can change it unless light shines into the darkness and exposes the hearts of men.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are honored that people would trust us and look to us in times of conflict (pray for us to grow in that role as peacemakers). All three of our teammates have made it safely back to the islands. Pray for them as they transition back into life here. Our three island colleagues went to a meeting of medical workers that went very well.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We’ve had word that a family member back home is in crisis— it weighs on us. Pray for him and his family as they work back to normal that they would find healing and peace. Our short-termer has to get a visa before buying her plane ticket (something we didn’t expect)—pray that seats on the desired plane flight would remain available and inexpensive until she can buy them. A family is considering doing a vision trip to the islands this month, pray that we could find the best time for everyone involved and that they would have good discernment for the future. There are a lot of shortages on the island right now that makes life a little more challenging. Pray that the hold-up of containers at the port would end and that the needed products would make it into shops. Some island brothers and sisters are at trainings abroad— pray that the things that they learn would be applicable and used well here on the islands. We just got a new resource — a video that has been in the works for a long time. Pray that we could use it well and get others to use it too. There is still hopes for a medical team on our island but they are still looking for leadership— pray for His timing to be clear.