A Different Kind of Giving

Our son with baby of good friend

The other day I was reading the passage that says “Give to all those who ask of you.”  I’ve always found this a tough passage.  Does it really mean everyone?

When we first came to the islands, the question of giving was so overwhelming.  People would come by our house and ask for money all the time.  Most of them we didn’t know.  Most of the time we didn’t know how much to give.  Most of the time we didn’t know if we should give or not.

Looking back on it, I think part of the problem is we weren’t used to being asked.  Who asks you for money in the States?  Most of the time giving happens with organizations.  The giving is very standardized—go to a website, fill out some forms, etc.  We are not used to people from church or neighbors coming up to us and asking us for money on the spot.  That is embarrassing and weird.

How different it is here.  Thinking about it…we are giving every week—nearly every day in some shape or form.  We have multiple neighbors who come asking for food.  In fact, we buy certain commodities in bulk so that we can be ready for such requests.  Rice, oil, sugar or a can of sardines are all regular requests.  Then there are the money requests:
“My child is sick.”
“My son is getting married.”
“My grandmother died. [And the funeral costs are very high.]”
“My daughter is traveling to study abroad.”

Talking under a tree on outing last weekend

Sickness, marriage, funeral, travel, celebrations, holidays, and visitors are all acceptable reasons in island culture to ask someone for money, and since we have many acquaintances and there is almost always someone somewhere getting sick, marrying, dying, traveling, etc, we get these requests on a weekly basis.  And we’ve discovered that, for the most part, we do give to everyone who asks! In fact, it’s become quite normal for us to do so.  When did this change take place?  When did it stop being overwhelming and weird and become normal and good?

I think it happened when we understood two things on the islands better.  The first was, we are part of a community.  If we have a real acquaintance with someone, then their expecting money from us (when money is needed) is normal.  People who come asking and who aren’t part of that community (complete strangers) have no business asking us for money.  For them to do so is rude and no better than begging.  When someone in your community asks for money, they are not begging, they are simply looking for some help and that is very different.

The other thing we’ve come to understand is that most of the time you are expected to give a little—not a lot.  So if someone comes to you with a medical bill for $100, they aren’t expecting you to pay the bill.  They’re expecting to get $10 or $20.  Then they’re expecting to get similar amounts from 5 other neighbors until they cover the cost of the bill.  How freeing this is!  Somehow there’s a big difference between giving someone $5 now and then versus paying a large bill on occasion. 

Tom & kids on same outing

And so we find we basically can give to all those who ask.  Of course there are still those who push beyond the societal rules and there are those who beg.  But even with these, it’s easy enough to give a token—we give them something because they have asked, and somehow it feels better than a refusal.  Is this what the passage means when it says, “give to everyone who asks?”  We can’t say that we’ve figured it all out or that we don’t still make mistakes, but somehow it feels like we’re getting closer to the mark, at least here on the islands.

*a book that was helpful to us when we first got to Africa and struggling with this new culture around money was African Friends and Money Matters.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We have decided on a house for our new teammates (coming this month!) and we’ve signed a contract with the landlords! We’re also well on our way to having all the things we need for the house.  Our friend is out of the hospital and doing a bit better, but is far from healed yet.  We’ve had two opportunities to pray for him and hope to see improvement continue.  The kids continue to enjoy school this year.  We are so thankful for that! 


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Keep praying for our new teammates and the all the final details as they come together both on their side in the US and for us here on the islands. Pray for Ma Imani and her daughters (she was gifted a ticket so Imani could travel with them).  They have traveled to the big island for medical treatment.  Pray that they find it.  The woman’s gathering has not happened yet, so pray that rescheduling would happen and it would not simply be forgotten.  Tom is leading a 3 hour workshop on teaching techniques this weekend.  Pray that he could extend light, love and wisdom to the teachers and administrators he meets.  Pray for our teammate as she comes back to a busy schedule after a fun but rather intense time back in the States.