Why Was I Worried?

 It is humbling to realize how many times I have to learn the same lesson.

Some lessons we’ve managed to learn. When hardships come, we know that God will provide and in some situations we don’t even notice the potential hardships because we have grown to trust that we will be provided for and it will all turn out okay. Thoughts that used to bother us and cause us to worry might still pop into our minds, but they don’t linger or take root in our hearts. In those situations we can remind ourselves of God’s promises, we can remember the lessons of His faithfulness in our past and be reassured.

Ready for school in France (2012)

But some areas in their life we are slow to learn.
 
One slow-learning area has been related to our kids. We knew when we answered the call to serve overseas that it would mean our future children would have unique blessings and hardships. We knew that (like all parents) our choices would greatly impact our kids.

But still anticipating hard times for our kids is rough. If there is a hardship that hits one of us parents or that is hitting the family as a whole, it’s easier to remember the lessons of God’s faithfulness, but if it’s just our kids, the troubling thoughts are more likely to linger and more likely to take root in worry. In worry, our minds come up with lots of reasons why the current situation is unique, how the factors are new, thereby subconsciously trying to convince our hearts that these new factors somehow invalidate the previous examples of provision.

When our oldest daughter was set to start school, we happened to be in France. We had only arrived days before. She had never been to school. The school would be all in French with native French speakers. She didn’t know any French. She was starting mid-year with a group of kids that all knew each other already. My mind had lots of reasons why this could be really hard on her. Would she cry? cling to my leg? be miserable? We prayed about it and got others praying, but it was still with nervousness and worry that I walked to school with her on the first day. That’s when God (through our daughter) totally astounded me. As soon as we got to the door, our daughter ran right in without being told, without a backward glance and started doing a puzzle at one of the tables with another child. Even the teacher was surprised and assumed our daughter had been to school before. I saw it for what it was, a lesson that God was answering prayers and watching over our daughter. I didn’t need to worry.

School on the islands (2014)

This early lesson hasn’t stopped us from worrying multiple times with our kids at school. When we transitioned to the islands, the new factors were the facts that they were the only foreign kids, and that island teachers didn’t work very hard to make things fun or interesting, preferring to use fear and shame as motivators for learning. Still somehow our daughter’s transition to island school went fine. Next it was the fact that our three kids are different— our daughter was fine, but our sons have unique factors that might have made school more difficult for them. We could feel worry creeping into our hearts.

And to be honest, sometimes island school has been difficult. But each time we’ve hit a major transition point and gotten ourselves worked up about it and proceeded to get people to pray, God has answered in amazing ways and left me questioning, “why was I so worried?”

So now to the latest lesson— lots of new factors to feed the worry machine… high school, boarding school! (with all the accompanying challenges), our older (easily bored) son only doing homeschool, our youngest at local school by himself having struggled with French— it was easy to imagine that this fall could have left all three of our kids really struggling (or at least that’s what worry told our hearts). We’ve prayed a lot and even though I know it shouldn’t surprise us anymore, we have been amazed by how well our kids are doing. I am humbled, because even as I knew that God is faithful and I knew He had provided in similar circumstances, I had also prepared myself for this fall not going well.

Doing some homeschool art time! (this week)

I shouldn’t be surprised. Our daughter is doing great and seems to be thriving with friends, teachers and classes she really enjoys. Our sons have adjusted quickly to their new schooling situations. The older coming up with so many activities and things he wants to grow in that his schedule is full, leaving little time for boredom. The younger being blessed by an unusually patient island teacher and also understanding more French than he ever has.

Why was I worried again? Isn’t this the same lesson? Thankfully we have a very patient Father willing to provide us the same lessons again and again. And maybe soon, we will still remember to pray fervently and we will see Him be amazingly faithful, but we can skip the worrying part.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Praise that our three kids are all doing fine in their respective school situations.  Definitely an answer to prayer.  Rice is back in the shops and we think flour has started to come back! We are hoping the bakeries will be back to full production soon.  Two of our teammates are getting ready to head back to their home countries for some months.  They have both had very successful terms and we are so thankful for the growth, strength, perseverance and love shown by each of them.  We’ll miss them and will look forward to their return.  Tom’s good friend, Barak is back from 5 months of medical treatment on another island.  The reunion was very joyful.  Barak appears to be in much better health after two operations, and he joyfully told Tom it is because of our prayers he is better.  Hoping this is an opening for more healing and new life!


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Just because things are going well does not mean there won’t be challenges along the way.  Pray with us for our kids, and your kids—there are bound to be difficulties, hard times, and struggles but we never have to give up hope.  Let’s keep praying for them—our Father is faithful.  Dimi will have a chance to visit with a counselor during his travels, may it be a comfort to him in his grief.  Keep lifting up his children as well.  Pray for Uhaju as he continues to search for more fellowship.  Pray that island brothers and sisters across the islands would desire to see each other at least once a week, if not more.  So many seem content with once a month or less.  Tomorrow is Tom’s birthday and he got home from class this evening not feeling well.  Pray for him to feel better quick!

What We Pass Down

Recently our neighbor cut down a tree out in his fields.  It was a large breadfruit tree, at least 2ft in diameter—a hard wood, that has a bright yellow color inside.  What did he do with it?  As you may have guessed, much of it went for firewood—not for heating a home but for cooking.  Even here in the city, although many homes have cooking stoves powered by gas or kerosene, many still prefer to cook over an open flame (especially as gas prices have risen).   

The beginning sections of trunk

The whole tree was useful. The branches would be used for cooking.  The large lush green leaves would be much enjoyed by cows and goats, as animal feed.  But the trunk had a special purpose.  The trunk was cut into sections, about 2-3 feet high and put in our courtyard.

The next day the artisan arrived, his only tools a long machete and an adze.  He quickly went to work on one of the sections of trunk.  Wood chips started to fly, all the way up to our second floor veranda.  As he turned the wood, chopped with his machete, and scooped with his adze, a shape took form.  He was making a shino, a large wooden mortar used for crushing and pounding—especially the cassava leaves used in the national dish.  As we watched him work we were impressed by how hard the wood was, but also with how quickly he could make one.  By the end of a day he had finished.  A shino goes for about a hundred dollars—on the islands, that’s not bad for a day’s work. He came back day after day, the tree ultimately producing 6 or 7 more shinos.

The man making the shino was not young and he had no apprentice with him.  Megan asked if he was training anyone else to do it.  The neighbors didn’t think so. His kids would go to school, they wouldn’t sit and learn his craft.  Who would make shinos after he was gone? The neighbors didn’t know and paid lip service to the fact that he needed to teach someone, but none of them is going to volunteer their kids to be his apprentice.  Could this become another lost art?  Perhaps someday.

Shino taking shape

What gets passed down to the next generation?  What is worth passing onto our children and what are the things they no longer need?  In island school, children still learn to write in cursive (something we’ve heard has been dropped in a lot of US schools). Is such a skill really necessary, when messages are more often written with thumbs on a phone these days than with a pen?  Islanders are careful to pass onto their children the art of recitation.  At our teammates house a little school sits next door where every day children come to memorize long chapters of Arabic verses, the meaning of which they don’t understand, but which will be important for ceremonial events, from weddings to burials and everything in between.  Chanting is an expected part of island culture and carefully passed down to each generation.

Part of me hears their chanting of words they don’t understand and feels exasperated at the uselessness of it all.  But what we pass down, shows what is important to us and what we value!  We wonder at our own culture.  What are we passing on with gusto and what are we failing to share with equal care?  Whether intentionally or not, we often pass on to others the things that are important to us.

We may claim somethings as essential to our life, but if we fail to pass it onto others, another reality is revealed.  Meanwhile, things we claim to be of little importance, we carefully reinforce through our ardent love for them.  What do we truly value?  What are we passing on? Perhaps the artisan who makes such fine shinos takes no pride in his work?  Perhaps he just sees it as something to make a buck.  Or perhaps he doesn’t want to teach others—perhaps he does not want competition.  Perhaps again, he simply hasn’t thought about it, and if an apprentice came along, he would be happy to teach him.  

The reality is that if we know something that is important, we should be teaching it to someone else. If we aren’t passing it down, then we are ultimately making it unimportant.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
A truly big shipment of rice finally came to Clove Island! Other shipments have been small and unsatisfying, but with this one, everyone that we know has found a sack of rice (even us) and we see stacks of them in shops again. What a relief! The women’s gathering went well and was well attended. Our daughter continues to do well at boarding school and had a great midterm break.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Rice has come but there are still shortages of several other things— the one we are feeling the most is the flour shortage, which means we can’t find bread. Pray that flour would come soon! Pray for the continuing rise in crime here— people say the youth being deported from the French Island are bringing their lives of crime back with them and don’t know any shame. One of our island friends was beaten up by some of these youth while she was out in the fields. Pray for her healing and for her husband to take good care of her. Pray for Dimi’s kids as he is traveling for the first time off island since their mother died. One local brother lost his father this past week and we go as a group tomorrow to give our condolences. Pray that we could be an encouragement to him and also pray that Uhaju might be able to join us and start to be more connected with the community.

Only One Month

It has only been a month since his wife has died, but Dimi hasn’t had the freedom to take a break from life. Beyond the daily duty of caring for his four kids, he also needs to work to provide for them. Dimi admitted that it has been rough in lots of different ways, even while he can point to all the examples of God’s goodness and of the way people have been coming alongside him to help him with the kids. Women in the extended family are coming over and helping prepare food and clean the house. They worked it out so his kids are in the same classes as their cousins, so the burden of ferrying kids to/from school is shared. Life keeps going, even as the lives of him and his kids has changed so much. They’ve had to transition to new routines, school has restarted and their lives have rearranged—and it’s only been a month!

On river hike

It’s only been a month, but Dimi tells us that pressure started as soon as his wife’s funeral (a mere days after her death). The pressure for him to find another wife.

When Megan had first explained Dimi’s situation to an island friend—just that a man with 4 kids had lost his wife—her friend was very quick to say that he just needed to find another wife (ideally an unmarried sister or cousin in his wife’s family) to raise his kids. She made it sound easy and that after that, all his problems and difficulties would be over. But this was an islander who doesn’t know Dimi or his  heart.  She was just talking generally—that’s what should be done in these situations.  But Dimi has a different kind of heart. 

Unsure on 1st day of school

We knew the pressure to remarry would come eventually, but we didn’t realize how quickly and how directly. But no, days after the funeral, Dimi was told directly that now that his wife was in the ground, he was free to start looking for a new wife (and he should!).  There is even a story that says that their prophet said as soon as the dirt has filled in the grave, on the walk back from the graveyard, a man should start searching for his new wife.  To our ears, it boggles the mind how anyone could be so callous, but many islanders would nod their heads in agreement and add an amen to this sentiment.

Thankfully Dimi is able to use these conversations to share that his view of marriage is very different from that of most islanders. His wife was not just the mother of his children and the woman who cooked and cleaned at his house. She was a partner in his life.  Two had become one.

Unfortunately this is not how islanders usually view marriage. In our experience, most island men would confidently say that their mother is the most important woman in their life. Their reasoning is that wives are replaceable (you can always get another one), but your mother isn’t. We have often lamented this feeling among island men.   Thankfully we have known some island men who have good marriages where they truly love their wives. We doubt these men would be so flippant about replacing their wives. But we pray for more islanders to feel this way— we pray that more islanders would respect marriage so much that they took time to find the right partner.

After good first week!

Many years ago, Dimi was riding in a car with Tom and he shared that, though he loved his wife very much, he regretted not finding a wife with the same heart.  That if he had to do it over again, he would have married someone of the same heart, soul, mind and strength.  Tom was able to remind him of that conversation.  Dimi said he remembered that conversation well.  He had not forgotten and that’s why he asked us to pray for him.

So the reality for Dimi is that he is feeling a lot of pressure, and that pressure will most likely only continue. To be fair, we are sure that some of these people who are pressuring are trying to be helpful. They are thinking of his kids and how hard it is to raise and care for kids without a wife. They are thinking of him and his loneliness. They aren’t used to men caring so much for their wives and may see themselves as being helpful. But it isn’t helping him grieve his wife and process what life now looks like for his family. It's only been a month.

PRAYERS ANSWERED

Megan’s knee is doing a lot better.  Our colleagues returned from the medical conference.  It sounds like it went well and was very encouraging.  Our youngest son’s first week of school went really well.  It seems like he has a good, encouraging teacher and he seems more comfortable speaking up in class (speaking French) than he was last year—we are so thankful!  Our daughter is having a great time enjoying a beach vacation with friends from school.  We’ve been able to talk to her a few times and are happy to see her doing so well—even if we miss her tons.  

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for Dimi and his children, for them to find the space to grieve and for Dimi to remain strong amidst the onslaught of pressure from friends and family.  Pray for wisdom and discernment in how he should answer others and how to move forward.  Pray for our new brother Uhaju, who has been growing leaps and bounds in his heart and mind, but we are having trouble connecting him with our island brothers and sisters.  We need wisdom on how to do that well and to see him matched with others who want to learn and grow. Pray for the women’s gathering happening this week without one of the usual organizers— may women come and may other island women step up in discussion to make use of teachable moments.

Challenging Words

 Challenging someone can be tricky. Add a different culture and differences in status or power and it becomes quite difficult to do well, especially when preserving the relationship is a high priority.

Parents/Teachers Meeting- parent speaks

We were faced with just such a situation this week and as we were contemplating about how to proceed in respectful way and in a way where the person would actually listen, God provided an interesting window into how islanders themselves communicate challenging things. It came through a parents/teachers meeting.

I wouldn’t have known about the meeting if I hadn’t gone to the school to check about the first day of school. “There is a meeting for parents— this afternoon at 3pm!” At around 4pm I joined a crowd of parents and the meeting started. The whole meeting ended up being a long series of examples of islanders speaking challenging words.

Reading class rosters for back to school

First, it was the administrators challenging the parents— drop-off and pick-up your kids on time, make sure your kids study, make sure their school uniforms are clean, etc. The handful of points took over an hour to communicate. Second, the parents were given the floor and several parents presented their complaints or proposals for improvement—the school needs to communicate better, don’t let motorcycles in front of the school, help kids catching taxis home, show some grace to parents that are running a little late.

The whole meeting was in the local language and while I didn’t always catch all the details or understand all the jokes, I did observe and learn a number of things about how islanders framed their challenging words in order to ease their reception.

If I were to turn my observations into a how-to guide it would be this:

1. Start by thanking everyone and acknowledge specific reasons you are thankful for how they fulfill their roles well.
2. Talk about the principles behind your complaint or challenge. (Don’t go straight into dirty school uniforms—talk about the need for respect in school and the importance of the school’s image and its standing in the community. Don’t talk about the motorcycles in front of school— talk about the importance of safety and how much you love your kids and don’t want to see them hurt.)
3. Tell a story that illustrates your point or the need for change. Make it dramatic and retell the key points multiple times. (For example, the story of a kid being left with the school principal until midnight because both parents didn’t realize the other hadn’t picked her up. Emphasis on the long hours, the child’s sobbing tears and her sense of abandonment. All to support the coming point— don’t be late picking up your kids.)
4. Finally make your point or proposal. You can be direct and commanding.
5. Afterwards generically apologize in case you have ever offended anyone (this can be done at the beginning too) and/or concede some truth to the other side of the story before redoubling your own proposal, re-referencing the dramatic story and principles. (You realize it is easier to drive your motorcycle up the alley to the school entrance, but it isn’t safe for all the kids walking!)
6. Thank everyone again for the opportunity to speak and then sit down.
   

It was amazing how closely each person followed this basic pattern. The meeting was getting close to 2 hours long and parents were grumbling about going home, when the administration said they had just one more thing to say and proceeded to drop the most controversial point (and in my mind the main reason the parents meeting was called): They were increasing the school fees.

They started by again thanking everyone for coming and for caring about their kids’ education, they talked about how important education is, they told stories about how much prices are going up across the board and then they gave the new prices, they apologized and admitted it would be hard on parents but it was a necessity.

Our son made breakfast mandazis!

They did the steps for easing the news, but that didn’t stop the meeting from ending in an uproar and lots of people upset. I guess the reception of some difficult things can only be eased so much!

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our younger son and a teammate were ill this past week with tummy troubles, but thankfully both are doing much better. Megan injured her knee hiking over the weekend, but again we are thankful for God’s protection that it wasn’t serious and she is already walking without pain and that it didn’t hurt her back! One of our colleagues needed to travel off island but hadn’t received the necessary visa in time— many prayed and she was allowed on the plane and in the country on arrival! Praise for different stories of islanders filled with excitement for reading and studying the good book.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray that we would grow in our ability to say challenging things in a way that can be heard and appreciated! The rice shortage continues— we continue to pray for relief and more shipments of rice to both come and be distributed fairly. Two of our colleagues are at a conference in mainland Africa for medical workers— may it be refreshing and encouraging to the work of the medical team here on Clove Island. Pray for Tom as he considers how to encourage island brothers towards greater growth and community. Pray the monthly women’s gathering would still happen in spite of one of the main organizers not being around. Our younger son is starting local school this week— pray that he would remember and become more comfortable in French so he can understand well and find school less stressful. Pray he would be a light to his classmates. Our daughter has a midterm break this coming weekend— we are sad that we won’t be able to be with her, but thankful that another family invited her to join them. Pray that she has a safe trip and restful break from school.

Conflict Mediation

After the meeting, I hopped up from the mat, happy to stretch my back and play hostess,  getting the gathered people snacks and drinks. Elewa let everyone know that people were free to go but that some were going to hang back and talk. I didn’t think much of her comment— some people usually hang out for awhile after our monthly meetings, but I also knew some people had places to go.

Playing with kids while women gather

It wasn’t until a few minutes later when Elewa called my name that I knew something was up. She was sitting closely with two other women and asking me to join them. It quickly became clear that this was a mediation meeting, called by Elewa to confront and mediate conflict between these two women.

I’m not sure if I was there as moral support for Elewa, as an outside observer, or if I was merely invited because they were doing it at my house. In any case, I wasn’t asked to speak. I just listened intently and observed. For the next 45 minutes, I was on the edge of my seat. But it wasn’t the conflict itself that absorbed my attention, it was how these island women were navigating their way through the conflict.

Most island conflicts that we’ve known of have ended in broken relationships and/or long-held grudges. Forgiveness and openly talking and addressing conflict is not the cultural norm here. We often pray for unity among the island body, but we also realize that unity is won through addressing conflict! Conflict will come. If we want to find true and lasting unity, we all need to learn to navigate conflict in a way that honors God and others— but that process can look different depending on the culture!

Tom visits English class

I could hear the hurt and residual anger as each of the two women gave their accounts.  After that, I was skeptical that this mediation was going to actually end in forgiveness and reconciliation. But then Elewa began to speak.  Elewa emphasized her status as the oldest woman (even if it is only by a few years) and used it to full advantage— talking at length about the need for mutual asking for forgiveness and the dangers of allowing conflict and disunity tear the group apart. She said she wouldn’t force them, but explained what she hoped would happen. As we went into a time of closing prayer (with Elewa having done the majority of the talking), she told them to hold hands. They held hands but it was still hard to tell whether anything had penetrated their hearts. At the end of the prayer, I was half expecting there to be curt, polite goodbyes and for everyone to go their own way pretty quickly. But instead, an amazing thing happened.  Right after the ‘amen’, there were tears, hugs and asking for forgiveness. Elewa and I starting praying in thanksgiving while the women embraced.

What a beautiful thing to witness! Not only because these two women are no longer at odds, but because it was all so culturally-appropriate and at the same time counter-cultural! It could have been so easy for these women to avoid each other or to continue to go through the motions of community, holding onto grudges and never having true community. (We see it on the islands all the time!) We pray for change and this was an answer to that prayer. We pray for a true community of love and forgiveness, and witnessing this mediation encourages us that it is not only possible, but it is starting to happen.

Special dessert for Mommy/son date night

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are so thankful to see these signs of maturity and growth in the area of conflict resolution. May there be many more redeeming examples in the coming months/years. The doors opened for one of our grieving colleagues to travel home for his grandfather’s funeral— his trip will be short, but we pray it will be meaningful and a blessing for him and his extended family. Our daughter has been transitioning well to boarding school (making friends, adjusting to the workload, and not very homesick)— these are big answers to prayer. Thanks for praying. Our new responsibilities are feeling less overwhelming as we settle into our new role.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
As far as we know the big rice shipment that came last week has yet to be distributed— pray that rice would get to the people that need it most. There has been a lot of death and grief lately among the people we know— some anticipated but also lots of shocks (including some children). Pray for light to shine on those walking the long road of grief and loss. The situation on the French Island continues to be very bad— with crime and gangs overwhelming the island. Pray for a way out of this complicated and messy situation and for the weariness of those living and trying to be lights there to lift.

Rich or Poor

 “Two things I ask of you, LORD;
do not refuse me before I die:
Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.”
Proverbs 30:7-9

Saying goodbye to friend leaving for her studies

“Give me neither poverty nor riches,…”  Living overseas the way we do, we are caught in this weird dichotomy of poverty and riches. Back home, our salary for our size of family would make us very far from wealthy, but that same salary on the islands makes us rich here.

So what are we? If rich means never looking at the price of things and being able to spend without thinking, then we’re not rich. But if being rich, means having more than we need than we are definitely rich. We always have enough. We can confidently say that God has always provided our daily bread and more. As the world and the islands suffer economically, we feel the divide between us, who have enough, and those that don’t have enough. We are privileged, and living on the islands we feel it.

Some can still afford weddings

“But give me only my daily bread…” As food prices soar here, we have to ask ourselves hard questions about cutting back and wondering what we should be buying now. But we haven’t known the weight of having absolutely no money to our names. We’re contemplating whether to switch to more dried beans instead of canned, and whether meals with imported products need to become ‘special-occasion’ meals instead of everyday meals. We don’t have to contemplate which shops are going to keep letting us take on credit or what wealthier family member we can beg to help us out again to put food on the table. For us cutting back is a choice, we aren’t scraping to survive.

“Or I may become poor and steal…”  We haven’t known desperation, but we realize lots of island families have been pushed to that point. With the rising desperation on the islands has come rising crime. Home break-ins are becoming more and more common. One of our teammates’ neighbors had everything of value, (including 70 kgs of harvested and dried cloves) taken this past week when they left a window open overnight.

The recent trials of shortages and inflation are challenging for us, but we know that we are privileged. The weight isn’t crushing. When our kids say they are hungry, we can give them food. Our privilege means we can help others. We get to be the ones that continue to give with food and money to those that ask us.

Tom with friends at wedding

“Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you…”  In our leadership position, we have to help create a budget for all the island workers for next year. We are answering a form of questions about inflation and what goods cost now, but the underlining question of, “How much money do you need?” is harder to answer. Is the goal to not have to worry about money? Is the goal to have excess so we can give and support the poor in our communities? Is the goal to join in the suffering of those around us and get rid of some of our privilege? These are big questions that thankfully we don’t have to answer by ourselves.

The person who penned that prayer in Proverbs was asking to be spared the desperation of poverty and overabundance of riches, both of which could cause him to forget God. He realized that losing perspective was the greatest risk, whether rich or poor. May we not forget whom we should look to and call on in all circumstances.  

We call on God to provide our daily bread (or daily rice). We have found Him to be a faithful provider. May more and more find Him so.

PRAYERS ANSWERED


We had a memorial for our island brother’s wife this past week.  It was a good time of fellowship as brothers and sisters came together to love and support Dimi.  Our teammate made it safely back to the States.  The unrest of last week seems to have settled down.  They even say that the rice has arrived, but it seems they are being much more cautious about how it is distributed (for better or for worse).  The populace remains calm.  We are thankful that we and our teammates continue to have encouraging, light-shining conversations and that we see encouraging developments in the hearts and minds of islanders.


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Some of our island colleagues have had loved ones pass away in their home countries this past week.  Some of the hardest decisions we have to make are at these times—whether to travel or to stay.  It is a difficult question that needs discernment and grace.  Pray that they would know what best to do and whether they go or stay, that they could find time to grieve and rest and find peace.  Tom starts teaching English again this week.  Pray that finding the balance between English teaching, family, relationships, and leadership responsibilities would continue to develop in the days ahead.  Continue to lift up Dimi and his family, as life returns to normal for others, they will still be grieving.  May God give them comfort.

Loss

It all happened so fast our heads were spinning. This past week was the funeral for our island brother, Dimi’s wife.  She leaves behind 4 children, ages 2 to 11.  We received news of her illness and subsequent travel to Tanzania for treatment just as we were leaving the States.  We had only been back to Clove Island a few days when we received news of her passing.  What a tumultuous and melancholy first week.

At burial

For islanders, there is no question that if the family can gather the money, the body should be buried on the islands—and as soon as possible.  So within hours of her passing, people were already making arrangements to fly her body home.  The funeral would occur immediately—as in the casket would leave the airport and go straight into the funeral.  So we soon knew the funeral would be on Wednesday afternoon.  But before that could happen, money needed to be raised and sent to Tanzania to clear the medical debts, and pay for transportation, and permissions.  In Island culture, everybody chips in and someone finds a way to get the money to where it needs to go—usually through a friend or relation.  So we and our teammates found ourselves messaging with people in Tanzania and across the islands trying to do our part to get money where it needed to go.  

As Wednesday approached there were other matters to consider.  Brothers and sisters from the other islands were coming over to attend the funeral.  They would need help with transportation.  It is customary for a delegation to meet the casket at the airport and ride in caravan to the village.  Cars had to be rented or borrowed for this purpose (complicated by unrest on the islands closing roads and making taxi-drivers uneasy).  Also any visitors would need places to stay.  People would have to open their homes to receive them, feed them, etc. We did our small part in finding one willing taxi driver to be part of the caravan and hosting a brother from the small island.

At around 3pm on Wednesday the body arrived.  The funeral procession began.  The cars raced down the streets following the ambulance that led the way, through many towns until arriving at the village where hundreds of people already awaited the caravan.  Funerals are a community event, so hundreds of people being present is not surprising.  At this point men and women split up (although the majority of people at the airport were men).  The women gather together to chant and pray—our island sisters prayed in a different way.  The men gather at the home.  Briefly at the house I was able to see Dimi and give him a hug.  His eyes were tired and sad, but he was going forward stoically—Islanders are strongly discouraged from crying and other displays of mourning.  The body was taken from the travel casket and placed in the funeral casket.  The funeral casket is temporary and reusable.  In a moment the funeral casket was being carried outside and down the street to the place of worship.  Along the way, men would take turns carrying the load, switching in and out as they went along.  Men surrounded the casket front, back and sides, filling the road.  Dimi walked just behind it with some of his close blood relations. Tom did his part walking alongside them and Megan did her part sitting at the house with the women.

Remaining mourners around home after funeral

The casket was taken into the house of worship and a prayer is said.  Many of the men, and most of my brothers remained outside and waited.  When the prayer was finished the casket is then lifted again and taken to the grave—a long walk down the main street, and eventually into what looks like a field of banana, mango and clove trees, with grave humps the only distinguishing feature to mark it as a cemetery.  Upon arrival, some of the teachers begin to chant while some others go to work.  The body fully wrapped in cloth is removed from the casket and set in the grave, which is quickly filled in with dirt.  When the work is finished the burial is over.  The family of the deceased makes a receiving line and shakes everyone's hands, and then the men make their way back to their homes.

Back at the house, the brothers and sisters gathered.  The funeral may have been over, but they wanted a chance to gather around Dimi and pray for him.  We prayed with them. It was not long.  Dimi was clearly exhausted.  But the fellowship gathered around and lifted concerns up to their Dad.

We did our part, but we are very aware that we are just a small part of a whole community coming together to support our brother and friend.  Our sorrow is heavy.  But if there is one thing to rejoice in, one source of consolation it is seeing the brothers and sisters gathered for this moment—to see this community emerging—knowing that this family of brothers and sisters had an important role in helping the funeral go well and in helping Dimi feel supported and loved. We pray that they will continue to be that community for him in the hard days to come.

Our daughter at school

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful that everything came together for the funeral and for the community we witnessed and were able to be apart of. Our daughter continues to be giving us positive reports from boarding school. One shipment with rice came. It only scratched the surface of the need, but we hear more is coming. Our teammate is on her way to the US and successfully made it off the islands and was able to see Dimi on the big island as he traveled through.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
There was some significant unrest this past week on Clove Island, related to the rice shipment and its distribution. The government soldiers responded with lots of tear gas and tragically one child died from a severe reaction to the tear gas. Unrest continued with barred roads. The soldiers took several men into custody and destroyed property, making people upset again. Thankfully today the men were released and there is hope that the unrest will be over. Pray with us for peace. Pray for future rice shipments that they can be distributed fairly and peacefully. Pray that those shipments would come soon. Continue to pray for Dimi and his children as they continue to grieve.