Making Plans

 I don’t know if you can relate, but for us it’s that time of year when we make plans.  We are thinking about the end of 2026 and anticipating everything that might come our way in 2027 and beyond.  The funny thing about making plans is how much depends on other people.  Even as we sit down to discuss the year ahead we realize we will need to talk to a whole host of people in order to get anything like a plan together.  We simply can’t make plans without including others and considering the effects our plans will have on them.  It is a bit of a logistical puzzle sometimes, but ultimately it is a good thing. 

Tom at ceremony that could have had more planning

Another thing about plans is how we make them and then have to hold them with open hands.  I love the quote by Dwight D Eisenhower (perhaps one of the greatest planners to ever live). “Plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.”  How true this is.  We make our plans, but to hold onto them tightly is to cause unnecessary anxiety, stress and pain.  It’s not the plan that you need to stick to, but rather the time spent in planning that has opened your heart and your mind to the things you may encounter.  Of course the flip side of this is also true.  If there is no planning, then there is a great deal of unnecessary anxiety, stress and pain caused by all the waves of responsibility breaking against your unprepared existence.  

Local kids watch ceremony unfold

I was reflecting on this recently as I read about King David.  In a fit of thoughtless hubris and perhaps some political maneuvering, He thought to bring the ark of the covenant to his newly conquered capital—Jerusalem, the City of David.  I can see how he thought this a good idea—it would bring glory to his city and his kingdom.  It would help to centralize worship closer to his field of influence.  It would be a great unifying action.  He was also a deeply reverent man who rejoiced in worship and prayer.  So with the best of intentions, but very little planning, David set out to do what he thought was a great idea.  For those of you who don’t know the story, it does not turn out well.  In naive exuberance they place the ark on a cart and when Uzzah reaches out to steady it, he is struck dead.  The celebrations immediately cease, the ark is shunted off to a barn and David goes back to Jerusalem to sulk.  But after a few months, they try again.  This time planning takes place.  This time they do it thoughtfully.  They think through all the details and the result is a triumphal entry into the city.

I am struck by how often we are all like David.  How many times have I seen good intentions but poor planning result in failure, pain and disaster?  The “developing world” is literally littered with failed charity works of this nature.  Island businesses seem to fail constantly for the same reasons.  In my own life I can think of many a relationship that has suffered because of my “good intentions” but lack of planning to spend quality time with them.  Or when I’ve barreled ahead with a plan without talking to the members of my team and getting them on board—assuming they would agree with me and when they don’t, sulking like David did.

David had another plan—to build a house for the ark.  He went into great detail in the planning.  But then he was told he would not be the one to build the house.  This time David didn’t sulk.  He let go of his plan and accepted this change in plans with joy.  May we be equally as thoughtful in planning and still open to change. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our daughter had her follow-up appointment. It went well and the travel to the hospital and back wasn’t stressful.  Two new island sisters went for a special swim and we were there to celebrate with them and hear their stories. We’re thankful for how their lives have been changed.  Sisters on different sides of a recent controversy met together and were friendly and warm with each other. There was a large gathering on the big island this past week that was a unifying and encouraging event for many. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We are having to be patient about future planning but we hope to make some progress this week as we talk and meet with more people. Pray that we would be sensitive to all the different factors and plan with open hearts. Our teammate comes back from vacation this week— pray for good health for her and for a smooth transition back. There is a new couple that have come to be lights on the small island— pray for their integration into the community there and that they would be able to shine brightly. Our youngest son has settled in at boarding school but he doesn’t seem like he is thriving yet— pray for good friends and outlets for him. 

Soft Hearts

 When we were dropping off our youngest at boarding school at the end of August, it was interesting to see the new bunch of adolescents together for the first time.  They were quiet and guarded. They weren’t being playful or silly as they might have been if they had been meeting as younger kids. These are junior highers, they can’t afford to be too silly or weird. It felt like they were hardening a part of themselves in order to try to be cool or at least to avoid embarrassment. We harden ourselves so that we don’t stand out in a bad way. We harden the heart to not let our true selves out for fear that we won’t be accepted.

Finding joy in star fruit

Another hardening happens in hard places. If we constantly are confronted with overwhelming suffering, or with evil deeds it can harden our hearts.  We had a friend who, as part of her work, is constantly interacting with people in incredibly hard and heartbreaking situations. She talked about being confronted again and again with unsolvable problems.  How do you keep your heart soft when that’s your reality? If we are surrounded by the dark too long we can become jaded and cynical. Hoping for a happy ending feels naive and like an invitation to disappointment so we can close ourselves off.  We try to protect our hearts by hardening them.

Last month we listened to a podcast about being easily edified. The idea is that you can be encouraged and uplifted and taught by lots of things. The podcaster suggested that people don’t value this as a trait but that they should. People tend to value being hard to edify— they frame it as being discerning or intelligent.  This too is a hardening of our hearts— to immediately look to tear apart and critique rather than to learn and be encouraged, to dismiss something as too simple or unsophisticated to impact us.  We can think it is more impressive to tear down a piece of new information rather than to allow it to impact us.

We harden our hearts as a survival tactic. Whether for junior high or hard situations or just the critical culture of our time— this self-protecting hardness feels necessary.  Our hard exterior is like an armor.  We are less impacted by the negativity around us, but we also become less teachable, less compassionate, less able to see with God’s eyes. We lose hope and a willingness to engage with others. We close ourselves off even to our own emotions.  

There is a stubbornness that we associate with being hardened. To be hard often means not only an unwillingness to be soft but a negative association with softness . A hardened person often appreciates and values their hardness and doesn’t want to change. Perhaps they have forgotten what they have lost. 

Being encouraged by a pretty island sunset

Keeping our hearts soft means staying vulnerable, staying willing to be impacted by the world and the people around us. It means to be teachable, willing to listen and learn even from the simplest or strangest things.  It means the real possibility of being hurt and experiencing pain.  How do we couple wisdom, discernment and resilience with soft hearts?. 

A couple verses may give us a clue. “And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” 

We need new hearts, ones not guarded and not changed by our own will— but ones given to us.  It requires us to walk humbly before God and allow Him to give us a new heart and to sustain it. A heart that holds onto the light even in the darkest times, one which sees glimpses of light all around them and is encouraged, and a heart which is willing to shine that light for others to see by.  A heart that does not run from pain and hurt, but rather, enters into it, knowing with supernatural certainty that the pain and the hurt will not overwhelm them.  We can’t do it on our own. We need the Light of the World!  He offers the possibility to be both strong and soft—like a brave middle schooler who sits with the lonely kid at the lunch table, or our friend who continues to love and care in the midst of  unsolvable problems, or the person who is edified by even the smallest things.  May our hearts be soft.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our first set of colleagues made it safely home to the small island and we have enjoyed having time another family from the small island visiting Clove Island. We were able to attend and support Hashiri during her brother’s funeral and help her process some of her initial grief.  We are thankful that our youngest seems to be settling well into boarding school now and he seems to be keeping up with his classes fine. Praise that our daughter was able to switch out of a class that wasn’t a good fit for her and that now she is happy with all her classes at college.  Our teammate made it safely off island for vacation. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We had three sets of house guests in our first week back home on Clove Island, so it is only tomorrow that we will be entering life with just the two of us at home. Pray for good rhythms and as we look over plans for 2027 and beyond that we would be sensitive to God’s guidance as we plan.  Megan was able to have conversations with a couple of the sisters on different sides of the recent controversy.  Pray that the group would discuss things and be open to learning from each other and be united in the best ways to move forward in the future. Our daughter has her first medical follow-up appointment without us around at the end of this week. Pray that it would go smoothly and wouldn’t be stressful for her. Continue to pray that this new medication would lead to a marked improvement in her fatigue and pain levels. Pray for healing for another island colleague who is experiencing medical problems. 

Catching Up and Settling In

 We weren’t really gone that long. As we drove into town from the airport, things looked basically the same— a few new signs or paint jobs, but no major changes.  Most of our plants are still alive! We have someone who is supposed to water them, but given long enough the plants usually don’t make it.

Our plants on the porch are still alive!

But what does it look like to arrive back home after a few months?  Here’s a taste:  Over two months is long enough for a healthy layer of dust to cover every surface. So almost as soon as we got into the house, we were looking for the broom and dust cloths. I was unlocking our bedroom and wiping down furniture. Tom was sweeping the dusty floor. I started unpacking while Tom immediately dug out the replacement hinge for the fridge and started to work on fixing the fridge (knowing that we wouldn’t be able to start buying food until our fridge was functional).  In the afternoon we made our way to some shops to restock the fridge.That’s typical.  The first few days after getting back are a lot of cleaning and a lot of going around town, shopping to restock our food supplies and learning which shops have what at the moment. 

We were gone long enough that as we walked around town, even people that we don’t really know would ask: “Did you travel?” We’d confirm and they’d ask how the travel went. We’d say fine and continue on our way. It was long enough for people to notice our absence, but not long enough for them to make a big deal about it.  By island standards it wasn’t that long. We left at the end of the island school year and returned to see kids just heading back to school this week, so we were only gone for the summer break. 

At the same time, by island standards, we missed some important months. And the very day we arrived visitors started to arrive (good friends are sure to stop by as soon as possible).  Summer break is a time when people get married (we missed the entire wedding season including the wedding of a good friend), students pass or fail their big entrance exams (we missed both the exams and the announcements of exam results, which is a big deal), people die (we just missed a funeral the day we arrived, and already have another this week).  So there is a lot of catching up to do. It’s a lot of listening time. People will ask about our kids and our families back home, but they basically just want to hear that everyone is well and move on. Then we listen. 

Tom fixing fridge door on arrival

We heard about specific weddings and the new wedding fashions (silkier fabrics are now in and worn almost exclusively to weddings). We congratulated proud parents whose kids passed exams (one good friend had all three of her sons pass their exams and another neighbor girl passed well after having failed the previous year). We learned about the things that haven’t changed— people still suffering with high prices and inconsistent pay, projects that sat with no progress as money went to weddings instead (our landlord was apologetic that our buckled, broken tiles on our porch didn’t get fixed as was promised). We’ve heard about new controversies, scandals and accidents (a disagreement among the island sisters, a bride who left her new husband only a week after the wedding and ran away to the French island, a young child hit by a car). All of this takes time and we know that our first few days will be filled by numerous visits.

There may be other places, other cultures when you can hit the ground running, act as if you never left, and jump right back into routines.  Or places where everyone would leave you alone right after you return from a trip.  It doesn’t work that way on the islands.  It is important to take this relationship time, to get up to date on people’s lives and what is important to them. It also gives time for our minds to resettle into island life.  Catching up with people and hearing their updates surrounds us in the language, the culture, and the local attitudes.  It helps us settle in.  

Routines and busyness will come soon enough, but for now it’s important to just be present— catching up and settling in. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Tom got his new passport and got to spend one afternoon with the boys at their boarding school before we left for the islands. We made it back to Clove Island safely. We didn’t get as much time on the big island as we had hoped (because of cancelled flights), but we are thankful for the chance we had to reconnect with some of our colleagues there. Our youngest son had a much better second week and his dorm mom thinks he has turned the corner— this was an encouragement to hear. We are thankful that we got to overlap with our teammate for couple days before she left for vacation. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We have colleagues visiting from the small island this week— pray that we could host well and that we would all be blessed by our interactions.  One of Hashiri’s brothers died and we will be attending the funeral with her this week— pray that we can speak words of truth and comfort. We are diving back into regular studies with Mtsa, Muki and Hashiri. Pray that we would know what to study and how to encourage their growth.  Pray for Megan as she talks to sisters about some recent disunity, that she could be a mediator and help move them towards understanding, reconciliation and forgiveness. Pray for us as a couple as we talk and decide how our rhythms and habits should change when all our kids are away. Continue to pray for our oldest and youngest in their continued transition to college/boarding school— pray for good friends and for academics not to overwhelm them (this is our daughter’s first full week of classes after over a week of orientation). 

Homesick

 There is something nice about being in a place that feels like ‘home’. Home is a place of comfort, ease and belonging, where you know what to expect and what’s expected. It is a place defined as much by the people and culture as it is by a place and furnishings. 

Our son in his new dorm

Yesterday I was talking with someone about whether ‘home’ is more about the people or the place— it was in the context of pets and whether when people leave Africa for good, if they should transplant their pets across the globe or leave them with others in the only place they have ever known.  Tough decision. 

When our kids were little, we made efforts to help make them feel at ‘home’ no matter where we went. We developed family routines that were transportable and doable in various locales— our evening devos, our singing grace at meals, our family movie night. I used to pack thin blankets in their little backpacks that I would lay on whatever bed they were going to sleep in to mark it as ‘their bed’ even though it might be in a strange place. 

Our kids were great travelers. But after a lot of time away in various places, I remember our kids would be excited to get home to the islands— to be back in their beds, to be back with their toys, to be back in the heat, back eating some island foods— back into what felt like normal life. There’s that relief of being fully comfortable again… it’s nice to be home. 

Tom and I will be returning to the islands this week but without any kids.  As I have pondered what it will be like to return, I think there will be some of that relief to be in our own home after being away, but it will also feel strange because our kids are part of what makes it feel like home. Partially it is them as people, partially it is a rhythm of family life that they bring, but also I think it might be the familiarity of the role of being a parent and a homeschool teacher that has been part of home for many years now. 

Our oldest and our youngest are having the double shock of a completely new place and completely new people. It isn’t easy. We had several calls from our son this week. People are friendly and he’s getting to know his schedule, but he’s still homesick. He hasn’t mentioned the islands, he’s homesick for us. People and community are a big part of making a place a home.  

We saw our older two kids develop that sense of home at boarding school— they found friends and staff that helped them feel connected and comfortable there. In our daughter’s new transition to the US, it is some of those connections within her high school class that she is reaching out to in order to comfort and ground her as she starts anew. They might not be at college with her but they know her and are going through similar things. 

A sense of home isn’t automatic but a new place, a new community can become home.  It takes some intentionality.  It takes being willing to make it home. It takes time. In the meantime, there will be some homesickness— the natural grieving of what you don’t have at the moment.  

Her meds finally arrived!

There will be some grieving and homesickness in our family this week as we miss each other and the familiarity of home. But we take comfort that we are told that this earth is not our home. We have a heavenly home based on being in the presence of God and He is someone who is with us wherever we go! May we rest in the familiarity and comfort of His presence. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful for our great kids and the good schools that they are attending. We rejoice in the fact that after over a month of struggles with the US health and insurance system, our daughter has her new medication! Our older son auditioned and got the lead role in the 1st trimester drama production! Tom made it safely to mainland Africa late last night and we heard from the US embassy that he will be able to pick up his new passport tomorrow (he had been traveling on a temporary emergency passport). 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for us to not wallow in homesickness but to rejoice in where God has placed us at this time and season. Pray for smooth travels and transition back to the islands. We’ve heard news of an issue that has caused a division among some of the mature believers on Clove Island. Pray with us for unity— for good discussion and listening to one another and growing together in truth and love.  During the summer months, the island brothers and sisters have not been gathering as regularly— pray that with the school year starting that they would get back into healthy rhythms and not give up meeting together. Hashiri continues to struggle with her health— pray for healing for her and the courage to follow God’s leading.  As our daughter starts this new medication— pray for healing and that it would agree with her body and be effective. May she no longer struggle with pain and fatigue, especially as she starts college. The first week of school was a little tough for our son. Pray for both our daughter and youngest son that they would be willing to step out to make new friends and find community in their new schools and that academics would not overwhelm them.