Homesick

 There is something nice about being in a place that feels like ‘home’. Home is a place of comfort, ease and belonging, where you know what to expect and what’s expected. It is a place defined as much by the people and culture as it is by a place and furnishings. 

Our son in his new dorm

Yesterday I was talking with someone about whether ‘home’ is more about the people or the place— it was in the context of pets and whether when people leave Africa for good, if they should transplant their pets across the globe or leave them with others in the only place they have ever known.  Tough decision. 

When our kids were little, we made efforts to help make them feel at ‘home’ no matter where we went. We developed family routines that were transportable and doable in various locales— our evening devos, our singing grace at meals, our family movie night. I used to pack thin blankets in their little backpacks that I would lay on whatever bed they were going to sleep in to mark it as ‘their bed’ even though it might be in a strange place. 

Our kids were great travelers. But after a lot of time away in various places, I remember our kids would be excited to get home to the islands— to be back in their beds, to be back with their toys, to be back in the heat, back eating some island foods— back into what felt like normal life. There’s that relief of being fully comfortable again… it’s nice to be home. 

Tom and I will be returning to the islands this week but without any kids.  As I have pondered what it will be like to return, I think there will be some of that relief to be in our own home after being away, but it will also feel strange because our kids are part of what makes it feel like home. Partially it is them as people, partially it is a rhythm of family life that they bring, but also I think it might be the familiarity of the role of being a parent and a homeschool teacher that has been part of home for many years now. 

Our oldest and our youngest are having the double shock of a completely new place and completely new people. It isn’t easy. We had several calls from our son this week. People are friendly and he’s getting to know his schedule, but he’s still homesick. He hasn’t mentioned the islands, he’s homesick for us. People and community are a big part of making a place a home.  

We saw our older two kids develop that sense of home at boarding school— they found friends and staff that helped them feel connected and comfortable there. In our daughter’s new transition to the US, it is some of those connections within her high school class that she is reaching out to in order to comfort and ground her as she starts anew. They might not be at college with her but they know her and are going through similar things. 

A sense of home isn’t automatic but a new place, a new community can become home.  It takes some intentionality.  It takes being willing to make it home. It takes time. In the meantime, there will be some homesickness— the natural grieving of what you don’t have at the moment.  

Her meds finally arrived!

There will be some grieving and homesickness in our family this week as we miss each other and the familiarity of home. But we take comfort that we are told that this earth is not our home. We have a heavenly home based on being in the presence of God and He is someone who is with us wherever we go! May we rest in the familiarity and comfort of His presence. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful for our great kids and the good schools that they are attending. We rejoice in the fact that after over a month of struggles with the US health and insurance system, our daughter has her new medication! Our older son auditioned and got the lead role in the 1st trimester drama production! Tom made it safely to mainland Africa late last night and we heard from the US embassy that he will be able to pick up his new passport tomorrow (he had been traveling on a temporary emergency passport). 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for us to not wallow in homesickness but to rejoice in where God has placed us at this time and season. Pray for smooth travels and transition back to the islands. We’ve heard news of an issue that has caused a division among some of the mature believers on Clove Island. Pray with us for unity— for good discussion and listening to one another and growing together in truth and love.  During the summer months, the island brothers and sisters have not been gathering as regularly— pray that with the school year starting that they would get back into healthy rhythms and not give up meeting together. Hashiri continues to struggle with her health— pray for healing for her and the courage to follow God’s leading.  As our daughter starts this new medication— pray for healing and that it would agree with her body and be effective. May she no longer struggle with pain and fatigue, especially as she starts college. The first week of school was a little tough for our son. Pray for both our daughter and youngest son that they would be willing to step out to make new friends and find community in their new schools and that academics would not overwhelm them.

Being Fully Present

 I just listened to a devotional about being fully present wherever you physically are. It talked about the specific struggle for cross-cultural workers who are pulled in different directions between different places, countries and cultures. It recognized that we are often in one place, but our minds or focus is somewhere else entirely. 

Sun setting over kids' boarding school

 We felt this struggle in the US. Usually when we are in the US, we try to really shift our focus to the people we are seeing. This means intentionally separating ourselves from everything going on in the islands and really trying to engage with the life and rhythms of where we are in the US. But this time we didn’t do that in the same way we have in the past. Partially it was because we were in the US for such a short time, but also because our purpose was much more focused on our kids and preparing them for the upcoming transitions. So while we had good time reconnecting with different people in the US, it didn’t feel like we got to be fully present in normal life with them. It felt like a pass-through, even as we were entering their world, we already had a foot exiting. 

I (Megan) was just at our kids’ boarding school this whole past weekend for their New Student and Parent Orientation. The boys and I were surrounded by other families coming from various countries across Africa and also coming from various passport countries across the globe. Several times we saw families that we rarely see, and while we made some efforts to chat and catch up, there was a sense where we weren’t fully present with each other. We were there for our kids and this big transition, so it was with no hard feelings that parents often broke off chatting to refocus on their kids. 

Right now our family is split in two different countries and in not too long the norm will be three different countries: our daughter in the US at college, our boys at boarding school in mainland Africa, and us on the islands. 

I wonder what it means to be fully present on the islands with all our kids far from us. In a very real way, our loyalties are split. As much as we love the islands and islanders, our hearts will also be with our kids. We still want to be available and accessible to them— we don’t want our kids to feel isolated from us, but we also don’t want to be absent with islanders when we are there. 

I think the devotional wanted to challenge us about where our minds and focus is during a specific conversation—which is perhaps easier to deal with.  Are we focused on the person we are talking to or are we partially looking at our phone or going over our to-do list? But as we expand the idea of being present to a bigger scale, we ask ourselves— how much are we engaged with what is happening in the “here and now” rather than in some other place or time? Are we fully committed to what God is doing with us right here and right now or is our focus really on our next chapter or on what is happening back home?

Megan getting boys settled in for new school year

The lesson may come back to contentment and trust— do we trust that God has us in this place, at this moment with these people for a purpose? Are we ready to be fully present where God has us in each moment or season? It means being content with where we are and to trust other places/people/circumstances into God’s hands. It’s something I need to grow in. 

The beautiful thing is that God is fully present everywhere and with everyone. May He help our distractible hearts to see where He has us and to be guided towards His purposes. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Megan and the boys made it safely to mainland Africa and got the preschool shopping/errands done before the school orientation. The orientation went well and both of our sons seem to have great dorm parents this year. We are very thankful for the school and the amazing staff there. Megan is also very glad to see and reconnect with lots of old friends and colleagues while in mainland Africa and to hear how God is moving in their lives and places of service. We are very thankful for the additional week that Tom and our daughter have had with friends and family in the US. We rejoice also that after an appeal, our daughters medication has been approved by insurance! 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Today is the first day of boarding school— pray for our sons as they transition to this new school year. Pray especially for our youngest, that he would make some good friends and that he wouldn’t find the academic or school schedule too overwhelming. Pray for Tom and our daughter as they travel back to Minnesota to settle her in at college this week— pray that she would find a great community there. Continue to pray for her medications— though approved by insurance, she still doesn’t have them in hand yet. Pray that would be figured out without any more frustrations or obstacles. Please continue to pray for the big translation workshop happening on the big island— they have done one week and have another one to go. Pray that the checking and training being done would bear much fruit both through the lives of the participants and also in the ultimate translation. Pray for a quick recover for Megan’s back— after all the travels, meetings and moving boys into their dorms, she is quite stiff and uncomfortable. 

Packing

Megan and the boys leave for Africa this evening.  Their plane departs in just a few hours.  My daughter and I (Tom) will hang around the Boston area for another week before getting her settled in at college in Minnesota.  So today we spent most of the day packing.

Megan and boys at the airport

We are packing for 5 people going to 3 final destinations.  My own travels will take me from Boston to Minnesota to Africa to the islands.  Not an easy thing to pack for.  Between us we have 8 bags not including carry ons.  The process took most of the day.

At one point when we were taking a break for lunch my sister (we’re staying at her house) looked over at me and said, “You guys don’t seem too stressed.  I guess that comes from doing it a lot.”  As I thought about it, I think she is right.

Most people seem to find packing very stressful.  I can remember a time when I would have said, “I hate packing.”  But after so many years of learning to pack our things and unpack our things, it has become easier.   Not that I love it—it’s simply a part of life—like doing the dishes or driving a car.  You come to accept it, you learn how to do it and you might even learn how to do it well.  I don’t know if we “pack well” these days.  But I think practice and experience means we do okay.

I has become less stressful.   Why?  Is it because we worry less about our stuff? Is it because we don’t need to take as much stuff as before?  Are we better at not forgetting things?  Maybe.  Or maybe we’ve just learned that bags get packed, things sometimes get forgotten, most things are replaceable, and wherever we put whatever it was we were looking for, it’s somewhere.

Tom and our daughter

But there’s the other side to packing—the acknowledgement that our time in this place is coming to an end.  It means it is time to say goodbye again.  It means separation and pain.  Packing my bags means “I’m leaving.”  And inevitably that means leaving loved ones behind.  I don’t know if that has gotten any easier.  Sometimes the packing itself is a distraction.  I’m so busy packing, I don’t have time to be sad.  But it doesn’t really work.  Behind all the shuffling and weighing and reorganizing things—the ache of the coming goodbye is still there. But even that has gotten a little easier.  When you say goodbye a lot, for better or worse, it generally does get a little easier.  

Because of the strange configuration of our travels, I packed my bag today only to unpack it this evening (we needed to know how much Megan and the boys needed to take in their bags versus what I’d be able to bring). I’m not actually going anywhere yet.  And yet, part of me is off with Megan and the boys, even as I stay here—a strange feeling.

The pastor this past Sunday looked at the passage when Paul says, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation” He spoke to the fact that we can find contentment despite our circumstances.  That in want, in plenty, in good times and bad—it is possible to learn to be content.  But it has to be learned through experience. Perhaps that’s part of it too.  We’ve had many opportunities to learn.  Perhaps we’ve learned a thing or two.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We have had another full but nice week connecting with family, groups, and old friends. The time in the US has been full but we are so thankful for all the people we’ve been able to see. Both our older kids have had chances to practice driving and our daughter is growing in confidence (she’ll attempt the road test on Friday!). We are thankful for groups in mainland Africa showing growing interest in reaching out to the islands and sending people there. Our youngest son finished his rite of passage challenges-- we are proud of all he's learned. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
After some delayed flights and figuring out logistics at the location, all the participants for the translation meetings have made it to the big island location— everyone agrees that the training will be very helpful— pray for good health, focus and communication and that they would have a wonderful and fruitful time together. Megan and the boys are beginning their travels back to mainland Africa. Pray for safe travels and easy transition to the time zone and for any pre-school errands that need to happen before boarding school orientation on Friday. Tom and our daughter have another week with family in the Boston area. Pray that we can get our daughter’s medications—there has been very little progress this past week despite repeated messages and phone calls. Pray for quick responses and for the medication to be in-hand soon. Pray that our daughter would not have any flare-ups of symptoms in spite of this interruption in her treatment. 

Everywhere Has Its Pros and Cons

 Being in the US, there are constant reminders of the similarities and differences between here and the islands and even mainland East Africa.  One of those areas is healthcare. It can be easy for everyone- Americans, mainland East Africans and islanders— to be down on their own healthcare systems for different valid reasons.  

Learning to Drive in the US

Once when we told an East African that we often came to his country for our healthcare, he was absolutely shocked! His impression was that the healthcare in his country was either poor quality or too expensive (if not both). We let him know that compared to the islands the quality is very good and compared the the US the costs were inexpensive.  Sometimes comparison changes your perspective. 

This week we have been reflecting specifically on getting prescription meds.

No one can deny that the US has a huge number of highly trained doctors and specialists. In the US, there is the best, cutting-edge care of the world.  But access, wait times and cost are concerns.  Also, the system of medical insurance is known for its fine print and run-arounds. We experienced it this week as we spent a great deal of time on the phone and computer— on hold, being forwarded to new people, being asked to call new numbers, sending messages through online portals, receiving denials and trying again. We still don’t have our daughter’s new medication— even though it was prescribed three weeks ago. 

In comparison, East Africa has a growing number of specialists and some good quality care— but it is generally in private hospitals that are too expensive for most local people (though cheaper than the US). Some medications, treatments or specialists are not available. Access is less of an issue.  Our daughter was able to see a specialist right away and started a good treatment plan. Payment for meds is pretty straight forward there.  We front the money and are usually reimbursed by insurance in a relatively quick time. But every time we had to get the meds from the pharmacy it was a pain. The medications being specialized, meant the pharmacy had to do special orders which meant included longer waits and more hassle than promised. Then when it was time to try a new treatment— the options weren’t as good— the depth of treatment options couldn’t compare with the US. But at least there were some options— on the islands neither specialists nor medications would have been available at all. 

The islands don’t have much. The healthcare system is improving, but there are still many types of specialists, even basic types of diagnostics, treatments and medications that are completely unavailable. Funding and maintenance of hospitals is lacking and medical staff often go without pay. On the flip side, access is much quicker and easier, if you have the money and know what you want/need.  There are fewer hoops and approvals required on the islands.  Normally, you can show up at a private clinic and just ask for the test or appointment you want and have it done immediately. You don’t necessarily need a prescription for meds either.  As long as you know the name of the medication and the amount that you want, most pharmacies will give you what you ask for—no questions asked. The problem is not permission but availability.  Several times we have walked around the capital to different pharmacies with the name of a medication written on scrap of paper, asking at each one if they have it.  If the medication is not common, more often than not we won’t be able to find it. But in those cases when we can, normally the price will be a small fraction of the cost of what you would pay for the same meds in the US—without insurance!

Each place has ways in which their medical systems could improve. We are so thankful for those on the islands trying to improve the healthcare there.  We are thankful for all the treatments, procedures and diagnostics we’ve been able to get in East Africa.  And now we are thankful that our daughter has access to the specialists and treatments that she couldn’t find elsewhere… and we’ll be even more thankful once the insurance approves and pays for her new treatment!

Anniversary Hike

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We made a huge dent in our to-do list this week— we are thankful that what is left feels a lot less daunting. We are thankful for reconnecting with family and old friends in the Boston area, including a fellowship on Sunday. Our two older kids successfully passed their permit tests and got their driving permits and have had some beginning driving lessons with Tom. We are thankful for our 23 years of marriage and getting some time to take a little hike for our anniversary. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We have had repeated difficulties navigating the speciality pharmacies and insurance to get Grace’s new medication. Please pray that it can be sorted soon with the three parts: doctor, insurance and pharmacy so she can start her new treatment soon. She has now finished the meds we brought from East Africa, so we need to figure something out this week. Megan and the boys leave in just one week and it will be a full one— pray for our continuing stamina and good use of time. Tom and our daughter have two weeks before they head to MN for her college orientation. She would like to get her full license before then— pray that she can have good chances to practice driving and get more comfortable behind the wheel. The islands are preparing for a major meeting at the end of the month of the translation projects from all three islands— pray for the planning and logistics of that gathering and for those traveling from abroad. 

Bringing Stuff

 Part of being a good friend in Island culture is bringing gifts for people when you return from your travels.  In the past we’ve tried to think of small gifts that we could give to multiple people— t-shirts, flashlights, candy—Small gifts (so as to avoid too much added weight to our luggage) and not too expensive (as we usually needed a lot of them).  

Catching a soccer game on West Coast

But that has changed over the years.  As our friendships have deepened, the expectations have deepened.  Some friends expect better gifts, others might not ask us to spend more, but to facilitate their spending.  What do our top gift requests look like these days?

Medicines:  Medicines are a funny thing.  There are many medicines we can get in the island for a fraction of the price of what we would pay in the States.  But there are other medicines that cost a great deal more and are often very hard to get.  We currently have requests for diabetic blood testing strips, topical pain medications, and fixadent (the stuff for dentures).  The medicines can be an expensive gift, but most of the time, we are happy to get them.  We know there is a need for them, so it feels like we are really helping out.  Medicines also tend to be small, which is nice for packing.

Phones:  I would say the number one thing we get asked to bring people is phones.  Most of these are hoping to get a smart phone as a gift.  The funny thing is, they don’t like iPhones.  Apple products aren’t very compatible on the islands where everything is android.  We always do our best to bring back at least a few phones for friends (often used), but if new phones an expensive gift and we wonder about the precedent we are starting.  But it’s true that the quality and price for phones in the US is much less than what people would pay on the islands, so it is not an unreasonable request.

No one asked for a puzzle

Tablets:  This has been the surprise request this time around.  Not only that we’ve had so many people request them, but that a number of people have said they will pay for them themselves.  They are simply asking us to be the middlemen—to help them find a good product at a good price and deliver it to the islands.  So this time around we find ourselves playing the role of Amazon delivery services!  Why all the excitement about tablets?  Sadly, we think they are mostly coveted as child-minding devices.  All the people that have requested tablets have young kids and have requested the durable ones that can show kid cartoons.  Though we don’t mind helping out a few friends—especially if they are willing to pay for it, a tablet is not an easy thing to travel with as it has to come with us in carry-on luggage, and at some point it starts to look a bit suspicious.  We’ve set a limit to the first 3 who asked for them.

So part of our limited luggage allowance will be given over to these gifts.  In case you were interested, some other requests we’ve had both presently and in the past include:  an xbox, a power wheels (yes, like one of those cars that toddlers drive around in!!!), reading glasses, purses, a hair cutting kit, dictionaries, cameras, water bottles, big screen tvs, backpacks, shoes, boots, uniforms, rain gear, seeds, luggage, and laptops.  Some people have better sense of what is easily transported on an airplane and what isn’t.  We know that we are sure to disappoint a good number of people, but we’ll try to have something for them.  “Sorry, I didn’t get you that big screen tv you wanted, but here’s a T-shirt.” 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We made it safely back to the East Coast— we are thankful for the wonderful week on the West coast. Megan’s lip and leg are mostly healed now— we are thankful that the injury was not serious. Our younger son turned 14— we are very proud of all the ways he is growing and for the fun and loving young man he is. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We’ve had news that an island brother (and good friend) lost some family members to a boating accident when a group was going to another part of the island for a picnic. One of those lost was a child. Pray for this family in their grief and that our friend might be able to be a light and comfort to his extended family. Megan and our boys only have two weeks in the US— pray that they could get our to-do list done while also having rest and good time with family. Pray for our daughter and older son as they both have appointments to get driver’s permit. There was a taxi strike on the islands this past week— the strike appears to be over for the moment but things still seem volatile on the islands. Our colleague has been struggling with her solar system (a recurring and exhausting problem)— pray that she can get the right advice and parts so that she can have consistent power. 

Like Limes

 
pedagogy |  noun (plural pedagogies): the method and practice of teaching, especially as an academic subject or theoretical concept.

A lot of my (Tom’s) work these days in the area of ESL involves training English teachers.  The training consists of 8 classes about an hour and a half each with lots of practice.  The members of the class (between 10-16 members) are all required to practice teaching their fellow classmates in every class.  The lessons may seem very basic to a Westerner, but for many islanders these classes are often surprising, strange and unorthodox. 

Tom with teachers training class

A few months ago I was conducting the training in a village about 2 hours away from the capital.  The ones organizing the training were able to procure a classroom from a public elementary school.  The training would start near the end of the day, but not before classes got out, so there were always a pile of kids peeking into our classroom to see “the foreigner.”

Working with English programs, I rarely go into public schools.  It was a reminder of what education looks like for a lot of islanders.  As I walked into the building I witnessed one teacher hitting a 10 year old girl multiple times with a piece of electrical cord for tardiness.  As I passed down the hall and looked in the individual classrooms I noticed that every teacher held a switch and in one case was actively using it.  I have been told by many islanders that corporal punishment is ubiquitous in islands schools, but it was a little disconcerting to see it in action.  Corporal punishment is not only administered for bad behavior but for incorrect answers.  Answer a math question wrong, get a swat on the palms or shins. 

How different to then sit down with my class and tell them to absolutely NOT beat their students, insult their students, or make their students afraid.  Instead we talk about how to make the classroom a safe space, where we lower stress, stimulate speaking, accepting and encouraging mistakes and trying to make it fun.  These ideas are nothing short of revolutionary!

I think that’s what I love so much about teacher training: not only are we giving them better ways to teach English, but we are giving them better ways to teach.  Many of the teachers I am training are young, and they catch on quickly.  They’ve also experienced learning in this new way and have seen its effectiveness and enjoyed the atmosphere. (Most of the teachers we train have already gone through all of our English classes with teachers trained in our pedagogy.)  But for older teachers it can be hard to accept.  Even some younger teachers who already have some teaching experience using the island pedagogy will struggle with this positive approach.  

Enjoying bike ride in US

That was the case with one of the teachers I was training in the village school.  Though only in his late 20’s he was already a seasoned teacher and as I was teaching about encouraging mistakes, and making the classroom safe, he raised his hand and said, a bit sheepishly,

“Teacher, you know it’s very different here…What you are saying is very different…We have a saying here…among the teachers… ‘Students are like limes.  They need to be squeezed.’”  As he said it, he made the gesture of a squeezing, downward thrusting fist.

The picture is vivid.  Squeezing the juice out of a lime takes strength and pressure.  The result is perhaps a teaspoon of juice.  The rest of the lime, the peel and the broken capillaries are of no use and discarded.  I thought of a teacher thinking about a student in that way.  As if there is only a little bit of intelligence or useful thought inside the student’s mind and that the only way to get it out is to squeeze and beat them.

How differently I view students.  If I were to create my own proverb, I would say, “Students are like plants, they need time and attention, sunlight, watering and pruning, but with patience you will get an abundance of fruit.”

As a final reflection on our ‘revolutionary’ teaching pedagogy: Where did it come from?  People may argue about it but I’m inclined to think it comes from the teacher who said, “A farmer went out to sow his seeds…and some fell on good soil” and “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit” and “Do not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest, if we do not give up.”  Even in English teacher training course, the great teacher has lesson for us.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are very thankful that we made it safely to the west coast and have had a good weekend reconnecting with family and friends here and sharing some about the work on the islands. We are thankful for technology that allows us to stay connected with our friends and colleagues back on the islands. 



PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray that education on the islands would improve and that all would have the opportunity to learn and thrive. Pray for the island economy— many finish school but still are not able to find paying jobs. Hashiri continues to message Megan regularly— she is coming to the end of an unpaid internship which rarely lead to paying jobs, pray that she could find good and regular employment. We have heard reports of increased crime on the islands— pray that this pattern would stop. We are still working on getting our daughter’s specialty meds— the process being complicated by all our travels. We have time, but pray that we can get it all figured out without too much stress. Pray for Megan’s healing after a scooter accident left her with a badly bruised leg and a fat lip. Praying that our remaining days with Megan’s family would be a fun and restful time. 

Sachets

 Islanders love their sachet (pronounced sa-shay). An event isn’t a good event without a sachet.

Getting organized for sachet filling

Sachet is the word most commonly used for plastic bag in the island language.  But in the context of events, it takes on the meaning of ‘goody bag’.  No good island ceremony with the exception of funerals can be completed without sachets.  Whether a wedding, circumcision, coming of age celebration, birthday party, or religious ritual, there is the expectation that everyone will receive a goody bag— a sachet.  

What goes in the sachet does not vary a whole lot.  Normally you’ll find a drink (juice or soda), some kind of baked good (locally made or highly processed snack cakes), a chocolate bar (or something to that effect), and some hard candies.  This being an opportunity to show off wealth, the quality of the items in the sachet will vary.  A poor host’s sachets will be a simple plastic bag, and the cheapest versions of all of the above. A rich host’s sachets will be a decorated paper bag, brand-name soda, and boxed baked goods from a local bakery, etc. 

Since, every person who attends the ceremony is expected to receive a sachet, this becomes both a big job and an expensive part of hosting an event.  On occasion, we’ve been asked to help out with the preparation of the sachets, like we did a couple months ago when our friend’s daughter was to have her coming-of-age party.  Since our home is conveniently located near downtown, they gathered everything at our house and we stuffed sachets together.  We made an assembly line, one person opening the little plastic bags, one person stuffing the drink, another adding the cakes and candies and another adding the chocolate bar and tying the top.  This event was small but we still did more than 125 bags.  For a wedding, it could be in the from 500-700 sachets, maybe more.  It’s monotonous but not hard work and it is fun working together.

At the same time I felt somewhat dismayed by all the trash we were creating.  Everything we were putting into the plastic bag was individually wrapped and then going into yet another plastic bag.  Any foreigner who goes to the beach in our town is appalled to see the plastic bottles that clutter the shore.  In some places the trash is so thick that you can’t see the sand.  Where does it all come from?  I had my answer as I stuffed another bottle of cheap soda into another plastic bag.  Think of all the ceremonies happening all the time; the thousands of empty bottles being discarded; the thousands and thousands of plastic bags and wrappers discarded every day!

It made me wonder what things were like before— in the years and generations before all this plastic and processed products came to the islands.  Did they pass around a jug for the drink?  Did they wrap things in a banana leaf?  The sachet may be a modern innovation but I have asked and no one seems to know what was done before and if there was a time when people didn’t expect to receive a sachet. 

Pile of finished sachets

If it is a modern innovation, it is one that has become firmly grounded in island culture.  It is seen as the greatest shame if not everyone at the event receives a sachet.  When sachets are given out, people take it very seriously, demanding that they receive their share and getting angry if they are accidentally passed over.  Sometimes there is even a rush on the ones handing out the sachets. They have to hold the container of sachets far over their head to keep people from grabbing the sachets willy-nilly.  If you know the host well, they may give you a second sachet as an extra honor.  On occasion I’ve been given 4 extra sachets—one for each member of the family.  

Whatever the history, an event isn’t over until the sachets are given out.  At one of the men’s wedding events, many will leave as soon as they are handed a sachet even if it is in the middle of a prayer. Even if the organizer yells at people to sit down, he can not often stop the mass exodus.  They got what they came for—their sachet—so it’s time to leave!

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our road trip has gone really well (only one day remains).  We have been blessed to see so many friends and family and even to make some new friends.  We’re especially thankful to see some friends and family we didn’t expect to see.  What a gift!  Despite what looks like a hectic schedule on paper, the pace has not been too bad.  We feel like we’ve gotten to have lots of good quality time with people (although we could always wish for more) and there have been moments of rest within the travel—like one new place we stayed where they had a swimming pond out back!  Our daughter got her phone back (the one she had left on the plane).  We got to visit her college and see the doctor, all of which went very well and was very reassuring.


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Please do keep us in prayer as our whirlwind tour of the US continues.  We’ll finish our road trip tomorrow and fly off to California a couple days later.  Pray that we can get needed rest and restoration in the times between travels.   It is wedding season in the islands and we’ve already heard from one good friend that he has gotten married (sachets and all).  We pray that he will have a good marriage and be a loving husband and father.  We pray for transformation for him and his wife.  Ma Nadjma let us know that she hopes to be married again soon— pray for her and her kids in this transition— pray for a healthy marriage and family and that they all might embrace and follow truth together.  Our daughter will be starting a new treatment— the medication will have to come via a specialty pharmacy— pray that we can figure out the logistics of getting the meds not only now but also once she’s at college. 

Thoughtful Transition

 When we come to mainland Africa we tend to stay at the same place and if we are there on a Sunday we tend to fellowship with the same congregation.  The longer we’ve gone there, the more we’ve grown to appreciate their community—especially their thoughtfulness. 

African services are as diverse as any you might find in the States, with each congregation being unique.   This place is much more traditional.  A small band plays a mix of contemporary songs and hymns in multiple languages.  Most weeks the choir stands and sings a song in 4 part harmony.  The speaker speaks slowly and never strays far from his text.  His words are always thoughtful. 

We love the fact that before they send the children out for their classes, all of them are invited up to the front of the congregation where they pull on the speaker’s clothes to tell him about upcoming birthdays.  He bends down and listens and then announces each birthday to the congregation.  The children are comfortable with him and he takes his time with them.  Then we all sing a birthday blessing and send the kids off to their classes.  It is a small but thoughtful way to include the children and we love it.  It takes a bit of time.  But this congregation values thoughtfulness over time.

This past visit we were impressed by the thoughtfulness of the group again.  Unbeknownst to us, we had come on the Sunday when they were inducting a new associate-leader into their congregation.  The speaker warned us early on, “For those of you looking at your watches this morning, forget it.  We are going to take our time.” 

The induction service began by acknowledging all of the people from the new leader’s previous congregation—which included most of the elders, his parents and his grandparents, all of who had traveled to attend the service.  One of the elders from the previous congregation got up and testified to the new leader’s character.  He spoke about their sadness at saying goodbye to their leader and their joy at him being received into this new community.  We also learned that the previous Sunday the leader and elders of this new congregation had visited the old congregation to, in their way, receive the leader from his previous congregation.  

Next the speaker brought the man and his wife up to the front and asked them a number of questions and commitments—much like you might hear at a wedding ceremony.  “Do you promise to…?”  At the end of which he asked the members of the congregation to stand up and make some commitments as well.  

After this he called the elders of the former congregation up.  Then he called up the family members of the new leader.  Then the elders of the new congregation. Then representatives from the different committees and groups of the new congregation.  Finally he called up some of the children from the new congregation.  By the end, more people were up front surrounding this man and his family than sitting in the audience.  Hands were laid, prayers were said.  And then everyone at the front took a turn to each shake the hands of the leader and his wife before sitting down. It took time, but we did not begrudge it. 

Heading out on road trip

In the end, this new leader was not even required to teach or give a speech that day.  He was only welcomed.  After the service there was a great big meal and everyone was invited.  We (Tom & Megan) were both struck that we had never seen a leader so thoughtfully inducted into a congregation before, nor with such care and connection with the previous congregation.  It took a long time, but we had stopped looking at our watches because it was beautiful.   

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We made it safely to the US. Our daughter lost her cell phone but thankfully it was recovered by the airline and sent to the US for us. We have adjusted quickly to the time zone and are already well into a road trip that has allowed us to connect with several friends and extended family members that we haven’t seen in several years. Hashiri says that she studied with others this past week. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
The community on the small island are lamenting the sudden loss of a dear sister— pray for comfort for her husband and those grieving and that they’d find ways to celebrate her life together.  One island sister is welcoming her son that has been gone for several years and will only visit the islands for a short time— pray that she can make the most of his visit. Continue to pray for our teammate still on Clove Island that she would be encouraged, especially during the busyness of wedding season and at work.  Pray for us as we get to know the area where our daughter will go to college and try to prepare her for living there, including an initial appointment with a rheumatologist. Pray that we use our time well and that the continuation of our road trip at the end of the week goes smoothly (we will have one very long day of driving so pray we stay safe on the road). 

Transitions Underway

 When we first came to the islands in 2009, our daughter was only 9 months old.  We knew that decisions about schooling would come but they were far away. When we started homeschooling combined with local island school for pre-school/kindergarten, we knew that we’d eventually have to do something different and consider more serious homeschool or boarding school, but again that decision was far off.  As she started boarding school, some people would ask about thoughts for after high school, but we had a few years before we needed to think about that. Each point has been a hinge, a transition point for both our daughter and us, and we faced and made each decision with a mixture of trepidation and excitement. 

Our graduate!

Our daughter has now finished four years of boarding school and graduated from high school today! 

It has been a full time and the looming transitions both to college and also to life in the US can seem daunting. She has a US passport, but a majority of her life has been spent in Africa. There is a lot about American life to which she hasn’t been exposed. 

As we prepare to take our daughter to the US and then to return to Africa without her, it is with that same mix of trepidation and excitement.  We are excited for her— for the opportunities that she will have at college and the ways that she will continue to grow and learn. We know that times will be tough and if boarding school was far away, the US is even farther and our ability to help will be less. But this is where we get to relearn a lesson we’ve faced many times— God loves our children, they are His. We can trust Him with them. 

We know it isn’t the last time we’ll need to be reminded of that— our older son is going to start thinking about college this summer and our youngest is preparing to start boarding school at the end of August. Lord, help us to remember at each hinge point, each transition, that You go with us wherever we go and You carry our children in Your hands!

So proud of her!

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Tom was able to get an emergency passport for our travels to the US and will be able to collect his long-term passport when we return to Africa. Both our son and daughter finished the school year strong. Our daughter graduated from high school— we are very proud of her and it was a wonderful celebration for her class. The brothers had their monthly men’s gathering on Wednesday. Hashiri made a plan to study with others (instead of just studying alone at home) and has been confiding in others besides Megan, including a local sister— these are encouraging changes. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We are traveling back to the US tonight (we’re posting this from the airport). Pray for safe travels and for a smooth transition to the US time zone. Pray also that Grace’s refrigerated meds travel okay and that we are able to keep them in the needed temperature range. One of our colleagues on the islands is heading into a hard week— pray for the peace that passes understanding to surround her and fill her. We will hit the ground running in the US—pray that we would use our time well and have wisdom as we make plans. Megan exchanged some messages with island sisters this week and one asked for strength and perseverance in the midst of persecution— let us pray with her that they could shine brightly even in dark and difficult situations. We pray for more workers on the islands— a group of short termers are just finishing a month, pray that they might be inspired towards long term work!

Turned for Our Good

 It has been our experience that transitions are also times of spiritual warfare. Our routines are upset, we find ourselves in unique situations and the devil sees opportunities.  We thank God that He can take what the enemy means for evil and turn it for our good. Lots of the workers on the islands are in times of transition, so we’re praying not only for protection during these transitional months but for opportunities to share the good news!  Here's a little story of God's grace  in the midst of testing:

Tom with troublesome phone

I was tested this week by an African telecommunications company.  My SIM card was acting quirky so I thought I'd stop by the telecommunications shop in order to get it checked.  When I got there, there were about ten people milling about.  The line didn't seem overly long and I didn’t have whole lot to do that afternoon, so I thought I’d sit it out and get my problem taken care of.  But the line barely moved and one and a half hours later, my patience was starting to wear thin!  I sat listening to the people behind me complain about what the hold up was while I could see the man at the front of the line sitting and waiting for the man at the counter who was busy doing something else.

There were a number of times when I had to tell myself to be patient and ask the Lord for more patience.  I was at the point where I was starting to wonder, “Should I just wait this out, or is this an exercise in futility?  Will I get to the front of the line and they’ll say, “We’re closed, come back tomorrow.”   When a security guard walked up to me and asked, "Do you have your passport?" “Yes, it's right…..(checking my empty pocket). No, I don't!"  I turns out I had dropped my passport going through mall security.  But because I hadn't left the mall but had spent the last hour and a half at the telecommunications shop, they were able to find me.  The security guard asked that my place in line be held and took me down to his office to retrieve my passport.  I came back up ever so thankful for the long wait for two reasons:  First, if I hadn’t had the long wait, I might have left the mall without my passport and then security would not have been able to track me down.  Second, if I had waited 2 hours to be seen at the telecommunications shop and then been unable to produce my passport, they wouldn’t have been able to provide me service and I would have certainly despaired.  But as it was, the Lord gave me back my passport, I held my place in line and about a half hour later (total of two hours), I was helped by the telecommunications staff.

Sparklers for Independence Day

When I finally made it to his desk, the staff member said, "You must be a marine or something to be so patient with us."  I said, "If I am patient, it is because of [J].”  And we had a nice little chat about the importance of prayer and he shared that he used to pray all the time but had gotten out of the habit.  I said it would probably help in stressful work like his.  So God took something painful and turned it for my and this man’s good!  May we be able to see Him in everything we do.  

PRAYERS ANSWERED


The unrest from the previous week has calmed on Clove Island. The monthly women’s gathering happened at one of the local sister’s houses. We were able to finish the homeschool year with our youngest son! We are thankful that imaging of Megan’s injured shoulder (from a couple months ago) does not show a serious injury and she can expect a full recovery. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Today is Independence Day on the islands— pray for the islands nation on its birthday that it would embrace truth and justice, that there would be good governance and bright hope for the future. There have been a few recent situations with island brothers and sisters facing extra scrutiny and even threats from family members— pray for their protection, for them to stay strong and know how to respond in wisdom, truth and love. There is a problem with the processing of Tom’s passport renewal— it wasn’t flagged for expedited service as it should have been and so will not arrive in time. Thankfully, the embassy has agreed to process an emergency passport for him at no extra cost— pray that getting the emergency passport goes smoothly. Our daughter graduates a week from today— pray for her as she says goodbye to her friends and her school home. Pray for our older son as he has his final exams this week. May they finish well. 

Is Cheaper Always Better?

 “Cheaper is always better.”  It is an unspoken value which seems to pervade the islands and if we’re honest can make us quite frustrated.  

New boat option with kwasa boats in backround

Our friend has started a boat business.  He is providing, reliable, comfortable, safe, daily, ferry service between the islands for a reasonable price.  Something that has not existed before.  Before this boat business began there were basically three ways to get between islands: 
1.) Pay a lot of money to fly. 
2.) Take the big boat which goes once a week, but can’t be relied on to leave the same day every week, and doesn’t go to the little island.  
3.) Take a kwasa—the island word for a small boat used for passenger service.  They are extremely uncomfortable, unsafe and unreliable, but they are cheap (if you want to read about some of our experiences with kwasas, you can click on one of these links:)  

Now this new boat service is providing affordable ferry service you would think they would be turning people away—but instead they often struggle to fill the boat.  Why?  It seems that cheaper is always better.

There are no reliable delivery services in the islands—especially between islands.  We are not sure why this is, but we suspect it is because of the cost.  Why pay for something when you can probably find the service for free?  The truth is, most people expect to be able to deliver things from one island to another through their network of friends and/or the kindness of strangers for no fee at all.  It is a given that when you arrive at the local airport there will be people there holding packages, both large and small, that they plan to send to another island via one of the people traveling that day.  The people traveling are expected, if they have any extra kilos, to willingly offer them to those people looking to send a package to the other island.  The local airline is very obliging and usually the recipient will be waiting at the airport on the next island to claim it.  If such things can be expected, why pay for the service?  This is frustrating to us, because a reliable delivery service would be something very helpful. It seems like a great business opportunity.   But in the islands, where cheaper is always better it’s not clear if a business like this could compete with the free way of doing things now (even if it was safer, better and more convenient).

Tom is no longer the tallest

Clothing, appliances, electronics, food:  When cheaper is always better, it means quality is hard to find.  Since nearly everything is imported and companies like Amazon don’t ship to the islands, islanders are dependent on what the local importers decide to import.  In this scenario the ‘cheaper is always better’ mentality hits you twice.  The importers are buying the cheapest products they can find partially because they know their clientele want the cheapest prices, and partially because they believe it themselves.  And thanks to fake branding, it is impossible to trust the brand written on the product is genuine (Adidas, Samsung, etc.) so there really is no point in paying more for something when you have no more trust in the “brand name” quality than the non-brand name.

There is an exception to this principle because there is another value at play:  “New is better than old.”  In a place where honor and shame are prevalent, often having something new trumps “Cheaper is better.” Like much of Africa, there is a huge used clothes business at work.  Clothes rejected or discarded by Americans and Europeans make their way to African used-clothing shops for dollar store prices.  A prudent buyer can find quality, brand-name products (Levi’s, American eagle, North face, etc) if they are patient and look carefully.  Compared to the new clothes that fall apart after one wearing—this is an example when cheaper really is better!  And plenty of islanders buy from the used clothing markets.  But not always. Despite the cheaper used clothes, many islanders still buy expensive, low-quality new clothes because they are new.

One can only speculate. what the result of this “cheaper is always better” value on the society, but it has some drastic implications when applied to things like safety, health care, and infrastructure— we lament how quickly ‘new’ roads on the islands start to fall apart because of the cheap strategies used in their construction. 

But what could it mean for faith?  What does a cheap faith look like? The story goes that a man found a treasure in a field and sold all he had to buy the field.  This is not cheap faith.  The story goes that a pearl buyer found the most exquisite pearl and sold all he had in order to buy it.  This was not cheap faith.  If people aren’t aren’t willing to pay the counted cost, they may willingly miss out on a treasure whose value can’t be fathomed. The cheapest way is not always better and we pray that more islanders would realize that. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful for the medical and dental appointments that we have gotten done this past week.  We’ve been able to connect with different people from the islands both through phone calls and in-person with other people passing through mainland Africa.  Our youngest has enjoyed playing with the other kids and our older kids have gotten to enjoy some of the end of the year fun with their dorms.  

PRAYERS REQUESTED
There was some tensions and unrest on Clove Island this past week connected to an arrest made— things have calmed but there are concerns that there could be more trouble in coming days.  Pray for peace and that if there is injustice that islanders could find effective ways to protest without violence or destruction of property and that they would be allowed to peacefully protest by the government.  Tom has applied for a new passport, pray that it arrives in time for our planned travel.  Our daughter as a senior has just one week of classes in high school — pray that she could finish well. Pray for Hashiri back on the islands— she messaged Megan today and it sounds like she has taken to consulting AI for all manner of advice- pray that she could have more connections with people and that she might pursue others to study. This week the women on the islands should be having their monthly meeting— pray that this meeting still happens in spite of Megan’s absence.

Haircuts and Father Figures

I called out a greeting as I walked through our front gate.  Suddenly a little boy was wrapped around my legs giving me a big hug and calling out my name.  I smiled and laughed in surprise (islanders aren’t usually big huggers). It was little Nambo, our househelper’s 4 year old. Behind him making a polite greeting was his sister Nadjma.  They had come so Nambo could get a hair cut!

Cutting Nambo's hair

I’m not sure how it came about exactly.  I think MaNadjma (our houshelper) must have spied our hair clippers and saw a way to save a little money and asked if I (Tom) could cut shave his head.  Men cut men’s hair in this culture, so even though Megan is the more experienced haircutter, MaNadjma came to me for the favor.  So that’s how it came about that little Nambo comes by once in awhile for a free haircut.

I don’t see Nambo that often.  Once in awhile MaNadjma will bring him to work and he’ll play quietly at our house.  He used to stick close to his mother’s leg, shy of us.  But somehow haircutting has helped overcome his shyness and now I can expect warm greetings and hugs!

I wonder about Nambo.  Like so many kids here, he has no father.  MaNadjma has had 3 marriages and looks close to a fourth one.  Nadjma is the result of the first marriage which was only a month long and traumatizing.  Nambo’s father was the second and the only good marriage of the three.  He was a loving father both to Nambo and to Nadjma, despite her not being his biological child.  But Nambo’s father died suddenly while he was still very young.  We suspect now that his father knew he was sick, but he never told anyone.  Even today, we don’t know what exactly was wrong with him, but MaNadjma has said that when it became clear he was going to die, he didn’t seem surprised. 

So Nambo, like so many boys and girls here, is growing up without a father and few father figures.  Unstable homes are so prevalent here that when we meet someone whose biological father is still married to his biological mother we are genuinely surprised.  It is a sad reality that for many kids, their father is more of a stranger than not.   

Our friend Bako is now a father of 3.  He tells us often how much he has learned from watching us.  He always appreciates marriage and parenting advice—and even puts some of it into practice.  He never really knew his own father and so he is eager for a better example.  

There is a large group of kids on the corner of our road— they are all siblings and cousins and the three sisters who are their mothers often leave them to their own devices, even though the kids are quite young. We have never seen a father with them. They had gotten into the habit of greeting us in a rude way, so Tom gave them a little talking-to and since then they yell his name excitedly and politely whenever they see him and come up to grab his hand and have small conversations with him. His attention made a strong and positive impression on them. 

Nambo and Nadjma are growing up without a father. They’ve already had 2 father figures come and go.  So we’re conscious of the fact that Tom’s role in their life could be very important. When we asked MaNadjma about the new man she may marry, she had little to say to comfort our misgivings about another marriage.  When we asked if he was a good man, she told us his name.  As if that would somehow answer the question.  Will this one stick around? Will he love these children that aren’t biologically his?  Will he set a good example for them?  We hope that these two kids will find a loving father here on earth. We also pray that they will come to know their heavenly Father who loves them more than they can know. 

Fathers' Day dessert!

PRAYERS ANSWERED

We managed to make it to mainland Africa with all our bags and despite our youngest son suffering from food poisoning!  He threw up one final time at the airport—but managed to make it through the trip and was feeling much better the next day.  Tom had no trouble submitting his passport for renewal.  We’ve been able to be around for our older son’s choir concert and to take our daughter to her doctor’s appointment.  We were able to celebrate Father's Day together as a family. Hashiri messages regularly and says that she continues to read and study.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for all the children growing up in broken homes in the islands.  Pray for all the adults who have grown up with poor examples, know no other way and so perpetuate the problem.  Pray that the example of loving marriages and good parenting would be a powerful witness of good news for many.  Pray for Muki, Mtsa and Hashiri to continue to study, and for the Lord to supply their needs while we are gone.  Muki especially struggles to find his daily needs.  May the Lord provide for him in powerful ways.  Pray for all the work that continues while we are away, especially for our teammate, who will be alone in the capital while we are away.  She will maintain contact with the other team on Clove Island, but the 3 hour bus ride does limit their ability to support each other.  Pray that she would feel supported and safe.   Pray for our kids as all 3 finish up the school year in the next few weeks—for final projects and perseverance to the end. 

Growing in Generosity

 We are told that it is important to be generous.  There are many proverbs and verses reinforcing this idea. And yet, I see in myself that I am not overly generous by nature. It is something I continue to grow in.  I have not figured it out yet.  I recognize that it isn’t meant to be legalism but a heart posture flowing from my love of God and others, but sometimes, even when I am generous, my heart is not.  My hand gives with a grumble.  My mind questions my actions. 

Tom giving his time for ceremony

When I lived in America I thought of myself as generous.  Though we didn’t have a lot, we did a good bit of charitable giving to different organizations—more than the 10% baseline.  When we went out with friends, we would often be happy to pay for the meal.  Things like that felt good and were relatively easy to do.  It’s true, we didn’t usually give money to strangers or to homeless people.  We were taught (and perhaps rightly so) that this exacerbates the problem.  “If you give a drunk money, he’ll just buy more alcohol.  So giving to him doesn’t actually help him.”

This taught me to be circumspect about giving. Then we came to the islands, and initially my old understandings of generosity seemed to work and were reinforced.  There were a lot of books out at that time like “When Helping Hurts” which were offering a needed corrective to naïve, disconnected giving.  In our first years we saw the practicality of being cautious about giving too generously as the first people to approach us as foreigners were the ones who knew how (or thought they knew how) to work the system and get money out of foreigners.  The false sincerity, lies, and damage we saw them doing not only with us but also to the sense of trust and community among local brothers and sisters was enough to confirm our approach to generosity as a good one.  

But as time passed, year after year, my old understandings of generosity stopped working.  They needed to change. Life simply demanded it.  How did life change?  I began to understand island people, their culture, their understanding of generosity, but most of all I got to know islanders.  My deeper friendships demanded that I change.  I had a choice between growing in my understanding of generosity or giving up my friendships to hold on to my old views.  That battle still rages in my heart, but I am learning.  

Here are some of the lessons I have been learning:  
Generosity is all the time.  There are many beggars in our town.   Most of them are handicapped in some way.  They make their living through begging.  It is understood by islanders that this is their lot in life.  So when I walk through town, I should probably be ready to give to the beggars I see.  I should leave the house with some change in my pocket.  All too often I forget to bring anything and must pass them by without giving them anything.  Every time I do this, I feel a tug at my heart—I just missed an opportunity to be generous because I wasn’t ready for it.  I wasn’t ready for daily generosity.

Friendship is harder when faced with real poverty.  I have become friends with some very poor people.  We may not seem rich to you, but compared to many islanders we are so rich and some of my friends are so poor.  Muki lives in a tin shack that is 10ft square.  He sleeps on a dirty mattress on the ground.  He gets one good meal a day.  Many times he comes to my house hungry.  I do not like dependency.  It is something we need to avoid.  I worry that Muki cannot separate the good of the things we study from the good of the food I give him to eat.  But I also don’t know what else to do.  I don’t want to see him go hungry.  I try to be generous with him, but sometimes he asks for so much—‘give me food’, ‘give me medicine’, ‘give me money for a taxi’, ‘and when you come back from your travels give me a phone’.  It is tremendously difficult knowing when to say yes, no, or “here’s something else instead of what you asked for.”

Friendship involves giving.  That seems obvious.  Isn't that what love is all about—putting someone else’s need before your own?  And yet, I’ve come to realize that I expect a lot of reciprocity in my friendships— I don’t like when giving is mostly one-way.  I also usually don’t expect friends to “go out of their way for me” unless it is a special situation.   But islanders (and I think they’ve got this right) see going out of your way as very much part of friendship.  Friend’s are meant to go out of the way for one another.  Friends are meant to give each other gifts.  Friends will do their best to help their friends even at the great cost of personal time and resources.  To deny such things to a friend is to break relationship—or to say, we aren’t really friends.

But the biggest lesson is that generosity is personal and relational.  Giving online to a charity is great and easy—and impersonal.  Giving to your poor friend who has gotten to the end of the month, run out of money, or his boss hasn’t bothered to pay him this month, and he asks you to pay his electricity bill and you wonder if you are creating dependency and have to decide how much to give—do I pay the full amount or give a contribution or should I refuse this time?  Should I give as gift or just as a loan?  Giving like this is complicated.  It’s not easy.  It’s very personal.  

Our son on big island

I still struggle with this.  I grumble and roll my eyes when someone keeping asking me for just one too many things.  Sometimes I still say ‘no’ when I should say ‘yes’ and ‘yes’ when I should say ‘no’.  I struggle to get it right.  But I’m thankful for the struggle.  My heart needs stretching in order to grow and God in His grace loves to bring people into our lives who stretch us.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
The men had their monthly gathering, several men came and there was good discussion. Our youngest son traveled by himself to the big island and had a good weekend with our friends there. We were able to pack up and close up our house. Tom was able to do one final English ceremony the night before we left. We were able to give away some stuff and bless some friends as we left. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We are in the middle of travels to mainland Africa and our youngest son is not feeling well. Pray that he could find healing and energy to last him through our travels. This week Tom has an appointment at the US embassy to renew his passport, pray that he would get his new passport without any delays. Please be pray that those with whom we study regularly, that they would continue to study and grow in our absence.  Our fridge door is broken. Pray that it can hold together until we get back to the islands and be a blessing to those who might use our house while we’re gone. 

Washing Feet

 How do you feel about feet?  Are they smelly and stinky and something you never want to touch?  Or are they just feet?  I don’t feel strongly about feet.  For me they’re just feet.  But I find island feet kind of fascinating.  It being a hot tropical place, most people wear some kind of sandal, often a very simple flip-flop.  You will see people wearing shoes and socks sometimes, but the majority of people who come by are wearing sandals.  Moreover, island culture demands people to take off their shoes when entering a home or stepping on a mat.  The result is, we get to see people’s feet quite a bit.

Most common sandals

Our friend Ananas (he’s the one who sells us eggs and bananas at inflated prices) is a part time farmer.  He often wears the flimsiest of flip-flops which seem redundant with his large, flat, hard, calloused soles.  The cracks in his callouses on the sides of his heel are canyons, crevasses you could put your finger in.  He is missing a number of toe nails.  He has some impressively tough feet.

Women will sometimes put henna on their feet.  It is traditional for a bride to receive guests while sitting on her bridal bed, her feet sticking out in front of her.  Very often those feet have been decorated with henna—sometimes in intricate designs.  Women must take more care of their feet, because I don’t notice their feet being cracked and calloused like men’s.  Pumice stones are naturally available here, so it’s not too hard to find that helpful tool for looking after feet.

Muki’s feet are somewhere in between.  He still has all his toe nails and though his heels have some cracks they are not the deep fissures of Ananas.  I had the privilege to hold them in my hands a few weeks ago.  We were reading John and came to the part about foot washing.  As soon as we started to read it, I thought, “I should wash his feet.”  I think every time we read this passage we should wash each others feet.  We’re told to!  “For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.”  Here’s how it went down with Muki.

We read the passage as we normally do a study and then started to discuss the implications of it.  We talked about how it really is a challenging passage as the “teacher” is serving others in a humble way.  It’s so different from how people in authority act on the islands.  Those with honor, status and authority never do menial jobs.  It is beneath them.  Even husbands refuse to wash dishes in the home and will call it “women’s work.”  

Ready to wash!

The study was going very well and I was getting ready to say, “Okay, let’s do it.”  When Muki paused and said, “So, I have a question.”  “Go ahead,” I replied.  He looked a little sheepish.  “So if he was their teacher and he did these things…well, you’re kind of my teacher…so would you…?”  Immediately I got up and said, “Wait right here.”  I went out and got a towel, a basin and a pitcher of water, then I came out and set it before him.  With a big smile on his face he put his feet into the basin.  (I was expecting one foot at a time, because that’s been my experience of how it’s done, but Muki was all in.)  I washed his feet.  He was silent as I did it.  His feet were quite dusty and took some attention.  The water and wiping washed that all away.  Then I dried his feet with the towel, and went back to my seat.  We continued to talk about the passage a bit more, but it was clear that actions had spoken much deeper than words.  His face was delighted.  He prayed with a deep joy and went on his way grinning with his clean feet.

I don’t come from an honor and shame culture.  I don’t know that it would matter very much to me if my teacher or leader wanted to wash my feet.  I would see the symbolism in it and accept it as a good thing.  But I can see now that it means so much more here on the islands.  A simple act of humility carries a powerful message.  I have only the honor that comes from being a well-off foreigner teacher.  How much more for the King of the world to stoop down and wash his friends’ feet!

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful for these opportunities to put words into action. Women’s gathering was a good study and was well attended. Megan was able to study with Hashiri and an island sister— this was an encouraging study and eye-opening for Hashiri to interact with an islander much further on the journey than herself. Our two older kids had a nice midterm long weekend break. We are thankful for friends who were able to host them. We haven’t gotten a new hinge for our refrigerator door but we are thankful that the door has stayed on and been functional in spite of the broken piece. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
The men are meant to meet this week— pray that many would come and that they would be learning to trust and care for each other. Our youngest son travels on Saturday to the big island by himself (something his older siblings also did as part of their rite of passage into young adulthood). We will follow him a couple days later. Pray for smooth travels and for it to be a good kind of stretching for him. Pray for him also as he packs up everything that he’ll want for boarding school and says goodbye to his local friends— may he leave well. One of the newer sisters is facing a lot of pressure from her family members— pray that she would continue to stand strong and know how to respond to her family. Pray for her kids as well as they watch their mother weather this experience. Ma Imani’s daughter and step-daughter are being bothered by teachers at school that don’t agree with their parents’ views. Pray for these two teenagers to have peace, patience and wisdom beyond their years.