Haircuts and Father Figures

I called out a greeting as I walked through our front gate.  Suddenly a little boy was wrapped around my legs giving me a big hug and calling out my name.  I smiled and laughed in surprise (islanders aren’t usually big huggers). It was little Nambo, our househelper’s 4 year old. Behind him making a polite greeting was his sister Nadjma.  They had come so Nambo could get a hair cut!

Cutting Nambo's hair

I’m not sure how it came about exactly.  I think MaNadjma (our houshelper) must have spied our hair clippers and saw a way to save a little money and asked if I (Tom) could cut shave his head.  Men cut men’s hair in this culture, so even though Megan is the more experienced haircutter, MaNadjma came to me for the favor.  So that’s how it came about that little Nambo comes by once in awhile for a free haircut.

I don’t see Nambo that often.  Once in awhile MaNadjma will bring him to work and he’ll play quietly at our house.  He used to stick close to his mother’s leg, shy of us.  But somehow haircutting has helped overcome his shyness and now I can expect warm greetings and hugs!

I wonder about Nambo.  Like so many kids here, he has no father.  MaNadjma has had 3 marriages and looks close to a fourth one.  Nadjma is the result of the first marriage which was only a month long and traumatizing.  Nambo’s father was the second and the only good marriage of the three.  He was a loving father both to Nambo and to Nadjma, despite her not being his biological child.  But Nambo’s father died suddenly while he was still very young.  We suspect now that his father knew he was sick, but he never told anyone.  Even today, we don’t know what exactly was wrong with him, but MaNadjma has said that when it became clear he was going to die, he didn’t seem surprised. 

So Nambo, like so many boys and girls here, is growing up without a father and few father figures.  Unstable homes are so prevalent here that when we meet someone whose biological father is still married to his biological mother we are genuinely surprised.  It is a sad reality that for many kids, their father is more of a stranger than not.   

Our friend Bako is now a father of 3.  He tells us often how much he has learned from watching us.  He always appreciates marriage and parenting advice—and even puts some of it into practice.  He never really knew his own father and so he is eager for a better example.  

There is a large group of kids on the corner of our road— they are all siblings and cousins and the three sisters who are their mothers often leave them to their own devices, even though the kids are quite young. We have never seen a father with them. They had gotten into the habit of greeting us in a rude way, so Tom gave them a little talking-to and since then they yell his name excitedly and politely whenever they see him and come up to grab his hand and have small conversations with him. His attention made a strong and positive impression on them. 

Nambo and Nadjma are growing up without a father. They’ve already had 2 father figures come and go.  So we’re conscious of the fact that Tom’s role in their life could be very important. When we asked MaNadjma about the new man she may marry, she had little to say to comfort our misgivings about another marriage.  When we asked if he was a good man, she told us his name.  As if that would somehow answer the question.  Will this one stick around? Will he love these children that aren’t biologically his?  Will he set a good example for them?  We hope that these two kids will find a loving father here on earth. We also pray that they will come to know their heavenly Father who loves them more than they can know. 

Fathers' Day dessert!

PRAYERS ANSWERED

We managed to make it to mainland Africa with all our bags and despite our youngest son suffering from food poisoning!  He threw up one final time at the airport—but managed to make it through the trip and was feeling much better the next day.  Tom had no trouble submitting his passport for renewal.  We’ve been able to be around for our older son’s choir concert and to take our daughter to her doctor’s appointment.  We were able to celebrate Father's Day together as a family. Hashiri messages regularly and says that she continues to read and study.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for all the children growing up in broken homes in the islands.  Pray for all the adults who have grown up with poor examples, know no other way and so perpetuate the problem.  Pray that the example of loving marriages and good parenting would be a powerful witness of good news for many.  Pray for Muki, Mtsa and Hashiri to continue to study, and for the Lord to supply their needs while we are gone.  Muki especially struggles to find his daily needs.  May the Lord provide for him in powerful ways.  Pray for all the work that continues while we are away, especially for our teammate, who will be alone in the capital while we are away.  She will maintain contact with the other team on Clove Island, but the 3 hour bus ride does limit their ability to support each other.  Pray that she would feel supported and safe.   Pray for our kids as all 3 finish up the school year in the next few weeks—for final projects and perseverance to the end.