Breaking Patterns

 Our son was struggling to make a decision, not wanting to rest on a firm opinion (a common problem). I took the opportunity to share how I have struggled with indecisiveness. Sometimes I used to frame it positively as being laid-back or easy-going, but there are times when not having an opinion and not just making a decision is unhelpful and annoying to others and harmful to ourselves. So I shared some stories with my son, letting him know that he isn’t alone, but also that it was something he could work on.

Praying to pass on good patterns to our kids

We all carry with us patterns and habits that can be hard to break. Some of them we are aware of and acknowledge. Others we may not recognize as being a pattern or habit. Some may be good things, patterns that have a positive impact. Others are insidious and hurting the things that we really want for our life and community. We can see the roots for some patterns in our own lives and experiences. We see how they took root and grew. Others have roots that go even deeper than just us— they are patterns and habits that span generations of our family or even into the wider community and culture. 

I have a friend on the island whose whole family struggles with anger issues. She has seen it clearly in other members in her family and herself, but it doesn’t make it easy for her to always stop it in herself, though she does want it to stop. 

These deeper rooted habits are often the hardest ones to break (assuming they are bad and you want to break them) because the people around us are potentially wrapped up in the same patterns. You don’t necessarily have good examples to look to and emulate. If the community or culture embraces this bad habit, then there is no one even encouraging you to change. 

We have been reminded lately about the unhealthy patterns in marriage on the islands. Divorce is such an expected outcome of marriage that people don’t want to work on or fight for their marriages when they get hard. Islanders don’t expect to trust or necessarily confide in their spouses. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not patterns with which most islanders are familiar. Even among our brothers and sisters on the islands, we don’t see many strong marriages. It is easy to become discouraged, but we realize that it is a huge battle against all the generations of negative patterns. 

We see prayer as a huge weapon against the negative patterns in our lives. But we need to recognize the pattern, want it to change, and hand it over to the One whose power is much greater than ours. He is also our source for asking for new, good patterns and habits that we can foster and hopefully pass on to the next generation. 

Milkshakes to celebrate Father's Day

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Praise that our colleagues were able to return to the islands after their medical appointments in South Africa. Praise that our older two kids were able to be part of a school music tour this past weekend and that Tom was able to go along as a chaperone.  It went very well. Praise that our friends were able to enter Chad on their already-issued visas. We were thankful and encouraged to get to visit with some African colleagues from the big island who are currently in mainland Africa. We are also thankful that our island friends have made initial steps working through their marital issues. We are thankful for Tom and for all the other fathers in our lives as we celebrated Father's Day.  

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for island marriages to be healthy and establish new life giving patterns and leave behind the old destructive patterns of previous generations— continue to pray especially for our island friend’s marriage as they move forward with their reconciliation. Pray that our daughter would stay well.  Things like music tours are fun but also exhausting and there is a cold going around, both which can cause a flare up of her arthritis.  Pray that she would be able to get the rest she needs and stay healthy.  Unfortunately, we have not received the passports.  Our youngest son’s passport has not been received by the embassy even though it was sent from the US 10 days ago. They are not sure why this has happened.  This has meant us needing to change our tickets and extend our stay.  Pray that we would get the passports ASAP so that we might return to the islands soon— we’re ready to be back home.