A Terrifying Lesson in Bodas

We have been traveling the past few weeks.  Our responsibilities have taken us to a few different countries where we’ve had the challenge and the pleasure of interacting with people of different cultures.  For the most part it has been a great blessing to listen, to learn and try to understand different perspectives.  It can be challenging, but well worth the challenge, to learn to see the world in a new way.

Island moto driver with passenger

Usually such things take time.  It is through repeated conversations and talking together over meals or cups of coffee and tea that you begin to appreciate the differences and understand the other’s culture.  But there are some things that can be a sort of high speed experience that leads to new understanding—specifically I’m talking about a boda ride.

On the islands, many people have motorcylces.  It is a major means of transportation.  Tom has often been a passenger on one in order to be able to get to trainings on the far side of the island.  Riding on the back of a motorcycle is not a new experience.  But in East Africa, you can get a motorcycle taxi to take you places—it’s called a boda.  You can even book it on Uber.  Traffic in  this East African capital is often terrible.  Getting across town at rush hour to pick up your daughter’s medication is a nightmare.  Suddenly, the idea of a boda looks like a great solution.  Destination: Hospital—and in no time, Bonface, the boda driver, has pulled up to the curb and off we go.  

Things you should know about boda drivers.  They don’t stop for red lights, they just weave through them. They see sidewalks as a completely valid path to their destination.  The emergency lane need only be two feet wide to be considered a viable through way.  All of these I found completely terrifying to experience as a passenger.  

Together with all our kids

Bonface would weave through the traffic like a snake through the grass, somehow avoiding hitting side view mirrors every time (how he did this I’m still not sure as I thought we would surely hit them every time).  As we zipped down that two foot space of emergency lane, crunching over gravel and narrowly avoiding wing mirrors, I looked down into the deep concrete ditch by the side of the road that I would surely go flying into if Bonface made a mistake.  Most terrifying of all was taking the long curve onto the bridge.  Bonface leaned into the curve.  I leaned out—thinking about those motorcycle racers who drag their heavily padded knees on the track when taking the tight turns and looking at my own knees only covered by a thin pair of jeans and wanting them as far away from the pavement as possible.

Bonface dropped me off at the hospital in a quarter of the time it would have taken in a taxi.  His demeanor was indifferent—not as if he had just tempted death multiple times, but more like the bored look of the amusement park operator, who lets you out after the roller coaster ride, “Sure, you’re excited, but I do this all day.  Don’t forget to collect all your belongings.”

As I walked, slightly unstably toward the hospital entrance, I thought about how this was probably an experience an American would never have—never be allowed to have—in the States.  I wasn’t troubled that it took a little while to get the medicine we had ordered.  It gave me a chance to settle down a bit before the return boda ride.

Before I mounted the back of Martin’s boda I told him, “I’m not in a hurry.  No need to go fast fast.”  He laughed.  He did seem to take it a little slower, but made ample use of the sidewalk.  I felt like yelling out to pedestrians, “Sorry” but judging by their demeanors, this was just the way things are, and even if I am still not completely comfortable, I now have a much greater appreciation and understanding of this new culture of boda driving!

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful that all our travels have gone smoothly. We are thankful for a wonderful weekend with all our kids and one of their friends.  We are very relieved and thankful that we were able to get a 3 month supply of our daughter’s medications (something that took over a week with lots of phone calls where the outcome was uncertain several times). We are thankful to work with an organization that values partnership and working interculturally. Our sisters on Clove Island were able to meet and study together, though not all were able to make it. Our teammate has heard that she can begin work at the hospital!

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for our teammate as she negotiates the terms and expectations of her volunteer work at the hospital. Continue to pray for our colleagues’ toddler— she has her follow-up scan to see if the intense treatment she has been doing has had a positive effect. We continue to pray for her healing and for her family in this exhausting ordeal. Pray for our travels and adjustment back to Clove Island. We will be traveling with some our daughter’s refrigerated medications (so she won’t have to bring them at the end of her school term). Pray that we wouldn’t have any trouble at airport security traveling with a cold bag. One of our island sister’s daughters has come down with horrible dental problems— pray for a relief from pain and for an easy solution to her problems (the islands only has very basic dentistry services). Continue to pray for our island sister on the small island who continues to face scrutiny and persecution— pray that she would remain encouraged and persevere!

Entering Marriage

 Islanders sometimes get married very quickly. Sometimes they don’t even know their future spouse because it was arranged by family members. Or sometimes, the initial conversation of interest proceeds directly to a marriage.

It has troubled us in the past, how often a prospective bride/groom hasn’t been able to answer basic questions about their spouse, the most fundamental of which is: “Are they a good person?”

An island bride and groom

I have often expressed concern in these situations. One time I was really strong in my misgivings. Our island friend was rushing into a marriage with a foreigner and there were red flags and bad circumstances all around. But every time I pressed my concerns to her mother, the answer was “Well, she’ll just divorce him. If it ends up bad, she’ll just divorce him.”

They did end up getting married. It was a sham of a marriage and they divorced.

On the islands, divorce is common. I think islanders still hope for long lasting marriages, but divorce happens a lot and there is a not much stigma stopping you from divorcing if that’s what you want.

As we were arriving back on the islands last month, there was another marriage in the works. We were only on the outskirts of it, not being close with either of the parties, but several of our friends and coworkers were quite involved and contacted us, looking to talk things through and perhaps get some advice or at least prayers.

On the surface it was a wonderful thing, a known island sister and a known island brother wanted to get married! We pray for more godly marriages on the islands, so this seems like an answer to prayer!

But from our perspective, they were rushing into it. They lived on different islands. They had both been married in the past. They hadn’t talked about where they would live, or what their married life might look like. They hadn’t even been an established couple when the idea of getting married was mentioned, and yet they were going to marry within days.

Our colleagues were trying to ask for caution, to slow things down. They mentioned ideas like premarital counseling, but this is a very foreign idea to islanders.  In fact at least one respected island brother was advising the couple to get married as soon as possible. The sentiment I heard was “that’s how islanders do it.” You get married and figure it out afterwards.

Now, we don’t want to be paternalistic and there are western traditions of going about marriage that are also flawed. But my mind went back to that previous bad island marriage to which I was close and I thought, is the reason that islanders feel okay rushing into marriage because divorce is seen as such an easy out?  So we advised others to warn the couple that the expectation in a godly marriage is that you are making a lifelong commitment and that there should be a lot of prayer for guidance, unity and clarity before moving forward.  

Ultimately, the wedding was delayed. Perhaps not long enough to make everyone comfortable—they waited at least another week or two! But there was at least time for some discussion, a bit of reflection and a lot of prayer.

Traveling in taxi from airport

We long for strong island marriages transformed by the good news.  But culture is complicated.  Clearly it is not just island marriages that need transformation, but pre-marriage as well.  This will not look like it does in America, but we hope and pray that over time and through practice, this too will be transformed into a process that is good, thoughtful and blessed.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful for Islanders who have embraced the good news marrying one another.  This is certainly an answer to our prayers.  All of our travels went smoothly.  God even watched over us when Megan forgot her phone at check-in and got it back promptly and when Tom realized a passport had fallen out of his pocket before exiting the plane.  Both of these could have been a real headache, but God is good.  (We also are thankful for the realization that we travel better when we’re together.)  Our daughter’s doctor’s appointment went well, with the confirmation that the current treatment is helping and she will soon be able to be completely off steroids.  

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for this new marriage, that God would bless it and help them to love one another well as they navigate a new life together.  Pray for our stamina through long days of meetings—there are important subjects being discussed about the future of our organization in the region.  Continue to pray for our colleagues whose toddler daughter is being treated for a serious medical condition.  She is undergoing treatment now and will have more testing done on the 16th of October.  Pray that the tests will reveal complete recovery.  We will get to spend a few days with all our kids over next weekend.  Pray that we might have meaningful times together. Our daughter’s current treatment is working, but it looks to be difficult to get the medication— pray that we would find a consistent way to get the meds she needs. Pray that the sisters on Clove Island would meet this week after a long break from their monthly gatherings.