Love is Forgiveness is Sacrifice

 I found myself in a conversation with a good friend.  We were talking about love, which led to talking about forgiveness.  We both agreed that you can’t have love without forgiveness.  But then, inspired by something I read in a Tim Keller book, I said, “And forgiveness is expensive.”  My friend was intrigued by that statement.  What did I mean by it?  Why is forgiveness expensive?  “Because someone has to pay,” I said.  He didn’t understand and asked me to explain.

Our son does his PE running before the rains start

So I said, imagine your good friend steals money from you.  A few days later he comes to you and says, “I’m sorry, please forgive me.  I stole your money.”  What do you do?  Maybe the first thing you do is say, “Okay, give me my money back, right?”   But he says, “I don’t have the money.  I spent it all.”  What can you do then?  You have some different options.  You could say, “I don’t forgive you.  Get out of my sight.”  Your friend must pay for his crime, and so he loses your friendship.  

Or perhaps you say, “I forgive you my friend, but you must pay me back for the money you stole.”   In this way we have a compromise.  The one who was wronged will get his money back eventually, but in the time in between, the money is gone.  So in this case, both pay.

The third option is to say, “All is forgiven, my friend.  Forget about it.”  In this case, the one who was wronged pays the entire debt.  Does he not?

My friend agreed.  So then I asked him, Does God forgive us?  “Yes,” he agreed.  Who pays when God forgives us, us or him?  “He does,” he replied.  “How does he pay?”  I asked innocently.  “What does it cost him?”  My friend had no answer for this.  He said, “Let me think about this and we can talk about it again.”

This argument is closer to my heart right now than just a clever way to think theological thoughts.  As we shared last month, a boy whom we love and welcomed into our home stole from us.  [click here for an earlier post about it] A large amount of money by island standards.  It hurt to know we could not trust him.  It hurt to know that he had probably just wrecked our relationship.  It hurt to know that he was headed down a path that would lead to death.  How could we keep loving him?  How could we show him that we would not stand for this?  We confronted him, he asked forgiveness, but the money was gone and trust was broken.  How do we love him?  Who will pay?  He can’t pay.  He’s just a little boy.  People always suggest, “Find jobs he could do around the house, so he can pay you back that way.”  But we don’t have a yard and we don’t trust him in our house.  It sounds like a good solution, but circumstances often mean it doesn’t work.

The porch ready for our little friend's study time

The Holy Spirit gave us a novel idea.  We told him he could only come on our porch (not inside the house) until he had learned to read really well.  So he could come and we would study together and he would learn to read.  After we explained the concept, he left and we wondered if we would see him again.  He stayed away for about a week, but then he started coming regularly.  When He comes, I sit down with him for about half an hour.  We practice letters, writing and then read simple books.  He can read 4 of them now, without too much trouble.  We feed him too—out on the porch.  Sometimes he looks longingly through the window into our house.  But he hasn’t come inside.  He understands the boundaries.  And he really seems to like reading.  Many days he has come and has seated himself right at the table—the model student ready to study.  It’s great to be able to praise him for progress and see him smile when he figures out a word.

He has been forgiven.  But who is paying?  We both are.  He has made a commitment to study and must pay the consequences of his theft by being stuck on the porch.  But in reality, we are the ones paying much more.  In a sense, we are the ones doing “community service” for his crime.  It was our money and now our time being taken.  So there is a sense that when we see him at the door, we sigh because if we want him to be able to keep his side of the bargain, we have to be willing to teach him. But seeing him learn, we are reminded that the money and the time aren’t that important.  It is a sacrifice we can choose to freely give—to see this boy growing and learning and hopefully learning some important lessons about right and wrong and consequences and love and grace and mercy.  When you put it that way, it sounds worth it.  

Early reading book in local language

Forgiveness costs, but so does love.  Love is always a sacrifice.  What is love without sacrifice?  Forgiveness, Sacrifice, Love—they are all costly.  Love comes at a great cost and it’s easy to feel our hearts harden and hesitate to pay that cost.  That happens to us all too often.  But on those occasions when we do pay, we realize it is worth it because with the love, forgiveness, and sacrifice comes redemption.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Preparations are coming together for welcoming the new family coming to live and work on Clove Island— we’ve found a house to rent, a homestay family, possible language helpers, and plans for their orientation are coming together. Continue to pray for them and the preparation of their house and relationship with their new landlord.  Our teammate made it successfully to mainland Africa (we will see her there in not too long!)

PRAYERS REQUESTED
There is currently a cyclone forming south of the islands causing extra rain, winds and rough seas. It is not expected to get close to us, but pray for those in countries south of us and also for the fishermen that might be tempted to still go out and for all of us traveling later this week (including our family). We are praying the winds and rain will calm by the end of the week when we are supposed to fly on Thursday. The local brothers and sisters want to push this year to meet more, study more, share more and to teach their children more. Pray for them that there would be unity and passion for this new push and pray for us that we would do what we can to empower, encourage and partner with them as appropriate.