Petty Theft & Relationships

What would you do if someone stole from you?  What would you do if it was a guest in your house?  Or someone who worked for you?  I’m not talking about breaking and entering—strangers, robbers in the dead of night.  I’m talking about friends, neighbors and acquaintances.  People you have invited into your home.  People you thought you could trust.

View of our town from a hike to the fields

Everywhere we’ve lived on the islands we’ve experienced this problem.  Every home we’ve ever stayed in, people we’ve trusted have stolen from us.  And from the stories of teammates, it seems like we are not unique in this experience.  What do people steal?  Mostly money—a wallet or a purse left out is later found empty.  Those coins we left on the table are no longer there.  Toys have often gone missing. Our kids have gotten very protective of their favorite toys because they’ve seen too many of them disappear.  I remember going to visit a neighbor once and seeing five or six things that used to belong to us.  Sometimes other things have gone missing—pens, books, food.  We’ve had a camera stolen.  Others have had phones and tablets lifted.

It isn’t age-specific. We’ve experienced stealing by children, teenagers and adults, respectively.  Talking to islanders, it doesn’t seem to be especially targeted at foreigners—they have plenty of stories of people stealing from their homes, their businesses.  It doesn’t even seem to be especially targeted at those with wealth.  I have poor friends who have had things taken too.

The hard part about it is not the ‘what’ so much as the ‘who’.  In most cases the ones who have taken from us have been friends, neighbors, or house helpers.   Each time a suspected theft happens we have to ask ourselves what to do.  Do we confront?  Sometimes we aren’t sure if the theft has really happened.  Maybe I spent that money on something and forgot.  Is it possible someone else has been in the house and took it?  Other times we’ve known for sure—no one else was in the house.  Something is definitely missing.  Do we confront?  How do we confront?  Are we ready to take our friend to the police?

Old neighbors visit to welcome our daughter back

When we have been sure of the theft and the thief, the confrontation has usually gone badly. They have usually just vehemently denied it, which leaves us in the uncomfortable place of knowing they are lying to us, but having to choose between shaming them and ending the relationship or letting it be.

We’ve never taken anyone to the police.  The amounts have never been so grave as to really harm us.  The harm has not been so much to our pocketbook as to our heart.  It hurts to know that sweet little kid who comes to visit, that young man who seems so friendly, that house helper who has worked for us for so long, could do such a thing.

We don’t live with the same needs as many of our neighbors. The fact that we leave a wallet or a purse lying around our house is a sign of our comfort.  The fact that we don’t know where every penny goes and maybe won’t even notice a small theft, point to a level of ease that many islanders simply don’t know.  Perhaps they are truly desperate and that theft will feed them for a few days.  In that case, perhaps the cost is worth it for them? Sometimes the immediate need may drown out the longterm cost.   We can see how petty theft can become just a way of life. Maybe not even seeking it out, but taking advantage of the opportunity when it presents itself. The temptation silencing any objections.

Just last week, we confirmed that a boy whom we have known since he was born, whom we have welcomed to our home and fed meals countless times, stole money from our wallets/bags.  He comes from a poor family.  He has very few positive influences in his life.  Oftentimes he comes to our house, eats a meal and then falls asleep for hours in our hammock.  When we ask him about school, he evades our answers.  We think he goes, sometimes…

Playing in the hammock

When we realized that he had stolen we prayed about it and then we sat him down to talk about it.  It was a little different than other times— we have a parental role with him, so though he initially denied it, once we told him that we knew it was him and once we started to talk about repentance and forgiveness, he latched onto the idea and asked for forgiveness, saying he would never do it again.  We are happy for this, but the question remains, What now? How do we rebuild trust?  How do we continue to love and care for someone who desperately needs to be shown love and care?

It will not be simple.  We are trying to find ways to balance love and care with taking responsibility and consequences.  There is always hope.  It could end up that what was meant for evil could be used for good.  Can we transform this dark moment as an opportunity to show this boy love, forgiveness, mercy and grace?  We aren’t sure if we can manage it, but we’re trying.  We love this little guy and are praying for a better future for him, that he would choose a better path.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our daughter is home with us! She arrived on Monday and we were able to have some good times of hanging out, playing games, and decorating the house for the holidays. Tom and Uhaju got to study and also to have some bonding time on an outing. Continue to pray for his growth and connection with other islanders.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for our relationship with the boy that stole from us— we are attempting to make him ‘pay us back’ by having him learn to read. Pray that we could do our part to guide him well. The former president was convicted of high treason and sentenced to life in prison. We would have expected unrest in reaction to this very short trial, but so far it has been calm. Continue to pray for good governance and justice on the islands. It is very hot! Pray for cooling rains and good electricity for fans. Hopefully there will be a women’s gathering this week— pray that it would happen and be an encouragement to all. Pray also for there to be plans for island brothers and sisters to gather in a meaningful way this month for the holiday.