Setting Precedent

Island sunset this week

A few weeks ago one of our island sisters lost her grandmother.  Her grandmother lived far away.  The following week we were invited by some of our island family to go and pay our respects.  This is a pretty common thing to do.  When someone dies far away, since there are none of the normal island ceremonies, people come by and pay their respects to the grieved.  Sometimes, even groups of friends will come together to do this, so it was no surprise to us for someone to organize such a gathering.  They even asked Megan to say something.  That seemed a bit odd, usually these are more casual visits where people just sit and speak some encouraging words. But sometimes our friends like to be more formal and sometimes with a group, people will choose one or two to speak on behalf of the group. 

When we got there we were surprised to find such a large party present.  And it soon became clear that this was going to be different.  The friend leading the time had us pray and sing songs and then brought a chair out for Megan to sit and teach from.  Megan, shared some thoughts that she had prepared and then our grieving sister came and started to tell us about her grandmother.  She pulled out a picture and passed it around, as she talked about her life.

It was at that moment that it dawned on us: this is nearly the same thing we did for Megan’s grandfather when he passed away a few months ago.  (You can read about it here.)  The format, the things shared, none of it was very complicated, but they had taken the form and used it again.  They had taken something we had modeled and made it their own.

Date night thanks to teammate babysitting!

The things our sister shared about her grandmother were hopeful.  Her grandmother had heard good news and had been deeply touched by it.  There was cause to have hope.  If you would like to know more of that story, you can write to us and we will tell you about it.

Seeing something we have done be copied and repeated is greatly satisfying and at the same time intimidating.  With Megan’s grandfather’s memorial we were very intentional and thoughtful about what we did, knowing that there wasn’t a clear precedent for what we were doing and wanting it to be understandable for islanders. But what about all the things that we have done in the past without necessarily thinking or realizing that islanders might be looking to copy us? What else might they have seen us do?  It makes me think back to Christmas celebrations in the past where it was as much about American traditions as it was about the true meaning of Christmas.  What have we modeled?  What will they copy?

And yet, we’ve not seen islanders putting up stockings or Christmas lights, those things are difficult to reproduce because they are foreign. No, as we think about the memorial service and our efforts to be thoughtful and island appropriate—we know that it made it easier for them to copy.  Maybe they saw something there that they said to themselves, “Yes, we can do something like that.”  We’ve been scared of modeling before because of the weighty responsibility and the fear that no matter what we did, it would still be “foreign”. But sometimes people need to see something first before they can make it their own. We model whether we want to or not, so we are challenged to continue to be more thoughtful and intentional. At the same time we let go of fear. We take comfort and are thankful that it is not all up to us, or even up to those observing us. God is faithful to guide and correct, so we look to Him.

Helpers do the dishes for Tom

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Thank you for your prayers for our kids, especially our 8 year old, who seemed better able to deal with the stress of exams as the week went on.  We said goodbye to our teammate—I think she managed to say goodbye to everyone on the island, which is quite a feet, and will ensure her being well received on her return!  So far her travels have been good.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We were surprised to learn that our children were starting vacation this Monday.  Apparently, unbeknownst to them or anyone else at their school, and despite the fact that they were in the middle of exams, the government announced that all schools must go on vacation.  So our children are free for the next two weeks.  Pray for the governance of this island, and our patience with it, which seems so arbitrary sometimes.  Our 6 year old woke up and vomited twice this morning. He already seems to be feeling better but pray for complete recovery.  There are some political court cases happening right now that could have effects on island stability.  Pray for peace and justice.  We aren’t sure when or if our island family will celebrate Christmas as some had to travel last minute, causing existing plans to go up in the air.  Pray that we would know what role to play in encouraging gatherings.