I Wish I Had Said...

 English class was starting. Students were coming into the room and sitting down at the table.  One of the young men in his twenties who was sitting near me noticed a certain girl come in and sit down.  With a less than innocent look in his eye, he called out to her, “Wow, you are so beautiful.”

Recent walk overlooking our town

The girl was clearly embarrassed as was most of the class at this statement, which was just shy of a cat whistle.

The young man looked at everyone defiantly and said, “What?  Is it forbidden to appreciate beauty?”  No one spoke.  And he turned to me and asked in the same haughty tone, “Teacher, is it forbidden to appreciate beauty?”…

What would you have said?

Such unanticipated moments seem to happen quite often.  Rarely do I get them completely right.  Often I walk away thinking about the thing I wish I had said.  I’ve wondered about that.  Why doesn’t the Spirit give me better words, the most clever responses, the best answer for the moment?  Sometimes He does, but more often than not, I don’t say the things I wish I had said.  But then I remember that with most things we don’t expect to get them right the first time.  Musicians need to practice, authors need editors, and athletes need training.  So rather than despairing, we’ve taken to looking at these times as learning opportunities.  We don’t need to get everything right the first time, but we should learn from our mistakes.  What would have been a better answer?  What could I say the next time?  Sometimes we even discuss these encounters together as a team to get more input: “How could we have answered in a way that would have been beneficial and truth speaking?” 

“Teacher, is it forbidden to appreciate beauty?”

After a short pause, I replied, “I am not a [follower of your faith].  So I cannot tell you what is forbidden or not forbidden for you.  I follow [J] and we don’t talk about what is forbidden or not forbidden but about what is good and true.  But I will say, that where I come from, what you did was not polite.”

As I reflect on that answer, it wasn’t bad.  I got to say that I am different and do not adhere to their religion.  I was able to rephrase things in terms of good and true instead of forbidden not forbidden.  I was able to say that what he did was impolite and so bring him down a peg. But after class I thought about a better answer, and as I discussed it with Megan she came up with a similar better answer too.

What would have been a better answer?  It is hard to say, but if I could do it over again, I would have said,  “I am not a [follower of your faith].  So I cannot tell you what is forbidden or not forbidden for you.  But I am a follower of [J], and he tells us that God looks at the heart.  The intentions of your heart are more important than 'forbidden' or 'not forbidden'.  So my friend, did you say those things from a good heart or a bad heart?

Enjoying time as a family

There is one more factor that should be mentioned; one more challenge to crafting a good answer.  This was in English class, so my answer was in English and had to be at a level that the students could understand. Other times the answer would need to be in the local language and would thus be limited to the answerer’s local language proficiency. So as you think about how you might have answered, keep that thought in mind too.  

I hope you are thinking of ways you might have answered (let us know if you’ve got ideas), and we hope you are inspired to debrief similar moments you might have in your context. 

 We might stumble in our responses the first time, but we learn, we pray and often times a similar opportunity will eventually present itself.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Tom had good studies with Muki and Mtsa over some difficult passages. Generally, our daughter’s rheumatoid arthritis has been doing much better this vacation break. We are thankful for the decrease in pain and the increase in energy, but continue to pray for total healing! Hashiri has continued to ask good questions and is really seeking to understand forgiveness. We’ve taken some measures that have helped with the mosquitoes in our house. Plans are coming together for a men’s gathering to start in August. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Tom has started a new English class, which means a new group of islanders for Tom to connect and share with. Pray that he’d have opportunities to share truth with them. An island friend has recently lost his mother, pray that we could be a source of comfort to him. Pray for all the islander students awaiting their test results this week— which will tell them if they can continue on to university in the autumn or if they have to repeat the last year of high school. One of the sick island sisters hopes to travel for medical treatment once all the exam results are released. Pray for wisdom for her family as she’ll probably leave her kids on the islands with her husband and for healing for her.

Battling Dust and Mosquitoes

 There is a war going on at our house! It has always been going on, but only recently the battle has become intense. This Sunday, we were studying a passage from Joel that talked about the hordes of locusts descending. It can feel like that, but our battle isn’t against locusts, it is against dust and mosquitoes.  

On dusty porch with new duster

The dust war is primarily a seasonal battle. In July and August, the rains stop and the ground dries out, so the air and breezes carry the fine black volcanic dust with them wherever it blows. A couple nights ago, it got particularly windy as we slept and when we woke up our porch and front room floors were covered in black. 

The mosquitoes is a new battle for us. The islands have always had mosquitoes, but for some reason they are everywhere right now. Even islanders have commented on it. Our house usually has had very few mosquitoes, partially from being on a second floor. So even though our house has never been fully screened, we’ve never been too concerned about mosquitoes. But now we wish our house was fully screened! We don’t know exactly what is going on, but it feels like one of the cyclic surges you see with some types of trees or bugs in the US, where every so many years they produce several times more than normal. We’ve never heard of mosquitoes doing that, but it feels that way. 

It can feel like a losing battle. You sweep or dust and so quickly the black layer returns. Our boys don’t wear house sandals like we do inside, and every once in awhile we urge them to wash the black bottoms of their feet only to have them complain that they had just washed them off. It’s hard to hold the dust at bay. Meanwhile, we keep killing more and more mosquitoes, but it doesn’t seem to make a dent. They just keep coming. 

Son and Tom screening windows

But even though it can feel like a losing battle, we don’t give up. To give up would be to live in filth and be covered in bug bites and subject to mosquito born illnesses (currently a nasty one called chikungunya is going around). No, we don’t give up. We pray, we equip ourselves and we fight back. This week we screened some windows that hadn’t been. We have started keeping a mosquito zapper always charged, and we bought a new duster. Ultimately we don’t despair because we know how to fight back and we know it will get better. 

Dust and mosquitoes are common parts of life here all year round. Most of the time we don’t even think about them that much— they are there and we live with them in a relatively complacent way. Our house wasn’t fully screened, we weren’t in the habit of dusting regularly. But now the mosquitoes and dust are abundant and overwhelming. We can no longer be complacent, we have to fight back or we will be overcome. 

It feels like a sermon illustration! We haven’t felt that our battle with dust and mosquitoes is spiritual in nature, but it does make me think, what insidious things do I complacently allow to linger in my heart that could one day swarm and threaten to overwhelm me. Sometimes the war is ongoing, but it takes an intense battle to wake us up to the fight. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are so enjoying having our kids around.  Tom had some good studies with Muki and Mtsa this past week.  Muki is starting to understand some important aspects of the good news he hadn’t before.  Megan continues to study with Hashiri and has seen some positive growth in her understanding as well.  

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray that we would see a marked decrease in the number of mosquitos around our house and that the Lord would be merciful and keep mosquito-born illnesses from infecting the population.  Pray for Mtsa to get opportunities to share at his work and Muki to share more with his family.  Pray for all the ones we are studying with to experience life transformation.  Keep praying for the plans for a men’s gathering hoping to start next month.  Keep praying for health and healing for the two island sisters who have ongoing health concerns.  The final set of national school exams are happening right now (these ones are to go from jr. high to high school)— we know several kids taking them. Pray that they would remember all they’ve learned and not be too stressed. 

The Fabled Same-Day Connection

 It doesn’t seem like it would be that big of a deal. All we want to do is travel via the big island without having to spend the night on the big island. But in reality the same-day connection has been a rare occurrence. We don’t usually even attempt it leaving the islands because the risk of missing our international flight seems too great. But since our daughter started boarding school three years ago, every time she has come home for a break (three times a year), we have looked into her and her brother making a same-day connection and it has never worked out…until this time.  

Kids at airport cafe in mainland Africa

 Most of the time the issue has been that interisland airlines often cancel their afternoon flights. They sell tickets for an afternoon flight but then a day before the flight, you get a call saying the afternoon flight is canceled because of lack of passengers and everyone flies in the morning instead. This has happened to us several times. But the combination of high travel season and only one interisland airline means higher demand, so the afternoon flights have been actually filling and running this month. 

The other problem is getting an international flight that arrives early enough for the same-day connection, but our kids’ international flight was scheduled to arrive with plenty of time for them to make their flight in the afternoon. We had even entertained the idea that they might have a leisurely meal with our teammate who was going to wait at the airport on the big island to help them make the next flight.  But flight times are subject to frequent change in our part of the world.

Then there was a perfect storm. 

First, a week before travels, the international flight schedule was moved 45 min later, making the connection a bit tighter. But at the airport that day it was delayed 50 minutes, making the connection even tighter.  Meanwhile another international flight was 30 minutes early, meaning both planes landed at the same time.  You might ask, “Why does that matter?”

The big island airport is currently renovating their international terminal.  This means the small domestic terminal is being used for all arrivals.  So when two flights come at the same time it is chaos— way beyond their capacity for both immigration and luggage. 

So our two kids landed at 1:30pm. Their domestic flight was to leave at 3pm. A tight connection, but seemingly doable, except for all the chaos!  Our kids got through immigration quickly by mentioning their connecting flight, but then waited nearly an hour without seeing their bags.  At that point, we were informed that check-in for the next flight would close at 2:30, we told the kids to forget the bags and book it over to check-in.  (Meanwhile we started making arrangements to hire someone to collect their bags and put them on a later flight.) 

It sounds pretty bleak, doesn't it? But what we haven’t mentioned yet is that our teammate was at the airport outside arrivals to help our kids out and she even knew someone working at the airport. Unbeknownst to us, our teammate’s friend (it’s all who you know) got the kids and took them outside to find their bags amongst those waiting to go on the carousel and then escorted them to the check-in desk where our teammate was waiting for them (urging the employees to not close check-in without them).

They arrived! (In taxi on way home)

So in a last minute rush, they got checked in (with their bags!) at around 2:35. Their local flight left on time at 3pm! 

So was the same-day connection worth it? The kids admitted it was stressful, but when our kids were able to go to bed that night and not have to worry about traveling anymore, they were happy. We said prayers of thanks for our teammate, fast immigration, airport worker friends, and sweet reunions, and then they went to bed…and slept a full 12 hours!

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are so thankful to have our kids back home safely and that they made it through their finals week without too much stress. Women’s gathering this past week was very well attended and one sister shared that she had two local women asking her questions and wanting to know more about what she believes. We’re thankful that our teammate was able to visit with a Clove-Island woman who has moved to the big island when she passed through, hopefully connecting her to more fellowship on the big island. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for us as we try to balance with our kids home between quality family time and our normal work. Pray for Tom and other brothers as they consider getting a regular mens’ gathering started— pray for wisdom about the format and how many men to invite. Pray for Mtsa as his job has changed and he is praying for opportunities to have meaningful conversations and share with his new colleagues. Pray for health and healing for a couple of the island sisters who have ongoing helath concerns— one will be traveling abroad for treatment during this vacation time. 

Rude Conversation?

 I was walking down the sidewalk along the busy main road on my way to check if a shop nearby had something I needed. On one corner there were a number of people sitting on a stoop— some selling produce, others waiting for a bus or just sitting and people-watching. 

An older lady greeted me with warmth and I could tell by the way that she looked at me that she thought she knew me, though I didn’t recognize her. Not knowing if I had met her once and just forgotten her face, I made a point to return her warm greeting. Then she asked me, “How’s the baby?” and I immediately realized that she didn’t know me. She thought I was another like-minded foreign lady that lives on the island who has a small baby. 

Our 'baby' is almost 13!

It is a pretty common occurrence that we are mistaken for other light-skinned foreigners. We don’t necessarily have to look anything like each other— there are just so few foreigners that some islanders can assume we are the same person. In this situation, the mother with the young baby has brown hair and wears glasses like me, so it was an easy mistake. 

“That’s not me. I don’t have a baby,” I said with a smile and was about to keep walking when the man sitting next to the old lady, interjected loudly and with some vehemence, “That’s not good! You should have babies!” 

While his loud rebuke was a little surprising, we have been on the islands long enough that the sentiment is not shocking. Islanders believe that marrying and having children is a religious obligation. Everyone is supposed to have babies. 

So I was quick to tell him and the small group of people all keyed into the conversation, that I had three children, but they had all grown big, so I didn’t have any babies anymore. Most of the group nodded their heads and accepted this greater insight into my family status. I was about to walk away again, I was actually in a bit of rush to get to the shop and back home, when the man burst out for one more retort, “Three is not very many. You should have more! Three isn’t enough.”

I ended the conversation by saying that it is all in God’s hands and went on my way to the shop.

As I reflected on the conversation later, it did strike me that it would have been a very rude interaction if it had happened in the West. Even on the islands it was a little rude to say such things to a complete stranger and not taking into consideration that I could be trying to have children but having fertility issues (something that brings a lot of shame to women on the islands). 

Tom and friend at wedding (he has 14 kids!)

But, if he had known me and if I was willingly avoiding marriage or pregnancy, then it wouldn’t be seen as rude at all. Indeed,  it struck me that his sentiments and his willingness to yell them at a foreigner passing by on the road come from the idea that there is one accepted view on the topic. 

This is not a pluralistic place— islanders expect and generally accept that there is one way to view most issues. The details might change— for example, when we first came we were always told that women should try to have 8 kids (4 boys, 4 girls), more recently it has been more common to hear that 4 is enough (2 of each). But whatever the details, at the heart, islanders expect there to be one right way. 

So this man had no trouble yelling his advice for my life because it isn’t controversial. The other people who were listening didn’t correct or contradict him because they most likely agreed with what he said, even if they weren’t going to be so bold. 

To be honest, this wasn’t that unique of an interaction. Generally,islanders don’t mind being bold, even on personal topics,if they feel they are in the right.  As we’ve been on the islands for so many years some of this has worn off on us. We’ve gotten a lot more bold in sharing our beliefs and views, but let’s hope we retain humility and tact to still speak with gentleness and love at the same time. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We’ve been using an electric zapper and burning mosquito coils to stay on top of mosquitos. Our friends on the French Island are finally back in their house, following repairs from the cyclone that hit in December. Megan’s skin biopsy came back clear. Megan got to study with Hashiri again and correct some misunderstandings she has had. Tom continues to study with Muki and Mtsa, they are almost done with another book. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for our kids as they go into their exam week at boarding school and as they travel home. We are hoping they can make a same day connection from the big island— pray for safe travels and that their international flight gets in earlier enough for the afternoon domestic flight on Saturday. Pray for our colleague trying to have a medical procedure down in mainland Africa, her appointment was canceled because of protests in the city and she is supposed to fly out to tomorrow. Pray for our teammate as she has her final week on the island before heading home for four months. Keep praying for Megan’s back as she tries to be more proactive with PT stretches to hopefully encourage recovery. Pray for the women as they gather this week— we’ve heard that there may be some tensions in the group—may any needed discussion, repentance and/or forgiveness happen. A colleague from the small island is hoping to visit our island via boat this week— pray for calm seas so she can make it here safely.