Picking up Burdens and Putting them Down

Sometimes it feels like everything we do is about balance.  Stray too much to one side and fall down a slippery slope, but stray too much to another side and there is another slope, another undesirable extreme.

Island men exiting after prayers

The current lesson we’re learning is not unique to this place or to this moment.  And like so many things in our lives, it is about balance. Could this be one aspect of what He meant when he talks about the narrow path?  It seems like finding balance is finding a narrow path between the slopes.  In this case, the area requiring balance is in carrying each other’s burdens.

The verse says, “Carry each other’s burdens…”  What does it mean to carry each other’s burdens?  We think it means to come along side, listen well, understand the situations, problems, fears and anxieties of another and offer support—sometimes words of encouragement, sometimes a commiserating sigh, sometimes a call to action, sometimes physical or material help, sometimes a reminder of the truth.  Always prayer.  

One narrow path of this lesson is compassion, love and empathy—all excellent things.  We are meant to feel and feel deeply.  The Spirit stirs in us even greater compassion, greater love, greater empathy for others.  He is the one who makes it possible for us to carry each other’s burdens.  

And we are called to do it for each other.  There will be times where we will carry that burden for someone and there will be times when they will carry the burden for us.   

Living on the islands we’ve learned to carry many burdens.  New teammates struggle with culture shock, language learning and the difficulty of living in a new culture.  Sometimes we struggle with our teammates through problems happening back home—in their home country thousands of miles away.  Sometimes we struggle with interpersonal conflict and people not getting along on our teams.  We carry islanders burdens too.  People struggling without enough money.  People sharing with us their hard decisions (which we may think wise or foolish). Sometimes we are called to love people who are hard to love.  Carrying others’ burdens comes in many forms and we can be overwhelmed by all the needs. It is too much for us.

Tom & teacher training class

The slippery slope on this side is to love too little—to lack in compassion or empathy.  It is easy to become jaded.  It is easy to harden our hearts.  It is easy to avoid difficult people and difficult situations.  It is easy to keep our burdens to ourselves and keep others at arms’ length.  It is often easier to just feel a little bit less of their pain and stay away from the mess.  But that is not what we are called to.  We are called to love deeply, to serve each other, to honor others above ourselves, and to carry each other’s burdens.

But there is another side to the lesson.  As we’ve learned to pick up and carry and join in the burdens of others, we’ve made the mistake of making the burdens our own.  When a teammate struggles, our hearts can start to worry, what will become of them?  As an island friend makes a poor decision, we ask ourselves, why didn’t we give them better advice?  As two people struggle to get along, we agonize over how we might bring them to a place of understanding.  What can we say? What can we do to fix it?  It is a slippery slope that can lead to deep fear, anxiety and burnout.

What have we done?  We’ve taken up the burdens of others and made them our responsibility.  Why do we do this?  Perhaps out of fear for them and the situation?  But more often it is out of a desire to control and because of pride—as if we are the ones who can fix it.  As if it all hinges on us.  As a team we’ve been reading Henri Nouwen.  He challenged us this past week with these words,

“Without realizing it, the people I came to live with made me aware of the extent to which my leadership was still a desire to control complex situations, confused emotions and anxious minds.”  (italics added)

Notice that where one side of the slope is to love too little and lack compassion, the other side of the slope is not to love too much.  No!  We can love extravagantly, but we have to learn to put down the burdens—or better yet transfer them to the only one who can handle them.  “Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you.”  

On this side of the narrow path we have had to learn the lesson of letting go.  Let go of the burden and give up control.  Pray.  Give control over to the only one who can really do something about it.  But we find that we are continually tempted to pick up the burden again—to examine it, to feel its weight.  Even when we have decided to let go, it is easy to spend a sleepless night picking up the burden we know we were supposed to put down.  

After haircuts

So the lesson is learning to really let go.  We carry each others burdens, but not forever.  No!  We know exactly where to take them, and together we take them to the foot of the cross and leave them there.  We must leave them there…

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful that when we do lay our burdens before Him, He is so faithful in answering, either in relieving us of our burdens or giving us the grace and strength to endure. May we remember and be thankful! Our teammates made it safely to the French Island (though we’re not sure that they enjoyed the boat trip much) and the first day of short-termer orientation went well. A former worker made it safely back to the island for a visit— we pray that he would able to speak words of encouragement, challenge and inspiration to his island friends while he is here.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
The islands government has decided to finally take the former president to trial (after 4.5 years of house arrest with no charges). We imagine that this trial could lead to significant unrest— pray with us to peace, justice and fair governance on the islands! Please continue to pray for our daughter as she takes her final exams this week, packs up her dorm room and travels to the islands. The sisters haven’t been able to have their monthly meeting for November yet, pray that it would work out to meet this week and that they continue to grow together. We are hoping that she can make a same-day connection on Sunday, but interisland flights are notorious for cancellations and schedule changes. It would be a nice gift to our family to have her back on Sunday and not have to spend another night away. Pray the interisland afternoon flight isn’t changed or cancelled and that she can make the connection.