Becoming A Bride

Bride and all her friends/cousins at early wedding event

Marriage is a big deal on the islands. Not only are the weddings important to their culture, but islanders believe it is their religious obligation to get married. We’ve had islanders explain to us that to not get married is a sin. We have one religiously-minded student and for some reason I was having to explain what a “monk” was. As I explained that monks took religion seriously and wanted to please God, our student was nodding happily- to him, monks were sounding like good guys. But then I mentioned that monks didn’t get married and he stopped smiling, “Oh, that is bad. They are not good men then.”

So marriage is important to islanders. Adultery, polygamy and divorce are rampant and even expected parts of marriage, but the idea of being married (versus remaining single) is an important expectation.

Bride hidden inside during men's wedding event

Marriage is a life changer no matter what culture you are in, but this week we were particularly struck by the difference it makes for a young bride. Many of our students are young people and so we have seen the transformation from unmarried woman to married woman several times. Many times the transformation is remarkable.

An unmarried woman is supposed to be modest and demure- not attracting a lot of attention. Most keep their head covered and they are aren’t supposed to be wearing make-up and much jewelry. A new bride on the other hand is an attention grabber. Her lips are bright red with lipstick. Her head is often uncovered. She is often wearing new sparkly clothes and wearing a bunch of the shiny gold jewelry from her wedding all over her neck, ears and hands. People that don’t even know her will be able to tell you that she is married and may even call out in greeting, “How the bride doing?” A bride attracts attention.

We have seen young women who we would have called shy, exude a new confidence once they were married, engaging us in conversation in new ways, maybe with the feeling that they are now our equals?

Bride & groom for the climatic wedding event

A few months ago, we got the news that Ma Riziki was marrying off her youngest daughter, whose name sounds like Queen. This was a little bit of a surprise, since she is still a teenager, she’s still in school, and she has an older sister who isn’t married. Forgive us, but our first thought was, “Is she pregnant?” Still not sure that answer to that question. Queen has never been one of the demure, modest girls. You didn’t have to talk to her long to catch her attitude and self-confidence or to see the slightly mischievous, rebellious glint in her eyes. She has never been very soft-spoken, deferential or even polite to us as people older than her. She often was sent to our house as a messenger for her mom and most of the time she just walked right in (without the customary asking permission) and didn’t even bother with greetings unless I forced her to. So how would getting married change her?

This whole past week has been packed with wedding obligations. Ma Riziki honors us by asking us to be very involved and grouping us with the family. Our daughter was included in the group of young women and girls and I was grouped with Ma Riziki’s close friends and relatives. Remember on the islands there can be a whole week full of wedding events, but the initial ceremony is actually the simplest, the legal wedding part. So when I dropped by the next day to talk to Ma Riziki about the next day’s event, she ushered me instead to pay my respects to the bride and groom. So suddenly I was sitting down in the home of a married woman. Queen kind of giggled and looked shy and embarrassed as I greeted them, unused to having an adult conversation with me. She is still just a teenager but at some point some of the responsibilities of a hostess kicked in and she offered me something to eat and asked after Tom and the kids. As I left I smiled to myself, marriage is going to change Queen too.

Then as for any island bride, the wait begins for the next culturally and religiously mandated change— from bride to mother…


PRAYERS ANSWERED
We were able to fly safely from our island to the big island in time to catch our flight to mainland Africa! (It was a close call because heavy winds and rain were interrupting interisland travel for a couple days beforehand.) The travels went well and we are very thankful for the house we get to stay in while in Kenya and for the support of friends and colleagues in the area. .  

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We met the surgeon today and redid some tests. Megan is now scheduled to have laparoscopic surgery to remove an ovarian cyst on Monday, January 15th. Please pray for a simple surgery with no complications. The hope is that she can be discharged the same day. Pray for our time in Kenya as we will try to get some things done here that we can’t do on the islands (medical, dental, educational evaluations for kids, printing projects). One of our island coworkers is in the hospital here after having emergency surgery— pray for quick healing for him.  Tom had a good final time of study with the guys he’s been meeting with.  Now it is up to them to decide what to do with all that they have learned.  One of our teammates had her cell phone stolen while on vacation— pray for her in all the complications and hassle that causes. Three of our teammates are going to be involved in a 3 week orientation course for new overseas workers— pray for a blessed time of learning and connecting with other workers. They began today!