A Good Spouse

An island groom and bride

“I need to find a good wife.”  One of my friends says to me as we sit and talk on the veranda.  I smile because he is actually the third or fourth person this week to say the same thing to me.  Apparently a good wife is hard to find.  It’s hard to find someone trustworthy and loyal, someone who will cook and clean and take care of the children, someone who will not be jealous all the time, someone who will be respectful, someone with a good family and preferably a rich family.  Not surprisingly, a wife like this is not easy to find.

That is how I’ve come to find myself repeating the same advice I was once given a long time ago.  It was as applicable back then in the States as is it is here on the islands now.  “When I was a university student,” I told each of my friends in turn, “a wise teacher came and spoke to us about finding a wife.”

“Many of you are hoping to find a good wife.”  He said.  “Some of you have even been praying earnestly, asking God to send you the right girl who will make a great wife, and that is fine and good.  But,” he said, “how many of you have prayed and asked God to make you a good husband?”  A good wife wants a good husband and a good husband helps make a good wife.  So maybe you need to spend less time praying for a good wife and more time asking God to make you into the man who will be a good husband.”

All of my friends in turn laughed at this story and agreed that these were wise words.  I wonder if any of them will take it to heart.  I wish one of them would have asked, “and how do I become the kind of man who is a good husband?” but none of them did.  Did this wisdom fall on deaf ears?

Electricity cuts means cooking by headlamp

Another friend of mine, Sterehi, shared with me this week about the tattered state of his marriage.  He is ready to get a divorce.  He even showed me the divorce papers waiting to be signed.  As he complained about all the ways his wife had wronged him, I felt a great sadness in my heart.  I wondered “maybe she has not been a good wife, but has my friend been a good husband?”  I thought of all the late nights he spent working and how very rarely I ever saw him with his wife.  I thought of all the things in island culture stacked against marriage, like polygamy, easy divorce, promiscuity, and constant jealousy.  I thought about how Sterehi had once seemed so different—even above these sorts of things, and the story of his courtship.  How he had pursued and finally won his wife’s hand.  I thought of all these things as I considered what to say to him.  I didn’t share the same story I had with the others.  Instead I told him of the danger of bitterness and hatred entering into our hearts.  I told him how unforgiveness can destroy a person’s life and health.  I told him a story of another teacher who said that we must forgive seven times seventy.  I told him that a marriage is a great deal of work and that God does not want divorce.  And then I told him I would pray for him.  I hope you will too.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our new teammate has had a good homestay so far! We are encouraged by her good attitude. Times are hard for many people on the islands, but this has given us opportunities to share our blessings and pray with others. Our kids are doing well. Tom has been working hard every morning with our older son in reading and it seems to be paying off with him starting to enjoy reading and it getting easier. We encouraged by the local ownership of the translation project and their seeking solutions together for the different challenges.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We see broken marriages all around us on Clove Island. Pray for that more islanders will seek to be good spouses. Pray for all the brothers and sisters on the islands that they could be a witness through strong and healthy marriages. Neither of the pregnant women (a neighbor and Tom’s sister) that we asked you to pray for have given birth yet. Please continue to pray for both of them, especially our island neighbor because the OB has traveled to France so now there is only a midwife around for the birth and to handle complications. She seems nervous and asks us to pray every time she sees us. Our NGO needs an office on Clove Island. We hope to find one to rent ASAP, pray that we would find just the right location and set-up for our needs.