Being Our Kids

This week I sat down with our kids (now 5, 7 and 9 years old) and we talked about how their lives here are different from life for kids in America. So for a glimpse into our kids’ world, here are the top ten ways you know you’re one of our kids on the islands.

Our kids (7yrs, 9yrs, 5yrs)

1. You always stand out! There are no other white kids anywhere near us, no other English-speaking kids on the island. Strangers will try to reach out and feel your hair or touch your skin. Adults yell things at you that you can’t understand. Our 7 year old says, “People aren’t like me.” They don’t look the same, they don’t speak the same language and they don’t follow the same rules.
2. There’s no winter, spring, fall-- there’s rainy season, mango season and wedding season! We don’t have four seasons here. It can be raining everyday and humid or dry and dusty, but it is almost always hot. The things that really mark time for us is the fruit seasons (our kids can’t wait for mango season to start!) and all the weddings in July/August. Christmas for us is hot and humid but is also in the middle of lychee season (yummy!). Our kids love to hear a downpour of rain and ask if they can get their swimsuits on and go play in it.
3. No water, no electricity… that’s what bucket baths and headlamps are for! The water is rarely on in the evenings when our kids are washing off the sweat and grime of the day before bed. So usually they are just scooping water from a bucket to wash themselves. Electricity has been pretty good lately, but our kids aren’t scared if it suddenly goes dark. There are always several headlamps around the house!

   

   Can you see the baby gecko in this picture?

4. People don’t have pets but there are plenty of geckos, goats and bats around.  There are animals everywhere. Every night we can hear the feral cats howling and fighting. Sometimes the neighborhood goats will play king-of-the-mountain. Sometimes they’ll even come onto our porch or climb on our roof. Then there are the ever present geckos running around on our walls. Sometimes we find little baby ones, but be careful or you’ll make their tails fall off.
5. Local school isn’t much fun. Island schools are in French and sometimes you can’t understand everything that is going on, but the teachers are strict and yell a lot. (Corporeal punishment is common too). Island schools stick to the basics mainly (reading, writing and math). Most of the time the teacher just writes things on the board and the kids have to copy it down. The best part is recess where you can trade snacks, run around the courtyard and play tag. Our kids like homeschool too, where they learn in English and get to study extra things like science and history.
6. You can just walk down the road and go to the ocean! We don’t go as often as we’d like. But the ocean is a short walk away and our kids love to play in the water and sand. Watch out for floating trash though, islanders throw their garbage in the ocean. Also don’t be surprised if a group of naked boys follows you around the beach (they’re not used to seeing white kids).
7. You’re far away from everyone. We can’t just go and visit people. We can’t go and see our grandma and grandpa, aunts, uncles or cousins. It is expensive to get off the islands and most places are far away. Even though we live near Madagascar, we’ve never been (maybe we’ll get there someday soon, our kids really want to see all the lemurs).
8. We go to someone’s house on Sunday. Sunday mornings consist of us gathering with our small team at our house or someone else’s. No big building, no organized children’s program. We sing songs in English, French and the local language. The kids will read a story and draw pictures while the adults read and discuss a passage.

9. 

   In the hammock on our porch with some friends

   There are no playgrounds! Nowhere on the whole island. No teeter-totters, no slides, no swings. This is always one of the first things our kids say they miss from other places and no matter what country we go to… if it has a playground then our kids are excited about it. For play here our kids run around, make up obstacle courses, ride scooters on the porch, swing in the hammock or play pretend. Neighbor kids often come to play on our porch. 
10. There are some things we don’t have here but some things we do. There is no peanut butter (so no PB&J). There are no pork products (so no bacon, no ham, no breakfast sausage, no pepperoni). We almost never have cereal or ice cream or most cheeses. But our kids like eating meat kebabs sold on the side of the road and “mataba” (cassava leaves cooked in coconut milk) and fresh yellow-fin tuna (sold from a wheelbarrow down the road) and freshly fried breadfruit or green bananas. Island food is pretty good.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our daughter was hit by a tummy bug this week— we’re thankful that she has fully recovered. Megan’s back has recovered from a marathon wedding event that had left it tender.Several of our island friends passed their BAC this year (the big exam that allows them to go to university). We rejoice with them for this big accomplishment.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We hope that this encourages you to pray for our kids. Most of the time life here is just normal life and our kids don’t know any different but sometimes they are very aware of the challenges here and life feels hard (especially since being in the States this past year and especially for our 7 year old son). Pray that they would continue to grow in their knowledge of both French and the local language. Pray that they would have good friendships with island kids. Pray for us that we would be good parents, listening, comforting, encouraging and challenging them as we should. Plans have come together for island team leaders to come to Clove Island for a leadership pow-wow in just a couple weeks. We excited for the opportunity to connect, plan and pray with them. Pray for logistics and planning of that time. We are hoping to have an official opening of our office— pray that we would remember to honor the right people (important in island culture) and have everything ready.

Did He Really Say That?

Men's Event-- sitting for sermon, etc..

Have we been writing about weddings a lot these days?  Well, that’s because we’ve been going to a lot of them.  We each had village wedding ceremonies to attend over the weekend.  Village wedding ceremonies are always more tiring as they usually involve a long car ride, a greater part of the day, and a gut-busting amount of rice to eat!  But they are also a chance to deepen friendships and see how things are done outside the capital.

So that’s how I (Tom) found myself at a men’s wedding ceremony about 30 minutes away from the capital with a good friend who is also an islander and an English teacher.  I was happy to be able to sit next to my friend this time around instead of being whisked away to the “honored guest seating” where I’m often seated whether I like it or not. The typical men’s wedding ceremony is pretty simple really, it consists of an opening prayer, reading from their holy book, a sermon, singing and dancing, speeches, more singing and dancing, more reading from their holy book, a closing prayer, and party favors.  This is good listening practice time in the local language!  But often I have no one to check my understanding with.  So when we got to the sermon, my friend leaned over and asked if I agreed with what the teacher was saying.  I replied with what I thought he was saying:
    “So, is he saying that it’s better to marry a smart woman than a dumb woman?”
    “No,” my friend informed me, “he saying you need to pay a smaller dowry for a dumb woman.  If she is smart, you will have to pay more.  Also if she has a deformity, like a problem with her eye or leg, you should pay less. Do you agree?”
    “Is that really what he said?  No I don’t agree.” 
A little later on in the speech my friend asked again.  “Do you agree with that?”
    “I don’t know.”  I answered, “What did he say?”
    “He said that if your wife refuses to sleep with you than you should cut off her money.  You should punish her.  Do you agree?”
    “No I certainly don’t agree.”  I told him.  “He is wrong.  This man is a fool.”  My friend laughed.  The teacher then finished his brilliant speech by reminding men not to sleep with their wives during her period as that is a big sin.

Tom & kids at bedtime

After the ceremony we talked some more. “So,” I asked my friend, “Do you agree with what the teacher said?”
    “You know,” my friend replied, “These teachers, they say many things but no one really listens to them.  I believe, if you love someone it doesn’t matter what they look like.  If she is a good woman that is more important than her physical appearance.”
    “Yes!”  I agreed.  Glad to hear that some light had penetrated the darkness. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We have managed to make it through many weddings and are very hopeful that all this good face time will result in more quality conversations in the future.  Tom had a good time of study with a friend.  The airline is flying again, but not at full capacity.  The language project computer problem turned out to be a faulty keyboard.  A new keyboard has been purchased.  Ma Imani’s daughter seems to be healing well.  We celebrated 14 years of marriage this past week!  We are thankful for teammates willing to watch our kids and let us go on a date for our anniversary.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Our youngest has worms (very common here) so the family is taking worm medication again—ah, island life!  Pray for worm free living!  All the weddings have been hard on Megan’s back.  Pray for strength and healing there.  We are looking into traveling in October for some vacation and medical/dental checkups.  Pray that the plans would fall into place.  As always, pray for the translation work and for lots of opportunities to share and spread light and love to islanders all around us.

English Club, Marriage & Weddings

Relatives posing with the bride and groom

“What is the difference between ‘marriage’ and ‘wedding’?” we asked our English club. This is an important distinction since mariage in French can mean both the ceremony and the life together.  We shared our sentiment that the marriage is so much more important than the wedding. The wedding lasts a day (or here a week) but the marriage is your life.  Our English club attendees seemingly agreed with this idea, but we’re not sure if all islanders agree with us.

Parade of gifts for groom

Weddings are such a big deal here. They are talked about a lot. They are a huge investment.  The nature of their wedding will mark a change in how the bride and groom are treated in society. We’ve heard of islanders getting divorced right after a wedding— seemingly marrying just to move to the status of “married” in the culture. Big weddings last a week, but they are then dissected for a long while after. Details are written down and compared. Proceedings are videotaped and then watched multiple times. Weddings are even played on the local TV channels— hours of dancing and face shots of everyone who attended. And people actually watch them!

Weddings here are both important and complicated. We’ve learned a lot by just living here, but we wanted to learn more. What better place to go than our English club!  For the past few weeks we’ve been asking our students about marriage and weddings. This past week we asked them to tell us all about the different wedding events on the island.  We thought we’d share with you some of the surprising insights:

The food gifts

• There are at least 12—that’s right!—12 different kinds of possible marriage ceremonies.  Each is distinct.  No one does all of the ceremonies.  Certain ceremonies are paired together but only one ceremony is religiously required.
• Nearly all ceremonies are gender exclusive and there is only one ceremony (for women) where the bride and the groom appear together in public.
• The bride and groom are expected to pay a “dowry” of gifts to the family of the respective partner.  The gifts for the bride always include gold jewelry, but the amount will be greatly reduced if she is found to not be a virgin.
• In one event the groom and his entourage get full body massages from old grandmothers skilled in this art.  (Tom has thankfully, never had to participate in this ceremony)
• In another ceremony, the groom’s gift of gold for his bride is the center of the ceremony.  In this event women dance suggestively with each other and with the gold.
• Though a long way from Oman, the dress of the groom has been strongly influenced by Omani culture.  He wears a turban and dagger and holds a sword in the style of Omani grooms.
• In the only ceremony that brings bride and groom together, the bride dances her way up to the groom.  Upon reaching him she starts to fall down at his feet, to show her servitude to him.  However the groom grabs her before she can fall at his feet.  Instead he pulls her up and embraces her and showers money over her.

Groom and "best men" in Omani garb

We’ve learned a lot and are eager to understand more, especially as the wedding ceremonies give insight into how islanders view marriage. As a team, we have been looking more deeply into the meaning of marriage, here on Clove Island, in our home cultures, and finally in God’s plan.  It is a rich and intriguing study we hope will result in new ways to talk about life, love, and meaning. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our English Club is very well-attended lately (we struggle sometimes for enough seats). We’re thankful for the thought-provoking discussions and cultural insights that have happened via our English club— we pray it would continue. We’re thankful that after some bouts of illness this week— our family is feeling better.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Megan is on her third night in a row of  late-night wedding events— pray for perseverance and that going to all these wedding events would be relationship-building and would result in opportunities to share with people. Pray for our kids as we start our homeschool year and try to balance homeschooling with our different commitments. Tom has two men that he has been studying with semi-erratically. Pray for more chances to study deeply with people and that he could find more regularity with these two. Pray for Ma Imani’s 9 year old daughter who fell down some stairs and hurt herself badly—still not sure the full-extent. Pray for healing. We haven’t heard anything new about the country’s airline problem or the computer problem with the language project- so keep praying about those too.

Always be Prepared with a Speech

Boys receiving their gifts at event

It was another last minute invitation to some kind of event. As usual the specifics were vague— both timing and the nature of the event was unclear. But a friend had asked us to go and going to events is usually about relationships here. We knew the approximate location, the approximate time and that it was for her son who was involved in some kind of vacation soccer program. We imagined a bunch of boys getting awards or something.

We weren’t that off. When we finally got to the place, it had already started long ago. The surprising thing was that there weren’t that many people attending the event. We imagined waiting along the outskirts of a big crowd and coming forward to give our congratulations to our friend’s son at the end. But there wasn’t much of a crowd, there wasn’t much room along the sideline of the soccer field. Our friend was front and center with our teammates. As soon as people saw me, they asked me to come forward. Tom begged off— he wasn’t dressed to be upfront with men in full suits, so he stayed with the kids. While I crammed into a non-existent opening on the bench in the middle of everything.

Soccer exposition

All the boys were given gifts of cleats and socks, already being dressed in matching soccer outfits. Then it seemed like it was already over. The boys left the field and young adults started playing a game. Apparently it was an exposition game to show-off the program. Neither me or my teammates really knew anything about the program. We didn’t know anyone involved in running it. All we knew was one kid who played with the young kids. As the sun was starting to go down we all stood up. The young adults were getting certificates now. Tom and the kids were getting antsy on the outskirts. I considered trying to slip away but I didn’t want to be rude and it seemed like it was almost over.

Men with the microphone kept giving little speeches in the local language as they moved on to giving the coaches certificates. I could see the man with the certificates, this was the last one. I grabbed my purse, ready to make my exit as soon as it was over. Words were still flowing from the man with the mic but I wasn’t really paying attention. Until suddenly there he was in front of me saying, “Now, let’s hear from this lovely lady…” Our friend supplied my name and I was handed the microphone, along with the final certificate.

Megan just before the fateful moment

They wanted me to give a little speech with some nice words and give the final certificate. The problem was I didn’t know the person I was giving the certificate to nor what he had done to get a certificate. Not to mention it was in a foreign language which doesn’t flow quite like my mother tongue under pressure.

I managed to fumble through a couple very short sentences of generic thanks and congratulations before I handed the certificate and mic away as soon as possible, thoroughly embarrassed by being thrust so unexpectedly into the limelight and by my failure to be more eloquent.

My teammates and husband thoroughly enjoyed my discomfort, mainly because they were so glad it didn’t happen to them. If only I had been given a moment to prepare, if only I had been paying more attention, if only it made any sense why I would be chosen to give a mini-speech, I wasn’t involved in the slightest! 

At English ceremonies we expect that we may be asked to give a speech at only a moment’s notice, even if it wasn’t discussed beforehand. So we always have generic comments about learning language, about the importance of study and words for congratulating students in our repertoire for spontaneous speeches— looks like I need to broaden my repertoire. You never know when you might have to give a speech.

Note: Sorry for no blog last week, not sure what happened. We just forgot— hasn’t happened to us in a long time.

Visiting a newborn

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our teammate made it back safely to the islands! As a team, we had a week of meeting regularly to push our local language deeper (we do this a few times a year)— we’re thankful to be continuing to grow in the extent and depth with which we can communicate. We are thankful for our youngest— who turns 5 years old this week! We are thankful for his life, energy and excitement. Our friend had her baby— a beautiful little girl! We are thankful for a smooth delivery but continue to pray for a better relationship with her husband.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
The islands are without an inter-island airline. The final airline stopped flying because of problems with the government. This is a huge problem for the islands as a country and for many of our friends who count on traveling easily between islands and connecting to international flights. Pray for some kind of solution and especially that greed/corruption would no longer cripple this country. We’ve been looking into taking a few vacation days but all our plans to get away keep falling through— pray that we could get break when we need it.   Continue to pray for the two ladies preparing to come out to the islands long-term. Their target is to come in November, pray that the funds and logistics would come together. The language project has been hampered by computer problems— pray that they can have reliable computers to keep the work going.

Ma Riziki & Me

Ma Riziki & Me- dressed for wedding

“So, who’s getting married?” I ask as we walk along the road together. We’re already dressed for the wedding in matching outfits, but I have no idea who is getting married or even where the wedding is going happen. But I’m not really going for the bride or groom, I’m there for Ma Riziki.

Ma Riziki doesn’t get much honor in a country where honor is of great importance. She’s poor in a world that honors wealth. She’s skinny, almost gaunt in a place that honors people who are plump. She’s illiterate in a town that honors education. The only jobs she has ever done are menial type work, cooking and cleaning at the parties of the rich.  She’s a great-grandmother and in most families this would accord some honor, but her family is a messy array of humanity where squabbling and manipulation seem the order of the day over loving and honoring one another. Twelve kids, countless grandkids and at least two great-grandkids that I know about. Most living on top of each other in a precarious two story structure. Her youngest kids are teenagers and theoretically she should have lots of help at home. But no one seems to help her and instead of relieving her workload her kids burden her  by leaving grandkids with her to care for.  Most of the children in this large family are not looked after. It’s almost like there are just too many of them to keep track of and no one is really trying. She’s the matriarch of a messy family that isn’t well respected.

It might be possible for her to have some more honor and respect in her community except that she usually doesn’t try. She often does not follow the social and religious norms that most islanders  hold dear. It’s like she is constantly in survival mode, tending to crises, figuring out the food and money needed for the day. Often cultural niceties don’t make the list.

Ma Riziki with some of her grandkids

When we first came to Clove Island, Ma Riziki sought me out right away. She lived just across the street and seemed to want to claim me before any of the other close neighbors could. Since that time she has come to us for many things. We’ve helped with food when they are hungry and have nothing to cook. Ma Riziki usually has a worn-out and tired look when she asks for food. It’s a source of shame. But we’ve helped in other ways too— with medicine when people have fevers or toothaches or headaches, with bandages when there are wounds, with help into an English class when one studious daughter wants to learn, with taking photos when there is a special occasion and finally by attending events.

From the beginning, Ma Riziki has been interested in me joining her “shama” (a group of people that help each other when they have weddings and other celebrations). The idea is that you pay in every time there is an event (with money and/or labor) knowing that when it is your turn to have an event everyone will reciprocate and help you make it happen. Now I’ve never been interested in joining a shama because most likely I would be always be paying in and never receiving, plus we’re invited to so many events as it is— we don’t need to add random shama events to our schedule.

At some point I stopped fighting it. Now I’m not a very good shama member and I was puzzled why Ma Riziki wanted it so badly. But eventually I came to the uncomfortable realization that I brought her honor. I receive honor in this society merely with my skin color and my foreign passport. I’m an honored person here and so any association with me brings her honor. Anytime I attend an event with her it raises her before her friends. I may not be comfortable with my mere presence being an act of honor, but would I deny her that honor? Giving her food helps her but it is a source of shame. Going with her to wedding as her friend, that is a source of honor. So I go along.

So I went with Ma Riziki to yet another wedding.  I didn’t know the bride, I didn’t know the groom. I didn’t even really understand how Ma Riziki was connected. But that wasn’t really the point. I was there for Ma Riziki.  Some people at the event had fancy jewels, some had outfits made of expensive material, others had the latest smartphones or cameras. Ma Riziki had me.

Our kids

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our son’s scrapes have healed better and quicker than expected. Our family got to take a hike and swim this past weekend— the first outing we’ve managed in a long time. It was a nice few hours to get away as just our family.  An island sister had a great chance to share important stories at a wedding with a bunch of other women— they wanted to hear more.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
One of our island friend’s wife is ill and may need to travel to get the care she needs (this is a pretty common occurrence on the islands with the lack of medical care). Pray for him that he would have wisdom and peace as he considers how to proceed.  Our teammate is supposed to arrive back on Clove Island tomorrow afternoon.  Pray for her final leg of travel and for a quick transition back into the island time zone and life. Our pregnant friend is already dilated. She seems a little nervous (since it is her first), pray for a smooth labor and delivery and for health and safety for both her and the baby.

It’s Never Exactly What You Expect

Waiting at stadium for things to start

Our friend was about to leave when she mentioned, “This afternoon is a fête for kids up at the stadium.” She was speaking the local language but she used the French word fête (even though she’s not a French speaker). In French we might expect a party of some kind, but the way islanders use it can be different. After a couple more questions, it seemed that it would be more of a performance. Apparently some foreigners had been involved in organizing it, the kids had practiced throughout the month of fasting and they would be doing a dance. We knew three girls who were going to perform. “It’s at two o’clock for the kids and then adults will do something at three o’clock.” We told her we’d try to make it.

Now we knew enough to take 2 o’clock with a grain of salt. It is the islands after all. But with foreigners involved, you never know it might be more punctual. We didn’t want to miss the kids dancing. So around 2:15 we leisurely left the house, arriving at the stadium about 2:30.

Procession of everyone onto the field

This was the first time that we’ve been to the stadium as a family. It was built by a foreign country as a gift to the island a number of years ago. Except for the plastic seats directly in the sun (everyone here knows plastic degrades quickly in the sun), the rest of the stadium has held up well. It is much nicer than the other sporting venues on the island and the covered seats have a great view of the green island hills.

As soon as we pulled up to the stadium, we knew we were way early. Some of the performers were getting ready but the spectators were few. Still they let us in and we found seats.

Fast forward two hours. Yes, TWO HOURS. Nothing had really started. We hadn’t come prepared with snacks or books, so our kids were bored and antsy. For the last hour a group of adults had been doing a slow monotonous militaristic dance-march, apparently to kill time while the crowd waited for some honored guests to arrive. It wasn’t very entertaining.

Just after 4:30pm, things started going. But not in the way we hoped. Instead of the kids coming, dancing and us making our exit. There was a large procession of various groups into the stadium and onto the field. The honored guests in the stands with us included the country president, vice president and two former presidents! Not to mention the current island governor and former governor. For island bigwigs you don’t get any bigger than that! It turned out that this was no kids dance performance, this was the opening ceremony for the annual inter-island sports competition!

Getting ready to dance

Of course, everyone had to give speeches, long, flowery speeches, sometimes in more than one language—after all, this is Africa.   We sang the national anthem at two different points (that might have been a mistake). Finally most of the groups on the field processed out, leaving the kids to dance. The kids danced for about 15 minutes before they left the field. There were various adult music groups left to perform, but we made our way out. It was after 5:30, the sun was going down and we had other things to do.

It wasn’t what we expected, but on the islands it is often better to curb expectations completely.  If you’re wondering how the sports competition is going, we couldn’t tell you.  We haven’t heard one bit of information about it.  Not what you’d expect?  Welcome to the islands…

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We had several different wedding events this past week. We’re thankful that they went well and that that we had the chance to attend. We’re feeling better now. After a few painful days, Megan’s back seems to be doing better again. We were able to give our pregnant friend a gift of some things for the baby— she seemed encouraged. Things continue to progress to have two more ladies join our team in November— we’re excited to see our team grow.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Tom had the chance to share more fully with someone who he’s studied with before— pray for an open heart and mind as he thinks about the things they discussed. We’ve had a chance to give away some good books and movies, pray that they would be watched/read and passed along by many islanders. Our youngest had a fall and has a big scrape across his face, pray that it heals quickly. We’ve noticed that our kids have a couple cavities but island dentists only seem to pull teeth. Pray that we’d have wisdom about how, when and where to get dental care.

Showing Honor Amidst Schedule Conflicts

Us with groom before men left

“Summer vacation” is a busy time on the islands. It is actually the cold time of year, but it is the time when islanders come from abroad. A time without school. It is the time for weddings!  Lots of weddings.  Island society idolizes weddings.  Lots of money and effort go into throwing them.  There are literally wedding ceremonies every day of the week with multiple weddings often going on the same day around town.

Honor is a big component of weddings. The bride and groom are being honored by their families. The two families honor each other with gifts and extravagance. Special wedding guests are honored with special attention, flower garlands, and seats of honor up-front and center.

Men proceed to ceremony

As foreigners we are often sought-after guests at weddings. We get lots of invitations, sometimes from strangers who don’t even know our names. We don’t go to all weddings, but we always try to go when we have a personal connection, though it is rare that we are actually friends with the bride or groom.

This past week was different. An old friend (we hadn’t seen in months) had come during the month of fasting with his fiancée to tell us that he would be getting married during summer vacation and that he would be so honored to have us at the wedding. The problem was, he didn’t know when it would be. The date hadn’t been set.  So last week, he came back at night with his fiancée again to say the wedding would be on Friday, in just a few days! I looked at my schedule and groaned—the wedding was at nearly the same time as the exam for my teachers—the culmination of over a month of training. I am the only instructor. The exam had been scheduled for weeks. It could not be rescheduled and I could not miss it.

I tried to make my apologies and explain how this exam was simply something I could not bow out of and that I would not be able to attend the wedding. But he was quite persistent that I could at least come for part of it.  Obviously it was a big deal for him that we come to his wedding.  So I agreed to come to as much of it as I could and then go to the exam from there.  It seemed like a decent compromise.  It meant I would be dressed in my traditional wedding clothes for the exam—but that’s not such a big deal.

The drum section for the ceremony

But there was another problem that niggled at the back of my mind though I tried my best to ignore it.  You see, where as my classes start on time (and this is a habit we try to model and encourage in our teachers), weddings are not always punctual.  So it came to pass that we arrived at the groom’s house only to find that the wedding was far from getting started.  We got some nice pictures of the groom being dressed for the event and then with us.  Then after a long wait, the procession of men finally left the groom’s house walking down the street with singing and booming drums headed to the ceremony location.  I followed with my two sons (the men celebrate separately from the women) noticing on my watch that my time was nearly up and that I would have to leave for my exam very soon.   So, thinking I knew the culture well, I carefully held back and did not make my way into the ceremony.  But I was dragged in anyways. So I sat in a chair on the edge of the ceremony.  But here I found the groom had other plans.  He wanted me near the front with him.  I explained to his groomsmen I could not.  I was leaving in 5 minutes.  Still they pressed me until I could not refuse and found myself seated directly next to the groom facing the other guests—a seat of honor saved for truly honorable guests—a seat saved for me.  An agonizing 5 minutes passed.  As I knew that I must leave but hated to do so—hated to think what I may have be doing to the groom’s honor.  Hating to think what all the people sitting there facing me might think.  But I felt I must go, so with a heavy heart, I rose and offered my sincere apologies to the groom and left.  On my way out, almost to increase my shame they threw a garland around my neck—one I felt I did not deserve—I had not stayed, but to refuse it would be even worse.

I was in danger of being late for the exam, so I couldn’t find Megan (who was far away with the women) to leave the boys with her. So with two sons in tow, I found a taxi to my exam.

The exams went well despite my traditional garb and two little boys playing outside, but part of me still felt terrible for leaving the wedding.  That night I got a phone call from the groom.  He assured me that he was honored to have me at the wedding even if only for a little while and he wouldn’t have had it another way.  I thanked him for honoring me by inviting me, hung up the phone and went to bed wondering if I had made the right decision.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our teammate made it safely to the States. We continue to pray that she has a wonderful time with family. The water to our house has been really bad lately, but every time we run low and pray, it comes on so that we can fill our barrels. A student came from the village this weekend and stayed with us as we met on Sunday morning, asking good questions and hearing a lot.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Continue to pray for our pregnant friend who we wrote about last week. Her husband left with all of his things. Pray that she would find encouragement and feel loved as she goes into the final weeks of her pregnancy. Pray for Megan’s back during wedding season—attending wedding ceremonies are hard on the back and her back is already seeming more tender. Pray for our health, we’re all coming down with scratchy throats and feeling tired. More weddings coming up this week!