Why We Pray for Families

Bako is a faithful English Club member

A good friend of mine, that we’ll call “Bako”, plans to get married next month.  He is a good man, though not a brother.  He has a high sense of responsibility and desire to do what is right.  He supports his ailing mother and puts his little sister through school.  He is a teacher and likes to “moralize” at his students with advice about how to lead an upright life.  He is very thankful for all the help we have given him through friendship, English, and training. He has also learned a great deal about marriage and family from his frequent interactions with us.  He has been engaged to his fiancée for three years, helping to put her through school, and getting to know her well.  Now, he believes it is time to marry and has been making his plans.

I asked rather casually how the planning was going and he proceeded to share the troubles he is facing.  His fiancée’s siblings are not in support of the marriage, and they are making each step of it difficult for the couple.  Normally a married woman would be given a home or part of a home by her family, but the siblings have refused their sister this right.  Normally they would help financially and participate in the wedding proceedings, but her siblings have refused to help and have even said they will not attend the wedding.  If that wasn’t enough, they have tried to spread rumors and have gone to witch doctors to place curses on the young couple.  Bako says that he cannot walk through his fiancée’s neighborhood without hearing the whispers or being informed of the gossip.  He says they are “front page news”.

Our daughter waiting for event to start

I only have one side of the story, but when asked why the siblings are so against this marriage, Bako says it is straight-up jealousy.  His fiancée is the first in the family to finish her education (i.e. high school) and her plan to marry an educated, working man (most island men are unemployed) would also be a first.  This has caused tremendous jealousy and all the trouble according to Bako.  There may well be more to the story, but such stories of jealousy are common enough here, that I am inclined to believe this is truly the main reason.

However, there is hope for the young couple.  Her siblings may not support her, and her parents may be gone, but she has uncles who do not agree with the siblings.  They have given their support for the wedding and marriage, pledging to help with preparations and even providing a home for them.  So, thankfully, uncles carry more weight than siblings in family affairs.

Having heard about the complicated mess in the bride’s family, I asked Bako if his family is supportive.  “My family is in complete support,” he proudly said…but then he qualified it. “Except for my father.”  When Bako was a small boy his father left his mother and married another woman and never gave support or love to Bako.  This is shameful by the standards of island culture, yet an all too common occurrence.  A wedding would be a perfect opportunity for his father to reconcile and restore some of the honor, he has lost both for himself and his son, but he has refused.  He wants nothing to do with the wedding and refuses to go.

As Bako tells me these things about his father I can see the hurt it causes him. His father continues to reject him without cause.  “Your father is a fool,” I told him.  “He has a responsible and honorable son.  He should be proud of you.  He is making a great mistake.”  Bako brushed it off as if it wasn’t so important, but it was clear to me that it still hurts him, and why shouldn’t it.  We didn’t talk anymore but  Bako allowed me to pray for him. 

Tom and friend at event this weekend

We spend a lot of time praying for families.  Much is broken here.  Will Bako be different from his father? Will his marriage be blessed? Will he care for his wife? Will there be reconciliation with her siblings? We pray for it.  Maybe you read this and think that it doesn’t sound so different from your situation or those fo your neighbors, but is that any less reason to pray for it? The good news makes all things new, and that includes families. So we hope and we pray and we wait for good news to change not just individuals but entire island families!

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our teammate’s cousin made it safely home. Our teammate has found a good house and her two roommates have agreed. Still have to hammer out and sign the contract, but we’re thankful for such a promising option. It continues to be brutally hot and humid, but we are thankful for the occasional thunderstorms that have come and cooled things off (even if the respite is only temporary). A brother who traveled a couple months ago just returned (we had no idea how long he’d be gone or if he’d ever come back). It was encouraging to see him again and we’re hopeful that he can be a positive presence on this island. Just got the news that Tom’s sister had a baby girl! We rejoice in this new life!

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Our teammate is meeting with a family but so far their meetings to study have been very distracted. They are hoping to meet twice a week, pray that the right family members would be present and that their time would be free from distractions. Our 7 year old downstairs neighbor has breathing problems and was whisked to the hospital this morning because she was struggling. We’re not sure if it is asthma or allergies, but pray with us that her lungs would open and her breathing would come easily in this humid weather. Our old teammates (who now live and work on the French Island) are also househunting, pray that they would find the right home and in the right community. Another former teammate is arriving at the end of the week to visit the islands and explore the possibilities for his family coming back in the future— pray for a good visit and that it would bring clarity to future decisions.

Lots of Little Things

English Club activity

Often change comes slowly. We begin to ask ourselves: how do we know if we are moving toward our goal, our end vision when movement is slow enough that the changes are easy to miss? It’s like watching our kids grow up. Our kids are always growing and changing but without the chart on the wall marking their height each year and the pictures, would we notice how much and fast they are actually changing?

This weekend there was an event on Sunday morning and as we reflected on it, we realized how many meaningful little things there were in that one event that marked growth and change. 

First, we didn’t initiate this event. We didn’t suggest it or plan it.  We were just invited. In the past there would have at least been one of us pushing something like this along, but not this time. This time we were told a time and place.

Second, we didn’t lead it, but islanders led using techniques that we have taught and encouraged.

It's hot season! Islanders cool off at beach.

Third, we (that is to say foreigners) were there, but they didn’t make it foreign by trying to translate it into our mother tongues or by using the trade language. Other times we’ve had to insist that we want things done in the local language, that these events are for them and many of them don’t know the trade language. We even had a guest with us this weekend, but without us having to spout our value of the local language, they did everything in their mother tongue! Even an islander who struggles to not use the trade languages in these situations, admitted that though it was difficult for him, he would try to only speak the local language. (I think people only had to give him a vocab word once!)

Fourth, we contributed to the event by bringing some plates and juice and adding to the discussion time, but we weren’t necessary. Nothing we brought or added was integral to the event.

Fifth, the event was using locally understood forms. It was a gathering in a local home, sitting on the floor with reading, prayer and local foods. These forms in themselves are not strange here, but they were given new meaning because the focus and content of the reading and prayers was different. 

Sixth, people who had been at odds or isolated were working together for this event. Hard feelings usually last a long time on the islands and have often crippled what we want to see happen here. But at the event on Sunday were people that we didn’t think we’d see working together, collaborating and looking to each other. It’s happened slowly but what an encouraging sight.

Tom and kids

Seventh, a rebuked husband was there with his wife and child. This may seem like a strange point. But this group hasn’t had many chances to challenge and rebuke each other. So when this husband was confronted by two other island men last week, we expected that he might end up distancing himself and avoiding the group that censured him.  Instead there he was, participating and perhaps even responding to correction by bringing his wife.

Eighth, we heard a story of how one island woman had vowed to never come to events like this because years ago she had a bad experience at an event that wasn’t comfortable or culturally sensitive. Now we got to hear her rejoicing that she had found this community and she could just laugh about her previous experience that was no longer an obstacle.

I’m not sure if all these little things seem significant to you, but for us they are so encouraging. It was a great event. Even greater because we didn’t need to be there. It would have happened without us, but we were blessed to have witnessed it.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful for the encouragements that we see and for the growing sense of community among our island friends. We are thankful that an island brother made the important decision to go for an important swim this past weekend. We are thankful for the leadership that we see among islanders and their willingness to have hard discussions. A neighbor of our teammates came to express her continued interest in studying and learning more and her brother also expressed interest, and our teammate also had a chance to share with their grandmother. We are thankful for what is happening in that family— pray for good follow-up. 


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Our team was blessed with a guest (our teammate’s cousin) for the past two weeks, pray that her travels and connections getting home would be smooth and that she’d be able to encourage people back home to pray for the islands. Pray for all of us in the midst of hot season as the heat and humidity can be draining and make sleep less restful. Pray for the energy to keep up with our responsibilities. While our future teammate had been given verbal approval to return by the medical assessor, his written report reveals a few more hoops to go through— pray that she’d be able to pass these hoops and that ultimately that she would be healthy so that the decision about her return wouldn’t need to be questioned. Our teammates have to move but only one is on island at the moment— pray for the househunting process and for the communication with the two future roommates who are off-island that they could agree on the right house in the right neighborhood and with the right neighbors! We trust that there is a place waiting for them.

Boldness in Troubles

Megan at events for neighbors

Ma Riziki came by the house to tell us about her troubles: sick grandchildren, taking in her ex-husband who is dying of cancer, the cost of medical treatment and feeding children. She is an old woman.  At this point in life, her children should be supporting her, but everyone still looks to her to care for her children and her children’s children.  You could see the tiredness in her eyes and in her spirit.  What can we do for her? We can help her with some food. And we can pray for her, with boldness asking for her heart and the hearts of her family to be changed.  Ma Riziki has never had much space for religion but she listens to our prayers. Sometimes, I think they touch her heart.

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Ma Nadjma came by telling us her brother, studying in Uganda, is sick and having nightmares of dead people.  She wanted us to give her money so she could get a local religious teacher to come and do prayers for him.  We told her that we will not give money for prayers.  Prayers are free, we explained, and the prayers said in the name of the Savior hold the real power.  So we prayed for her boldly.

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Another island friend knew that we would be coming together to pray together on Sunday and asked that our group pray for her older brother. He is an alcoholic and his drinking has caused more and more troubles for him and his family.  Suddenly, he is determined to stop drinking. But where will he find the strength?  “I know that when you guys pray, things happen,” our island friend said. So we prayed for him, but we also realize that someone will have to speak boldly with her and her older brother.  If he wants to be free, he will have to put his trust in the one who can set him free.

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English Teachers at Conference

Our teammate regularly visits a family with an old grandmother who is ready to die.  The old woman talks of it constantly, and even goes out in the rain in the hopes of speeding the process.  This past week our teammate knew that she had to speak to this woman. And a few days ago she did just that and told her the truth that could finally bring her final peace and set her free.  The old woman listened and accepted and we hope that it is enough for her to be set free.

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Desperate troubles make us bold.  It opens doors that were not there before.  Why is it so often this way?  Why do we only listen when all else has failed?  I would never wish troubles on anyone, and yet if it will awaken their heart, can it be anything but blessing?

Our weekly English club

If we had more perspective, we would see the chains that hold people down.   We would see the darkness that binds them.  We would see them starved of hope, of life and of spiritual nutrition—no matter their outside appearance, on the inside they are like POWs in a prison camp.  If we only saw more clearly, would we not do everything we could to set them free? To give them life? To give them hope?  But it takes boldness to storm the camp.  Troubles reveal the true conditions, and we storm the camp with prayer.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful that our future teammate gained clearance from the medical assessor and we can expect to have her join our team in February!  We’re thankful that our team’s visitor arrived safely and seems to be enjoying her time so far on the island.  We pray that we will continue to be mutually encouraged!  We are thankful for all the opportunities we have had to be bold this week.  May we continue to see clearly and speak boldly.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for bold conversations that still need to happen, and for powerful answers to our prayers that would open doors to still greater things.  Pray for even more opportunities to speak boldly in love.  We learned of two more new sisters going for a swim on the little island this week!  May they be shepherded well and grow in truth and wisdom.  We heard some sad news this week of a brother who took a second wife.  Pray for him, his family, and the larger fellowship as they consider what to do about this difficult situation.  Pray for the emerging leaders in the fellowship family who are dealing with greater and more difficult issues all the time.  May they have humility, grace and patience.  Pray for us as we help to encourage and advise them.

English Teachers Conference 2019

At Conference!

“I have learned that I should not be angry with my students all the time.”

“I’m going to learn my students’ names.”

“I believe now that adults can learn language too.”

“I’m not going to teach one way, but use multiple strategies.”

“I’m going to know my students and teach in a way appropriate to their level.”

“I can use trash to make resources!”

I (Tom) traveled to the big island this weekend to participate in our NGO’s 9th annual English Teachers Conference.  It is always a joy to go to this conference for many reasons—one of them is seen in the quotes above.   After all the sessions and workshops were over, we had a breakout session where we asked the teachers to share some of the things they learned, some of the things they wanted to start doing, some of the things they wanted to stop doing.   The quotes above are all things we heard island teachers say. 

You may not think of them as a big deal, but for many of these teachers, these are “Eureka!” moments that may help to begin transforming their classrooms from dull repetition and shame based/passive education to active, encouraging and fun learning.  It is no small thing to see teachers inspired to do their jobs better.  And this is another wonderful thing about the conference.  As seen from the quotes above, much of what is shared and learned at the English Teachers Conference is very practical.  Much of it is immediately applicable.  There is something exciting about giving tangible help that makes the conference feel important.

Island friends leading session

Another great thing for me personally is seeing old friends grow.  Now in some cases I am talking physically.  Some of these teachers I have known since they were teenagers or unemployed young adults.    Now many of them have grown up, married, found jobs as English teachers, opened their own centers, gone on to teach at the local university, etc.  All of them have grown greatly in their English as well.  It’s exciting to see and hear from them how classes and training sessions that were done years ago (back when we were on the big island) have helped them to achieve the great things they are achieving today.

Tom leading a session at Conference

The conference is a wonderful place for inspiration.  I see it in the faces of young island teachers.  When they see islanders teaching sessions, when they talk to other teachers and hear of their struggles and achievements, you see their faces light up with possibility.  It isn’t just foreigners and native speakers. The idea is sparked in their mind and heart, “I can do this too!”  And that is no small thing.  One of the sessions was more or less a time for teachers to share their English testimonies:  how they struggled, how they overcame, and where they hope to go.  Story after story helped to encourage the younger teachers and the smiles on their faces revealed their encouragement.

Talking about English testimonies makes me think of the final thing the English Teacher Conference does:  It gives me hope.  So many of the things that happen at the English Teacher Conference are the very things we want to see happen in island communities hearing good news.  “Eureka!” moments when the truth becomes clear.  The practical, tangible, applicable ways that good news can transform a community.  The growth and expansion of leaders and groups.  The inspiration from gathering together.  The testimonies of perseverance, hope and victory.  When we see it happen in English, it gives us hope for development and change in all areas of life.  My colleague from the big island, began the conference by telling the teachers, “There are things that we think are true, that hold us back.  We must be careful to search for the truth, for the truth will set you free.”  I know that as he said those words, he meant it for so much more than English teaching.

Discussion group at Tom's session

PRAYERS ANSWERED

We are thankful that the conference went so well and everything went smoothly.  Many teachers attended and enjoyed it immensely.  Tom also got the chance to teach a session unexpectedly when one of the speakers dropped out at the last minute.  He is very thankful that his session went well and was well-received.  We are rejoicing that Ma Imani is back from her medical travels and seems to be in good health.  We thank God for all the people he sent to help her heal..  We are thankful that Elewa’s health continues to improve.

 
PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray that all the positive relationships encouraged and strengthened by the English Teachers Conference will have long term effects and that many will search for the truth and be set free.  A colleague and future teammate who has struggled with medical issues is hoping to receive clearance to return to the islands today.  Pray that the medical assessor would be able to make wise decisions and that her health truly is improved. Pray for a visitor coming out this week.  May her travels go well and may she be inspired by her time on the islands.   Continue to pray for those new brothers and sisters who have much to learn and need encouragement and pray for the ones who have helped them so far that they will follow through in seeing them grow and grow.